What's it like to be in love?

Confusing.
Nerve-wracking.
Excruciating.

And yet.

Nothing has ever been so clear.
Nothing has ever made me feel so brave.
Nothing has ever healed me more,

than knowing that I love him.

I wish he knew.

I wish I could tell him.

But each time I come close,
every chance I have,
fear closes over my mouth
like a vise.

Would he accept me?

Would anyone else approve?

He and I,
we are "bros."
Friends.
Partners.
Duty-bound to protect
the kingdom.

I feel duty-bound
to protect him too.

Does he feel the same?
Could we become more?

Or is all of this just a sick dream?

Am I wrong to feel this way?

My head says "maybe."

But my heart says "no."

Each time I think of him,
my heart soars.
Each time I see him,
I can't look away.
Each time he speaks to me,
my soul pounds with passion.
And each time we part,
I feel empty inside.

My heart begs to tell him.
My mind struggles to find the words.
My soul searches for all my courage.

I would climb a thousand mountains,
I would battle a thousand humans,
I would die a thousand deaths,
if it would make him happy,
if it would save his life,
if it would tell him I loved him,
if he would love me too.

"I would die a thousand deaths."
And yet I cannot speak.
I cannot say anything.
I cannot declare those three little words
that would make all known.

Am I forever bound to keep
this vow of silence I never took?

Will these promises remain
at the back of my throat,
eternally thought,
and ever unspoken?

Will my love linger within me
until the end of time?

Or will I someday
break the silence,
shatter the glass,
tear away the veil
that lies between us?

Will I someday
stand up to fear,
say "no more,"
reach out and clasp the hand
of my beloved?

Will I someday
kneel down,
look into his eyes,
ask him,
"be mine,
and let me be yours?"

Perhaps someday.

But not this day.

Today, I will look at him.

Today, I will listen.

Today, I will smile
and be happy
just knowing that he is alive,
that he is with me,
that he loves me,
though it is not as I wish.

I will let my heart burn just a little longer.

I will let my soul yearn just a bit more.

I will let my mind stay trapped in this prison
until I am ready to set myself free.

Until I can say "I love you"
and know that he will say
"I love you, too."