"Tsukishima," Sugawara's voice was hard to hear because of his headphones, but Tsukishima was able to mostly hear what he was saying, "I know it really sucks, but you can't close yourself off. Please come back to the team."

Tsukishima felt no need to respond. He hadn't spoken once since Yamaguchi had died.

Everyone talked to him like it wasn't his fault, like there wasn't anything he could have done. Like this was only on Yamaguchi.

That was bullshit. If only Tsukishima had listened closer, if only he had been there for his friend. If only he hadn't listened to Yamaguchi when he told Tsukishima he was fine and that he didn't need to retaliate for him. He wished he would have punched those kids who drove him to this.

"Tsukishima," Sugawara kept saying his name. It pissed him off, "It wasn't your fault. There was nothing anybody could have done, it was Yamaguchi's choice to make."

Bullshit.

There was everything everybody could have done. Everyone knew that he had been bullied, because some people were dicks for no apparent reason. The only person who had tried to do anything was Tsukishima, and it wasn't enough.

He was gone.

And it fucking hurt.

"Tsukishima."

His name.

Again.

Sugawara really needed to learn when to take a fucking hint.

"I know it hurts."

Like hell he did.

"You'll only make it worse by closing yourself off."

Tsukishima didn't really care.

"Please come back."

He couldn't, not when even the thought of volleyball made him think of Yamaguchi. Not when being around any of them made it hurt so much worse.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Bullshit."

The first words Tsukishima had spoken in weeks, and they were curse words, spat out in hate towards someone who was just trying to help.

Tsukishima turned around and pulled his headphones off his ears, "Everybody says that there was nothing anybody could do, that it was his choice. That's bullshit."

Finally, Sugawara stopped talking, and Tsukishima kept doing so.

"You know why that's bullshit? Because everybody could have done something. You all knew he was being bullied, yet you listened to him when he said he was fine. You all just dismissed it when he started wearing long sleeves, even when you could tell he was way too hot during practice, because he said he was just cold. I was the only fucking person who tried to help him, but it was all too fucking little too fucking late, because now he's gone, and don't even fucking try to feed me that bullshit about 'he's in a better place now' or 'we did what we could' because it's all such fucking bullshit, and none of you will ever fucking understand how much it hurts to fucking lose him!"

"I'm sorry," Sugawara's voice was somehow still soft, and Tsukishima could feel the tears pouring down his cheeks, "But Yamaguchi wouldn't want you to do th—"

"Bullshit," Tsukishima cut him off, "You know what Yamaguchi would have fucking wanted? He would have fucking wanted his friends to help stand up for him! We easily have enough tall and scary guys to make people back the fuck off, but what did you all do, you stood by and fucking watched as these selfish horrible pricks drove him to suicide, so fuck you, fuck you all."

"Tsukis—"

Tsukishima didn't even let Sugawara finish saying his name before he cut him off again, "No, fuck you. I'm not fucking coming back to the team. I'm not ever fucking speaking to any of you ever again."

He turned around and walked away for the last time, leaving Sugawara feeling broken and guilty. However, he couldn't really find the energy to care. As far as he was concerned, everybody ceased to exist when Yamaguchi died.

A/N: Whoops.

I'm in a very angsty mood

so yea

dead yamaguchi

sad tsukki

lots of fuck words

and three pages of pure concentrated angst