I feel really frustrated with OITNB at the moment. I feel like they've torn Alex and Piper apart for no good reason, with my writing – I want to make it right. I want to set the story back to how I wanted it to go. I'm going to go through each episode of the season, focusing on Alex, as well as Piper and their relationship, and make it go in the direction that it should have. It's AU but with a few similarities to the actual episodes. This one is a bit angsty but trust me, Vauseman is endgame. I have to deal with how Alex felt in those first few episodes. I haven't really read over it but I hope you want to read more - Indigogold

How the fuck was she back here? How the actual fuck had her life turned out like this? Alex let these thoughts run through her head as she squatted, stark naked and letting out a meek cough. She barely remembered her way here, or the scuffle that involved her black eye. The edges of her vision blurred as she was handed the stupid tangerine uniform. She didn't look up when she was spoken to, or escorted to her bunker, she crawled on the top bunk and curled up into a ball. The hardness of the mattress already made her want to scream. She had gotten out, she was free. She might not have felt free at the time, but although she was incredibly lonely, and scared, the only crying she had to listen to was her own. How she yearned for Piper, not even to fuck, just to feel the comforting warmth of her body pressed against hers. Her little spoon. Every letter she had sent her, regret and love coursing through her veins, willing for her to open this one, to forgive her, to love her again. But now she was back here, with Piper in the same building. She couldn't see her, not like this.

It felt as though the world had ceased to exist around her, she couldn't get away from the swirling blackness of her brain. It gripped her in its hold. The despair she felt made it difficult to see beyond the confides of her own mind. The same thoughts drifting in and out of her head in a viscous cycle of how did it go so wrong? What could she have done? She just didn't understand. She didn't understand at all. The world, at that very moment, was not a place she wanted to be in. What would her mom think if she could see her now? Freedom had been placed firmly in her hands, and then snatched away. Why? She didn't know how long she laid there, with tears silently trickling down her face, her heart pounding and her stomach churning to shreds. Thoughts about her stolen life. Somewhere in the back of her mind she told herself to get it together, but the voice was very faint and was drowning in the dark waves of her mind. She didn't even notice or acknowledge her old friends, she was caught in her own self-loathing and yes, she admitted, self-pity. She was a failure.

Not only that but she was scared. Kubra was out there. He wasn't going to stop until she was dead. He was free, free to kill her. Just because she was behind bars now, so to speak, did not mean she was safe or protected. Every person that she didn't know now, she would treat with suspicion. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant. She was locked in a place where she could be murdered at any second. Not only was she sad, lost and alone – she was terrified. Not a lot scared Alex Vause, but Kubra did. She was imprisoned at this very moment by herself, and somewhere deep within herself was the key that she couldn't find.

Day turned to night, and then night into day and eventually, after an unknown amount of time had passed, a ray of sunshine penetrated her dark thoughts, Piper – the heavy feeling in Alex's heart disputed a fraction, not by much – but it was that much lighter that she could get out of the top bunk and go and find her. In her obscuring darkness, she set off in her search for light. The one person she knew of that would make her forget everything, even if it was for a second. The thought of Piper was the only thing that lifted her from that bed, she lit a fire inside her that she could never understand. As she walked, she was vaguely aware of inmates staring at her with open curiousity. Fuck you. She said in her head to all of them. Fuck the lot of you. Her limbs felt like armour as she strode through the halls of Litchfield, she wanted to put on that armour to protect herself. Hard and impenetrable. Fuck this stupid place. She was shaking. She barely recognised this version of herself, she was like a flimsy flower in a violent storm, one more gust of wind and she'd be beaten down. Piper. She needed Piper and she needed her now. She was worried about her seeing her like this, that it would somehow send her running. Great, now she was insecure too? She could just add that to her long list of emotions right now.

