The Diaries of Seto Kaiba
By: TGyamiBakura
Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh! Although...Maybe...I can lock Takahashi-sama up in my closet and force him to hand all rights to YGO to me:scratches goatee:
Warnings: OOC-ness on Kaiba's part, but funny OOC. Puppyshipping...umm...Randomness...could turn M later...if i feel like it
Ch. 1 Prank Calls and Pop Corn Blues
My name is Seto Kaiba.
I am 30...no wait...16 years old
I own my own company called Kaiba Corporation...I think I do a damn good job.
I have only a little brother named Mokuba...he sucks sometimes
I still go to school although i have no fucking idea why.
I'm writing in this diary because my school counselor said that it would be more healthier for me to keep a log of all of my thoughts so then when i feel stressed i can remember why and sort it out...it's a load of fucking bull shit. He told me to see a psychiatrist but i told him that if he loved his family that he would discontinue the discussion right there. I know that all the things that I saw in the past were just products of chemical imbalances in my brain and that I DO in fact need to be medicated...but that just cannot happen. So here i am, writing in a diary like a little sissy school girl. Not to mention that i have to show my counselor this every two weeks so he can check up on my stress levels during the days. So here it goes...starting tomorrow of course.
Today sucked as usual. I got up at the usual 5:00 a.m to get my morning work done and get ready for school. It sucked because my hair was all lopsided when i woke up because I've gotten into the sneaky habit of taking showers BEFORE i go to bed instead of after. So that really pissed me off. Because my hair is usually just naturally sexy. I shouldn't have to do anything to make myself appear less...displeasing to the eye.
Went to school and saw the mutt as usual. He was being very stupid and when he's being stupid it makes something in my brain click and tells me to give him a healthy dose of telling him that he's worthless and that he will never amount up to anything. I don't know why I like making him miserable all the time. It could be that I am a sadist, but I'm not as bad as Bakura by any means. That kid used to be so pleasant. But now he's just terrible.
Speaking of Bakura, he was doing the creepy glowing thing with his spectacularly disgusting piece of costume jewelry today again and turned from innocent to evil in 2 seconds flat. He picked on my hair which I worked so hard on combing today. It went something like this:
Bakura: So, lovely morning isn't it Kaiba-kun?
Me: Shut up you psycho. I'm not in the mood for your bullshit today.
Bakura: So then other days you are? You shouldn't flatter me like this. Oh my! What happened to you?
Me: ...What? (I started sweating nervously at this)
Bakura: Your hair looks like you got hit in the side of the head with a low flying airplane!
I was quite speechless. Which isn't exactly normal because i usually have very clever comebacks to things like this. I wanted to say something incessantly nasty about his hair, but its just...nature defyingly awesome...i have to admit.
So the first chance i headed to the bathroom to check the damage only to find out that it was perfectly fine. That asshole was just trying to get a rise out of me...which i shamefully admit that he succeeded. I felt very murderous at that moment and decided to take out my anger on Jonouchi. He's always there to help make me feel better about myself...even if it makes him feel like shit.
Which is perfectly fine with me
So i got straight to work. I met up with him at lunch outside I started off by calling him the usual "mutt" or "puppy boy" but then i felt like getting creative, because I'm a creative sexy beast, and said things to him like "Flea bitten Poodle", or "Get fixed you horny pooch boy" I was quite satisfied with the reaction that the puppy gave me. He called me the usual. "Bratty rich boy with a large stick up his ass" but i think when i started poking fun at his un-wealthiness and his worthless father is when he got a bit irate. I have to admit, what i said was sort of low, especially since my father wasn't a walk in the park either. But you know what? Jonouchi has to toughen up. People aren't going to be nice to him all the time.
I thought the daily, "Pick on Jonouchi" routine would make me feel better, but it didn't help all that much. Because Jonouchi seemed really REALLY pissed after that. So i decided to drop it and go to my next class. But then i was further screwed because i realized that I had English with Jonouchi and that he was my seat partner...just my fucking luck ne?
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Please tell me...am I wearing a sign that says: "Please spout your witless banter at me, for I have nothing better to do" sign stuck on my fucking forehead? I thought he would give me the silent treatment or something after the way I treated him earlier. But nooo...here's dog boy, babbling away at Gods know what, and I'm forced to sit here to listen to it...for 80 fucking minutes! Please shoot me now. I can't take this anymore...
I think he maybe talking about...belly button lint or something...eww...
Now he's doing the annoying thing where he points at your fucking face saying non stop "I'm not touching you," I really don't want to go to jail for manslaughter today...
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Okay I've decided that Katsuya Jonouchi equals insane crazy worthless being that eats whatever he finds that appeals to him...whether it was on the floor or not. He started sniffing me and I knocked his lights out. Now I'm in the principals office on the verge of suspension. One because i kicked Jonouchi's unfortunate ass...and two because i wouldn't let them take my laptop away. I threatened a law suit and they just said that it would be easier to talk with the principal. So, being a sensible and reasonable man, i agreed...right after i knocked over their plant...:smirk:
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Well now the counselor has upped my diary reports to every week instead of every two weeks. I don't understand why it's such a big ass deal that I beat up Jonouchi. I mean, it's not like the teachers didn't want to take a swing at him every now and then, he's fucking annoying as hell. Just because I'm brave enough to do it, I get suspended for it. Fuckers. Well at least i can get caught up on work for a couple days. Sigh...I really need a hobby.
