Feed On Fear

Chapter 1- Hogwarts, My Home Away From Home

I stand anxiously at the train station between platforms nine and ten. In my grasp reside newly bought school supplies: books, quills, parchment, and my snowy white owl, Aurora. I'm finally going home!

You see, Hogwarts, School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has been my school for the past four years and has become more of a home to me than my house in Surrey.

My life isn't horrible, but I have a rocky past and it's behind me. Give me someone who hasn't been through shit in their life and I'll show you that that person hasn't really lived.

Now, I have a fairly enjoyable life compared to most people's. It's just that I'm a witch and because of that, my older sister, Petunia, finds a sick pleasure in tormenting me endlessly. Just because I'm a witch too!

Petunia and I are always in a competition with one another for as long as I can remember. I guess she feels like I was suddenly pushed into the spotlight when I received my Hogwarts acceptance letter four years ago. I don't understand why Petunia has always detested me; I'm her only sister and we're blood! I suppose I'll never be able to see the real reason my only sibling and I have never been close. It doesn't bother me often, because I've accepted that's just the way Petunia is, but every so often, I wonder what it would have been like, had Petunia not had been my sister; or, what if I were the older sibling? Can you imagine the power I'd have over her!

I am now fifteen and ready to start my fifth year at my favourite place, Hogwarts, and I'm very proud to call it my favourite place, thank you very much.

The place has nurtured and allowed me to grow in every way possible to become the person that I am today. I can't help but love Hogwarts in every way.

As I stand at the platform, I try to open my mind to the new possibilities the coming year can hold for me. I hope it will be an exciting and eventful year-- one that I'm able to pull fun stories out of to tell to my children in the future. I could say "Oh, I remember that time in fifth year when… Insert fun time here" I can only hope it would be one of those years. I don't want it to be a year that the Slytherins drive us all insane and or a year where we all become obsessively focused on boys. That would be the worst.

Beginning at a run, I proceed straight to the wall, my unusually flaming red hair flowing behind me. Honestly, who has red hair? I hate it. The thing is, I don't generally like to stand out, and there's a big reason for my standing out, planted on top of my head for my entire life. Brilliant. Thanks, nature. Thanks, parents. Thanks, genes.

Instead of hitting the solid brick wall, I disappear through it, appearing on platform Nine and Three Quarters, my eyes transfixed on the scarlet train in front of me—my beloved Hogwarts Express.

I survey the familiar surroundings, searching for someone I knew. Upon seeing my best friends, I run over to them and greet them all with warm hugs, just like we always had done. I didn't realize how much I missed them.

To understand me, you have to understand my friends. First, there's Christine Chase. She's pureblood and we all like to give her a hard time about it, since we're all in Gryffindor.

I remember the first time I met Christine; I hated her immediately. But I only hated her because she was beautiful. She has medium length, light brown hair that's shiny, soft, and it never gets tangled; basically, it's perfect. She has startlingly crystal clear blue eyes to match, and she is absolutely stunning. If I hadn't hated Christine, I would have been in love with her. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not into girls or anything, but she is so abnormally beautiful that it's amazing. She's almost hard to look at; that's how pretty she is.

Christine loves to stand out in a crowd. She has to be the center of attention and loves all the attention everyone gives her. The students want her, or they want to be her and she's in love with every minute of it.

Christine dates around a lot; it's safe to say that she's been with a third of the boys in our year. She doesn't generally appear sluttish, but she has those days where she likes to wear skirts where her ass practically shows and tops where her large breasts hang out of. Though, she can be seen as sort of a whore, she isn't. She only seems to dress like one; whatever that meant. She would never become one of the Slytherin whores we all know and hate.

Christine is proud about her past relationships. She's completely open about them; we all knew she isn't a virgin. Details are not needed, believe me.

Though Christine's fairly out there, she somehow fits into our group. She acts like us. She's as obsessed about grades as I have come to become. She's pretty nasty most of the time to people she doesn't like. She's incredibly sweet to Lexi, Karly, and I, (so much that it almost makes us sick) but is vicious and nasty to everyone else in the school. It doesn't make sense, though it's hard to hate her for being so sweet to us, so I choose to be her best friend instead.

