Hi, y'all! I know it's been a while since The Ill-Timed Cure hit the airwaves, so here's another story for ya. Actually, I mentioned this one briefly in a previous post (let's see if you can figure out which story it goes along with: you'll find the answer at the end of this post, though...), and I believe I also made light of the fact that I wasn't satisfied with the title -- which, unfortunately, I still haven't been able to improve upon. So, title suggestions, and all other C&C can be directed to me at
ucchans@ameritech.net
Hope you like what I've got, though...
*****
RANMA 5/2, book one
THE MAN OF OUR DREAMS
A Ranma1/2 fan fiction by Ukyou Kuonji
*****
6:00 a.m., Monday morning. He sure as hell didn't enjoy these 'breakfast club' detentions, but they did allow him to avoid the contentious scene that was the Tendo dojo breakfast table. Between Pop swiping all the food, Mr. Tendo glaring and him and Akane, Kasumi's insufferable cheerfulness, Nabiki's constant scheming, and of course, that stupid tomboy herself, he figured that -- at least every so often -- he would be better off in detention hall on a given morning than having to deal with the 'family' he had acquired that made his life so miserable.
He rooted quietly about the refrigerator, and dug out some carrots and celery. He slipped a jar of bean paste from the pantry, and darted out of the kitchen and away to school before anyone else could wake up. He couldn't recall if he'd done anything to offend anybody recently, but that usually didn't mean anything. *Somebody* was bound to be upset at him this morning (why should today be any different, after all?), and it was better to avoid everyone than to risk finding out and having to explain what he didn't know anything about in the first place.
***
At about the same time, the alarm clock in Ukyou's apartment went off. She sleepily reached over, and turned it off. Slowly, she hoisted herself out of bed, not quite willing to bring herself back to reality. But it was such a lovely dream! Oh, well... I've got customers to see to, after all. She padded, barefoot, to the bathroom; maybe a hot shower would bring her around.
She couldn't stop thinking about it. She had dreamed about crossing a bridge from nowhere to nowhere over nothing. A rumbling, gravelly voice, not unlike Genma's, actually, had instructed her to go forward, and not look back. Why that mattered, she couldn't fathom. But once she did cross the bridge, there on the other side stood Ranma.
As she dried herself off, invigorated and happy, she hugged herself tightly, the way she remembered how Ran-chan had embraced her in her dream, and spoken the words she'd been longing to hear from him for over a decade. Words that she thought she'd never hear from anyone, much less a boy, even less Ran-chan:
"I love you, Ukyou."
After that, the dream was rather blurry -- they often are -- but those words, those words she remembered as plainly as if he was standing there right now saying them.
Which he was.
***
Konatsu didn't have an alarm clock -- at five yen an hour, it wasn't as if he could afford one. Of course, trained as he was in the ninja arts, he could tell his body to wake up at a certain hour of the day, so it wasn't a problem. But before 6:30 a.m. rolled around, Ukyou-sama's scream jarred him awake. Hurriedly tossing a kimono on (you'd be surprised how fast he could do that -- and even have the obi tied correctly), he stormed up the stairs, ready to confront any threat to his beloved mistress.
Ukyou was hyperventilating, still trying to recover from the shock of stepping out of the shower only to find herself face-to-face with Ranma, when her apartment door burst open.
"Konatsu!!" she yelped, leaping backwards.
"Mistress! What's the matter?! I heard your scream, and I --" All at once, he realized that his mistress was naked. Granted, she had wrapped herself in a rather large towel, which covered herself more than adequately, but it was quite clear that, underneath it, there was nothing more. Immediately, he averted his eyes. "Is there anything you need, Ukyou-sama? Shall I eject this interloper?"
Eject Ran-chan? thought Ukyou. Kami-sama! This is my wish come true! Even if it *does* catch me off guard, I'm not passing it up! I'm not gonna let go! "Uhm... no, that's all right, Konatsu. I was just... surprised, is all. Sorry if I alarmed you."
By now, Konatsu was looking at Ranma with a rather perplexed expression. It wasn't like Ranma to simply show up in a girl's bedroom out of the blue like this. Sure, he'd heard stories about him and Akane, yes, but it was explained that that had more to do with P-chan than Akane per se. But here Ranma stood, perhaps a bit worried about the shock he'd apparently given Ukyou-sama, but otherwise, the best way to describe his attitude was 'nonchalant.' He was acting as if he belonged there.
While Konatsu continued to stare at Ranma, trying to comprehend the meaning of this scene, Ukyou stepped into her closet to change. She emerged wearing one of her customary okonomi-yaki seller's outfits. As she did so, Konatsu observed that she was attempting to adopt Ranma's attitude of nonchalance as well. As if this were a normal, everyday occurrence.
"Well." she announced. "Let's go down there and open up, ne?"
Konatsu, obeying his mistress' orders, turned and headed out of Ukyou-sama's apartment, followed shortly thereafter by Ranma and a beaming Ukyou. She's happy, I guess. Looks like it's going to be a good day after all, the kunoichi thought...
***
Downstairs, one of the tables in the Ucchan's dining area caught sight of Ukyou-sama and... and... Ranma Saotome? coming down the stairs, arm in arm. He'd been in her apartment! Probably in her bedroom! They might have even... no, I don't want to *think* about it!
If any of the three young people coming down the stairs noticed as the table inched its way to the door, they gave no sign of it, until it actually reached the door. Then Tsubasa flipped his disguise over and tore off down the street, tears streaming down his girlish face. At that point, they only turned toward the source of the commotion, then looked at each other and shrugged.
"Konatsu-chan, could you right that table, and put it where it belongs?"
"Right away, Ukyou-sama."
***
Those that were up and about in Nerima's business district this early were surprised when a schoolgirl stormed out of the as-yet unopened Okonomiyaki-ya Ucchan and charged up the street, crying and cursing some guy named Ranma Saotome. An ex-boyfriend, perhaps? The few people wandering the streets could only look at each other wonderingly.
"How *dare* he! How *dare* he!!" Even though his heartbreak, Tsubasa continued to play the part of the jilted girlfriend. He sobbed uncontrollably, then began to tremble with rage. "I can't believe... he *slept* with her!!" He had wanted to attack Ranma right then and there, but to do so in front of his beloved Ukyou-sama would only serve to make her that much angrier at him, so he had run off. But he swore that if he ever got that pig-tailed Casanova alone... he would make him pay.
