Author's Note: Happy 2017 Everybody!
So I've had this idea for what I thought would initially be a one-shot since shortly after 5x07 aired. It's turning out to be way longer than I ever imagined though so I'm breaking it into a small multi-chapter instead. It'll probably wind up being three or four parts, but I won't know for certain until I actually finish it.
Maybe I'm crazy, but remember that scene with Antonio, Brett, and Severide at Molly's where Antonio revealed that his father had said he should have done it thirty years ago and he wasn't going to tell that to Gabby? It felt to me like there was more to what Antonio actually said than met the eye, some underlying subtext or something. My idea for what that could be is the basis for this little fic. However, I'm using the middle of 5x07 as my jumping off point instead of the end, right after the disastrous party and divorce announcement, instead of the end of the episode. It just kind of worked out that way as I was crafting the story.
Huge thank you to NuGirl, who when I was all like I have this idea and I think it would be a good basis for a one-shot but I don't have enough for a story, encouraged me to see what I could do with it. Well, I put my mind to it, and this is what I came up with. Turns out I was able to get a lot more out of it than I ever imagined.
Now here's the first chapter. Hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think, even if its just that I'm crazy to have made the leap from 5x07 to this.
Chapter One
As sunlight started to stream through the curtains that surrounded the bedroom window, Gabby started to wake up. Feeling Matt's arm securely around her and the rise and fall of his chest as he slept, she felt truly content. This was the life she'd always wanted. Matt at her side not as her friend or colleague but as her lover, her partner. A child hopefully sound asleep in the other bedroom. Then the events of the previous evening started to come back to her. It had started off so normal, just like the anniversary parties that had come before it. Her father's toast had started off without a hint that anything was wrong. In the beginning it had all seemed so happy and loving, and then he'd made that awful announcement. Now lying in bed, she hoped it was just a dream, some awful nightmare that she was waking up from to find that the party hadn't even happened yet. In her heart though, she knew that it was real. Her father had left her mother. Her parents were getting divorced. She just didn't understand why.
Turning her attention towards Matt in an attempt to distract herself, Gabby took him in. His muscular chest was buried under the covers and his beautiful blue eyes were closed, but she still found him incredibly sexy. His face was a bit scruffy, indicating that he needed to shave. She liked him like that though. His lips were etched in a slight smile, something she knew meant that he was having a good dream, and she couldn't help but hope that it was about her. This wasn't the first time she had woken up to find that smile on his face, and there was always something about it. It was like his lips were screaming "kiss me" to her. She wanted to let him sleep though. After all, he'd been up late into the night trying to comfort her, and she doubted her unsettled tossing and turning had made it easy for him to fall asleep.
She wanted to spend her life with him. She had every intention of doing just that. After all, she couldn't even imagine a future that didn't involve Matt. Did that mean anything though? Her whole life she'd believed that her parents were deeply in love, that aside from her and Antonio and then their grandkids, their lives and worlds revolved around each other. As a little girl, believing that her parents had the perfect relationship, she had dreamed of growing up and finding that for herself. The example they set was what she always strived to have with Matt. Only that hadn't been enough for them. What did that mean for her and Matt? In the years they'd been together, they'd already had a failed engagement and come close to breaking up a second time. If her parents didn't have the foundation to make it last, how could she say she and Matt did? What made a lasting a relationship anyway? She'd thought Antonio and Laura had a great marriage and would be together forever. Instead they'd gotten divorced. She'd thought her parents had the ideal, perfect, storybook marriage. Now they were getting divorced. Maybe the Dawson's weren't meant to have a happily ever after. Maybe they were only meant to experience a great love for a little while before it was ripped away.
She felt Matt start to stir beside her and looked over in time to see his eyes open.
"Morning," she whispered, afraid that if she spoke any louder her voice would be shaky and betray her.
"Morning," Matt replied as he leaned in and placed a kiss on her forehead. "You okay?"
Gabby didn't answer. Instead a tear fell down her cheek.
"Hey. Come here," Matt said as he pulled her into a hug. There were few things Matt hated more than seeing Gabby upset. While he thought Antonio had probably gone a bit too far in almost punching Ramon in front of their entire family, he completely understood the sentiment. The moment he'd seen the look on Gabby's face as she rushed out of the room, he'd wanted to hurt the man for making her feel that way. Now he just wished there was something he could do to make this better for her or at least for it to hurt a little less. He would gladly feel her pain for her if he could.
