A/N: I'm editing and reposting this story. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, especially after reading it through and being shocked over the amout of grammar mistakes it had..

I still love this story, it was the first one I ever wrote and it has it's own special place in my heart.

Disclaimer:Twilight belongs to S. Meyer.

Summary: This is what I think would have happened if Bella had been too late to save Edward in New Moon. It's heartbreaking and full of agony, just as life would if you had lost all reason for living.

But not all things are always what they seem..

[From New Moon by Stephenie Meyer]

-Edward no! I screamed, but my voice was lost in the roar of the chime.

I could see him now, and I could see that he could not see me. It was really him, no hallucination this time, and I realised that my delusions where more flawed then I'd realised. They'd never done him justice. Edward stood, motionless as a statue, just a few feet from the mouth of the alley. His eyes were closed, the rings underneath them deep purple. His arms relaxed at his side, his palms turned forward. His expression was very peaceful, like he was dreaming pleasant things. The marble skin of his chest was bared, there was a small pile of white fabric at his feet. The light reflecting from the pavement of the square gleamed dimly from his skin. I'd never seen anything so beautiful, even as I ran, gasping and screaming, I could appreciate that. And the last seven months meant nothing, and his words in the forest meant nothing. And it did not matter that he did not want me, I would not want anything but him, for no matter how long I lived. The clock told, and he took a large stride towards the light.

-No! I screamed, Edward look at me!

He wasn't listening. He smiled very slightly, he raised his foot to take the step that would put him directly in the path of the sun.

Chapter One

Forever lost

I was still to far from him, I shoved three people aside with the greatest force I could manage and screamed his name over and over. Just as he opened his eyes, I suddenly saw two people standing behind him. I shifted my gaze from them, and then Edward's eyes found mine. There was a look of confusion in them, he blinked once, and just as a smile had began to take place on his perfect lips, his expression turned to one of pain.

One of the men standing behind him had his hands on Edward's neck, and with a movement so quick that I almost missed it, he had twisted his neck. With a loud snap, I could hear the bones brake. Edward's body turned limp, the other man grabbed hold of him and held him up. I didn't even realise that I had stopped running.

No, this could not be, this could not happen.

My mind was at absolute chaos, no thought could make it self clear in the panic.

This is a nightmare. This isn't real.

I stared as the two men carried Edwards's body away between them, taking him further away from me. My feet that had been frozen to the ground for the last seconds suddenly moved again, I started running into the alley, following the men who had taken my life with them.

My mind was screaming at me, telling me that if I only caught up with them, I would get him back. If I kept running he would be saved. My lungs burned from screaming and running, but it did not matter, I would never stop until I had him in my arms again.

I slowed down to turn a corner when steel arms gripped me from behind and I was pulled to a sudden stop.

"Bella, stop. He's gone." Alice broken whisper sounded in my ear. I could hear her, but her words meant nothing.

"He was here, I saw him! If I just find him it will all be okay, if I find him we can-" I trailed off, gasping for air as I felt an iron fist clench around my heart.

Alice turned me around, and the expression in her beautiful face was one of the saddest things I'd ever seen. She looked like a crying angel, only there were no tears in her eyes.

"Bella, he's gone." she said again, her low voice trembling.

I looked for a contradiction in her eyes, something in them that would tell me that she was lying to me for some reason. Edward could not be gone, Edward had to exist, or else there was no purpose to this world anymore.

I tried to get out of her hold and keep searching for him, but her arms held me tighter. I screamed and tried to fight her but it did no good.

In my mind reality began to sift through my denial. I began to understand what Alice was telling me. I let myself fall deep into the darkness, knowing that nothing would ever get me out of it this time.

Never.

The chapters gets longer and the story gets better, I promise.

Let me know your thoughts, they are the reason I write!