Title: Last dance
Author: Jessica ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )
Rating: PG
Category:AU,MSR,V
Spoiler: None
Archive: Whereever..Just let me know where
Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Summary: Mulder and Scully meet again at a party after years
apart.
Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX
and they are not mine.
Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistake may occur.
"In my dreams I hold you tight,
I wish that I never let go,
In my dreams I have no fright,
'Cause I'm no longer alone,
We will never love again,
I'm under spell since you've gone,
We will never kiss again,
I'm under curse and I'm done,
I feel so blue and alone...."
( From a song by "Weeping willows" called "Blue and alone",
lyrics by: Carlson )
------------------------------------------------------
I thought that I had put that all behind me. I believed that
I had put all those feelings away with all the other memories
from times gone by. Maybe it's foolish to ever believe that
you can put it behind you. But I tried. It was a matter of survival.
But now I don't know. I have a good life. I'm content. It has
been so long since I saw him last. Sometimes when my mind
wanders I imagine him married somewhere and even kids. I have
never resented him for leaving. I guess he had his reasons. The
passing of time has drifted us apart.
I stand here, lingering in the doorway. I don't know why I
have come. I don't belong here. I wish that I just could hide
in the corner. But I know she will be here. I haven't seen
her since that day I walked out of her life. I thought I was
strong enough to survive out there without her. I had done it
before and I was so sure that I could do it again. But I was
wrong. I have never felt so lost as when I am not with her.
But I knew that I had to stay away from her. I was saving
her life.
It's been two years since I last saw her. I have kept my
promise and stayed away. But not a day hasn't gone by when I
haven't wondered about her. I kept imagine her the same as
when I left her. Somehow I knew that I was fooling myself.
But it was a nice dream, though.
As I stood there I saw her. She was standing in the middle of
the room dressed in a black, sleeveless dress. Her hair was
longer than I remember and it seemed like it was glowing in
the lights. I froze. I couldn't move. I found it hard to
breathe. I have never felt so scared as when I stood there.
I had planned it all so well. I had imagined what I would say
to her when we stood face to face again. But when I stood
there all my plans went out the window.
I could feel him before I saw him. I knew that he was close.
I don't know how. I just knew. My heart went racing in my
chest and my body felt like frozen. I turned around and then
I saw him. He was standing in the doorway to the ballroom. He
was dressed in tuxedo. His hair was longer and he had a nice
tan. As our eyes meet I felt like I was going to melt at any
moment. I had thought that I was strong enough to forget.
I was wrong. There was so much I wanted to tell him, so much
I wanted to ask. But fear got a hold of my heart and backed
away. I looked down at my hand and saw the ring that I wore.
I was not the same old Dana Scully. Things had changed.
She was married. I heard it from some guy and I can't remember
who he was. All I can remember was feeling so hurt. I fled
out into the hallway. I need to escape from this hell I had
put myself into. I don't know why I had come. Social events
like these was never my strong thing. But I needed to see
her. She was the reason for everything.
Married, married. That word kept chasing me. I had never in
my wildest dreams thought that she would be married. Maybe
it was foolish to believe that she would wait for me forever.
I should be happy for her. I should walk about to her and
just act like nothing had changed. But I couldn't. I was
through with pretending. I was so tired of playing these games.
I wanted scream from the top of my lungs that I loved her.
I wanted to beg her to come back to me, to give me a second
chance. But it was too late.
He was standing with his back to me. I don't know why I had
come. But I needed to see him. I needed to touch him. I needed
to hear his voice.
- Mulder.
He turned around and he looked so surprised when he saw me.
- Scully, what are you doing here?
- I could ask you the same thing. Events like this is not your
thing.
- I know.
I wanted to walk up to him and put my arms around him. My arms
screamed out for it. But time and distance had drifted us
apart and put fear in my heart.
- Then, why have you come?
- I can leave if you want to.
- No, don't. I just...
I don't know what I want. He was no longer mine. He was just
one part of my memories. But still I stood there screaming
for something more.
I stood there lost for words. I couldn't answer her. She looked
so beautiful that it almost hurt looking at her. I wanted to
touch her.