"I woke up this morning hoping it was all a dream, but it's not. It really happened. Didn't it?" Gabby finally spoke after a few minutes.
"It did," Matt confirmed. "I'm sorry. I know last night didn't go the way you wanted or expected. You can't change that though. Just be there for your parents, and I'll be here for you."
"I'm sorry. I know I should be handling this better. It's just I never saw this coming," Gabby said as Matt wiped a few tears from her cheek.
"You have every right to feel the way you're feeling, and I get it, I do," Matt reassured her. "I know it's not the same thing. My dad was a bastard. I knew from seeing my friends' families that my parents didn't have a good marriage and that my mom was better off without my dad, but when they told me they were splitting up, I still took it hard. Part of me was relieved that he wouldn't get to hurt her anymore, but deep down I think I'd always had this fantasy that my dad would change and my parents would be good and happy together again like they were when I was little. I wanted us to be like the families I always saw on TV or thought my friends had. Once I knew that wasn't going to happen, I had to let that go. It wasn't easy, but by the time my dad died, I had come to terms with it all."
"At least you understood what had happened. I don't understand why," Gabby's voice was quiet.
"Only your parents can answer that," Matt told her.
"They always seemed so happy and in love. Was I seeing things?" Gabby asked.
"I saw it too," Matt replied.
"Was it all a lie or did something change?" Gabby whispered.
"I don't know. The truth is you never know what's going on in someone else's marriage, but you and me, we're not your parents Gabby. We're not," Matt knew her well enough to know exactly what was going through her head. "I wish I could promise you that we'll be together forever. The truth is there's no way to know what the future holds, but it's what I want. It's what I believe. It's the only way I can see myself being happy, and I do know one thing. Whatever happens, I'm going to do everything I can to make sure we are together forever because I do know what it's like to lose you, to lose us, and it's not something I ever want to experience again. In my heart I truly believe that you are the love of my life and that nothing could ever make me stop loving you."
"I love you too, but what if we don't make it? No one else seems to be able to," Gabby quietly voiced her biggest fear.
"Then it'll still have been worth it because I'd have gotten to share this time with you, to have this life with you, to be this happy because of you, to have our son," Matt told her. "And I bet if you asked your parents, they wouldn't go back and change things if they could because of you and Antonio, because of everything they shared before whatever went wrong. They'll say that it was all worth whatever happened."
"Thanks Matt," she offered him a small smile.
"You're welcome. What do you say I reschedule my construction job and stay here. We can spend the day together. You, me, and Louie," he offered.
"That's okay. I want to see how my mom's doing. I was too upset to really talk to her last night. I'll see if I can get Bonnie to watch Louie. Given what's happened I don't know if I should bring him over there," Gabby replied.
Gabby pulled her car into her parents' driveway. She was by herself. Bonnie had been free and agreed to watch Louie for a few hours while Gabby dealt with some personal stuff. She hadn't given the nanny any more detail than that. Looking out the car window and towards the house, she wasn't sure what she would find. Was her mother here? What about her father? She wasn't sure she was ready to face him when he was clearly the one who had made the decision to blow everything up. She just wanted to make sure her mother was okay and comfort her. That wasn't entirely true. If she was honest with herself, maybe it was selfish, but she also wanted her mother's reassurance that whatever had happened to her parents wouldn't happen to her and Matt.
She took a deep breath to brace herself and then got out of the car, heading up the walkway towards the front door. Taking out her key, she figured she'd just let herself into the house. That way as long as her mother was home, she could check in on her, whether the woman wanted visitors or not. As she started opening the door, the sound of voices filled her ears. The two people talking clearly hadn't heard the door open. She knew she shouldn't eavesdrop, that she should make her presence known, but for some reason she froze in her spot with the door slightly ajar.
"I don't understand what his problem is. I don't care if his life isn't what he thought it would be, and he's having a late mid-life crisis or something. He has responsibilities. He should be honoring them. How he could just out of nowhere do that to you?" Antonio's voice came through the opening. Gabby was surprised to hear him. She hadn't seen his car outside.
"I thought all our problems were behind us. That he'd moved beyond everything, and we were solid. It was all so long ago. I thought it was only in the past where it belongs. I was wrong," Gabby's heard her mother's voice next.
"Wait, when were you two having problems?" Antonio sounded like he was trying to piece something together.
"It was a long time ago. You were still a child. We almost got divorced then actually, but we tried to shield you from it. Looks like we did a good job," Camila admitted. "Antonio, what is it?"