***
6:30 a.m. Ranma arrived at the detention hall. Several boys were already there, some of whom weren't even required to be in detention. Miss Hinako could do that to a boy's thought processes, particularly when she was in her adult form. Her fighting fish swam around in a circular bowl on her desk, so she could maintain that form -- she always felt she could control her students better that way. Well, she certainly had the boys' undivided attention.
Except for Ranma's. With a casual "Heya, Teach" and the slam of a book bag on the desktop, Ranma slouched into his seat and prepared to take a brief siesta. Ms. Hinomiya was not about to allow that. Besides, Ranma seemed to require special reproof; partly because he got into trouble so much more often than most, but mostly because she really wasn't able to control him entirely, not even in her adult form. "Mr. Saotome, may I see you at my desk?"
There were the inevitable murmurs as Ranma, eyes rolling, got out of his seat and approached Miss Hinako's desk: "See? I told you she'd call him up..." "I tell ya, she's got the hots for him..." "No way! That jerk?" "Yeah! What do the girls *see* in him, anyway?" Geez, but this is embarrassing. Okay, let's get this over with. "What's the problem, Teach?"
"That's Ms. Hinomiya to you. Or Miss Hinako, if I'm in a good mood."
"I take it you're not in a good mood."
"You're very observant, Mr. Saotome. It may be early to be sitting around in class, but I will not tolerate sleeping here. I have to stay awake, so I expect you to, as well. Understood?"
Ranma made as if to shrug, then nodded. Miss Hinako's expression softened a bit.
"Ranma..." His eyes popped open. She never addressed a student by their first name; not while in class, anyway. The other boys noticed as well, and the murmuring grew louder. She paid no notice: "Do you know why it is you end up here in detention so often?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. 'Cause I get into so many fights?"
She nodded. "And you know, things would be easier for you if you wouldn't fight all the time..."
"Well now, what am I *supposed* to do, Teach? I was raised to be a martial artist. Fighting's what I'm good at." He saw her begin to finger a five-yen piece. He backed away from her a step: I'd better talk my way out of this one in a hurry. "Look, I know my life would be easier if there wasn't all this fighting going on. It's not like I'm going outta my way for it or nothin'. I mean, the reason I'm here today is because Kuno attacked me over the pig-tailed girl! Do you realize he still refuses to believe it about me and her?" Now it was Miss Hinako's turn for her eyes to get wide. She had found out about Ranma and Ranma-chan in rather short order after beginning her work at Furinkan. To think that Tatewake Kuno, after all this time... "By the way, teach..." and Ranma leaned over the desk to face her eye to eye, "where *is* Kuno? He's as guilty as I am for yesterday's fight. Even more so, really -- he's the one that challenged me. So, how come he's not here?"
Almost instantly, Hinako began to wring her hands nervously and transform into her child form. "Um.. I.. well.."
"I thought so. You can't touch him, 'cause he's the principal's son, right?" Ranma grinned mischievously.
Chibi-Hinako grabbed a fifty-yen coin from her desk. Ranma hit the floor.
"Happo Go-jyu-en Satsu!" A blue cloud of chi energy billowed up around the aquarium on her desk, and she quickly grew into her adult form. The other boys in detention watched, fascinated, as her figure strained her dress very nearly to the bursting point.
She reached down, and picked Ranma up from the floor by his collar. "Don't *ever* accuse me of favoring one student over another again." she hissed, "I simply don't have the *power* to..."
"The power?" Ranma whispered back. "Teach, that Happo bit ya got there packs a darn good wallop. You could handle Kuno one-handed. Or do you mean administrative power?"
Miss Hinako let go of Ranma, and he scrambled to his feet. She sighed and placed her head on her left arm. "It's not easy being the school disciplinarian when your hands are tied." That non-answer was good enough for him. It was almost enough to make him feel sorry for her. Almost.
***
At the Neko-Hanten, Mousse was already up and about, cleaning and setting up the dining area under the amazon matriarch's watchful eye, when a strange series of sounds began to float from Shampoo's room in back. It started off as a shriek, but quickly developed into a delighted squeal, followed by a sigh of... contentment?
"That must be some dream she's having," commented the wizened old crone. "Maybe I ought to check on her. She really should be getting up by now. It's nearly time to open up, after all..." And she hopped off to the girl's room.
In the brief silence, Mousse wondered what the meaning of her reactions could be. What might she be dreaming about? Or of whom? The thought danced in his mind, tantalizingly, that it might be him. Despite all outward appearances, he somehow knew she loved him. Maybe her subconscious mind was showing that to her right now. Maybe she would finally wake up (heh,heh) to the fact that he was truly the one for her, and not that idiotic Ranma. A dopey grin began to crease his face...
An expletive in Mandarin jolted him out of his own reverie. Cologne? What's with her? He dropped his broom, and rushed to Shampoo's room.
The sight that greeted his eyes was one he did not wish to believe. In fact, he promptly removed his glasses and rubbed them vigorously with a corner of his robe, trying to clean them sufficiently to erase the sight he had just come upon. But when he returned them, spotless, to his face, everything was the same. Ranma was still there, lying with Shampoo, arms around her. Shampoo was resting her head on his chest, and once more a contented sigh escaped her lips. Cologne, after her initial outburst, had apparently reconciled herself to Ranma's presence -- indeed, she seemed quite pleased with this turn of events.
Mousse's face began to color itself beet-red, and while absolutely no one was paying any attention to him, had someone been doing so, they might have seen faint wisps of steam rising from his ears. Too upset to deal with this sight, he drew himself up as haughtily as his severely wounded pride could manage, and strode out the door. Cologne, still beaming over the happy couple, barely noticed his departure, but upon hearing the slam of the front door, decided to hop over and hang up a "Closed for the Day" sign out front. There was going to be a wedding to prepare, and that was more important to deal with than day-to-day business.
***
Ranma made as if to stand up and return to his desk.
Miss Hinako held up her index figure and motioned for him to sit back down. "It's not just Kuno, though, Mr. Saotome. Or his sister. There's Ryoga, the Chinese couple..." Ranma smirked inwardly at the thought of Mousse and Shampoo being referred to as a couple. In mayhem, perhaps, but little else. "...that little old man, and any number of outsiders whose names and faces I can't remember offhand." She leaned forward, looking Ranma square in the eyes. "Ranma Saotome, I realize this is your life, but could you see your way clear not to do this during school hours?"