Yeah, Christine has her days, but who doesn't? She just seems to handle her "off days" better than say, I do.

Next is Karly Zarbogio. Karly has experimented several times with her hair, but this year, she decided to wear her golden blonde hair long, hanging to her lower back. Her hair's amazing, I swear. Karly has always had a tan complexion without even working at it. Me? My ivory skin never tans. I can't even get a decent burn with my stupid skin!

It's hard to say exactly what colour Karly's eyes are. They seem to be a mixture of emotions at an attempt to come out literally. To name her eyes, they are hazel with a gold tinge to them. They suite her in every way and she's amazingly beautiful.

Like Christine, I hated Karly when I first met her. When I got to know her, I found out that it's easier to hate her than to hate Christine, because she isn't as nice as Christine was. Karly is incredibly nice; it just doesn't make us sick.

Karly has only been with, as a rough estimate, nine guys; she isn't as open as Christine is about her relationships. She keep most things about them to herself, not that there's much to tell. As far as any of us know, she has been kissed.

Karly's as stubborn as I am and that's the reason we seem to be constantly fighting. That, and because neither of us are very good at controlling our tempers. That seems to be the only thing she and I have in common, besides one other thing. Karly has one love and its name is Quidditch; she and I share that. Though she's not on the team, she's absolutely obsessed with it. I've never seen her play, but judging by what I've seen of her on a broomstick, I'm sure she'd be brilliant on the team.

Lastly was Lexisse Taylor. We call her Lexi or Lex sometimes, but she doesn't mind.

Lexi has worn her hair the same way since the day I met her--medium length with deep layers. Her hair is a mysteriously shiny black that I have fallen in love with. She's also stunningly beautiful, again with the hate when I first met her. I'm just so jealous of all my friends and it sucks. If you simply glanced at Lexi, her eyes are a plain brown. But, if you look her in the eye, you can tell her eyes aren't a plain brown; they're a deep violet. I love this about her eyes because it reminds me that the simplest things in life are the hardest to see.

Lexi has always been the quietest. I swear that days go by where she doesn't utter a word, but she's insanely shy and I suppose that has something to do with it. There are a few things she shares with everyone, but I was an exception; Lexi tells me almost everything. I know that Christine and Karly respect her for that, though.

Lexi is completely private about her relationships and has only been with about three guys in her entire life. I know she has been kissed, but I'm never sure how much Christine and Karly know.

I swear Lex is the nicest person in the world and it's easy to hate her for it, but at the same time, you can't hate her. She is hurt so easily and it worries me. I always protect her and keep an eye on her. She's just so fragile and gentle that I'm scared someone will break her one day.

My last best friend, Lex, Christine, and Karly hate. It's obvious why they hate her. She's a Slytherin, has a reputation for being a bad ass rebel bitch, drinks often, and does other things that don't look too good written down. But, I love her to death. No, I'm still not into girls.

How do I describe Elizabeth Stone? I suppose you're wondering what she looks like. Liz is a different kind of beautiful than my other friends, but there's no denying that she's gorgeous. She has worn her shiny black hair long, reaching the end of her back, since I met her in third year. Her eyes are remarkable. Normally, they're a clear grey, but when she's showing a true care and compassion for someone or something, they're a crystal blue. When she's angry, they're deep silver; they fit her in every way.

Liz has always worn heavy make-up. She wears jet black mascara and I swear a pound of black eyeliner all around her eyes, deep and dark. It makes her pale skin even paler, making her look less alive and more like she's been dead for weeks. I think she likes that.

Liz doesn't take any crap from anyone and gets into a lot of fights as a result of this. I find it amusing and so does she. If someone says something about her, she beats the shit out of them. Any questions?

She never cares about consequences and proves that through the record-breaking detentions she receives. She gives the Marauders quite a run for their money!

The thing about Liz is that she has this mysterious, dangerous, foreboding feeling about her. The guys seem to be drawn to her, but she's pretty picky and likes to play with their minds most of the time. She's dated quite a bit, and isn't a virgin, but you would never be able to tell. She isn't innocent, but she seems so pure and original and that's what she goes for, I think.

It's easy to say that Liz is a bad influence on me, but she isn't. I didn't do any of the things I do now before I met her, but that's only because I met her in third year. She wasn't doing half the things she does now back then.

