Derek would have noticed his phone buzzing had it not been for the very distracting sight of Spencer kneeling on the ground, relacing his shoes. Even after six years together, he could never get bored of his partner. Sometimes, he could hardly even believe his luck.
"16 seconds!" Spencer snapped.
"What?"
"Your phone. Buzzing for sixteen seconds- eighteen now, actually," he added, straightening and waiting for Derek to answer it.
Derek laughed, giving him another look-over. Spencer was exactly the type of person who would count those seconds. They were both in official FBI gear, getting ready to search the house of an UnSub who'd skipped town a few hours earlier. They had all the time they needed and he could use some of that admiring Spencer Reid.
Finally, he checked the number. "It's Garcia. Hey, gorgeous. No, you're not- you want me to- ah, okay." He held the phone away and said, "She wants to be on speaker."
A moment later, Penelope's voice came bursting angrily through the speakers, "I love you both to death and I agreed to be the surrogate mother of your child, but not if my daughter is growing up to a little hoodlum!"
Spencer and Derek exchanged worried looks. Spencer waited until Penelope had to breathe before interjecting, "What's going on? Is she okay?"
"She's with me right now. I had to pick her up early from class after a very upsetting phonecall."
"Is she okay?" Spencer repeated, forehead wrinkled.
"Yes, Penny's perfectly okay," Penelope still sounded pissed off, the protective mama bear, as she talked about her namesake. "I can't say the same for the boy she punched on the playground today."
"She did what?" Derek demanded, holding the phone closer between them and looking at Spencer. Spencer's lips were pressed together… but was that a hint of pride on his face?
Penelope gave that long sort of sigh she always did before an interesting bit of information. "Apparently, some kid was making fun of her at the playground for having two fathers. She gave him a nice little shiner- at least you taught her to aim for the eye. Now, I'm not saying the little twerp didn't deserve it but Penny cannot be going around terrorizing the school!"
"Terrorizing?" Derek sounded offended.
"Okay, fine, not terrorizing- but still. I've already talked to her as her mother, but you two are her fathers and she needs to hear it from you as well. You might be the beautiful couple but you'd better raise her right. I'll put her on, okay?"
"You handle this," Spencer hissed, covering the phone with his long fingers.
"Me? Why me?" Derek whispered back. He knew the reason though; Spencer could never bring himself to yell at or even scold Penny.
"Because!" Spencer insisted. He licked his lips, a habit that meant he was looking for an excuse. "You're the one she picked it up from!"
Before Derek could further argue his case (knowing he'd probably lose; he never won against Spencer), their daughter was on the line saying, "Hi, Daddy."
"Hi, honey," Spencer answered fondly, his voice automatically happier. "How was school?"
"Suck-up," Derek muttered.
Spencer ignored him as Penny said, "It was okay. Mommy brought me home early."
"So I heard. Penny, Dad's here with me, too. He needs to talk to you, okay?" Spencer licked his lips again and crossed his arms, staring at the phone with his face in a slight frown.
Derek looked away as he spoke, trying to avoid eye contact with Spencer. "Hey! How's my baby girl doing?"
"I'm doing fine, Dad," Penny heaved a sigh, theatrical and dramatic, in anticipation. She must've observed it from Penelope, Spencer noted.
"Penny, we heard you did some naughty things at school today. Mommy told us about the boy you hit. Is that true?" Derek asked. He hated playing bad cop.
"Yes, but Daaa-aad!" Penny drew the words out in her childish cadence. "You don't know the things he was saying about you and Daddy! He said he thought you both were stupid and wrong!"
"Did you tell any of the teachers?"
"No. I knew I could take care of him. He said mean things to me."
"People say all sorts of things, Penny. They say it because they have small jealous brains and can't utilize their critical thinking skills properly," Derek saw Spencer hiding his smile at that. It was something Spencer used to tell him when they first started dating (paraphrased anyway). Derek went on, "Sometimes the things they say hurt, but you need to learn to ignore them. You can't fight them all."
"Yes, I can!" She declared proudly.
"But you shouldn't. Fighting should always be a last option. Do you understand?" Derek asked.
There was a moment of silence, then Penny said in a small voice, "Yes. I'm sorry, Dad. Sorry, Daddy."
"Aw, baby, we forgive you. And we love you very, very much," Derek told her.
"I love you both, too!" She said in a not-small voice. She had inherited Penelope's lungs as well, Spencer thought as he heard her laughing.
"We have to get back to work now. See you later, Penny!" Spencer said.
"Bye! Oh, and Mommy says she'll be having dinner with us tonight!" Penny added, just before the line went dead.
Spencer stared up at Derek with wide eyes. They may have scolded their daughter for now; tonight, it would be Penelope scolding them.