All I can smell right now is the powdery stench of clown makeup, and week-old pizza. I think I'm going to be sick in this beat up shitty ass fucking car. How is this car even still running? It's got to be older than I am at least, half the doors on this contraption don't work, and not to mention there's a pen stuck between the window and the car, it's sole purpose to hold the window up because when you hit a pothole, the window falls into its slot in the door.
The reek of pizza is because the car belongs to John, and recently he acquired a job as a fucking pizza delivery boy. How appropriate. It's probably the only job he could get because he's so mind-fuckingly dense.
I'm sure you can already guess where the makeup scent is coming from. I swear I can't take Gamzee anywhere. Every time we go somewhere, some poor old lady hands him a mini bible because he looks like he's straight-up possessed or some shit. I tried getting him to take it off once, he said it "didn't all up and feel right" and something about his weird-ass Juggalo obsession.
"KARKAT!" I'm shaken out of thought by a loud Terezi. As if there were any other type.
"WHAT?!"
"Where do you want to go? We're trying to decide still." She has the obvious tone of annoyance, and to top it off, she rolls her eyes.
Oh right, we're supposed to be going somewhere. It's 11pm on a Thursday, I don't know what the fuck they think will be open, or why they decided NOW is the perfect time to get together.
"What if…we get some motherfuckin…pancakes." Gamzee is staring out the window, I assumed he wasn't even in this stratosphere, let alone listening intently enough to respond with an idea. A decent idea, actually. I'm starving.
John enthusiastically agrees, and Terezi is outvoted 3-to-1.
We take off from the parking lot and head to the nearest IHOP. Gamzee is excited…I think. He's bopping his head unevenly to some tune that only he can hear, lazy grin stretching across his stupid face.
John and Terezi are talking about Nicolas Cage, and I would rather rip my own limbs off than participate, so I decide to try and talk to Gamzee. Poor fucker, I almost feel bad taking him out of his weird daydream.
"Hey Gam… did you work any more on that insane house you were building in the Sims?" He often makes these nonsensical, whimsical houses that defy all laws of physics and reason. It's infuriating because of how impractical it is…but extremely amusing nonetheless. Last week he put four individual houses on stilts, and connected them all with swimming pool hallways.
"Yeah, bro. I added a swimming pool on the third floor balcony. But don't worry, there's a ladder to the basement swimming pool for a dope mega-dive. It's gonna be wicked bitchtits bro."
"Gamzee…how the actual fuck did you put a LADDER to the BASEMENT? You know what, nevermind. But you have to show me later." His brain is just a slush in his skull, I'm sure of it. What the fuck, Gamzee.
"Hahah…whatever you say, tiny motherfucker." Gamzee lays on my lap because why the FUCK would he be wearing a seatbelt in this death trap.
"What the actual taintchafing fuck do you think YOU ARE DOING?!" Terezi and John giggle from the front seats. "Shut the fuck up."
"I just all up and wanted to be close to a brother. What's wrong bro? Am I squishing you?" Gamzee has this…aloof innocent expression and I just…can't be mad, I guess?
"N-no. You're fine…Just, warn me first next time, fuckass."
"Can-do, bro." Gamzee closes his eyes.
We continue driving for a few minutes. I sit in silence but it's never a quiet car with John or Terezi, so I just tune them out. I stare out the window and try not to think about the person on my lap, it's becoming increasingly difficult with every bump and pothole we hit.
By the time we reach the restaurant, Gamzee is half-snoring. I lift my legs a little to shake him awake. "Gamzee, we're here. Get up already."
He startles a little, then smiles the biggest, goofiest grin I have ever seen in my whole life. I want to punch him. I shake my legs a little more and lift his shoulder to give him some momentum. He actually fumbles with the fucking door handle, and trips out the door. Fucking moron. I could go out my own door, but I was already watching him so I just followed.
When we get inside, we're greeted by a waitress who is overly excited for a night-shift pancake house waitress. She points us to a booth in the corner where Gamzee flops on the bench seats with a hideous vinyl-squeak noise. I slide in next to him in order to avoid being next to John or Terezi, obviously. Why do I even hang out with them? All they do is piss me off whenever they're around. I seriously need to work on getting less shitty friends.