Ranma's eyes, for their part, merely rolled at the absurdity of such a suggestion. "Look, Miss Hinako. It's not like any of these are under my control. *I'm* the one who's always getting attacked. I swear it. Follow me around sometime, you'll see. And when you're being attacked, you don't have the option to say to the other guy, 'Uh... hey, could we reschedule this for another time? I've got a class to attend, here.' It just doesn't work.
"And another thing; these fights aren't my fault, either. Okay, with Akane I've got a smart mouth. I'll admit that. But that's not a fight -- I don't hit her back, 'cause I don't fight girls, okay? So that don't count. Anything else, I guarantee it: it's something that I have *no* control over. Honest. Like I said, you could follow me around, if you wanna."
"Very well, Mr. Saotome. I may just do that today."
Ranma gulped. Now he *knew* there was gonna be trouble.
***
"Spirits of darkness, release this troubled soul!"
Kodachi was accustomed to hearing voices in her head, but this was different. This wasn't one of the many she had grown accustomed to. The voices she usually heard in her dreams were myriad and muddled, like the voices of a crowd before a sporting event. This was a single voice, ringing clear and loud, demanding her... release?
Release from what? It made no sense to her dreaming mind, and even less so as she felt a weight -- a harness of some sort? -- being pressed down upon her, extending from her shoulder to her opposite hip. Far from being released, it was as if she was being restrained. With a deep breath, she forced herself to wake up.
There was something draped across her, an... arm?
She pushed the arm off, and turned herself over to face...
Ranma-sama?
All at once she understood the voice. She was to be freed from her lonely, obsessive pursuit of her darling. Her efforts were to be rewarded, and he was to be hers. It was all she could do not to laugh with delight at this wonderful surprise, as she joyfully threw her arms around her dearest Ranma-sama.
Then... the security alarm went off. First, with a buzz, then with the crackling, static-marred voice of the Kuno family manservant.
"Mistress Kodachi! According to the security sensors, there is an intruder in your room!" She grinned at the alarm in Sasuke's voice. Holding a finger to her lip, she motioned for her Ranma-sama to keep quiet; then, she turned on the intercom.
"It's all right, Sasuke. I'm fully aware of the situation, and I have the matter well in hand. It's nothing I can't handle on my own." 'Well in hand...' It was all she could do to keep from laughing out loud, as she caressed the darling boy in her arms. Such a choice of words. She switched the intercom to 'Do Not Disturb,' and returned her attentions to her Ranma-sama.
***
Something in her tone seemed strange to Sasuke. Well, strange insofar as it was different from the way she would normally respond. It wasn't standard procedure to activate the security cameras once the Kunos had been alerted of intruders, but something told Sasuke that mistress Kodachi was not telling him the whole story.
What he saw was almost beyond belief. He reached for the other intercom buzzer.
"Master Kuno! Master Kuno! I think there's something you ought to know, sir..." The intercom went off before his alarm did. Kuno Tatewaki was not pleased.
"This had better be good, Sasuke.."
"I wish it were, Master Kuno. Your sister is in bed with that young Saotome boy!"
Who needs coffee when you've got news like that first thing in the morning?
Kuno bolted out of bed and threw on his regular outfit. Grabbing his trusty bokken, he stalked over to the security station where Sasuke was apparently monitoring Kodachi's room.
Sasuke jumped in alarm when the door was thrown open. "Master Kuno! Please! He was there when I turned the monitor on! I don't know how he got in!" Kuno paid his servant no heed as he stared at the screen. Kodachi was still demurely dressed in her customary frilly nightgown. So, at least the cur had not forced himself upon her, or it surely would have been rent asunder. But she did not seem as if she had been so victimized. Indeed, she was smiling almost maniacally. It was quite clear to him that she was actually... happy.
Kuno considered the sight before him. It was my own fault, he thought with some regret. I did give my consent for the two of them to date each other. The knave... give him an inch, and he gives her six or seven. And I still have no idea what she sees in him. On the other hand, mayhap he has chosen her above Akane Tendo and the pigtailed girl! I should seek them out this morning, and once again claim them as my own. A broad smile crossed his lips. He shouldered his bokken and sauntered off, whistling an old samurai tune.
A puzzled expression crossed Sasuke's face as he watched his master depart. Master Tatewake had reacted as if it had been *good* news. Oh well... who am I to question his motives?
***
"Psst! Ranma!"
Ranma turned to face Hiroshi. What the heck was *he* doing here? Ordinarily, he was a respectable, if not model, student. Then it clicked: Oh yeah... Hinako. Anyway, it was plain that Hiroshi's attention was on him for the moment. He might as well respond. "Yeah, what is it?"
"What'd she say to ya?"
"She just told me if I'd stop getting into fights at school, I wouldn't be in so much trouble. What of it?"
Hiroshi waved his hands defensively. "Hey, hey... I wasn't trying to start something. Just wondering. I mean, how d'ya do it, man?"
"Do what?"
"Do what? What are you, stupid? You've got women hanging all over ya, and you act as if it's no big deal. In fact, you act as if it's some kinda major pain or something."
"Well, it is. I guess if I had just one fiancee or something, it wouldn't be so bad, but they *all* want a piece of me. You think that's a *good* thing?"
Hiroshi assumed a pained look. "The score's four to nothing, Ranma. Maybe even five, counting Hinako. You tell me who's winning."
"Hinako?" Ranma hissed. "Are you nuts or something?" There was a tapping noise from the front of the classroom.
"Ahem. Gentlemen...?" Both Hiroshi and Ranma spun around to face the front. "I heard my name, gentlemen. Was there something you wanted to say to me?"
"Erm... no, nothing. Sorry about that, Teach."
Hiroshi, for his part, shook his head vigorously.
"Very well. Detention period will be over shortly. I would hate to see you two have to come back tomorrow for a mistake this late in the game." Ranma gulped. Hiroshi just shrugged. What did he care about being given a detention like this? *He'd* come here this morning of his own free will. If Miss Hinako thought he'd consider what she'd just said a threat, the joke would be on her...
***
The way to my heart's desire, ne? And all I have to is go straight forward without looking back? Simple...