Now, I have a horrible swearing problem and I drink on occasion, when I need to forget my issues and troubles. My goody-goody friends don't know I do the things I do, and it's because I want to protect them from those things.

I'm not the role model people see me as. I've gotten into a few fights, but nothing terrible. Liz likes to call them 'sissy fights.' "They're a good start, but we'll keep working at it," she says.

I love her and being friends with her. She's so much like the me that I want to be; so much like the me that's dying to be released. She's so much the me that I really am.

Now I've gotten off topic. Where was I? Oh, the platform with Christine, Karly, and Lexi.

"How was your summer, Lily?" Christine asks me as soon as I reach them.

"Pretty boring. I mean, how would you like an entire summer of Petunia's insults? It just became annoying after a while. How about you guys?" I reply as the four of us walk aboard the train. We quickly find an empty compartment after stowing our trunks away and we plop down onto the comfortable seats.

"Well…" Lexi begins. "This summer I sort of had a… thing with a muggle guy."

It strikes me as odd that Lexi would be open about this thing she had with a guy over the summer. Usually she only told me those things because she and I were the closest of us all. I shrug it off as being that this boy doesn't mean anything to her, or that she is excited at finally having something to tell about her interactions with the opposite sex.

"Really? That's cool. Who was he? What did he look like?" Christine interrupts loudly. That's Christine for you.

"His name was Nick. I met him at the pool." Lexi's eyes look distant. She's traveled back in time to when she met this Nick kid. Earth to Lexi! We're all here on the Hogwarts Express. "There I was, soaking wet in my bikini, and I went to go ask for a towel; he was working there. I kept going back for little things, like sun tan lotion, sunglasses, and such. After a while, he asked me out. He was sixteen, and drove a car! He has blonde hair, and blue eyes. He is such a cutie-"

"So, what happened?" Christine interrupts, once again. I laugh lightly at her interruption and pick up a magazine, flipping through it.

However, Lexi doesn't seem to mind Christine's interruptions. Her eyes are still lost in that far away look and I can tell she was wishing for a split second that school doesn't have to start so soon. I know from speaking to Lexi on the phone that she had wanted to see where the relationship would go, but school had to start up again. Too bad, so sad.

"We hung out all summer. I don't really think that what we had could be called dating, but we were kind of together… Anyway, we had to end it a few days ago… I told him I went to boarding school and he went to public school so we both decided to end it. It was really too bad because he was really cute, but, oh well. There'll be other guys, I guess." Lexi shrugs. "Any other interesting summers?" She asks the rest of us.

Lexi is a one hundred percent muggleborn just like me. We are the closest because of this factor and used to do everything together, but this slowly started to fade last year. I don't mind much, though.

"Well, I guess you could say my summer was…interesting!" Christine starts. "You'll never guess who I dated!" Christine leaves a moment of silence for the rest of us to wonder before she starts in again. I roll my eyes. She really always has to be the center of everything. It's annoying.

"Sirius Black!" She says a minute later. Karly and Lexi gape. I yawn. I've never talked to him, but I've never seen what's so special about him. He's hot, but I don't know him at all. "It's true. I know he comes off to be such a player, but I couldn't resist. He's so hot! I sort of just ran into him at the beginning of summer and all throughout summer we just kind of kept bumping into each other and scheduled times to bump into each other. We ended things a few weeks ago, though. I guess it really can't be called dating. I mean, there was no commitment. He was probably with a few other girls at the same time… I don't know. He's a good kisser though, I'll give him that, but we threw a few parties at my-"

"-Mansion." The three of us finish lazily.

"It's just a normal house." Christine insists.

"Yeah, with indoor gardens, and house elves," I respond. Christine rolls her eyes.

Christine is the only pureblood out of our clique and because of this fact, she just happens to be extremely wealthy.

"Well, my summer wasn't nearly as eventful as all of yours," Karly says, seemingly put out. "My family went on a trip to Hawaii; my mom picked it out. My dad was so upset he couldn't use magic over the summer," she says. "I guess that was pretty much the highlight of my summer. Fun, right?"

Karly is the only half-blood out of our group, and proud of it. Her mom is a muggle and her dad is a wizard. It was a bit of a surprise when her mother found out on the night of their wedding!