We stare at our menus for a while before deciding. John gets something fucking boring and bland who actually cares. But he flips his shit when Terezi asks for apple juice. Something about how you can't trust it because of something Dave did. I can't remember, I tune out his stupidity most of the time. Terezi orders the most disgusting, colorful, fruity mess I have ever seen. I'm only a little jealous I didn't think of it first. Gamzee orders this red velvet thing with cheesecake and it looks like pure sugar coma. I get eggs, toast, and a small stack of pancakes with black coffee with s shit ton of sugar. Who the fuck actually drinks it black? That's just nasty. I feel like I'm going to have to care of Gamzee later when he won't calm down enough to sleep, sugar fucks with his already screwed-up head.
"So Karkat, what's it like living with Gamzee? You like totally hate everyone so I'm surprised you can even have a roommate after living alone for so long." John is grinning like an idiot even as he asks this.
"I don't hate everyone. Just fuckasses like you who can't tell up from down nd walk around with your head in your ass asking dumb fucking questions." Yeah, Gamzee had to move in with me. Which is fine, he doesn't make too much noise most of the time, and he never hogs the tv. That's all that really matters. He does leave his clown shit all over the house in piles though and I have to yell at him all the time to pick it up. Gamzee's dad went MIA and he doesn't like being alone. I told him he could stay with me. It's been fine.
"Karkles that is no way to treat your friend! We're just curious how it's working out! I mean your tiny apartment only has one bedroom and all." Terezi's smile is upright devious. I know what she's trying to insinuate, but it isn't like that.
"Karbro is all up and letting me crash on his couch. There's lots of motherfuckin blankets so it's cozy as all hell bro. Doesn't even all up and bother me when he watches movies all night." I'm blushing and I don't even know why! Can we just change the fucking subject already. What Gamzee said isn't all of the story though. When I watch movies all night long, I usually fall asleep. On the couch. With him. In which we may or may not end up… cuddling? Maybe that's why I'm blushing. I jab a sharp elbow into Gamzee's side telling him to shut the FUCK up before he says something that will ruin me in front of Terezi and John. Gamzee looks at me with a hurt expression which changes to a vaguely neutral realization when he catches my angry glare.
"Terezi why don't you just shut the fuck up and mind your own fucking business and eat your damn pancakes alright?"
Our food arrives and Gamzee's is gone in a matter of seconds I swear. The rest of us banter back and forth until we're full. Gamzee starts to complain about a stomachache of course, that human fucking vacuum cleaner. Terezi grumbles something about never having any fun, and we always go home early. I honestly don't give a fuck, I'm worn out anyways. Who even goes out past 11 at night?
We pay and get the fuck out. Gamzee has his head on my lap the whole way home again. I'm a little concerned because he because he said his stomach was hurting him and if he gets sick, I'm the only one suffering. And maybe John, because it's his shitty ass car that this is all happening in. Turns out I had nothing to worry about because Gamzee fell asleep about a minute and a half in. When we pull up to the apartment building I nudge Gamzee awake again. I'm a little gentler than the last time in case he bursts or something. I crawl over him and open his door. He places his arm around my shoulders and even though he's a foot taller than me, he tries to lean on me for support.
"Oh my god you're like a million fucking pounds can't you just walk?!"
All he does is groan in response. John and Terezi should goodbyes and insults out the open door before I kick it shut. Chunks of rusted car fall off the door and I'm surprised it doesn't just fall off completely. I manage to shuffle him inside and into the elevator. Gamzee lifts his body off me and smiles. He's standing upright, well…as upright as Gamzee does. Then he starts to laugh.
"What the fuck is so funny."
"Best friend I feel all up and marvelous. That car nap was a motherfuckin miracle." He continues to giggle.
"You made me carry your heavy ass all the way to the fucking elevator? AND YOU FELT FINE?" I am actually going to kill him.
"Yeaaaaaah bro. Now you're catchin up!"
"WHY?!" I try and look intimidating, but being 5'2" isn't that scary.
