#nowplaying: Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri
A/N: Had to get some stuff out... Not what I usually write. Its about heart break.
Summary: Genma gets his heart broken. The repercussion? An analysis of who the player really is and why. Some laughs, some love, some heart strings. Short.
Heart Introspection
Genma isn't gay. He isn't straight. He just is. He seems to exude sex in an almost raw form and without trying. And he has a lot of love to give.
He chases the younger, the older. The shorter. The taller.
The center of attention. The quietest in the room.
Not a soul has crossed paths with Shiranui Genma and not been checked out, hit on, or flirted with... or all three.
Any one of them he wants? He gets.
He gets a lot of offers and more than plenty of action.
It's not a need for attention.
It's not just a game.
It's the basic human drive of needing to feel that feeling. The feeling of being close to another person. The true or falsely perceived belief that someone cares. Even if it's just for one night. Everyone simply wants to be cared for. To have someone give a damn.
Genma's a masochist.
It's not that he loves pain, nor is necessarily that he enjoys hurting himself.
He simply understands the worst scars aren't physical.
Sure, he can swing the other way if he wants. He's been the other, been the sadist, on more than one occasion... and trust him, when Genma says he can give it out just as good as he can take it, he can. But deep down, if he was to be true to himself, to peer into his real inner self, he'd be forced to admit it more than slightly bothers him.
It bothers him to purposefully, and even not purposefully, inflict pain upon another being. Large or small. In the throes of love or in the heat of battle. Physical or emotional.
Its bothers him. It's just... wrong.
Perhaps that's why he's so keenly opposed to power playing, manipulation, and to lying. It's not that he's envious of those skills. It's not that he's not the best. If he tried... or those few times he has and will, he is incredible. Deception comes naturally. Most likely due to the way he thinks. He one of those few who think backwards from everyone else. Those that solve problems, real life and fictional, in round about, erratic, seemingly sporadic ways.
But, power playing, manipulation, lying? Those are cruel things, and he wants nothing to do with them. His entire being detests them. People naturally receive enough cruelty from the world. No one needs to intentionally add to it.
He's not lacking, and he's not weak. Even though some of his closest friends might think. Having a heart doesn't make you weak. If anything, it makes you stronger; and because of it, Genma will never be like most people. He was born too compassionate. Every time he sees someone hurting he hurts too. He would never want to be in their shoes alone, so he doesn't leave them. And it will likely take a lifetime for Genma to truly believe that this quality about himself isn't his greatest weakness, but likely, his greatest strength.
If you could somehow force Genma to make a choice, he'd probably choose men, but only by the slimmest of margins. Something about the human body fascinates him. When he has sex, its more than that. He makes love. With every piece, inch, and cell of his entire being.
He's had lots of affairs. He can run the game better than anyone else. Hell, he wrote the book on the game and can outplay the best of them. It's not something he's proud of, but he was born handsome and smooth. He can talk his way out of, or into, nearly anything.
And so he chases pretty girls and gorgeous guys around. Laughing, smiling, charming and handsome as ever. He's friends with all, adored by most. Hated by few. Loved by many.
Some are jealous of the attention and looks and luck he has. But it's all a front. Just a way to distract himself.
Genma hurts like everyone else.
The more he hurts, the more he parties, laughs, flirts, and carries on. While in reality, he's avoiding dark, ugly places. Trying not to give into those bad, bloody, habits of old.
Like everyone, he's had his share of troubles, and possibly more than his share of pain. He has far stronger resilience than most, and usually he's fine. But sometimes he's not. Yet, for whatever reason, everyone always assumes he's fine. He could probably count the number of times someone's asked if he was okay, truly okay, on his two hands.
Maybe it's his fault. Maybe its their's.
Maybe the facade he holds is just too good. Maybe others are simply too self-involved to notice or care.
Maybe it's a bit of both.
He'll wonder one too many times, but he will never know and he will always secretly blame himself.
Either way, players have feelings too.
The Tokubetsu Jōnin turns his head, stormy honey eyes taking in the time.
Damn... How is it this late already?
Four solids hours evaporated without a whisper of a sound.
Four hours disappeared since Shiranui Genma first lay down on his black, empty, bed. Before he realized it, he laid there motionless, without thought, drowning in a sea of emotions, staring, unmoving at the sky colored ceiling above him.
Kakashi Hatake gets lost on the road of life.
Genma Shiranui gets lost in the sea of love.
And today his heart hurts. He's broken and needs someone to pick up the pieces.
But he's the rock. The foundation. The tough one.
The last guy standing strong when others' worlds fall apart.
It what makes him an amazing friend, and what makes him a incredible ninja.
But even a rock needs a support of its own.