Chapter 1: Unhappy Ending
Now is the time, Bella decided, watching Edward stare at her intently. It was kind of creepy, really, but he was...a nice enough boy. And he was responsible for making her happy, in a roundabout way. Still, it was time. She had been leading him on for a couple months now, since she met the absolute love of her life. Of course, explaining it to him would probably make him go sparkle in a certain square in Italy. Bella couldn't quite figure out what square that would be, but she focused on his cold, hard, marble-like lips. They were...awkward to kiss. Too awkward. Bella knew exactly whose cold, hard, marble-like lips she preferred.
"Edward, I think I should tell you something," she began, grabbing his cold, hard, marble-like hand. Edward stared at her even more intently, thinking about how absolutely delicious she smelled. Gawd, he would have creamed his pants if he had actually had functioning genitalia. But, unfortunately, he had been cold, hard, and marble-like for one hundred and seven years, so all that happened was...a twitch of his little pinky toe.
"Yes, my lovely dearest Bella?" Edward replied in a smooth voice. Bella stared at him with a vague look of disbelief.
"Um...well. Here's the thing--"
"You're pregnant! With my awesome demon-child!" Edward cut her off, with a weird mixture of excitement and anger. Then he sat down calmly. "Vampire pregnancies can be a bit messy, but it's okay, dear, I'll just tear it out of you. But don't worry, you'll be fine." He ended, pouting at her, in hopes of getting in her pants. And then...he realized something. He hasn't been in her pants. The only way she could be pregnant with his awesome, amazing demon-child would be if just being near him caused pregnancy. And it might, actually, especially since he had been putting all of those fertility drugs in her food when she wasn't looking. After all, he did know best for Bella, since she was so helpless. He disregarded all of that inner-monologue, and stared at her with wide eyes. .
"Yes. I am. I mean, really, Tedwa--I mean Edward. And it's super special." Bella replied sarcastically. Edward appeared to glow at this idea. She cut off his 'happiness' by saying "No, actually. Your sister and I have been doing it on your bed."
*clears throat* That was special, eh? I'll be writing more for this eventually.