- Nice ring.
She looked at me with those eyes and I could fell myself melt.
I wanted to be angry. I wanted to show how it hurt. But I
couldn't do that to her.
- I meant to tell you. But I didn't know how to get in touch
with you.
It was my fault. I was the one that had pushed her away from
me. What had I expected? That she would wait for me forever?
Foolish.
- What's his name?
- John. He's a doctor. We meet at a party.
- He's a lucky guy.
Silence. So this was how it's going to be between us. I wanted
to turn around then and there. I couldn't act anymore. I
couldn't lie and say that everything was okay. I had lost her.
- Mulder, I....
She moved closer. I wanted to run. I knew if she touched me
I would crumble. But still I wanted her close. It was like
a battle between my head and my heart. My heart won.
She was standing so close now. She was looking at me with
those beautiful eyes.
- You don't have to explain.
- I want to. He's a good man, Mulder. He works with children.
He asked me to marry him on Valentines day. We married two
months later.
I turned away from her. I couldn't look into her eyes and see
the happiness that lived there. I just couldn't. It hurt too
much.
- Please, don't.
I closed my eyes in a weak attempt to shut the pain out. All
I could hear was that I had lost her. I had been a fool in so
many ways. How can you say goodbye to the love of your life?
I could feel her hand on my arm. My skin felt like it was
on fire. I felt weak in the knees as I turned around.
- Mulder, I never meant to hurt you.
I wanted to lie and say that this was nothing. But I couldn't
do that and I think she already knew the truth. I was never
a good liar.
- So this is goodbye?
- Never.
But we both knew that it was a lie. Everything had changed.
I wish I could tell her all that I kept inside. I wish I could
tell her how much I loved her. Not as a friend, not as a
partner but as a woman. I loved her for every time she saved
my life, for every time she saved me from myself, for every time
she held me when I cried. I loved her smile, her warmth and
her strength. But I couldn't tell that. I couldn't do that
to her. I was not the man she loved. She had moved on a long
time ago. I knew that I had to let her go.
At least I had my memories.
She smiled at me and I knew somehow that everything would be
all right. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday.
- May have this dance?
I smiled back and answered:
- Always.
They were playing a nice slow ballad. The music drifted out
into the hallway and us. I placed my hand around her waist.
I took her hand in mine and pulled her closer to me. I have
never been a good dancer. But somehow I didn't care.
I placed my head against his chest as we danced slowly. I will
forget this. I will thank god for giving him back to me, for
giving me a chance to say goodbye. It felt so nice to be held
by him once again. I felt stronger when I was in his arms. He
has always given me the strength back. I owe him so much. My
life, my love, my everything. I could never repay him for
everything he has done for me. He has given me so much.
He gave me the gift of truth. He showed me another place,
another world. He opened my eyes. He gave me wings and made
me fly. I love him. I love the way he makes me feel. I love
the way he smiles. I love the feel of his hand in mine.
But he was not mine to love. Time has pushed us apart. I
never believed it was possible to love two people at the same
time. These days I believe.
The music died out slowly. I never knew that it had stopped
until my feet touched hers. I looked down at her. She was
standing so close. The warmth from her body made me feel
weak in the knees. I wanted to kiss her. Her lips were right
there. I closed my eyes and let me be taken by all those
feelings I had been hiding. She didn't move away. She gave
herself totally. I tasted her and everything she gave me.
Afterwards I pulled her closer to me and rapped my arms
around her. It was time now. Time to let go.
- I will never forget you, Mulder.
- And I you.
Then I let her go. I framed her face with my hands and looked
into those eyes. It's time for me to go now. I smiled at her
one last time and whispered my goodbyes.
Then I turned around and walked away from her.
I stood there watching him walk away from me. I wanted to
run after but I knew it was time now to let go. It was time
for me to let him out of my life. As I stood there I wished
him all the happiness and love life could bring him. I knew
that I would never forget him. He would always live in my
memories. I smiled and whispered:
- Goodbye, my love.
Then I turned around and walked back into the ballroom.
