Ask the FullMetal Cast!
I have an issue with what others think of me. I can't help it. I have long, red hair and green (somewhat feminine) eyes, so everyone mistakes me for a girl. Except for girls. They mistake me for a guy. What do I do?
Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Ok, then. Tell me, what are you actually, because I can't tell either. And apparently, because both genders confuse you for the opposite, you're a bit confused yourself. So ask yourself: which gender are you (more) attracted to?
Edward Elric
I hate to sound clichéd, but I suggest either cosmetic surgery or therapy, because not even alchemy can help you now.
Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang
Dear Ed,
I'm short, and I don't like it. What do I do? Never mind, I'm sure that if you knew what to do, you've done it by now…
I am a Demon not a Midget
Dear Midget,
WHAT THE #$$ ARE YOU SAYING YOU LITTLE!#$ ?
YOU HAVE AN ISSUE OR WHAT, YOU PUNK? I SHOULD$&WALK MY #$# #$ OVER THERE THE WHOLE#$$ 200 $MILES AND KICK YOU #$$IN THE #!
Edward Elric
Even though this question was not addressed to me, I'll answer it anyway. Drink milk and lots of it.
Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang
I'd like to have a setup like you do. I want people to ask me questions! Can you teach me?
Jealous of You
Dear Jealous,
Darn right you're jealous! Do I look stupid! No way!
Better Than You
Actually, I know how to, unlike Edward, but I also refuse to help you for fear of disappointment that you cannot be better than Edward. Also, this particular fact is sad.
Mustang
Help me! I'm surrounded by gay blonde guys in jump-suites! What do I do to get rid f them!
Trunks
Dear Trunks,
What kind of a name is Trunks! I mean, seriously. Who named you!
Ed
Well, that makes two of us.
Lieutenant Colonel Mustang
I have a stalker problem and I don't know what to do about it. I swear, this stupid toad-like-thing won't quit bothering me! Can you help me?
Sesshomaru
Dear Sesshomaru,
Ok, apparently this 'stalker' is a toad, and therefore, I have a solution for you! Kill it. Like my friend used to do, he would pick them up and hurl them at the ground as hard as possible, and they would die. I prefer to transmute them into frogs.
Edward
I have that same problem, except I'm stalked by fangirls. It's really not that bad though…
Roy Mustang
I broke the sacred Shikon-no-Tamah, and I feel really guilty about it. What can I do to ease that feeling?
Kagome Higurashi
Dear Kagome
Well, did you get in trouble for it? Apparently not, because you obviously still have internet access. So why care? It's not your problem anymore. Get over it. Please.
Edward
You can start by giving me your phone number. Here's mine: 397-507-483 call me sometime.
Roy Mustang
I was pinned to a tree for fifty years. Is there some way to use alchemy to get my old life back?
Inu-Yasha
Dear Inu-Yasha,
No.
Ed
No.
Roy Mustang
I'm obsessed with Mustang. I'm sorry, but you have to know. I have pictures of your face on my walls. I love you. Nothing would please me more than or you to transmute something and send it to me. Seriously. Look me up in the phonebook and call me. Please. I'm desperate, my boyfriend dumped me five minutes ago. I'll accept anything. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G. really. Because that would be so cool!
Mustang's loving (boy) girlfriend Billy
Dear-
Wow. Mustang has a stalker. Way to go Mustang.
Shove it, FullMetal. Ok, sure, I'll transmute a restraining order for you.
I was hoping that Edward could help me get taller, because I'm in the eighth grade and I'm only, like, four foot. Can you help me Ed?
Morty Oyamada
Dear Short Person
Nope. I finally found someone both shorter and older than me! This is the happiest day of my life, and your not gonna ruin it for me, midget!
Edward Elric
Wow. Someone shorter than Ed. I feel bad for you, drink milk I guess.
Mustang
I have the biggest crush on a fellow ninja, but he doesn't even notice I exist! How can I get him to notice me?
Sakura
Dear Sakura'
That's easy: embarrass yourself.
Ed
Don't listen to Edward, just threaten to blow him up. Or get him drunk. Guys notice everything when they're drunk, trust me.
Lieutenant Colonel Roy Mustang
I love Edward. Ed, will you go out with me?
Some random fangirl.
Haha, colonel! At least mine's a girl! Hahahahaha!
Shove it, FullMetal. Here's his number. call him. 397-507-483
Mustang
So…you like it? Anyone got a question for Edward (or Mustang)? If so, REVIEW and get a MUFFIN mmmmmmmmmmmmm muffins