The four of us spend the rest of the trip to Hogwarts flipping through teen magazines and casually talking here or there. We are all sort of nervous about the upcoming year, specifically about the O.W.L. exams, but excited about other things the upcoming year will bring.

"We're almost there," Karly says looking out the window and seeing the familiar surroundings that indicate that we're near the Hogwarts castle. After making the same trip for four years, it isn't difficult to speculate when we would be arriving at Hogwarts.

As all of us pull on our school robes we looked upon the gold lion crest with pride. We are honoured to be in the house of Gryffindor and wouldn't have wanted to be in any other house, given the choice. Except, I'd also love to be in Slytherin. That's just my little not-so secret secret. I'm in good with the Slytherins. I'm accepted by them. I'm one of their own, almost.

I admire the shiny prefect badge hanging self-importantly from my robes. As soon as I received my Hogwarts envelope I told all my friends. I owled Liz and she laughed, wishing me a sarcastic good luck.

I look around to make sure all the other girls are watching me before I breathe on the badge and wipe it with the sleeve of my robe in a mock humor.

"You know, if you keep shining that thing, you'll rub the 'prefect' right off it," Christine tells me, smiling.

"That's the idea," I say.

Soon the train stopped and all the passengers pile out of the train. It's extremely comforting to hear the familiar voice of Hagrid, the gamekeeper, shouting, "Firs' years! Firs' years over here!" I can't help but smile at the sight of Hagrid and I greet him with a wave and a bright smile.

"Hey, bitch!" I hear. My friends gape at the vulgar language, but I laugh as I recognize the voice. I turn, still laughing.

"Liz!" I yell, throwing my arms around her in a comforting hug. I hadn't realized how much I missed her. "How was your summer?" I ask when we both pull away from the embrace.

"Same old, same old. I'll have to tell you the details of the guys I hooked up with some other time." Hooked up. She means slept with on more than one occasion. It's easy to pick up Liz's lingo. "Right now, your friends look like they're going to murder me." I laugh, but know how true it must be since my friends hate her.

"OK, I'll see you," I tell her, giving her a final hug. When I turn back to my other friends, they give me dirty looks, but I only push past them, heading towards a carriage. They follow me a little reluctantly.

As the first years are carried in boats across the lake, the rest of the students step carelessly into the carriages. There's non-stop chatter erupting everywhere I turn and it's the most amazing feeling to hear it all, to finally be back home. The knot of homesickness fades from my stomach as I lean back in the carriage and closed my eyes, listening to the conversations clashing together to become a variation of strange noises that don't make sense.

As the students entered the school, thunder cackles above and it starts to pour droplets of chilly water. This makes us all push and shove to get inside the building before we're all soaked from head to toe.

After being seated at the house tables, everyone directs their attention to the front, where the petrified first year students are sorted. Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Slytherin, and Gryffindor are the houses of choice. I laugh, remembering how scared I was. It's quite amusing to watch them shake and tremble with fear.

After the sorting hat had sung its song, the students are called forward one by one to the chair to be sorted.

I'm losing the war with boredom. I've seen it all before. I do clap when students sit down at the Gryffindor table, but I yawn and allow my mind to drift most of the time.

I survey the Gryffindor table. I see Sirius Black whispering to another boy… I think it's Remus Lupin, but I'm not entirely sure. I mentally mark Sirius as untouchable, because Christine had had a 'something' with him; I can't have something with him. That's perfectly fine with me, though. He doesn't seem my type anyway.

The thing is, I've never really liked labels or the official title of 'dating.' I've always had a problem with relationships and commitment. It's funny, really, considering how picky I am when it comes to fancying guys.

As I continue to look down the table, I notice James Potter, who's completely focused on the sorting. I honestly don't know why girls fall all over themselves in his presence. I suppose he's decent looking, but not excessively. He's really nothing special, as far as looks go. At least in my book he isn't.

Potter whispers something to Sirius and then his eyes meet mine for a brief second. I turn around quickly, but not quick enough, for Potter has already seen me looking at him.

That's just great. Now he's going to think I'm another one of those girls who's completely obsessed with him. Just perfect.