Feedback...j_rothen@yahoo.se
Author: Jessica ( j_rothen@yahoo.se )
Rating: PG
Category:AU,MSR,V
Spoiler: None
Archive: Whereever..Just let me know where
Feedback: Yes, PLEASE:...j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Summary: Mulder and Scully meet again at a party after years
apart.
Disclaimer: The X-files, Mulder and Scully belong to FOX
and they are not mine.
Note: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistake may occur.
"In my dreams I hold you tight,
I wish that I never let go,
In my dreams I have no fright,
'Cause I'm no longer alone,
We will never love again,
I'm under spell since you've gone,
We will never kiss again,
I'm under curse and I'm done,
I feel so blue and alone...."
( From a song by "Weeping willows" called "Blue and alone",
lyrics by: Carlson )
------------------------------------------------------
I thought that I had put that all behind me. I believed that
I had put all those feelings away with all the other memories
from times gone by. Maybe it's foolish to ever believe that
you can put it behind you. But I tried. It was a matter of survival.
But now I don't know. I have a good life. I'm content. It has
been so long since I saw him last. Sometimes when my mind
wanders I imagine him married somewhere and even kids. I have
never resented him for leaving. I guess he had his reasons. The
passing of time has drifted us apart.
I stand here, lingering in the doorway. I don't know why I
have come. I don't belong here. I wish that I just could hide
in the corner. But I know she will be here. I haven't seen
her since that day I walked out of her life. I thought I was
strong enough to survive out there without her. I had done it
before and I was so sure that I could do it again. But I was
wrong. I have never felt so lost as when I am not with her.
But I knew that I had to stay away from her. I was saving
her life.
It's been two years since I last saw her. I have kept my
promise and stayed away. But not a day hasn't gone by when I
haven't wondered about her. I kept imagine her the same as
when I left her. Somehow I knew that I was fooling myself.
But it was a nice dream, though.
As I stood there I saw her. She was standing in the middle of
the room dressed in a black, sleeveless dress. Her hair was
longer than I remember and it seemed like it was glowing in
the lights. I froze. I couldn't move. I found it hard to
breathe. I have never felt so scared as when I stood there.
I had planned it all so well. I had imagined what I would say
to her when we stood face to face again. But when I stood
there all my plans went out the window.
I could feel him before I saw him. I knew that he was close.
I don't know how. I just knew. My heart went racing in my
chest and my body felt like frozen. I turned around and then
I saw him. He was standing in the doorway to the ballroom. He
was dressed in tuxedo. His hair was longer and he had a nice
tan. As our eyes meet I felt like I was going to melt at any
moment. I had thought that I was strong enough to forget.
I was wrong. There was so much I wanted to tell him, so much
I wanted to ask. But fear got a hold of my heart and backed
away. I looked down at my hand and saw the ring that I wore.
I was not the same old Dana Scully. Things had changed.
She was married. I heard it from some guy and I can't remember
who he was. All I can remember was feeling so hurt. I fled
out into the hallway. I need to escape from this hell I had
put myself into. I don't know why I had come. Social events
like these was never my strong thing. But I needed to see
her. She was the reason for everything.
Married, married. That word kept chasing me. I had never in
my wildest dreams thought that she would be married. Maybe
it was foolish to believe that she would wait for me forever.
I should be happy for her. I should walk about to her and
just act like nothing had changed. But I couldn't. I was
through with pretending. I was so tired of playing these games.
I wanted scream from the top of my lungs that I loved her.
I wanted to beg her to come back to me, to give me a second
chance. But it was too late.
He was standing with his back to me. I don't know why I had
come. But I needed to see him. I needed to touch him. I needed
to hear his voice.
- Mulder.
He turned around and he looked so surprised when he saw me.
- Scully, what are you doing here?
- I could ask you the same thing. Events like this is not your
thing.
- I know.
I wanted to walk up to him and put my arms around him. My arms
screamed out for it. But time and distance had drifted us
apart and put fear in my heart.
- Then, why have you come?
- I can leave if you want to.
- No, don't. I just...
I don't know what I want. He was no longer mine. He was just
one part of my memories. But still I stood there screaming
for something more.
I stood there lost for words. I couldn't answer her. She looked
so beautiful that it almost hurt looking at her. I wanted to
touch her.
