A/N: This is my first ever song fic, done to Metallica's The Unforgiven II. When I was listening to the song, it just screamed Kyo to me, and upon further listening, (the tenth time I looped it) I heard Tohru's voice. And so Unforgiven Us came to me and here it is. My first ever song fic. Please R&R. If it confuses you, please tell me. I'm not sure, but I think I may need to make it clearer…
Lay beside me, tell me what they've done
Speak the words I want to hear, to make my demons run
The door is locked now, but it's open if you're true
If you can understand the me, than I can understand the you.
I remember sitting on the rooftop, the wind blowing carrying the sent of rain that I so dreaded. Yet another weakness. Damn but I wish I were not what I am. The cat, lonely, cursed, an outcast. Weak, a failure now. But that night, sitting alone thinking my hateful thoughts, I realized my biggest weakness of all. I heard her before there was any visual proof she was there with me. The sound of feet on wood brought my gaze to the edge of the roof just as her head appeared, her long brown hair blowing in the rain. I did not speak, because in the glint of the moon, I could see something else, crystalline tears coursing hot trails down her delicate face. She climbed clumsily the rest of the way onto the roof from the ladder and immediately rushed towards me at the fastest sprint she could manage. I remember how stressed she looked, how upset as she ran blindly, her face down but not watching where her feet landed. Then the fierce tattoo of her feet stopped abruptly as she tripped and sprawled on her side. She landed next to me and I still remember the pain of wishing I could touch her, to comfort her, hold her and lift her from her fall. She simply lay there, her shoulders shaking violently with her heart-wrenching sobs.
Lay beside me, under wicked sky
Through black of day, dark of night, we share this pair of lives
The door cracks open, but there's no sun shining through
Black heart scarring darker still, but there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining through
No, there's no sun shining
She said nothing, and I, in my weakness, said nothing in return. As I remember it, it turns my stomach; I could feel the pain she felt, it seemed to radiate from her, so I knew it burned deep to her core. But still I said nothing. In the darkness of the night, I reflected on the days happenings, searching for why she should cry as she did. The day had been the same as always, for me it had been dark, filled with anger for that damned rat, and many other people. But I could not fathom how that darkness could have reached her, she who was so often the light to that darkness. Her sobs continued to rack her small body, I did nothing. She sobbed for air, still I did nothing. She reachedher hand out to mine, I did not return the gesture, and I wondered that my soul could grow bleaker. This time she had come to me, like so many other times for me. But now she was the one in need, and I would not give it to her. She needed me, needed me to open my trust to her. But I am weak, and I failed.
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
I know now what I should have done, know now that I knew then what I should have done. She had proved herself again and again, had she not? She was open, willing to aid in anyway, always trusting, always supporting. I knew that her tears were no ploy, the battle she waged for breath through her sobs was no act. Surely I should have opened my heart to her, comforted her in someway, yet I did not. I was weak, I am weak, I am the cat.
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?
Finally she spoke and I listened, though her words confused me. Could so little a thing truly cause this burden and pain. With her face still against the roof where she had fallen, one cheek staining the shingles with tears, she spoke as though admitting some great crime.
"I've failed her Kyo, I've failed her." I remember that she moaned, as though the sorrow she felt was an aching, physical pain. I did not prompt her to continue, I did not say anything. Perhaps at the time I was able to fool myself that my actions were for the better, but I know now that it was the worst thing I could do.
"I can't go on doing so much, and failing in the only thing she wanted, needed me to do. I can't live here with you and smile with you," Tohru hiccupped and then continued, I noted not to me or to herself.
"I'm sorry mum, I'm so sorry," she sobbed brokenly, her sobs reaching a new depth of wretchedness. She reached again for my hand, I did not reach for hers, but I did not flinch away, her hand trailed down my arm and then to my wrist. When her hands rested on the beaded bracelet, on my curse, I flinched away. Stupidly I flinched away.
Come lay beside me, this won't hurt I swear
She loves me not, she loves me still, but she'll never love again
She lay beside me, but she'll be there when I'm gone
Black heart scarring darker still, yes she'll be there when I'm gone
Yes, she'll be there when I'm gone
Dead sure she'll be there!
I know that the rot filled the air then; I know that the stench of my other form surely made her sick to her stomach. But she did not shy away as I sat there as the monster the cat must always carry within itself. I know that she did not like this form at all, it scared her, she feared the cats other form and held no care in her heart for the stench and sight. But she cared for me, I had come to realize that, foolishly late I will grant, but I still knew she cared for me. Perhaps not as much as I did for her, but she had cared for me. But she wont again. She wont love ever, not while I was there with her, not after I've long gone, running. Running with blood on my hands, I know she'll never love and be loved by someone again.
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
I don't know what possessed me to do it. After all the pain I'd felt with out her beside me. After all the joy she had brought to me, after she let me in to know the true her. Why could I not accept life as it came to us, why could I not open myself fully to her in return?
What I've felt, what I've known
Sick and tired, I stand alone
Could you be there, 'cause I'm the one who waits for you
Or are you unforgiven too?
After all that I had come to know and feel, and know how things felt, I'm still alone. Sickened by myself and what I had wrought, I stood alone on that rooftop. Alone after surging from my peaceful position in to the offensive one I still held as the cat's monster. She had failed her mother, or she had believed she had. How she had ever believed that she could do such a thing, I shall never no. But now, now I've made her beliefs real. She will never have the chance to prove herself, she will never finish school, she will never make a life for herself.
Lay beside me, tell me what I've done
The door is closed, so are your eyes
But now I see the sun, now I see the sun
Yes now I see it!
Slowly, I calmed, the red haze fades completely and I searched near her form more the bone beads. When I found them I slipped them on. I remember then how the pain had worsened. I lay beside her and caressed her cheek as I had never dared before. Her eyes were closed now, but I understood. I understood something I had never known before.
What I've felt, what I've known
Turn the pages, turn the stone
Behind the door, should I open it for you?
Sadly, I never opened to you as you deserved. After the jealousy I felt, and learning that I could never be happy with out you beside me, I was still written in stone, still unmoving, still untrusting.
I take this key (never free)
And I bury it (never me) in you
Because you're unforgiven too
Now with the scene playing again and again to the point that I no longer see Tohru as she is now, but as she was mere moments ago, I again remove the beads from my wrist. I hunch beside her, and put the beads in her open palm. I close her limp fingers around the gift, around the curse and stand again. She will never prove herself, and though I know now, just wht I had, just what I could have had, I will never have it. Because she will always be unforgiven. She can never prove herself to her mother, to the world, and so neither can I.
Never free
Never me
'Cause you're unforgiven too!