The Magic of Television
Chapter One
"A television show, Leonard?" Sheldon huffed in his typical moody way. "Honestly, do you have any sense at all?" Leonard sighed. He had dealt with Sheldon's bickering as long as they'd known each other, but arriving in New York City, surrounded by masses of sick and filthy people, had caused Sheldon to incessantly complain and pull his face mask snuggly up around his nose.
"It's not that ridiculous. Besides, we have to if we want to get any sort of funding from Jack Donaghy. He wants our project to be something the public can get interested in, and the only way we can do that is by coming on NBC. We have to appeal to people with some witty humor and over-the-top gags to make sure they don't change the channel. We have to be exciting, humorous!" The physicists rounded the corner to their destination: 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Now to get Sheldon through the revolving doors without touching them, into the corner of an elevator with less than ten passengers, and into NBC Studios.
Piece of cake.
Sheldon looked at Leonard with eyes that pitied his small minded intelligence. "Leonard, physics is a fascinating topic, and I am a fascinating teacher. People should be interested whether or not we're throwing pies at each others' faces."
"Yeah yeah, I know, Sheldon: it's interesting to us," Leonard ushered his friend through the revolving doors, Sheldon squeaking as his hand brushed the handle. "But the rest of society doesn't have a one-hundred and fifty plus IQ. So we have to find other ways to interest them."
They slid into an elevator heading to the sixth floor. Sheldon squished his tall body into a corner, an arm's distance away from everyone else. "And you propose we do that through the immature and childish humor that is the television show 'TGS with Tracy Jordan'?"
The elevator dinged as Leonard smugly answered, "Yep."
Kenneth tapped his desk excitedly. Today was the day! Dr. Cooper and Dr. Hoffstader were arriving for their first day at TGS. For the next two weeks, Kenneth's page duties had been extended to more than caring for Mr. Jordan and Miss Maroney; he would have to care for the doctors as well!
And care he would! He'd show them all the great things around the studio, like the dressing rooms where the actors prepared for their amazing jobs, the stage where all the magic happened, the bed of flowers Frank watered with his-
"KENNETH!" Kenneth jumped as Tracy stared at him in annoyance. "Where were yo mind grapes, Ken? I've been standin' here fo', like, five 'ouhas callin' you."
"I'm sorry, Mr. Jordan. I was just thinking about all the things I'm going to show Dr. Cooper and Dr. Hoffstader when they get here."
Tracy frowned thoughtfully. "You mean that lil' shawt dude with the boggly glasses and dat tall dude with the medical mask?" He pointed towards the stage. "They went that way."
Kenneth shrieked, "They're here?" and leaped out of his chair in the direction his friend had pointed. Tracy glared after him and threw his arms up in exasperation. "That's what I've been tryin' ta tell you!"
But the panicked page didn't hear as he raced through the studio searching for his lost sheep. Since he knew the floor's layout and people all by memory, iot didn't take long before he saw a giant man in a green shirt sticking out like a sore thumb. Kenneth approached and saw Liz Lemon was already talking to the two. Oh no! What would she think when she found out he had let such an important task slide?
Kenneth raced up and cried, "Ms. Lemon, I am so sorry for not guiding these two gentlemen! My daydreaming just got the best of me and I didn't see them come in, I am so sorry."
Liz shrugged and smiled, "Hey it's fine, I was just showing the doctors around. Kenneth, this is Dr. Hoffstader," she indicated the shorter man with glasses, who shook Kenneth's eagerly outstretched hand tentatively. "And this is Dr. Cooper." Kenneth reached out for the taller man wearing a medical mask, but he simply leaned away and stared at the hand in disgust.
"When was the last time you thoroughly scrubbed your hands in warm water and anti-bacterial soap?"
Kenneth paused and answered sweetly, "This morning, right after I finished brushing Mr. Jordan's teeth." The doctor looked at Kenneth like he belonged in a crazy house. "This-this morning? It's six o'clock in the afternoon, what are you a farmer?"
The page and Liz stared at the now nervously twitching man, apalled, and Dr. Hoffstader quickly jumped in, "What Sheldon means to say is he'd like you to use some hand-sanatizer before he shakes your hand. He has a thing about germs." Sheldon snapped to attention.
"A thing about germs?" At this point, Liz's face was trying to decide whether to look frightened or entertained; Kenneth, on the other hand, furrowed his brows in genuine concern at the state of this man's health. "Leonard, plague doctors had a thing about germs; I have a genuine concern for my hygeine and health since we are in a city with germs and diseases of an unimaginable amount which our immune systems have never been exposed to before, and are completely and utterly unable to defend our bodies from!" With an exasperated look, Sheldon readjusted his facial mask and crossed his arms. "I am going to wait in Mr. Donaghy's office until he is ready to discuss the arrangements of this whole ordeal." And with that, the kooky scientist stormed off in the most unintimidating way possible back towards the elevator.
There was a pause for a few moments, everyone unsure of how to continue. Finally, Liz hesitantly nodded, "Alright then. I'll just...let Kenneth finish your tour, then." She smacked Kenneth on the shoulder, causing his still open mouth to quickly close, and slid out of the stage area. The recovered page cleared his throat and turned his excited grin back to full blast. "Well, Dr. Hoffstader, would you like to receive your full tour of the NBC Studio now? I will be your guide and show you the wonders of this historic location!"
Leonard peeked out from behind his hand and sighed. "That's nice of you, Kenneth, but I really think I'd better go after Sheldon. I don't want him to scare off the only person who's been interested in donating to our project so far..." Kenneth deflated for a moment before perking back up and nodding, "I understand, Dr. Hoffstader. And since I'll be taking care of you and Dr. Cooper for the next two weeks you're here, there's always tomorrow! So you gotta hang on 'til tomorrowwwww..."
Linking his arm through the physicist's, Kenneth continued singing and skipped back to the elevator; Leonard stumbled and tripped behind him, muttering, "Sheldon is gonna go crazy being cared for by this guy."