When a Door Closes in Your Face, You Probably Deserve It
A/N This is my first fanfic so…be gentle. Also I wanted to make Dan the BAMF we all know he could be and I couldn't hold it to myself anymore.
A/N 2 I really wrote that fic because my dear friend Lee got the idea about the door in my head some time ago and so it happened that I finished it just in time for her birthday so… Happy Birthday (again)! Enjoy!
Who knew a summer could feel like a lifetime? For Dan Humphrey it felt like two. What do you do when the love of your life, the one person you're ready to say with absolute certainty is your soul- mate, decides that what you had was nothing, but a "fun relationship"? You get over it, you cry, you push, you hit, you drink, you curse and at the end of that hell, which the people for whom the earth is still spinning and the sun is still shining, call summer, you fucking get over it!
For Dan four months were all it took to somehow get his heart together, of course, it didn't feel like before, the cracks were there, but no longer feeling like he's the only visitor of hell and the demons are paying specific attention to his torture.
The first two months were full on pity party through the night and hard work on the new tell all book on his "beloved" UES with the help of the hatechild of Satan and Lord Voldemort – Georgina Sparks, through the day. Writing the masterpiece of the decade, of which Gossip Girl herself would be surprised by and lining for a sequel.
The nights were full of nightmares. There was one in particular which got Dan sweating and waking up every few hours. It always starts the same way: he is content, sitting on the couch facing the TV, watching "Roman Holiday", he looks down and in his arms, safely engulfed, is Blair. She looks at him, her beautiful eyes are sparkling with emotion, her breathtaking smile is getting his heart to skip a beat and in that moment there are only two people in the world that matter, hell, there is only one person that matters, and he's the lucky bastard that gets to hold them.
Everytime the dream reaches that point of pure bliss something happens and every-fucking-time that "something" is completely illogical. The happy woman just stands up without a glance back and leaves, and in that moment when the door closes behind her Dan feels the pain of his heart breaking to little pieces, each and every one filled with "what ifs" swimming in an ocean of unrequited love. The scenery changes, every night the décor is different, but the people, starring in that absurd of a dream, are the same: Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck… holding eachother while at some pristine UES gala, walking down the street with Monkey running ahead , kissing at some fancy restaurant.
So much betrayal and hurt in the few short seconds that the nightmare lasts. Finally his head and his heart can't endure more of that torture and Dan wakes up, breathing heavy, feeling the stinging of his eyes.
In the morning after one particularly excruciating dream he meets up with Georgina for the last chapter of the book.
"You look like you're hiding endangered species in that thing you call "hair" and I call jungle with its own eco-system" Something appears on his face, something long forgotten – a smile, it's small, but genuine enough for Georgina to comment on it.
"Well, well, well… what do we have here, If I knew that for you to smile I need to insult you I would have done it a long time ago. Oh, wait, I have… for the past 2 month I've been insulting you at any given moment. I'm glad that you finally decided to appreciate my humor. Now, Humphassa, let's talk business …"
And that was that, at last something changed, who knew that Georgina Sparks would be the best distraction from heartbreak with her unique way of hating everything and everyone, not treating him like the mess he was.
It was 11pm on a cloudy Saturday night when Dan's fingers wrote the last word of the new book. All frustration and heartbreak poured on its pages. He felt exhausted, but somehow lighter and, dare he think, happier? Like, with finishing the book Dan was filled with a sense of letting go, all of it was left behind- the regret, the hate, the jealousy, the UES, HER. It was time for a new book, full of happiness with no more mind-games, uncertainty or backstabbing "friends". The clock stroke midnight at the exact moment he reached out for a piece of paper and a pen. In his mind only one thought 'It's time to think for me and what I want, no more sacrificing for a lost cause. I need an improvement list!' So Dan decided that if he ever wanted to be happy again he had to take matters into his own hands (despite the hole with the size of a petite brunette in his heart).
The third month after the "invisible break-up" (because how do you call the "running-away-to-be-with-someone-else-without-saying-ANYTHING" thing) marked the beginning of the healing. The first thing on the "improvement list" was a haircut. It took 3 hair dressers and a pair of garden scissors, but the result was nothing short of a miracle, when he saw his freshman-year-of-college-self looking back in the mirror. Unfortunately the smile that graced Dan's lips vanished the second he saw the magazine on the table right beside the mirror: "The new (old) UES power couple" with a picture of her and him under the title. 'At least she seems happy' with that thought Dan stood up, squared his shoulders and strode out of the salon, hoping the ache in his chest will disappear in time.
