Teach Me How To Feel
This is a one shot, only the plot is mine, song is Greendays, its called give me novocaine
Take away the sensation inside
Bittersweet migraine in my head
I had never felt like this before, it was a weird tingly feeling at the pit of my stomach, like butterflies swirling about in my stomach, it was feeling that I had never been taught to deal with, a feeling so intense that I felt like I was going to burst at any possible second
This was feeling they had never taught me how to deal with-ever, they've taught me how to deal with fear, rejection, hate and revenge but never this, this was something they had not taught me. My life is so controlled now that I don't have time to feel, about anything or anyone except for those that I have been brought up to expect.
It's like a throbbing toothache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore
It was now beginning to feel like a headache, a throbbing headache because I had thought about it so much, damn Snape for teaching me to do that, don't worry he didn't physically tell me, I just wander off in his classes
What do normal people do when they feel like this? Do they take a potion? Or simply let it be and hope it goes away ?
I have no idea what to expect anymore, I was denied of my freedom so much growing up, I barely know what the word even means
Drain the pressure from the swelling
This sensation's overwhelming
It only happens when she's around, Hermione that is. I don't know why; I suppose it's because we have been friends for so long….hold on I don't have clue what I'm saying anymore, all of my speeches are written for me and then given to me to memorise, I suppose wise words from a teenager simply won't do for the vast and exciting world of Quidditch.
Ron says I'm falling in love, but what does he know about love? Well a damn site more than I do that's for sure, at least he knows other emotions beside ones which involve hatred, he's lived life and I envy that, they're all so afraid that I'll slip up some way along the line that my life officially belongs to them. I wish that they would let me slip up once, just once so that I could feel something…if only life were that simple
Give me a long kiss goodnight
And everything will be alright
They, these people who control my life, often tell me that love is only a desire and I should not want it, but the truth is I'm only sixteen after all and I want to feel something more than just a sweet innocent 'goodnight Harry' kiss from Hermione, I want a proper kiss, I desperately want to tell her that I'm falling for her, but fate is not that kind. Its because of my legend which is told all over the globe, one that is the centre of fascination of every witch and wizard that really takes power and control over me, that and quidditch.
Hermione has just walked in again, and my stomach has almost done a flip-flop, these feelings should be just normality for any sixteen-year-old witch wizard or muggle but not for me.
"Hi H-Herm-Hermione" I greeted her
"Hi Harry" she said distractedly
"Looking for something Herms" I asked
"Yeah actually I am, have you seen my Divination work, I could have sworn I left it her when I wen-"
"Ron left with it about a half an hour ago, said something about needing to copy it" I smiled at her, her hazel eyes filled with pretend anger
Her hair was no longer frizzy, it was smooth and held back with two butterfly clips, her uniform hugged her figure beautifully, add that to smart clever and somehow nicely bossy and you have Hermione Granger the most wonderful creature God ever put on his planet.
Merlin's beard was I getting wrapped up in these new emotions or what?
Tell me I won't feel a thing
Give me novocaine
She gave me a slight smile and sat down
"I'm going to kill that Ronald, twenty minutes I've spent looking for that, and he had it all this time" she was trying to hide a smile
"Then why are you smiling?" I asked
"Force of habit, I really don't know why" she laughed, Oh God she was so beautiful when she laughed, the way her head fell back slightly, the way her hair fell back over her shoulders just slightly or especially the way her large hazel eyes glistened in the light
ENOUGH I don't want to feel this anymore, I don't want to, I'm not supposed to I'm only supposed to show fear and hate when necessary but they never taught me how to love when necessary, they always said it was unimportant. They probably only wanted their ten percent. They didn't care that maybe my whole life would be ruined
Out of body and out of mind
Kiss the demons out of my dreams
I looked up at Hermione she seemed to be looking at me, I knew she had been in love before, but only once had she ever said anything and frankly I wasn't paying too much attention because I was told not to pay much attention to anybody before a game
"Hermione" I asked
"Yeah" she said airily
"What's it like to love, I mean what does it feel like" I asked hoping she wouldn't freak out
"Why do you want to know" she quipped
"I want to know because I have never been in love"
"Are you sure, not even once"
"Nope never"
"It feels both weird and wonderful at the same time, like you want to run to the person and never let them go or that funny feeling you get in your stomach like nerves, because you're nervous you will make a fool of yourself for being happy to be with them or …Love is different to everybody Harry we can't all feel the same way about everything, nobody feels the same about anybody, so giving love a set definition is very hard" she sighed looking over at me, the laughter had gone completely from her face
"Thanks for trying" I sighed miserably
"Harry what's wrong" she asked leaning over closer to my face
"Nothing" I lied
"Harry you're a bad liar when it's not written down for you" she sighed pushing strands of hair away from my face
"Fine, I'll tell you, everything in my life has been so controlled down to the finest detail, they've shown me how to do everything, or at least how I should do every thing but nobody has ever taught me to feel for myself"
I get a funny feeling and that's alright
Jimmy says it's better than here
"Look Harry I don't know what I can do to help but whatever I can do just tell me and I'll do it" she smiled
"Are you sure"
"I'm sure"
"Teach me how to feel Hermione" I said leaning in towards her
"Only you can teach yourself that" she said getting closer
"Just try Hermione"
"I'll try" she said
For the first time in my life I finally felt something for myself, something good and not controlled, the perfect first feeling that anybody can ever have… a first kiss
Drain the pressure from the swelling
This sensation's overwhelming
Give me a long kiss goodnight
And everything will be alright
Tell me jimmy I won't feel a thing