I mentally curse the timing and kept my gaze forward for the entire evening. I refuse to give Potter a reason to believe I like him.

Finally, the headmaster stands and everyone in the room focuses on him and the speech we know he's about to give.

"I would like to extend a welcome to those who are coming back for another year. Welcome back! To our first years, I would like say welcome! I hope that you enjoy Hogwarts as much as I feel the rest of them have. I would also like to notify and remind our students, that the Forbidden Forest is, in fact, forbidden. Those who do not wish to die will please refrain from going near it. There is also a list of magical items that will not be permitted, put up on our caretaker, Mr. Filch's office door. Anyone interested is welcome to look, and I encourage that greatly. Mr. Filch has made it very evident that he will not put up with any of that nonsense this year." Dumbledore winks at the Great Hall and it's obvious that second that Dumbledore finds this humorous and was asked by the caretaker to tell the students what he just had. "Now, without further delay, let the feast begin!"

Food magically appears on the tables' golden plates, and the famished students begin to fill their plates with an assortment of food from all around the table. The First years are intrigued and fascinated and I just roll my eyes at them because I'm far past used to the ways of Hogwarts.

When the feast is over the plates are wiped clean and everyone heads to their house dormitories led by the prefects. The Gryffindors are led by me. I see Liz smirking at me before I leave the Great Hall. Yeah, I'm prefect. If Dumbledore knew half the things I do with Liz, I wouldn't have made prefect, that's for sure.

Exhausted, I fall asleep in the bed I'm not used to yet and I dream of the events that will take place in the year ahead at Hogwarts.

I wake the next morning to Christine shaking me awake.

"Lily! Time for breakfast!"

I groan.

"Sod off! It's too early!" I yell. Christine pulls the covers off me. I have no choice. I stand, shoot Christine a dirty look for waking me, and proceed to the showers.

Everyone in the dormitory laughs at me; it's always a struggle getting me up everyday of the year. Yeah, things are definitely back to normal.

I walk into the Great Hall with Christine, Karly, and Lexi. I see Remus Lupin yawn and I smile at him. He and I had prefect duties last night and we went about our duties together, talking the whole time. I really enjoy his company and hope to get closer with him this year at Hogwarts.

As we sit down at the Gryffindor table, I hear laughing and looked to see Sirius already staring at me. James is red beside him and I wonder what's going on. I meet Sirius's gaze for a moment. Why is he looking at me? I can't stand people starring at me. Especially because he's laughing while he's looking at me. Are they talking about me? I have no problem giving Sirius dirty look and turning away from him.

Is he laughing at me? Why? I haven't done anything funny. Maybe it's my appearance. I've always been unconfident and have low self esteem. Is he honestly laughing at me?

Pushing the thought from my head, I tell myself he isn't worth it. But, suddenly, I don't want to eat. I can feel the rumble of the hunger in my stomach, but I don't care. James and Sirius have made me feel below ugly and I don't know why. Maybe if I don't eat I'll look better. I push my plate away from me, bid my friends farewell, making up some sort of excuse, and go off to find Liz, not waiting to receive my schedule.

Just as I thought, I find Liz on the roof, smoking one of her expensive cigarettes that no one outside me and the Slytherins know she smokes. I smile and sit next to her.

"Why aren't you at breakfast?" She asks me. I shrug.

"Not hungry," I reply, not meeting her eyes.

"Are you lying to me?" How does she always know?

"Why aren't you at breakfast?" I ask her, not answering her question. I pray she'd forget.

"I don't eat breakfast," she replies, looking straight ahead to the beautiful Hogwarts grounds.

I love her answer. It's so her. She never does the strangest things like she never eats breakfast. She doesn't eat breakfast. It makes me smile.

We're silent for a long time while she finishes off her cigarette. Me, I've never tried smoking. Sure, I'm gradually becoming an alcoholic, but smoking? I'm not into that and she knows it. I love her because she's never once offered me a cigarette, except once when we were drunk in fourth year. She automatically knows I'm not into it, no questions asked. She doesn't make fun of me for not smoking, she respects it. It's something she'd only respect about me because I'm her best friend and she's mine.

"Ready to go back in?" She asks me, standing.

"What about your breath? What if someone finds out you've been smoking?"