"Something dad said last night. It's nothing," Antonio replied. There was a pause for about a minute before he continued. Gabby could only imagine the look her mother must be giving Antonio to prod it out of him. "Okay, fine. He made a comment about how he should have done it thirty years ago."
As Antonio spoke, the words resonated in Gabby's head. She was thirty years old. If her father had left her mother thirty years ago, would she even be here? Did he regret having her?
"At first I thought that he was just throwing out a random number to try to make a point, that he didn't realize what he was saying or at least I hoped he didn't," Antonio continued. "He wasn't though, was he? It was thirty years ago that you almost got divorced?"
"Yes," Camila's voice was so quiet that Gabby barely heard it.
"So you two stayed together because you were pregnant?" Antonio surmised.
"No," Camila let out a little laugh. "I wouldn't have blamed him if he'd left me back then. Lord knows he had a good reason to. That's when it would have made sense. Instead he stayed. For some reason he stayed."
"You're not making any sense," Antonio sounded very confused.
"You have to promise not to tell this to anyone, especially not your sister," Camila said.
Gabby knew that she should probably let them know she was there instead of just eavesdropping on some secret, but why would her mother be willing to tell Antonio and not her? She couldn't let them know she was here. It seemed clear that Camila would stop talking the moment Gabby revealed herself, and she felt like she needed to hear whatever her mother was about to say.
"Do you remember when you were in third grade? Your father was on a special task force, and he started working a lot of extra hours and going out of town a lot. I started working nights so when he actually was home, I wasn't," Camila continued, indicating that Antonio must have agreed to her terms. "I got lonely, and then I met someone."
"Who?" Antonio sounded incredulous.
"It doesn't matter," Camila replied. "He lived in our neighborhood though and had recently lost his job so he was home during the day as well. You have to understand Antonio I never intended for it to be an affair. I never wanted to do that to you father, and I've never forgiven myself for doing that to him. I can't regret it though."
Gabby felt the bile start to build up in her throat as she started to realize where her mother's story was headed and why she wasn't supposed to know. She wanted to run and forget everything that was being said, but she couldn't. It was like some force was keeping her rooted to her spot by the front door. As much as she didn't want to, she needed to hear the words.
"I ran into him one day while out for a walk," Camila continued. "And then I ran into him again the following week. We started taking walks together and then spending more and more time together. It wasn't planned, but after a few months we crossed the line, and there was no going back. I'll spare you all the details, but I didn't expect him to leave his wife. He knew I wasn't going to leave your father, but it was nice to have someone's attention. Then one day after about six months, your father came home sick from work in the middle of the morning, and he found us. I'll never forget the look on his face. It was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever seen aside from when I told him I was pregnant because he knew the baby wasn't his. I told Frank too, but he wanted nothing to do with it or me."
"How do you know Gabby isn't dad's?" Antonio hesitantly asked.
"Your father and I barely saw each other. We weren't exactly being intimate. The timing didn't line up, and after your sister was born, we did have a paternity test," Camila confirmed the awful truth.
Gabby couldn't listen to anymore. She needed to get out of there so she turned and raced towards her car, careful not to make any sound that would alert her mother and brother, no half-brother, to her presence. Once in her car, she pulled out of the driveway and sped down the street, trying to hold back the emotion for her own safety. Once she was several blocks away, she pulled into a parking lot and finally let it all out. She started sobbing uncontrollably. Her dad wasn't her dad. Some guy named Frank, who lived in their neighborhood, was. He'd probably watched her grow up, knowing she was his daughter but never saying anything. No that couldn't be true. Her family had moved across town just before she was born. It didn't really matter though. Her whole life was a lie.
Matt was surprised to see Bonnie at the apartment when he returned home shortly before dinner time. He had expected Gabby would be back by now. Her mom must not be doing too well if she was still there.
"Matt," Louie got up from where he was playing with blocks in the living room when he saw Matt approaching and ran to him, wrapping his little arms around Matt's right leg in a little hug.
"Hey Buddy. You have a good day with Bonnie?" Matt asked as he picked the boy up to return the hug.
"Yeah," Louie nodded. "Play with me."
"Mr. Casey," Bonnie started as she got up from her spot on the couch.
"Bonnie. I've told you before, call me Matt," he interrupted.
"Sorry. Matt, I'm glad your back. I wasn't expecting Ms. Dawson to be this long when I agreed to watch Louie this morning, and I can't get ahold of her. I'm running late for an appointment. I'll see you in the morning," Bonnie gathered her things as she spoke.