Akane strode forward confidently into the blackness and fog. She may not have felt confident, but she was not letting the voice that had compelled her on notice that weakness, if she could help it. Besides, if her heart's desire lay at the end of the road, why should she be afraid?
She stopped. All at once, she realized she really had no idea what her heart's desire *was*. The air around her began to grow thicker and darker. Where was she going? And what would she find at the end?
She felt a light tap on her head -- a mallet? But that was *her* trademark. Well, maybe it was her inner self urging her on. There wasn't much point in standing still, now, was there?
It seemed as if she had been walking forever. Somehow, she knew this was a dream, and yet she could feel a dull ache in her feet. I hope something happens soon. What would happen if I gave up? Just at that point, the fog began to lift, slowly. Light began to filter into the scene. A hint of red fabric here, a fleeting glance of black ponytail there...
All Ryoga knew was that something -- or someone -- had bounced him off of Akane's bed. When he came to, he couldn't believe his eyes! Akane was lying there... with.. with.. with..
He couldn't finish the thought. With a squeal of despair, P-chan turned tail and ran off.
This was her heart's desire? Ranma? Could it be? But we don't even like each other! And yet...
The look in his eyes was one of affection and concern. Affection, pure and simple, for her and her alone. And concern that she might not feel the same way about him.
She wasn't able to understand how she could tell all this from a single look into his eyes, and even less could she believe what she was seeing in them. He really likes me? And he cares whether or not I do?
Maybe it was time to test it out. She set her hands on his shoulders, and pulled herself onto her tiptoes so that her face was level with his. She cocked her head slightly, and slowly moved her lips toward his. She felt his hands reach around her and clasp her waist. She was being pulled toward him. *He* was pulling her toward him. And then..
The kiss. No tape, no tricks, no interruptions. This was the real thing. And in that moment, she felt all the love that he had for her pass into her, silently, wordlessly. All the denials, all the insults, were being washed from her heart and memory by the flood of emotion conveyed in that dream kiss.
Dream kiss? But it felt so real! Her eyes popped open.
It *was* real! She was kissing Ranma! In... IN HER OWN BED?!
She sat bolt upright. "What are you *doing* in here, you pervert?!"
Ranma merely lay next to her, head propped on his arm. "You were dreaming about me, just now, weren't you? So, here I am... I'm your dream come true."
His tone of voice stopped her cold. It wasn't as if he were bragging at all. He was simply stating the facts. She stared into his eyes. It was that same look she'd seen in her dream. "I... But I... Ranma? How...?"
He said nothing, but his lips soon wore a small smile. Akane's.
***
Tatewaki Kuno was in bright spirits. His sister was happy for once -- even if it meant she was to be in that accursed Saotome's arms. What difference? Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl were now his. Bokken perched on his shoulder, and two large bouquets of roses in his hand, his step was jaunty as he strode on to Furinkan High. He was going to be plenty early, too... well, all the better. More time, mayhap, to spend with his loves, ne? What could possibly happen to spoil this beautiful day?
It had never occurred to Kuno that it was not a good idea to allow a thought like that to cross his mind. Because the answer was about to cross his path. Eyes closed, tears streaming down his face, Ryoga came running headlong into the Kuno family's noble scion. Bokken, umbrella, and flowers went flying every which way, and the two boys wound up sprawled on their backs on the pavement. It was Kuno who rose first, and, finding his bouquets and bokken still in acceptable condition, decided to extend his magnanimous grace to the weeping boy sitting before him. No doubt, he was fearful for his life of the wrath of the mighty Tatewaki Kuno. Well, let us assuage his fears...
"Weep not, my lad. All is well. You have naught to fear from Tatewaki Kuno on this fine day. Rise up, dry your tears, and join the ranks of men once more." He extended his bokken, which Ryoga grasped onto for balance as he stood, still crying slightly. Kuno clapped him on the shoulder.
"There now, my fine fellow. Cease this display of sorrow! The sun is bright, the birds do sing, and love is truly in the air."
Ryoga wiped his face. "Yeah, for Ranma," he said sourly.
Kuno grimaced slightly. How did this fellow knew about Saotome and his sister? "Yes, well... I never said it was a *perfect* day. And at any rate, I understand he has now chosen his beloved. Which means Akane Tendo is free to be mine!"
"No, he and Akane.. they.. they.." Ryoga could not get the words out.
Kuno began to grow concerned. "How's that? What news of that foul Saotome and my darling Akane? Speak, man... or must I find a tongue for you with this?" He waved his bokken before Ryoga's nose.
Bad enough to have to say it, but now Kuno's impatience was getting infuriating. And that stupid bokken of his. Right. Like that's a threat. Ryoga grabbed Kuno by the shirt and pulled him within inches of his face. "THEY WERE IN BED TOGETHER, OKAY?" Panting from the effort of uttering the awful news, Ryoga let go. Kuno sprang to his full height, flaring with righteous indignation.
"WHAT?! How came you by this dread news?"
Ryoga froze. How to explain his knowledge without giving away his secret? Even his tears dried up from momentary panic. Then it struck him: let one liability cover for the other. "Uh... I was trying to find my way around, and I just.. kinda.. happened to walk in on the two of them."
Kuno was livid. Not at Ryoga, fortunately. "Curse my naiveté! I might have known that that foul fiend would not be satisfied to have my sister alone." The thought of Ranma and Kodachi caused Ryoga to flinch slightly, but Kuno paid him no heed. "I shall have to avenge myself upon him, for her sake and Akane's. Still, all is not yet lost. What of the divine pig-tailed goddess, good man?"
Ryoga's eyes widened. He still didn't know? Oh, boy. Well, he hadn't killed the messenger yet. Here goes... "As far as I know, Kuno, those two are still one and the same."
At that point, Kuno practically erupted. In a fury, he swung his bokken in a full circle. Ryoga ducked, and so was unharmed, but a nearby light pole was not so lucky. The ensuing crash barely missed the two boys, and carved a huge chunk out of a wall on the opposite side of the street. Kuno once again grabbed Ryoga by the shoulder, this time less out of bonhomie than of a certain touch of madness.
"Well, then, my good fellow, let us go forth! I can see your enmity for that lascivious lowlife matches mine. Let us on to Furinkan, then, and teach this foul knave a lesson!"