- Nice ring.
She looked at me with those eyes and I could fell myself melt.
I wanted to be angry. I wanted to show how it hurt. But I
couldn't do that to her.
- I meant to tell you. But I didn't know how to get in touch
with you.
It was my fault. I was the one that had pushed her away from
me. What had I expected? That she would wait for me forever?
Foolish.
- What's his name?
- John. He's a doctor. We meet at a party.
- He's a lucky guy.
Silence. So this was how it's going to be between us. I wanted
to turn around then and there. I couldn't act anymore. I
couldn't lie and say that everything was okay. I had lost her.
- Mulder, I....
She moved closer. I wanted to run. I knew if she touched me
I would crumble. But still I wanted her close. It was like
a battle between my head and my heart. My heart won.
She was standing so close now. She was looking at me with
those beautiful eyes.
- You don't have to explain.
- I want to. He's a good man, Mulder. He works with children.
He asked me to marry him on Valentines day. We married two
months later.
I turned away from her. I couldn't look into her eyes and see
the happiness that lived there. I just couldn't. It hurt too
much.
- Please, don't.
I closed my eyes in a weak attempt to shut the pain out. All
I could hear was that I had lost her. I had been a fool in so
many ways. How can you say goodbye to the love of your life?
I could feel her hand on my arm. My skin felt like it was
on fire. I felt weak in the knees as I turned around.
- Mulder, I never meant to hurt you.
I wanted to lie and say that this was nothing. But I couldn't
do that and I think she already knew the truth. I was never
a good liar.
- So this is goodbye?
- Never.
But we both knew that it was a lie. Everything had changed.
I wish I could tell her all that I kept inside. I wish I could
tell her how much I loved her. Not as a friend, not as a
partner but as a woman. I loved her for every time she saved
my life, for every time she saved me from myself, for every time
she held me when I cried. I loved her smile, her warmth and
her strength. But I couldn't tell that. I couldn't do that
to her. I was not the man she loved. She had moved on a long
time ago. I knew that I had to let her go.
At least I had my memories.
She smiled at me and I knew somehow that everything would be
all right. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday.
- May have this dance?
I smiled back and answered:
- Always.
They were playing a nice slow ballad. The music drifted out
into the hallway and us. I placed my hand around her waist.
I took her hand in mine and pulled her closer to me. I have
never been a good dancer. But somehow I didn't care.
I placed my head against his chest as we danced slowly. I will
forget this. I will thank god for giving him back to me, for
giving me a chance to say goodbye. It felt so nice to be held
by him once again. I felt stronger when I was in his arms. He
has always given me the strength back. I owe him so much. My
life, my love, my everything. I could never repay him for
everything he has done for me. He has given me so much.
He gave me the gift of truth. He showed me another place,
another world. He opened my eyes. He gave me wings and made
me fly. I love him. I love the way he makes me feel. I love
the way he smiles. I love the feel of his hand in mine.
But he was not mine to love. Time has pushed us apart. I
never believed it was possible to love two people at the same
time. These days I believe.
The music died out slowly. I never knew that it had stopped
until my feet touched hers. I looked down at her. She was
standing so close. The warmth from her body made me feel
weak in the knees. I wanted to kiss her. Her lips were right
there. I closed my eyes and let me be taken by all those
feelings I had been hiding. She didn't move away. She gave
herself totally. I tasted her and everything she gave me.
Afterwards I pulled her closer to me and rapped my arms
around her. It was time now. Time to let go.
- I will never forget you, Mulder.
- And I you.
Then I let her go. I framed her face with my hands and looked
into those eyes. It's time for me to go now. I smiled at her
one last time and whispered my goodbyes.
Then I turned around and walked away from her.
I stood there watching him walk away from me. I wanted to
run after but I knew it was time now to let go. It was time
for me to let him out of my life. As I stood there I wished
him all the happiness and love life could bring him. I knew
that I would never forget him. He would always live in my
memories. I smiled and whispered:
- Goodbye, my love.
Then I turned around and walked back into the ballroom.
Feedback...j_rothen@yahoo.se