"Let them find out. Like I give a shit."

I smile again. You really can't help loving her for who she was. At least, I can't help it. Most people hate her and I love it. She doesn't care that they hate her, she loves it. She loves that they're all scared of her and know not to mess with her. The same goes for me because I'm friends with Liz, though I hate that people don't generally mess with me because I'm friends with Liz. I'd rather fight my own battles and stand up for myself. I can't stand being weak.

We go back inside together and I see my three goody-goody friends making their way towards us, my schedule in hand.

"Oh look who it is," Liz mutters.

"Stop it," I tell her forcefully. No matter how 'good' they are, they're still my friends and I love them.

"Oh," Christine says, disgustedly when they notice I'm with Liz. "Hi."

"Want a cigarette?" Liz asks mockingly.

"Stop," I tell her. She only laughs.

I can already feel the tension rising in my two groups of friends and I'm stuck in the middle.

"No, thanks," Christine replies. "They kill. Good thing you smoke them."

"Stop!" I yell, holding Liz back. She may be tough, but she's as tall as me, if not shorter.

"Christine, I'll see you in class," I say, dismissing them. Christine rolls her eyes and turns to leave, but not before Liz flicks her off. Christine gasps and attempts to lunge at Liz, (I would have laughed, had this been anyone but Christine. She would get murdered) but I grab her and turned her around, pushing her in the opposite direction. "Goodbye!" I yell, annoyed. Karly and Lexi follow Christine and I sigh in relief. Liz laughs.

"Stop," I tell her.

"That bitch would have gotten the shit knocked out of her," she says.

"Yeah, well she's my friend, whether you like it or not. And if you don't like it and can't accept it, you might as well not be my friend. They're as much my friends as you are and I love them to death. I would never trade them for anything. I'm sorry if you don't like it, but that's the way things are. Deal with it," I say, feeling both brave and proud for finally having said something.

I then leave Liz in the hallway and walk to the library—the one thing I know can sooth me no matter what. When I read, everything else seemed to disappear. I love my problems dissolving and the only other thing I know that does that for me is either overdoses on pain medicine and alcohol. I figure that it's too early to be drinking, Liz has all the pain medicine I overdose on, and that reading is a much healthier approach. Yeah, me. Healthy. Ha.

When I arrive at the library, I breathe a sigh of relief as the soothing scent of books reaches me. I walk between rows of books, looking for something that catches my interest.

Finally, I find a book that meets all of my high standards. It's on the history of famous witches and wizards and I immediately look for a place to sit, but there aren't any empty tables available.

Potter just happens to be sitting at a table by himself reading a Quidditch magazine. I roll my eyes. Is that honestly the only available seat? I look around again. Yup, it is. Sighing, I decide that I'd rather stand and I lean against the bookcase. Madam Pince won't allow me to borrow another book seeing as I've already borrowed more than I'm allowed. Really. There's a limit to how many books you can borrow!

"You know, there's a seat right here. The only seat in the room," James says, not looking up from his magazine.

"And, why would I want to sit next to you?" I ask.

"Because it's better than standing. I don't bite, really. I promise."

I roll my eyes, seriously doubting that he doesn't bite. I can't help hating him for talking about me this morning. It doesn't even matter what he said about me. He shouldn't have been talking about me. It's just that he had been talking about me and then laughing. If he has something to say about me, he can say it to my face, or not at all. It's weak to talk behind other's backs.

"No thanks. I wouldn't want to be infected with conceit," I reply, smirking.

Lily: 1—Potter: 0

"Don't worry, you'd have no need to be conceited." I gape at him. Did he honestly just tell me I'm ugly? Bastard.

Lily: 1—Potter: 1

"Like you have a need to be conceited?" Lily: 2. "With your stupid hair" Lily: 3. "and ugly glasses," Lily: 4. "you think you're so cool. It's ridiculous, really." Lily: 5. "Because you're not all that. I don't see why anyone would want you anyway." Lily: 5 million!

"Hi, are you new? Have you seen the girls who worship the ground I walk on? And, you think someone would want someone like you?"

Lily: 0.

I don't have anything to say. All I can do was gape at him until it looks absolutely ridiculous. For the first time, I don't have a comeback. I always have a comeback!