Ryoga was decidedly uncomfortable with Kuno's arm draped around him. And the pressure he was exerting, too! Still, he concluded, better to have an ally in Kuno than another enemy. Besides, he might well know the way to school. He nodded, and Kuno's face slowly contorted into a malevolent smile. Ryoga shuddered, hoping the malice in Kuno's grin was meant specifically for Ranma.
***
Hinako Hinomiya walked alongside of Ranma as they headed to the first-period English class.
"Uh... Teach... I really wish you wouldn't walk so close to me..."
"That's Miss Hinako, and this was your idea, Mr. Saotome. 'Follow me around,' I believe you said. 'The fights I get into aren't my fault.'"
"And they aren't!"
"So you say. The proof is in the seeing, Mr. Saotome. And in order to see, one must be near the scene, ne? So... here I am."
Ranma shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, well... you don't haveta be right next to me to see, do ya?" He looked over at Miss Hinako, and realized he'd have to lower his gaze.
Chibi-Hinako smiled up cutely at him. "Aww... are you scared of me, Mr. Saotome?"
"What?! I'm not scared of nothin'.." Hinako gave him a disapproving glare. "Er.. I'm not scared of ANYthing. But the guys are startin' t'talk, Hinako-sensei.. and they think I'm enough of a pervert as it is."
A blush started to form on the little girl's face. "What? They think you and I...?" She giggled demurely.
"Yeah, real funny, Teach."
She stopped giggling. "Miss Hinako to you," she said in as stern a voice as her child form could muster.
"Yeah, whatever..."
There was a rumble off in the distance. Ranma looked up (it does seem to rain an awful lot in Nerima; apparently Mother Nature frequently enjoys activating Jusenkyo curses as a joke), but the sky was cloudless and sunny. There was a cloud on the horizon, however... a dust cloud, coming straight toward him and Miss Hinako. To both his left and right were similar, smaller clouds. Each of them grew larger by the minute.
"Well, Miss Hinako," and the teacher smiled. He'd finally gotten it right! Ranma continued: "It looks like we didn't haveta wait long. I have no idea what's gonna happen, y'see. And you, get back."
She frowned at him. He's giving *her* orders? "I can take care of myself, you know."
"Yeah, yeah. Don't you wanna know why they're after me, first? Let me handle this, and you'll see. We'll find out why they're all so mad, and I can prove it's not my fault. You use that Happo thing, and they'll be outta commission for the rest of the day. Now, step aside, willya?!"
As he uttered this last command, the larger dust cloud was upon him. Hinako backed up just in time to avoid Ryoga and Kuno.
"Ranma, how dare you try to put the moves on Akane!"
"Saotome, you will pay for this... For my sister's sake!"
In no time at all, Mousse and Tsubasa had joined the fray from their various directions.
"This is for Ukyou-sama!" Swish.
"This is for what you have done to Shampoo!" Clank! Rattle!
"This is for my sister!" Swipe. "And the pig-tailed girl!" Swipe. "And Akane Tendo!" Swipe.
"For Akane! Now you die, Ranma!"
Ranma writhed and ducked, trying to dodge as many punches as he could. "Hey! Hold on! What'd I do this time?!"
The others stopped their onslaught momentarily to announce, as one:
"YOU WERE IN BED WITH HER THIS MORNING!!"
And just as they prepared to resume their punishment, each of them realized what the others had just said. And facefaulted.
Ranma slowly brought himself up to his full height. He surveyed the stunned boys, and then turned to Ms. Hinomiya. "Now, d'ya see what I mean? I was in detention hall this morning. Wasn't anywhere near any of these girls. Let alone *all* of 'em. You can vouch for me, right, Teach?" Hinako nodded, despite the disrespect he was showing her by not addressing her properly. She decided she'd chalk it up to duress this time.
"B-but I SAW you! You were right there on her bed!"
"Oh, yeah? What were YOU doing in her bedroom, P-chan?"
"Shut up, you!"
"Hey, I saw him, too! He had his arms around Shampoo and everything!"
"No, he and Ukyou-sama came down to the Ucchan this morning... and you shoulda seen 'em!"
"Impossible! That was him in our security cameras! I have videotape as proof! He was with my sister!"
"Oh, yeah, *right*. I'll believe that when I see it, Kuno.."
"Why you...! Apologize, cur!"
"What for?"
And so on, and so on, and so on...
***
The goddess sighed as she continued to stare out the window of her ethereal mansion. She could hear her manservant's footsteps echoing down the hallway. Her usual brandy nightcap, she surmised. She continued gazing at her beloved moon, and wondering..
"Ojou-sama." A small, squat, tuxedo-clad man stood at the entrance to her chambers. Actually, to call him a man was stretching the point a bit. Barely three feet tall, with skin the color and texture of old leather, and a bald head roughly the shape of a fat pylon, he made for a curious creature. In his weathered and ageless hand rested a silver salver, upon which sat a half-full snifter, as well as the bottle from whence the liquid came.
"The moon is lovely tonight, is it not, Pipi?" Her manservant approached, still carrying the salver.
"It is indeed, My Lady." He stood next to the bed upon which his mistress sat, still gazing out the window. He raised the salver ever so slightly, and she turned her head. With a single fluid motion born of long ritual, she took the proffered snifter, nodded her thanks to him, and resumed her position facing the impassive moon.
"I wonder if this effort of ours has brought the moon any closer to her mate.." she mused.
"It is not mine to say, Ojou-sama. I am not even sure that we have done right."
"We have given these girls their hearts' desire. Who am I to dispute with them if the all desire the same young man? I have given them each a perfect version of their mutual beloved."
"Where does this leave the real boy, then?"
"I do not know, Pipi. He has no dream; at least, not one of love. So I can do nothing for him at the moment..." A diamond tear trickled down her face at the thought of such a person. No desire for love? Impossible! But apparently true. Her heart went out to one whose idea of love was so distorted as to decide it wasn't for him. "Perhaps you are right, Pipi. It seems we may have inadvertently given him his desire, too... to be left alone. Maybe we have pushed the moon away a bit."
The manservant's mouth twitched into what might be considered a smile. "Oh, I'm not too sure about that, Ojou-sama. He hasn't been left entirely alone..." and he gestured toward that little corner of the earth where Ranma continued to argue and fight with the four jilted boys until Hinako's five-yen piece put an end to the fracas...
