Closure

Everything about that night was pretty fuzzy. She remembered a lot of yelling. God only knows what she said. She had been completely out of it. She knows she was in bar. Where this bar was, she had no idea. Nor does she know what she was doing there.

She had downed drink after drink, trying her best to wash away her pain with the bitter taste of alcohol. It probably would have been smarter if she brought someone with her that night, but she wanted nothing to do with rational thoughts just then. She remembered how scared she was of the faces people were giving her. She had felt like any second someone would attack her. Luckily, her night in shining army had shown up.

The look on his face when he saw her, sitting on a barstool, completely smashed, barely knowing the difference between the ceiling and the floor, was what she remembered most clearly. It was a look that didn't fit his face; a mixture of surprise, wonder, concern, interest, anger, confusion and worry. She thinks she might have let out a giggle when she saw him, but she couldn't quite remember.

He offered to take her home, but she ignored him and grabbed his hand.

"Remember prom?" she asked him, her words horribly slurred. She led him to the middle of the bar and started twirling around.

"Rory.." she shook her head and put a finger to his lips.

"Remember?" she asked again, removing her finger. He sighed.

"We didn't go to prom, Rory." he said. She nodded, still twirling around, her hand still holding his.

"That's right. We didn't go to prom. You broke your promise." he looked at her, worry in his eyes.

"Rory…"

"Oh, don't worry. I wont make you apologize. If you haven't done it by now then you must not think you need to." Her whole attitude was very serene, and she could tell it was scaring him. He just watched, transfixed, as she drunkenly spun in circles around him. "I'm waaay over it, anyway. I should have known better than to trust you. Oh well. At least it was worth it." She ignored the looks everyone else in the bar was giving her. She was no longer scared. Nothing would happen to her as long as she was with him. Or at least, nothing physically bad.

"Rory-"

"Can't you say something besides 'Rory'? I know my name, thank you very much." he shook his head and sighed.

"What are you doing?" he asked her.

"I'm dancing with you, silly. Or trying to dance with you. You're not really getting the hint."

"Why are you trying to dance with me?" she shrugged.

"Because we've never danced before." she said casually, doing a strange ballet-type of spin he assumed Miss Patty taught her when she was little.

"Rory." he said again. She stopped and looked up at him.

"Jess." she said back. The wonder and concern were back in his eyes.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked her. She rolled her eyes.

"I'm drunk, obviously." Jess shook his head again.

"No, I mean… what happened? Is there a reason why you currently have more alcohol in your system than you do coffee?" Rory shrugged.

"Not really. I'm just blowing off some steam."

"By yourself?"

"Yes."

"Rory-"

"Why do you care?" she snapped. "In case you didn't know, you lost your right to pull out the worry card when you left Stars Hollow." Jess stood speechless for a second.

"Look, I'm so-"

"Don't. You don't mean it." Jess just looked at her, a sort of lost expression on his face. She was being so calm; it was like she knew exactly what she was doing. He lightly put his hand on her shoulder and she turned her head to stare at it.

"You're touching me." she said.

"Thanks for pointing out the obvious."

"Why are you touching me?" she asked quietly. Jess shrugged.

"You're touching me." Rory's face momentarily adopted a look of confusion, and then she shifted her gaze from Jess's hand on her shoulder to her hand by her side, grasping his other one. She gave her head a little shake before looking back up at him.

"This is all your fault." she said absently, staring into his chocolate eyes. He stared back into hers, scared of what she was saying, yet knowing full well what they were about to get into.

"What's my fault?" she dropped the hand she was holding and shrugged off the one on her shoulder.

"Everything!" She yelled. His eyebrows furrowed.

"Excuse me?"

"Why did you leave?" It was a question she thought about all too much, but never had she meant to ask it. What did it matter why he left, she'd tell herself. The fact was that he did leave. Knowing why wasn't going to do anything, except maybe make her heart ache a little more.

"What?" she doesn't know what he expected, but the tone of his voice told her that this wasn't it.

"Why did you leave?" she repeated. He looked down and ran his fingers through his hair.

"Rory, can we… just… not here, okay?" he said uncomfortably.

"Why not here?" Rory asked. Jess sighed.

"Because… I just… I don't know… I don't want to talk about this right now." Rory shook her head and gave Jess a

Death glare.

"Are we ever going to talk about it?" she asked angrily. Jess ran his fingers through his hair again.