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Well this sucks major hell...Kaiba corp had a major power outage and won't be up for a few days. I was able to get all my work caught up and now i have nothing to do. I've never been this bored before in my entire life. I REALLY need a hobby.
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Today i got really pissed off...not the usual pissed off...but ultra pissed off. Apparently Marik and his psychotic friend Bakura prank called me today. It wasn't pretty...
:rinnnnggg:
Me: This is Seto Kaiba...
Bakura:American accent (TG: Whatever it's supposed to sound like to a Japanese person...O.o): Hello, my name is...:snicker: Bob Nickels...
Me: And?
Bakura: I was calling to ask you about my wallet that you stole...
Me: What are you talking about?
Bakura: I was walking to the store today and you fucking stole my wallet!
Me:I'm starting to get annoyed: What in gods' name makes you think that I'm the one who stole your wallet?
Bakura: This is Seto Kaiba right?
Me: Yes...
Bakura: And you have...soft brunette hair...and deep blue eyes :snickers:
Me: ...:sweatdrop: I guess...how do you know my hair is soft?
Bakura: Oh I do...so admit it pretty boy! You stoleded it!
Me:anger mark appears: I didn't steal your goddamn wallet you fucking American trash!
Bakura: Oh you stole it...but...if you really want it that badly, you could always...do something for it.
Me:blush: Okay who the fuck is this? I'll have you arrested!
Bakura: Now if you were going to have me arrested why would I tell you who I am?
Me:silence:... I fucking hate you! Who the fuck is this?
(in the background a voice calls for Bakura to get in the shower because he smells like feet)
Bakura:gulp: GODDAMMIT RYOU! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE AND MASTURBATE IN FUCKING PEACE?
Me: ...
Bakura: Kaiba-kun? About that wallet...
Me: ...
Bakura: Well...I'm just going to hang up now...eh heh heh...
Me: ...I have this new sensation...
Bakura: Sensation?
Me: Yes...a sensation to rip your dick off and then feed it to a walrus...
Bakura:gulp:...eh heh...that's very...umm creative...Umm...I meant what i said when i told you that your hair was soft...
Me: Bakura...
Bakura: Hang up now?
Me: Yes please...
Bakura: Right
:click:
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Well...I've discovered a new found love in prank calling the puppy. I realize that this is all Marik's doing but it makes me happier than putting him down in front of his friends. It was really interesting. I decided to be a telemarketer. I didn't expect it to go on that long.
Jonouchi: Hello? Jonouchi residence
Me: (in a lower voice) Hello, My name is Se...Senaki Kajiku, I was wondering if you were interested in an offer just for you.
Jonouchi: An offer just for me?
Me: How would you like...snicker...a lifetime supply of condoms?
Jonouchi: Huh?
Me: Condoms you dumba...I mean Yes, if you take my survey, you can win a lifetime supply of condoms.
Jonouchi: Hmm...I don't know...I've never really used a condom before. I wonder why I would want them...
Me: Well...:snicker:...how about for that special guy?
Jonouchi: Special guy? I don't know about that...I mean...he's not really special...
Me: O.o0 :stifling hysteria:...umm...Tell me about him ...(this is good)
Jonouchi: Well...he's rather cranky all the time...and i don't think he's really that into relationships...especially one with a guy...
Me: Oh I'm sure he is...he's probably just hiding his feelings...
Jonouchi: You think so? Kai...I mean...this guy is really hard to get along with...I mean... I don't think anyone's ever gotten along with him...except maybe his brother...
Me: Seems as if this guy is very closed off, afraid to express his feelings, maybe in fear of getting hurt. Can you tell me his name?
Jonouchi: Nah I can't do that...you might know him...in fact, there's a very big chance that you might know him...
Me: Oh come on, I won't tell, I promise...
Jonouchi: Umm...Okay then...his name is...Set...Oh shit! My popcorn! GYAH ITS TAKING OVER THE HOUSE! OMFG! AHHHHHGHHH...:muffle muffle:
Me: Jonouchi? What's going on over there?
Jonouchi:murghf: ATTACK OF THE POPCORN! GOD SAVE OUR SOULS AHHHHh :click:
Me: O.o0 ...umm...
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I decided to take a break from prank calling for a while. Although it kills me to know that Jonouchi likes a guy and I don't know who it is. It's definitely not a feeling of jealousy, but it's annoying that he's got dreams. Dreams that I can't even crush. Dammit now I'm pissed off...I'm getting some ice cream...
End Ch. 1
Okay. First Diary fic. How is it? More fun in the next chapter. Kaiba's issues just keep worsening and worsening. Oh and sorry if i haven't been updating my stories...AT ALL...but I have yet to decide on a mainstream story...and I have been trying to finish Not for The Fandom Ch. 3 but it's going rather slowly... R&R PLEASE Must. Have. Reviews...LOVE TO ALL YAOI FANS! BURN ANZU W00T!