(Author's note: This was inspired by a headcanon of tumblr user baraspoots. I can't add a link cause the blog is nsfw.)
Smough woke up in the middle of the night and something felt not right. He recognized right away what was missing. Normally, Ornstein would snuggle with him while sleeping, but his boyfriend was missing.
After a short moment of concern, Smough relaxed. Ornstein probably just had to use the privy and would come back soon. But after a good while had passed and Ornstein still hadn't come back, Smough started to worry. He got up and intended to search for his boyfriend.
The privy was the first thing Smough checked, cause it was possible that Ornstein wouldn't feel well and simply wasn't able to leave it, but it was unoccupied. What were the other places Ornstein often would go...? Smough checked in Ornstein's room, the public bath room and the old conference room of the knights but the dragon slayer was nowhere to be found.
Confused and worried the executioner continued walking through the hallway, thinking about other places his boyfriend could have wandered off to in the night. A horrible suspicion also rose into him, but he truly hoped that this wouldn't be the case. As he was walking through the hallways without a goal he heard some strange noises from the great hall.
Smough followed the noise to the great hall, descended the stairs to it and was met with the strange sight of Ornstein who was in the process of eating meat from a huge boar which was roasted whole. Dumbfounded, he just stared at this scene before saying:
"Ornstein, what in the world...?"
Ornstein was turning around, mouth apparently still full, looking at Smough, then at his meal, then swallowing and then saying: "I... I can explain this!"
"I don't know what is stranger about this! Seeing you eat a huge pile of meat or that you are doing it with just your underwear on!", Smough shouted.
"I don't want my clothes to get dirty when I do this... It is easier to clean up myself.", Ornstein said.
"Wait, you aren't doing this the first time?", Smough was thunderstruck.
"Like I said, I can explain.", Ornstein said.
"Then would you care to explain already? I hardly can believe my eyes.", the executioner demanded.
"Well, alright... Sometimes... I just have this cravings of eating lots of meat directly from the source. I then go into the nearby woods, hunt a prey and roast it with my lightning abilities.", Ornstein explained.
"I haven't said anything about it, cause that is so weird.", he added.
Smough came closer to Ornstein, noticing the mess that Ornstein had made, even the dragon slayer himself was covered into meat juice, but that was no surprise regarding the way he was eating.
"Ornstein, I am the last person who would judge you because of weird eating habits.", Smough said. "Actually, I am surprised but also glad. That we both have some eating habits that others would consider to be strange."
Smough would have like to hug his boyfriend, but then he would had to change into a new night shirt, so he did something else and licked some of the meat juice of the naked skin of Ornstein. He could feel him shudder because of this. Smough spend a while to taste it.
"You know, this could be so much better.", he said. "With the right seasonings and herbs we could make a nice marinade which would compliment the meat and would make the taste at least ten times better." Smough looked at Ornstein's "prey". "Also, did you just roast the whole thing? You should take out the organs first, these can be used for further cooking. It is such a waste of good food otherwise."
He heard Ornstein chuckle at this. "This is so you, trying to get the best taste out of it.", he said.
"By the way, you can't be able to eat all of this by yourself? Where do you put the rest?", Smough asked.
"Most of the time, I get it to Sif.", Ornstein said. "Sometimes the hydra in the basin gets some of this stuff too."
"Well, at least you don't let it go to waste.", Smough said. The executioner suddenly had a thought he had to share.
"Do you think this whole thing has to do with your dragon blood?", he asked.
"Smough, that was just a thing Artorias theorized, we still don't know if that is true.", Ornstein dismissed the question, but then said: "Maybe..."
"Don't worry, I won't ask further about this if it makes you uncomfortable.", Smough said. "How about I help you out with eating this one and the next time you get your cravings... let's prepare it together."
Ornstein smiled at him: "That would be a pleasure."