"Wait. Gabby's not answering her phone?" Matt instantly became concerned. He knew Gabby was upset about her parents' divorce, but it wasn't like her to not answer or at least return a phone call, especially one from Louie's nanny.
"No, she's not," Bonnie replied. "I'm sorry but I need to run."
"Louie, I need to call Mommy quickly. Then we can play," Matt said as he put Louie back down and reached for his phone, hoping that Gabby would at least answer his call.
"You've reached Gabby's voicemail," her voice came through the phone a minute later. "Leave a message, and Gabby will call you back. Maybe."
"Hey babe, it's me. I'm home with Louie now and wanted to check in. I guess you're probably still with your mom. I hope both of you are doing okay. Maybe you're on your way home, but if not, can you give me a call when you get this. Thanks. Love you," Matt left a message.
He then joined Louie on the floor and played blocks with him. When Gabby hadn't called back after twenty minutes, he tried calling her again. Still no answer. Another ten minutes passed, and he texted her. She didn't reply. Then he tried calling her for a third time. Now he was getting really worried. This wasn't like Gabby at all. Not wanting to worry Camila in case it was nothing, given everything she was dealing with, he decided to start with Antonio. Maybe she had decided to pay him a visit as well. After all, it was also Antonio's parents who were divorcing. As much as Matt could empathize with the situation, Antonio was probably the person who was feeling the closest to what Gabby was feeling right now.
"Hi Matt," Antonio did pick up.
"Hey. Is Gabby there?" Matt asked.
"No. Why?" Antonio responded.
"She's not answering her phone. I know she was going to go see your mom this morning. Maybe she's still there, but –," Matt started to explain.
"She's not at Mom's," Antonio cut him off.
"You sure?" Matt asked.
"Yeah. I was there all morning and again for a bit in the afternoon," Antonio replied. "I never saw her, and I'm sure Mom would have mentioned if she had stopped by between when I left and came back. You sure she was going to see Mom?"
"Yeah. She specifically said that she wanted to see how your mother was doing. Bonnie came over to watch Louie so she could go. She got here just as I was leaving for my construction job. That was a little before ten," Matt said.
That was when it started clicking in Antonio's head. He had been furious with his mother after her confession and blasted her for cheating on his father and keeping the whole thing a secret. After about fifteen minutes, he'd stormed out of the house, needing to calm down. He wouldn't deck her like he'd tried to deck his father, but in the moment he was equally furious with both of his parents. As he'd left, he'd noticed that the front door was slightly ajar. He hadn't thought much of it at the time, too engrossed in his rage, he had just shrugged it off. Why was it partially open though? He was almost positive he'd fully closed it when he entered the house that morning. Had Gabby come and started to let herself in only to leave? That didn't make sense unless…
"Oh God," Antonio inadvertently said the words out loud.
"What?" Matt had become increasingly alarmed at the utterance.
"Nothing," Antonio replied.
"Antonio," Matt sounded very annoyed because he was. Gabby was missing, and Antonio seemed to know something that made him react like that. Matt needed to know what was going on because what was going through his head right now wasn't good.
"Look, I'm going to come over," Antonio said before quickly hanging up the phone. He wasn't exactly sure what to tell Matt right now. Hopefully, Gabby would resurface before he made it to her apartment or if not, at least the drive would maybe give him a chance to figure out what to tell her boyfriend.
Fifteen minutes later Antonio arrived at the apartment. Matt was in full blown panic mode as he opened the door.
"Antonio, what's going on?" Matt asked before the door was even fully open.
"I think Gabby may have been at the house this morning only Mom and I didn't know," Antonio admitted as he stepped into the apartment.
"Why would she stop by and not see you guys? As hard as she's taking all this, she's also been worried about your mother. I can't see her going over and then changing her mind before seeing anyone," Matt asked.
"I can't say anything more. It's not my place," Antonio didn't want to put Matt in the position of having to either keep his parents' secret from Gabby or be the one to tell her on the off chance she didn't know. "But if I'm right, she's going to be pretty upset."
"She was already pretty upset because of the divorce," Matt shot back.
"I know. It might be worse now though," Antonio said.
"What happened there?" Matt asked, needing to understand what was going on.
"Let's just see if we can come up with a list of places where she might have gone. Then you should go look for her. I'll stay here and watch Louie," Antonio ignored the question.
"Antonio—" Matt started to ask what was going on again.
"The important thing is that we find her. Everything else can wait," Antonio interjected.
Author's Note: So what did you think? Am I crazy?