"I was kind of hoping not." he said honestly. Rory let out a huff and pushed Jess with as much strength as she could muster, which, considering her current state, wasn't much.

"This is ridiculous. I'm so sick of wondering what the hell I did to make you leave. I hate this. I hate what you did to me. I never thought this would happen. I never thought that I'd hesitate when answering a wedding proposal, and I certainly never thought I'd say no to a wedding proposal! I'm supposed to be in love with this guy. I'm not supposed to hesitate when the guy I supposedly love asks me to marry him! I'm supposed to immediately say yes and then my mind is supposed to fill up with amazing thoughts about dresses and churches and flowers and the island my honeymoons going to be on. But, of course, I don't do any of that. Instead I just stand there, completely flustered, thinking about our first kiss at Sookie's wedding and how amazing it was and how I thought about our wedding when I was walking down the isle with my mom and how I immediately wanted to punch myself after thinking that because I had a boyfriend. Then I wanted to punch myself again because I was doing the same thing. I was standing there with my boyfriend thinking about my wedding with a different guy. Why won't you get out of my head? You're killing me."

Jess had barely taken in a word of what she had said. He'd completely frozen at the words wedding proposal. The thought of her marrying that dickhead was enough to make him sick. All emotion had officially left him and all he wanted to do was run away from her and never look back. Marriage. Does she have any idea how huge that is? Why would she tell him that? Did she enjoy making Jess heart kabobs?

"Jess!"

"What?" he snapped.

"You're pale." Rory said observantly. Jess just shook his head as he brushed past her on his way to the door. Rory spun around, stumbling. She somehow regained her balance and glared at Jess's back.

"Are you kidding me?" she yelled, but got no response. She shook her head and ran after him. "You are not leaving." she said forcefully, grabbing his arm and turning him around. "You're twenty-two years old Jess. Stop running away from your problems." This statement got his attention. He looked pissed beyond belief.

"That rich bastard proposed to you Rory!" His anger level was rising at an alarming rate. He wanted to kick something.

"I said no. And don't call him a bastard." But Jess wasn't listening. This was like a nightmare. He knew he had blown it with Rory but some other guy actually asked her to marry him. Oh, how he hated that jerk.

"Why would you tell me that he proposed, Rory? What could have possibly made you think I would want to know that?"

"Oh, who cares what you think."

"Rory!"

"I said no! Why are you so mad? You have no right to be mad right now. This is Blame Jess Time. This is not Get Mad at Rory Time."

"Why'd you say no?" Jess asked her. She shook her head.

"Why'd you leave Stars Hollow?" she asked, matching his tone. He ran his fingers through his hair again and glared at her.

"Does it even matter to you anymore why I left?"

"Of course it matters!" Rory said. "If it didn't then I wouldn't bother asking." They were silent for a few minutes, just standing there staring at each other. Then Rory looked down and sighed. "I don't want to go through life wondering what went wrong. I'm tired of doing that. I need to know why you left. I need closure." Her voice was quiet, but he heard her. He looked at her with sad eyes. Closure. She wanted closure. She really wanted to end them. He looked down, suddenly finding his shoes strangely fascinating.

"That was years ago Rory." He said, his voice cracking.

"I know. I'm proving how pathetic I am that I still care." Jess sighed and looked back up at her.

"Okay…"

And that's it. That's the last thing she remembers. The strain in his voice; the pain on his face. It was enough to make her cry just thinking about it. She knows she must have passed out sometime during the night because she had woken up in Luke's apartment above the diner the next morning and Luke had told her that Jess carried her sleeping self up there. Jess hadn't explained anything to Luke, just placed Rory on the couch and left, a sad expression on his face.

She's glad he brought her to Luke's and not her mom's. Her mom would have been worried and asking question after question when she eventually woke up. She figures Jess knew that and that's why he brought her to Luke's.

When she looks back on that night, she tries her best to remember what he had told her about why he left, but she can't recall any of it. She was mad for a while, but eventually she decided it was better this way. She realized closure was the last thing she wanted.

A/n Yeah.. Don't ask me what this is cause I don't know. Randomness that I decided to write. Clearly I should not try to write about drunken people, cause I do a very bad job. She totally didn't seem drunk. Or not as drunk as she was supposed to be. Well yeahh… enjoy reading this and review please.. Even though it's really stupid and not realistic and crappy.