THE Fanfiction
Once in time, possibly a parallel universe, there was a land called Marst. In the land of Marst, education was everything. If you wanted total control, first, you had to rule the school and there were only two ways to do that: become the most popular and smartest student or infiltrate the administration. Unfortunately, one's total domination of the school did not affect life outside the land of Marst, meaning, if one was to leave Marst, his or her former control of the school meant very little to anyone who did anything of importance whatsoever.
At one point, there were two girls, best friends in fact, who lived in the land of Marst. You might say, "Well, of course! Unless Marst was a solely male-inhabited land." To which, I would say, "Well, of course not! If it was, after eighty years or so, it would be derelict!" but nevermind that. Anyways, the two girls were named Cream Cheese and Pickles. The two of them were both teachers at the school; Cream Cheese taught about the afterlife and spiritual natures, thus, the personal future and Pickles taught modern world history, thus, the past. They really hadn't met each other until the saw one another at the local pie shop and decided to get to know each other better by sitting at the same table.
Cream Cheese and Pickles discovered that they had two things in common that were more vivid than their other similarities: they liked pie and they were both looking for love. First of all, they agreed that the act of putting people into pies, or the act of cannibalism, as seen in Sweeney Todd: Demon Barber of Fleet Street, was absolutely horrendous. Pie was meant to be a way of bonding and should be properly enjoyed, that is to say that pie was not grounds for revenge. They also agreed on their absolute adoration of the TV show Pushing Daisies, which if I don't say myself, is an absolutely fantastic show. Pushing Daisies also connected their two most vivid things in common: pie and being in love.
Cream Cheese and Pickles also agreed that being in love was the most beautiful part of life, with the exception of worshipping God, as was opinionated by Cream Cheese. They empathized with each other the situation of being single and decided to do something about it. Pickles learned that Cream Cheese was absolutely head-over-heels for a man she watched on the television every night, whose name was Matthew Kelly. However, one of the chief problems was that Matthew Kelly lived in Australia, while Cream Cheese and Pickles lived in the land of Marst. Pickles, herself, didn't know who she was looking for; she only knew that she would know when she met him. Immediately, Pickles vowed to do all she could to help Matthew Kelly fall in love with her new sister-in-pie, Cream Cheese.
The two best friends met each other at the pie shop everyday after school in order to develop several good plans for Matthew Kelly to fall in love with Cream Cheese. Among several of the top few were:
1) Write a series of letters describing Cream Cheese's adoration of Matthew Kelly and hope he agrees that he loves her.
2) Start a radio program and broadcast it directly to Australia and have Cream Cheese discuss how lonely she is and that she's waiting for her true love to find and rescue her. Then, when he responds, have them meet at the top of the Empire State Building in New York City like in An Affair to Remember and Sleepless in Seattle.
3) Send him one non-transferable ticket aboard a cruise ship and have them meet each other and fall in love before the ship sinks in the fashion of the James Cameron film Titanic.
4) Write a journal describing Cream Cheese's perfect man and "accidentally" release it on the Internet and hope that Matthew Kelly reads it.
5) Asking another popular OTP such as Mickey Mouse and Hitler or even Mr. Delgado and Comrad to pledge public support of #CreamKellyOTP.
However, many of these ideas were based on luck and hope, both of which Cream Cheese believed were possible with the help of God. Yet, just before they were about to make a decision on the best way to make Matthew Kelly fall in love with Cream Cheese, the waitress Chuck set down a warm plate of apple pie àla mode before Cream Cheese and a tantalizing serving of summery cherry pie before Pickles. At that moment, they knew what they should do: send Matthew Kelly a homemade pie everyday until he decides to learn about the mysterious person who keeps sending him pies everyday. Upon declaring this plan to be the absolute best, Pickles went to a T-shirt factory after saying goodbye to Cream Cheese and leaving the pie shop. She wanted to order two shirts reading "#CreamKellyOTP" on them to show her support.
For the next couple of weeks, after visiting the pie shop everyday, they would go back to Cream Cheese's industrial kitchen and make a pie, then send it to Matthew Kelly's address, which they found via Internet. You may say, "But if he has his own TV show, does that not make him a celebrity?" Or you might also ask, "Why would he post his own address on the Internet? Wouldn't that make him susceptible to predators or people who want to sell him something?" In that case I would say, "Well, Steam mainly works from an online basis and wouldn't necessarily do anything with a home address. Besides, I'm not allowed to have an opinion on the matter, in fact, by stating my enjoyment of Pushing Daisies; I've already violated that part of the contract and will have to go to court in order to dismiss the inevitable claims against me that will no doubt arise after the publishing of this particular vignette."
Anyways, after the second month of sending pies to Matthew Kelly everyday, Cream Cheese and Pickles were finding that they were running out of recipes for pies. Upon learning this, Cream Cheese became somewhat upset, for she had expected Matthew Kelly to have contacted her by this point. Once they ran out of pie recipes, however, and after receiving no letters or notes of any kind from Matthew Kelly, Cream Cheese became visibly upset to the point where her students were noticing at the school.
One day, Cream Cheese went to the pie shop by herself, for Pickles had extra essay grading that had to be done before the school semester ended. Sitting at one of the booths, picking at the strawberry shortbread pie baked by Ned himself, Cream Cheese began to cry. It wasn't loud or showy or anything, it was just sad. Behind her, though, a man walked into the pie shop wearing a blue button-down shirt. Immediately recognizing her as the girl that was described to him, he sat down at her booth.
She hadn't noticed the man sitting down in front of her until he said, "G'day, Miss! Are you Cream Cheese?" Slowly, she nodded, not believing what was happening. "Well then! Why did all the pies stop? I was quite enjoying the daily pie but when they stopped, I knew that I had to find the person who'd been sending them to me immediately."
Finally recovering her voice and drying her tear, Cream Cheese asked in a hoarse voice, "But how did you find me?"
"I looked at the packaging and found the address of the school in the land of Marst. When I arrived there today, a woman by the name of Pickles told me that you could be found here at the pie shop."
Cream Cheese smiled, realizing that that was the main reason why Pickles hadn't come with her to the pie shop. After all, Pickles hardly did any real grading. She just wanted her best friend to have an unspoiled afternoon with the man she truly loved. CreamKellyOTP, indeed! The rest of the afternoon, they sat at the pie shop, talking to each other and ordering various pies until the store closed at eight.