Ah, so this is my first story here. Mmm, it's just a really short one-shot, but I've been thinking I might make a bigger story off of it later.
This... it would never last.
He was an idiot to think it would. Of course, Roy Mustang could stand being an idiot. How low he had come to accept that, but the high and mighty flame alchemist had sunk low ever since he had lost the one person he could say was dear to him.
Just for this little bit of happiness, he could be an idiot. He hadn't been happy in so long; it was nice to have something to look forward to again. Something that could make him forget about what would happen in the future and what had happened in the past. Everything that Roy did was futile, because this would, of course, never last.
This, as Roy referred to it, had started simply enough.
He was lonely. Roy Mustang was lonely. Another thing to add the the pathetic list of attributes that belonged to the once powerful flame alchemist. The homunculi were gone, and he could finally return to what was once his main goal in life, but the truth was, Roy Mustnang's hopes and goals were different now, and the hommunculi had managed to take his hope away. Instead of jumping to achieve the title of fuhrer, Roy Mustang became lonely.
Hawkeye realized Roy was lonely. Apparently the sad state he was in was so obvious that she actually decided to acknowledge it. Maybe the real reason was that she wanted him to get back to work, but whatever the reason, she acknowledged it, and Roy took her out on a few dates. Simple. Nothing new for the great womanizer, Roy Mustang.
Things for Roy, however, rarely remained so. They went on a few dates, and then she just had to wear her hair down on some formal occassion. Whatever the occassion, things became less simple. He refused to admit the true reason he liked her hair more when it was down. He tried and tried to deny it with flimsy excuses about how it made her look more feminine, and how it made her look less uptight. How he was really just attracted to his girlfriend and finding this side of her that was more free-spirited.
But in the end, he knew he was lying to himself. Her hair was a shade off from what he wished it was, and it was either up in that clip, or down. Never in a braid. Still, at night, did it really matter? It was dark, and with only the moon to illuminate her, he could pretend. Pretend her arms weren't all real, pretend she was slightly smaller, pretend she was someone else.
She kept him company and he felt warm again, a feeling he hadn't felt in so long. He could forget his worries for that split second when he saw long, golden hair falling across his pillow, but only a second, because when he fully woke up, Roy realized what he had been hoping the night before. What he had been imagining.
Roy was being torn apart by his own conscience.
Riza...she didn't deserve to be used like he was using her. She deserved someone who saw her as herself, not a ghost from their past. Someone who appreciated her, and wasn't constantly noticing the things that were wrong about her. A part of Roy loved Riza, really did, but only a part of his heart. And in reality, Roy's entire heart belonged to another, but he wasn't guilt-free. Roy realized what he was doing was wrong.
But he...he needed this small bit of relief. These miniscule seconds where he could forget the past and forget what he was missing. What had left him, what he would never have again.
Riza is not an idiot, and she would definitely find out if he continued. Then Roy would be alone, again, but he would feel worse this time.
These little moments tore him apart each time, because as much as Roy tried to fool himself, the body lying next to him was that of Riza, not the amber-eyed person he longed for and loved.
No, and each time he felt that second of peace, the moments afterwards were two times as bad as before. Nothing was worse than having his love torn away from him again each night, realizing again each night that all of this was a lie.
Yet, Roy would continue. Ignoring the fact that Riza would leave him and that he felt horrible the next morning, because this was all he could live for now. Now that he was alone.
Now that Edward Elric had left him.
Like it? No? I know the ending wasn't all like "OMG you mean he was talking about Ed the whoooole time?" But still, that's how I roll, lol. Well, review if you can, cause I'm considering making this more than a oneshot and need advice from you smart talented people.