Miseria
"Do you remember those days of old times? The days were so golden and all shining bright"
They definitely were golden. Because Bella was by my side. At that time I thought we were made for each other. But fate did never care much about vampires...
"Now those days are gone. Now I'm here all alone, alone oh miseria."
Alone. Why did I leave Bella behind? Why did I think that being without her was best for her? Now there is no one to look after her, no one to save her if she got in trouble.
"The sun was so shining but rain came one day. The dark came so fast and now it's here to stay."
Yes, the dark would stay, until the day I could be sure Bella was safe or until I went back to take care of her myself.
" Now this is my life in this cold emptiness, empty oh miseria"
My life is empty now. Tracking Victoria is just something I do to be sure that she couldn't attack Bella anymore. Every single thought of mine revolves around Bella. And in my chest my heart, my dead heart is hurting. A dead heart hurting? That's like a fallen tree growing leaves…
" Take me away, take me back to when life was livable. I can't stay in this hell, oh miseria!"
I really can't stay, cannot live without her. I can only try to survive. Maybe someday, somewhere I will be able to see her again. That is the only thought that keeps me living. Simply the thought that I am able to return to her anytime, I was able to apologize to her anytime, prevented me from going to the Volturi. This is literally hell on earth. Or maybe this is what everyone of our kind has to go through, sooner or later, sort of a punishment for what we were eons ago, what we are now and what we will be on the day earth dies.
"Do you remember that day when all died. I'd give my everything just for its change."
I gave Bella the chance of a different life, a life she could have had if I'd died from the Spanish influenza in 1918. I give her the possibility to change her life to what it should be, what it must be. But it hurts.
"But this is the end, I can't stand all this pain. The pain, oh miseria!"
Today Rosalie called me. She said Bella wanted to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff. How can she be so silly? Am I really worth dying for, wasting a lifetime of joy? Why do I think it is because of me though? I have been away for five months now, and I know nothing at all about that part of her life. Maybe there is another reason. Maybe I could have stopped her. It is too late now. Bella is dead.
After Rose had finished, I immediately called Bella's number, but there was only some man, maybe a relative of hers. He had a deep voice, one that doesn't seem to fit into Bella's family. I could have sworn it was Jacob Black, the strange guy from the reservation who had told her the old legends about his ancestors and my kind. I didn't waste any time trying to figure out who was answering the phone. "Is Charlie at home?", I asked shortly. „No, he's at the funeral-"
That was the last straw that broke the camel's back. I threw my cell phone into a corner of my room where it shattered into a million pieces. My decision is final: I will go to the Volturi, for I can't live without Bella. I will follow her into the land where nobody ever comes back as fast as possible, even despite the danger I am most likely to end up in hell while she's enjoying heaven. My Bella...