Alex walked into the cafeteria, instantly her eyes connected with Nikki's who shot her a look of concern, but didn't look too surprised to see her. The prison, quite obviously had eyes and ears. She would talk to her later, if she could find the words to describe the despair and regret radiating through her brain. Right now she needed Piper. She stood there like a child that had lost her mother in a store. She felt alone in this horrible place. At that precise moment, her eyes connected with a pair of familiar blue eyes and Alex immediately felt warmer, brighter. She watched as Piper's eyes didn't leave hers as she strode towards her.

"What the hell am I doing back here?" Alex asked Piper.

"I don't know." There was a small pause. "Are you okay?"

"Of course I'm not fucking okay, Piper. I was out, I was free – I had a chance. And now I'm back..." She choked on her own words, fresh tears springing in her eyes. It looked like she was about to cry for the hundredth time that day.

"I'm so sorry, Al." Piper sighed. "Come on, let's get out of here."

The next thing that Alex was aware of was being led by Piper out of the cafeteria into the chapel. She was aware that their roles were slightly reversed, but she was powerless, she felt weak and wanted to be protected. Sitting on the stage, Alex fell into Piper and put her head on her chest. Piper stroked her hair with her cool, deft fingers. It was a while before Alex realised she was crying properly, huge heaving sobs that felt as though were filled with searing knives of pain. It eased every time Piper squeezed her arms that much tighter around her body, holding her as though she was the most precious thing in the world.

When the tears, after a while, came to a stop – Alex looked up at Piper, who was looking down at her. Her eyes were swimming with, what Alex hoped was love, but it looked strangely like regret. For a moment, they both just looked at each other as though they could not comprehend the world, or anything in it. Alex felt her heart beat faster as she looked up at the woman that she loved with every ounce of her being, despite all of this shit, the love of her life was here. Alex held her hand up to Piper's face, and let her fingers run along her skin. Piper moved her head down closer to Alex's and kissed her, not with the fire she usually did, but a kiss that said it will be okay, I will not break you.

"I missed you." Piper whispered, her breath warming Alex's cheek. "It's been so hard without you."

"Pipes." Alex replied, sitting up, distancing herself a little from her. "I missed you too. Don't get me wrong but, I don't understand how the fuck I ended up here."

There was that pause again. "I don't know. I really don't, the justice system is fucked. At least we got each other though, right?"

"Right." Alex said. She didn't have the energy to say anything else. She did however notice that there was something different about Piper, a hardness to her that she didn't recognise and frankly it scared her a little. Her eyes seemed a colder blue than before. Alex didn't want to think about it, but she was afraid. She was afraid that prison was changing the beautiful, funny narcissist that she fell in love with. There was so little to hold on to in here, in this place, but Piper was the one constant she needed to rely on.

"Do you feel better?" Piper wondered.

"No. I feel really fucking afraid Piper, Kubra is out there. You think he's really going to let me go after I personally testified against him?"

"How is he supposed to get in here? Passed the guards? You're safe."

"He runs an international drug cartel, he can easily send someone into here. I'd never underestimate him. He's the real thing. He's cold."

"Stop being so paranoid. If he walked free from a trial, the last thing he is going to do is draw attention to himself by hurting you. I bet he'll be on the first plane out of here, find somewhere new to start up his drug trade again. Trust me. You're the furthest thing from his mind."

Alex shook her head. "If you think that then you don't know Kubra."

"You're safe." Piper repeated. "He's not going to hurt you." She dropped her eyes from Alex's to her lips, and slowly back up again, "I will never let anyone hurt you."

Alex felt her body temperature rise as Piper's hand gently stroked hers, before locking it in a tight clasp. The solid grip grounded her, like an anchor pulling her to her senses – she rose from her despair momentarily and soared high.

"I love you, okay?" Piper smiled, her eyes glistening. "I'm not just saying it because you're sad or because you're in here. I heart you. More than anything."

With her other free hand, Alex held Piper's. "I love you too, kid."

The next will be longer, I am going to correspond with the episodes with my own AU version. This is the only way to fix my broken shipper heart! Follow me on tumblr, Chuckoholic. Thanks for reading and please, if you like, leave a review!