"So we could all up and go home man. You didn't wanna be there anymore bro. You weren't even talking as much as you normally do. You weren't all feisty, a best friend motherfuckin notices that shit bro." Gamzee is leaning aginst the elevator wall now, staring off at the changing number on the floor screen
"Thanks I guess? You're a fucking idiot, you know that?" I guess that's a good enough reason. I'll accept it… plus now I can watch that romcom I recorded last night.
I fumble a little with finding my key because of course Gamzee forgot his. When I get the door unlocked Gamzee heads for his stash and takes a few hits off a half-smoked blunt he had saved. I don't really mind as long as he opens a window. That stuff stinks.
I grab my favorite blanket and sit my ass on the couch. I dig through the cushions for the remote. It takes longer than I expected and I'm out of breath. Gamzee flops on the couch as I shuffle into place. His legs squish my stomach and I let out a breathy "wuuuhhh". Gamzee thought that was the most hilarious fucking noise in the world, because he's crumpled up with laughter now. I punch him in the leg.
"Ow motherfucker…what was that for?" He looks genuinely offended. I almost regret it.
"For flopping your long ass body on top of mine, and laughing at me, fuckass!"
"Ohhhhh… I'm sorry best friend, you just sounded so cute I couldn't help it." Gamzee makes a pouty face and sits next to me like a normal person. It's a three-person couch but he always sits right next to me. I think he craves contact. This idiot is alone too often. It's kind of adorable. But I never said that. Fuck.
I turn the tv to the recording of my romcom and settle into Gamzee's side. He wraps his arm around my shoulder and rests his head on mine. It's a comfortable position. A familiar position. We end up this way almost every night. He holds me, and zones out while I watch my movies, and sniffle.
I don't know how he puts up with me. I don't understand why he chooses to sit here with me every night, I don't ask him to. I don't need him to hold me or anything, I'm not a fucking baby. He can't like these movies I play, over and over. I know they're shitty, nobody else likes the same movies as me. But this one… this one is a classic. It has got to be one of my top…20 probably. It's an old one called The Princess Bride. It gets me every time, I swear. It's at the point where Westley gets taken into the Pit of Despair, and Gamzee I'm sure can feel me shaking, because he scoops me up into his lap.
He isn't that much larger than me, I'm not sure how I fit so comfortably in his lanky arms. It's immediately soothing and I can feel myself calm down quickly.
"Shhhhhhh." He whispers above me, chin resting on my head.
I hide a smile, and my heart races s little bit.
The movie presses on, my energy spikes as Westley is saved and they storm the castle. I know how it ends but I can't help root for him anyways. Finally, the ending scene rolls around.
"Since the invention of the kiss there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. The End." On the last couple words, Gamzee leans his head down and kisses the top of my head. I can feel my face turning beet red.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR, IDIOT?" I look up at him, false anger burning in my eyes. My heart is pounding furiously, I can hear it throbbing in my ears. I'm so confused.
"Karbro…" He's looking at me with half-open eyes. Filled with an emotion I've only seen reflected in him a few times. Usually I see it when we untangle in the morning, or…I make his favorite breakfast.
Oh.
He places his hand under my chin and inches his face closer to mine. He's looking right into my eyes. This cannot be happening, it's too fucking cheesy, like a fucking romcom. My eyes sting. Is this a joke? Is he playing a prank on me?
"Gamzee this isn't funny, knock it off. That's not a funny joke, fucker stop it."
"Karkat. Look at me bro. Do I look like I'm motherfuckin getting my joke on? Yeah I know, my head is a little rusty sometimes… I ain't the smartest of motherfuckers or anythin… but I can tell when a motherfucker's got his crush on a brother."
"What! What the fuck are you talking ab-" he breaks my sentence off with a kiss.
I'm so shocked I can't do anything for a moment. My eyes close, and I find myself kissing back. I relax back into his arms and let him just…hold me.
I didn't know I wanted this so badly until I felt it.
I feel myself smile, face still burning. I lean my head on his shoulder and hug him back, silently.
Neither of us try to talk as the end screen rolls. We sit and enjoy each other's company, content and comfortable. We don't need to talk. We can talk tomorrow. Tonight, we'll stay like this and embrace each other on my shitty couch, in my tiny apartment.
Because who really needs anything else besides love and a best friend to share it with?