FIN
***
Author's notes:
For those who read my previous post to the FFML called 'Ever Dance With the Devil in the Pale Moonlight?' this concept should appear somewhat familiar. That's right, this is the 'Sorcerer's Apprentice' approach I had suggested at the time. This story and 'The Bargain' were spawned from that perhaps-never-to-be-completed concept.
I'm curious to know how many of you out there recognize Kaguya, the Missionary of Love; I imagine it's very few of you, considering the animosity I've heard directed at SoftCel in the past. But I must confess, Rei Rei was the first bit of anime I ever saw (not counting those Speed Racer episodes I watched when I was what? Three? Four? years old); a lemon (though I wasn't familiar with the term at the time) with a plot! I was so surprised! And I actually enjoyed it. It wasn't until later I learned about other people's opinions of ADVision and SoftCel, but it didn't change mine about Rei Rei, or End of Summer for that matter. Oh, well.
Given the circumstances from which some of these ideas emanated and all that, I suppose you're wondering why I didn't *write* a lemon scene. Well, I don't consider myself a decent (har, har) lemon writer, and at any rate, the focus is on the original Ranma, where he insists that none of the crazy things that happen, or that he gets blamed for, are his fault. And sure enough, they aren't. And nothing actually happens to him -- unless you count the thrashing the others end up giving him.
As for the conclusion, well, it's not quite to my satisfaction, but it's an ending. So I feel somewhat confident in letting it go as it is. Not satisfied, necessarily, but confident. Oh, well. Suggestions are always welcomed. Email me at
ucchans@ameritech.net
And thank you for having read through all of this.
Until next time... ja!
Itsu mo,
Ucchan ^_^
ucchans@ameritech.net
Hope you like what I've got, though...
*****
RANMA 5/2, book one
THE MAN OF OUR DREAMS
A Ranma1/2 fan fiction by Ukyou Kuonji
*****
6:00 a.m., Monday morning. He sure as hell didn't enjoy these 'breakfast club' detentions, but they did allow him to avoid the contentious scene that was the Tendo dojo breakfast table. Between Pop swiping all the food, Mr. Tendo glaring and him and Akane, Kasumi's insufferable cheerfulness, Nabiki's constant scheming, and of course, that stupid tomboy herself, he figured that -- at least every so often -- he would be better off in detention hall on a given morning than having to deal with the 'family' he had acquired that made his life so miserable.
He rooted quietly about the refrigerator, and dug out some carrots and celery. He slipped a jar of bean paste from the pantry, and darted out of the kitchen and away to school before anyone else could wake up. He couldn't recall if he'd done anything to offend anybody recently, but that usually didn't mean anything. *Somebody* was bound to be upset at him this morning (why should today be any different, after all?), and it was better to avoid everyone than to risk finding out and having to explain what he didn't know anything about in the first place.
***
At about the same time, the alarm clock in Ukyou's apartment went off. She sleepily reached over, and turned it off. Slowly, she hoisted herself out of bed, not quite willing to bring herself back to reality. But it was such a lovely dream! Oh, well... I've got customers to see to, after all. She padded, barefoot, to the bathroom; maybe a hot shower would bring her around.
She couldn't stop thinking about it. She had dreamed about crossing a bridge from nowhere to nowhere over nothing. A rumbling, gravelly voice, not unlike Genma's, actually, had instructed her to go forward, and not look back. Why that mattered, she couldn't fathom. But once she did cross the bridge, there on the other side stood Ranma.
As she dried herself off, invigorated and happy, she hugged herself tightly, the way she remembered how Ran-chan had embraced her in her dream, and spoken the words she'd been longing to hear from him for over a decade. Words that she thought she'd never hear from anyone, much less a boy, even less Ran-chan:
"I love you, Ukyou."
After that, the dream was rather blurry -- they often are -- but those words, those words she remembered as plainly as if he was standing there right now saying them.
Which he was.
***
Konatsu didn't have an alarm clock -- at five yen an hour, it wasn't as if he could afford one. Of course, trained as he was in the ninja arts, he could tell his body to wake up at a certain hour of the day, so it wasn't a problem. But before 6:30 a.m. rolled around, Ukyou-sama's scream jarred him awake. Hurriedly tossing a kimono on (you'd be surprised how fast he could do that -- and even have the obi tied correctly), he stormed up the stairs, ready to confront any threat to his beloved mistress.
Ukyou was hyperventilating, still trying to recover from the shock of stepping out of the shower only to find herself face-to-face with Ranma, when her apartment door burst open.
"Konatsu!!" she yelped, leaping backwards.
"Mistress! What's the matter?! I heard your scream, and I --" All at once, he realized that his mistress was naked. Granted, she had wrapped herself in a rather large towel, which covered herself more than adequately, but it was quite clear that, underneath it, there was nothing more. Immediately, he averted his eyes. "Is there anything you need, Ukyou-sama? Shall I eject this interloper?"
Eject Ran-chan? thought Ukyou. Kami-sama! This is my wish come true! Even if it *does* catch me off guard, I'm not passing it up! I'm not gonna let go! "Uhm... no, that's all right, Konatsu. I was just... surprised, is all. Sorry if I alarmed you."
By now, Konatsu was looking at Ranma with a rather perplexed expression. It wasn't like Ranma to simply show up in a girl's bedroom out of the blue like this. Sure, he'd heard stories about him and Akane, yes, but it was explained that that had more to do with P-chan than Akane per se. But here Ranma stood, perhaps a bit worried about the shock he'd apparently given Ukyou-sama, but otherwise, the best way to describe his attitude was 'nonchalant.' He was acting as if he belonged there.
While Konatsu continued to stare at Ranma, trying to comprehend the meaning of this scene, Ukyou stepped into her closet to change. She emerged wearing one of her customary okonomi-yaki seller's outfits. As she did so, Konatsu observed that she was attempting to adopt Ranma's attitude of nonchalance as well. As if this were a normal, everyday occurrence.
"Well." she announced. "Let's go down there and open up, ne?"
Konatsu, obeying his mistress' orders, turned and headed out of Ukyou-sama's apartment, followed shortly thereafter by Ranma and a beaming Ukyou. She's happy, I guess. Looks like it's going to be a good day after all, the kunoichi thought...