The thing that annoys me the most is that he never even looked at me that entire time he insulted me. I hate his stupid smirk and his stupid Quidditch and how he has just ran his stupid hand through his stupid hair! So, I do the only thing that comes to mind at that moment. I slap him and walked out of the library, head held high and feeling pretty good about myself.

Lily: 1 million. I win!

That day is our first day of classes. I somehow locate my friends by searching the main corridors, and receive my schedule from them. Christine is pissed with me, but I can't care less. Karly and Lexi don't speak to me during each class. They aren't mad, just kind of scared to talk to me. It makes me feel like a horrible person and doesn't do much for my self esteem. I can't concentrate on my classes much today and can't take any decent notes.

My first class of the day is Defense Against the Dark Arts with the Ravenclaws. Not one word from my three friends. Christine is cross at me, Lexi is focused on the class, and Karly keeps sending me hopeful, sad gazes. Why, I do not know. Whatever. I don't need sympathy. I hate it.

Defense Against the Dark Arts is followed by Charms with the Hufflepuffs and Transfiguration with the Slytherins. Liz sends me depressed gazes throughout the entire Transfiguration class and I feel bad for yelling at her, but she really doesn't need to be a bitch to my friends like that. Maybe I'll track her down later and tell her just that. She has a tendency to pile all her problems on me when we're in a fight to, I guess, guilt me into forgiving her. I hate when she does that.

Then I have Ancient Runes with the Slytherins and finally Double Arithmancy with the Ravenclaws.

As I walk into the Arithmancy classroom, I'm glad none of my friends take Arithmancy. It's like a break from them and it's just what I need.

I look for a place to sit, but I've come into class late and all the seats are filled. Well, all except one. I roll my eyes at who I'm forced to sit with. Why does this happen to me? Life really doesn't like to be nice to me. "Life's a bitch and then you die," Liz says.

Yup, you guessed it. I have to sit next to Potter. I don't know how this always happens. I swear it's all a conspiracy. The world is out to get me and I don't know why.

The one thing I'm trying to prevent--Potter thinking I fancy him-- and I can't seem to distance myself from him because of these mysteriously strange coincidences. It isn't even that I don't want him to think I fancy him. I hate the boy by this point in the day and I just want him to die. I'd gladly do it myself, given the chance. It'll be more satisfying that way. That's just me I guess. You'll come to find out that I hate just about everyone for the littlest and stupidest reasons. I have a lot of anger problems. What can I say? I'm a very heated girl!

Nevertheless, our lovely professor comes in and tells me to sit, pointing to the seat by James. I roll my eyes and sigh, having no choice but to sit down. I can almost hear that stupid Potter smirking at me and I close my eyes, taking a deep breath. I open my eyes and speak.

"I was late to class and there are no other seats, as you can see. I don't want to hear a word about it. Don't speak to me, don't touch me, don't even look at me and we will get along perfectly this year," I tell him, not looking at him. I can't see his expression, but I see him turn his head from me from the corner of my eye as I look straight ahead, and I can tell somehow that he isn't smiling. At least it's worked and he isn't going to bother me. I can have one of my classes be pleasant because I won't be forced to think of comebacks to someone who doesn't deserve my comebacks in the first place.

Suddenly, our teacher begins the speech we've been getting at the beginning of every class we go to.

"As you all know, you will be having your O.W.L. exams at the end of this year. It is essential to do well on the Arithmancy O.W.L. in order to pass on to sixth year. It will be vital that you all pay close attention to every class period because I can certainly guarantee that it will be on your O.W.L. If you desire to fail, by all means, shut me out. But do not prevent the other students who wish to pass from learning the valuable information. On that note, today we will be learning…" Professor Vector continues lecturing the class.

I take out some parchment and a quill to begin taking notes on the new information we're receiving. I sigh. Even if James leaves me alone during Arithmancy and doesn't bother me the entire year, which I'm not entirely sure he will, I still have a very bad feeling, and I don't know why or where the feeling is coming from (that's what pisses me off the most about it!) that it is certainly and definitely going to be a dreadfully long year.

Thanks, school.

Thanks, life.

A/N- uh, review! And now read TTT! It's the companion, so you've got to read it now! Thanks!

xDreamerx