Since the last two months of Dan's life were spent grieving the loss of the relationship that never really existed on the level that he thought, he got unhealthy skinnier, to the point when people on the street looked at him with pity, or was that because of the hair? Nevermind, the next logical step was to get in shape. He quickly found out that sports are the perfect distraction: morning run, afternoon fitness, football on the weekends with Nate (the only person from the UES Dan was still in touch with). He began going out, meeting people, making friends outside the black hole that had sucked him in its depths the last 5 years.
By the end of month number trois the new and improved version of Dan Humphrey was surpassing even his own expectations and as time went by and the fourth month came around with his book ready to be published, his millions from the previous one and the movie, with his new handsome look he was able to look at those magazines, he even started to call them by their names even in his head.
If Blair was so blind not to see how much he loved her, how much he was ready to sacrifice for her, and believe that Chuck was going to change after the millionth time he had made her suffer, then that was her problem. Dan knew he did everything right and he could look back without regrets, he wasn't the one that broke her heart, he didn't abandon Blair. The only thing left was to heal from the nuclear explosion that perished his heart.
When September came, he prepared himself for the premiere of his movie as well as the selling of the new novel. After those two events he decided that the UES needed to be erased from his mind and Europe was waiting for him with its inspiration and culture. The premiere went surprisingly well, without his attendance; he only got glimpses of Blair in the paper with Serena, but his heart didn't ache, yes, there was tightening in his chest, but nothing more. The first book party was another story. Apparently Chuck Bass had gotten his hands on the book before it was published and was ready to execute his revenge, still thinking that Dan's life was miserable and pathetic, whining about Blair, Chuck was ready to flaunt his relationship for "everyone" to see what "happy couple" really means.
Blair and Chuck were told that Mr. Humphrey was "at the moment in the back room". With entering the room they saw a foreign figure, no one had seen Dan since the "invisible break-up", he turned around surprised by the intrusion. Dashing, handsome, taller looking than ever, he smirked faintly.
"Well if it's not the power couple of the UES. What can the poor author do for you?"
Sputtering and with wide eyes Chuck was ready to get into a fist fight since he didn't count on his first plan to fail and he needed more than a few hours to hatch a new one. Surprisingly enough Blair stopped him while trying to mask her shock and regret painfully coloring her face.
"Humphrey, I see you have done well for yourself. Of course I didn't think backstabbing was your style, but people change, huh?"
"I hardly can compare myself to the UES' best in that field." Painted look crossed Blair's face, but it was gone in a blink of an eye. "I wish you all the best Mr. Bass, Ms. Waldorf, but I need to go back to this utterly boring party" With that and his head held high he left the room without a glance back, leaving shaking with anger Basshole and regretful Blair in the middle of it.
Dan was preparing his bags for his "real new start", his flight leaving at 6 a.m. the next morning. It was two and a half weeks after the confrontation that he previously thought was going to be the end of his existence. Tabloids were publishing rumors about the "not-so-happy couple" that was Chuck and Blair and he was expecting the knock on the loft door that would test his heart and mind.
On the other side stood crying Blair Waldorf ready to burst in the loft the second the door was opened. To her surprise Dan blocked the entrance.
"I-i made a mistake… h-he only view me as property and wanted me when he couldn't have me. I shouldn't have ever leaved you like that. I'm so so very sorry. I didn't see that what we had was real and I j-just threw it away for an abusive ex-boyfriend who cared more about his empire than me. I really love you, Dan!"
"Blair, please don't cry. You have always been too good for him, but coming here won't solve your problems. Understand that after your betrayal we can't be together and friendship is out of the question. You need to be alone; you need to figure out your life before tying it to someone else's. I am leaving tomorrow and that's that." His heart was breaking all over again, but he needed to say all of those things so they could both be set free.
"My hope is that someday we could talk about this and maybe reconcile our relationship, but after all the hurt you caused me I need time, we need time. Goodbye, Blair!"
With that he closed the door and sighed heavily. 'You made the right decision, Humphrey! In another time you can have your happy ending, and you will, but for now a world of endless possibilities awaits.'
Blair still looked shocked at the space previously occupied by one dashing Daniel Humphrey; she knew she couldn't blame him. She was the one who left and broke the only person in her life that cared. That door was closed in her face for a reason and she was determined that someday it will open again and let her in without the doubt and regret for the past mistakes.