***
Downstairs, one of the tables in the Ucchan's dining area caught sight of Ukyou-sama and... and... Ranma Saotome? coming down the stairs, arm in arm. He'd been in her apartment! Probably in her bedroom! They might have even... no, I don't want to *think* about it!
If any of the three young people coming down the stairs noticed as the table inched its way to the door, they gave no sign of it, until it actually reached the door. Then Tsubasa flipped his disguise over and tore off down the street, tears streaming down his girlish face. At that point, they only turned toward the source of the commotion, then looked at each other and shrugged.
"Konatsu-chan, could you right that table, and put it where it belongs?"
"Right away, Ukyou-sama."
***
Those that were up and about in Nerima's business district this early were surprised when a schoolgirl stormed out of the as-yet unopened Okonomiyaki-ya Ucchan and charged up the street, crying and cursing some guy named Ranma Saotome. An ex-boyfriend, perhaps? The few people wandering the streets could only look at each other wonderingly.
"How *dare* he! How *dare* he!!" Even though his heartbreak, Tsubasa continued to play the part of the jilted girlfriend. He sobbed uncontrollably, then began to tremble with rage. "I can't believe... he *slept* with her!!" He had wanted to attack Ranma right then and there, but to do so in front of his beloved Ukyou-sama would only serve to make her that much angrier at him, so he had run off. But he swore that if he ever got that pig-tailed Casanova alone... he would make him pay.
***
6:30 a.m. Ranma arrived at the detention hall. Several boys were already there, some of whom weren't even required to be in detention. Miss Hinako could do that to a boy's thought processes, particularly when she was in her adult form. Her fighting fish swam around in a circular bowl on her desk, so she could maintain that form -- she always felt she could control her students better that way. Well, she certainly had the boys' undivided attention.
Except for Ranma's. With a casual "Heya, Teach" and the slam of a book bag on the desktop, Ranma slouched into his seat and prepared to take a brief siesta. Ms. Hinomiya was not about to allow that. Besides, Ranma seemed to require special reproof; partly because he got into trouble so much more often than most, but mostly because she really wasn't able to control him entirely, not even in her adult form. "Mr. Saotome, may I see you at my desk?"
There were the inevitable murmurs as Ranma, eyes rolling, got out of his seat and approached Miss Hinako's desk: "See? I told you she'd call him up..." "I tell ya, she's got the hots for him..." "No way! That jerk?" "Yeah! What do the girls *see* in him, anyway?" Geez, but this is embarrassing. Okay, let's get this over with. "What's the problem, Teach?"
"That's Ms. Hinomiya to you. Or Miss Hinako, if I'm in a good mood."
"I take it you're not in a good mood."
"You're very observant, Mr. Saotome. It may be early to be sitting around in class, but I will not tolerate sleeping here. I have to stay awake, so I expect you to, as well. Understood?"
Ranma made as if to shrug, then nodded. Miss Hinako's expression softened a bit.
"Ranma..." His eyes popped open. She never addressed a student by their first name; not while in class, anyway. The other boys noticed as well, and the murmuring grew louder. She paid no notice: "Do you know why it is you end up here in detention so often?"
He shrugged. "I dunno. 'Cause I get into so many fights?"
She nodded. "And you know, things would be easier for you if you wouldn't fight all the time..."
"Well now, what am I *supposed* to do, Teach? I was raised to be a martial artist. Fighting's what I'm good at." He saw her begin to finger a five-yen piece. He backed away from her a step: I'd better talk my way out of this one in a hurry. "Look, I know my life would be easier if there wasn't all this fighting going on. It's not like I'm going outta my way for it or nothin'. I mean, the reason I'm here today is because Kuno attacked me over the pig-tailed girl! Do you realize he still refuses to believe it about me and her?" Now it was Miss Hinako's turn for her eyes to get wide. She had found out about Ranma and Ranma-chan in rather short order after beginning her work at Furinkan. To think that Tatewake Kuno, after all this time... "By the way, teach..." and Ranma leaned over the desk to face her eye to eye, "where *is* Kuno? He's as guilty as I am for yesterday's fight. Even more so, really -- he's the one that challenged me. So, how come he's not here?"
Almost instantly, Hinako began to wring her hands nervously and transform into her child form. "Um.. I.. well.."
"I thought so. You can't touch him, 'cause he's the principal's son, right?" Ranma grinned mischievously.
Chibi-Hinako grabbed a fifty-yen coin from her desk. Ranma hit the floor.
"Happo Go-jyu-en Satsu!" A blue cloud of chi energy billowed up around the aquarium on her desk, and she quickly grew into her adult form. The other boys in detention watched, fascinated, as her figure strained her dress very nearly to the bursting point.
She reached down, and picked Ranma up from the floor by his collar. "Don't *ever* accuse me of favoring one student over another again." she hissed, "I simply don't have the *power* to..."
"The power?" Ranma whispered back. "Teach, that Happo bit ya got there packs a darn good wallop. You could handle Kuno one-handed. Or do you mean administrative power?"
Miss Hinako let go of Ranma, and he scrambled to his feet. She sighed and placed her head on her left arm. "It's not easy being the school disciplinarian when your hands are tied." That non-answer was good enough for him. It was almost enough to make him feel sorry for her. Almost.
***
At the Neko-Hanten, Mousse was already up and about, cleaning and setting up the dining area under the amazon matriarch's watchful eye, when a strange series of sounds began to float from Shampoo's room in back. It started off as a shriek, but quickly developed into a delighted squeal, followed by a sigh of... contentment?
"That must be some dream she's having," commented the wizened old crone. "Maybe I ought to check on her. She really should be getting up by now. It's nearly time to open up, after all..." And she hopped off to the girl's room.
In the brief silence, Mousse wondered what the meaning of her reactions could be. What might she be dreaming about? Or of whom? The thought danced in his mind, tantalizingly, that it might be him. Despite all outward appearances, he somehow knew she loved him. Maybe her subconscious mind was showing that to her right now. Maybe she would finally wake up (heh,heh) to the fact that he was truly the one for her, and not that idiotic Ranma. A dopey grin began to crease his face...
An expletive in Mandarin jolted him out of his own reverie. Cologne? What's with her? He dropped his broom, and rushed to Shampoo's room.
The sight that greeted his eyes was one he did not wish to believe. In fact, he promptly removed his glasses and rubbed them vigorously with a corner of his robe, trying to clean them sufficiently to erase the sight he had just come upon. But when he returned them, spotless, to his face, everything was the same. Ranma was still there, lying with Shampoo, arms around her. Shampoo was resting her head on his chest, and once more a contented sigh escaped her lips. Cologne, after her initial outburst, had apparently reconciled herself to Ranma's presence -- indeed, she seemed quite pleased with this turn of events.
Mousse's face began to color itself beet-red, and while absolutely no one was paying any attention to him, had someone been doing so, they might have seen faint wisps of steam rising from his ears. Too upset to deal with this sight, he drew himself up as haughtily as his severely wounded pride could manage, and strode out the door. Cologne, still beaming over the happy couple, barely noticed his departure, but upon hearing the slam of the front door, decided to hop over and hang up a "Closed for the Day" sign out front. There was going to be a wedding to prepare, and that was more important to deal with than day-to-day business.
***
Ranma made as if to stand up and return to his desk.
Miss Hinako held up her index figure and motioned for him to sit back down. "It's not just Kuno, though, Mr. Saotome. Or his sister. There's Ryoga, the Chinese couple..." Ranma smirked inwardly at the thought of Mousse and Shampoo being referred to as a couple. In mayhem, perhaps, but little else. "...that little old man, and any number of outsiders whose names and faces I can't remember offhand." She leaned forward, looking Ranma square in the eyes. "Ranma Saotome, I realize this is your life, but could you see your way clear not to do this during school hours?"
Ranma's eyes, for their part, merely rolled at the absurdity of such a suggestion. "Look, Miss Hinako. It's not like any of these are under my control. *I'm* the one who's always getting attacked. I swear it. Follow me around sometime, you'll see. And when you're being attacked, you don't have the option to say to the other guy, 'Uh... hey, could we reschedule this for another time? I've got a class to attend, here.' It just doesn't work.
"And another thing; these fights aren't my fault, either. Okay, with Akane I've got a smart mouth. I'll admit that. But that's not a fight -- I don't hit her back, 'cause I don't fight girls, okay? So that don't count. Anything else, I guarantee it: it's something that I have *no* control over. Honest. Like I said, you could follow me around, if you wanna."
"Very well, Mr. Saotome. I may just do that today."
Ranma gulped. Now he *knew* there was gonna be trouble.
***
"Spirits of darkness, release this troubled soul!"
Kodachi was accustomed to hearing voices in her head, but this was different. This wasn't one of the many she had grown accustomed to. The voices she usually heard in her dreams were myriad and muddled, like the voices of a crowd before a sporting event. This was a single voice, ringing clear and loud, demanding her... release?
Release from what? It made no sense to her dreaming mind, and even less so as she felt a weight -- a harness of some sort? -- being pressed down upon her, extending from her shoulder to her opposite hip. Far from being released, it was as if she was being restrained. With a deep breath, she forced herself to wake up.
There was something draped across her, an... arm?
She pushed the arm off, and turned herself over to face...
Ranma-sama?
All at once she understood the voice. She was to be freed from her lonely, obsessive pursuit of her darling. Her efforts were to be rewarded, and he was to be hers. It was all she could do not to laugh with delight at this wonderful surprise, as she joyfully threw her arms around her dearest Ranma-sama.
Then... the security alarm went off. First, with a buzz, then with the crackling, static-marred voice of the Kuno family manservant.
"Mistress Kodachi! According to the security sensors, there is an intruder in your room!" She grinned at the alarm in Sasuke's voice. Holding a finger to her lip, she motioned for her Ranma-sama to keep quiet; then, she turned on the intercom.
"It's all right, Sasuke. I'm fully aware of the situation, and I have the matter well in hand. It's nothing I can't handle on my own." 'Well in hand...' It was all she could do to keep from laughing out loud, as she caressed the darling boy in her arms. Such a choice of words. She switched the intercom to 'Do Not Disturb,' and returned her attentions to her Ranma-sama.
***
Something in her tone seemed strange to Sasuke. Well, strange insofar as it was different from the way she would normally respond. It wasn't standard procedure to activate the security cameras once the Kunos had been alerted of intruders, but something told Sasuke that mistress Kodachi was not telling him the whole story.
What he saw was almost beyond belief. He reached for the other intercom buzzer.
"Master Kuno! Master Kuno! I think there's something you ought to know, sir..." The intercom went off before his alarm did. Kuno Tatewaki was not pleased.
"This had better be good, Sasuke.."
"I wish it were, Master Kuno. Your sister is in bed with that young Saotome boy!"
Who needs coffee when you've got news like that first thing in the morning?
Kuno bolted out of bed and threw on his regular outfit. Grabbing his trusty bokken, he stalked over to the security station where Sasuke was apparently monitoring Kodachi's room.
Sasuke jumped in alarm when the door was thrown open. "Master Kuno! Please! He was there when I turned the monitor on! I don't know how he got in!" Kuno paid his servant no heed as he stared at the screen. Kodachi was still demurely dressed in her customary frilly nightgown. So, at least the cur had not forced himself upon her, or it surely would have been rent asunder. But she did not seem as if she had been so victimized. Indeed, she was smiling almost maniacally. It was quite clear to him that she was actually... happy.
Kuno considered the sight before him. It was my own fault, he thought with some regret. I did give my consent for the two of them to date each other. The knave... give him an inch, and he gives her six or seven. And I still have no idea what she sees in him. On the other hand, mayhap he has chosen her above Akane Tendo and the pigtailed girl! I should seek them out this morning, and once again claim them as my own. A broad smile crossed his lips. He shouldered his bokken and sauntered off, whistling an old samurai tune.
A puzzled expression crossed Sasuke's face as he watched his master depart. Master Tatewake had reacted as if it had been *good* news. Oh well... who am I to question his motives?
***
"Psst! Ranma!"
Ranma turned to face Hiroshi. What the heck was *he* doing here? Ordinarily, he was a respectable, if not model, student. Then it clicked: Oh yeah... Hinako. Anyway, it was plain that Hiroshi's attention was on him for the moment. He might as well respond. "Yeah, what is it?"
"What'd she say to ya?"
"She just told me if I'd stop getting into fights at school, I wouldn't be in so much trouble. What of it?"
Hiroshi waved his hands defensively. "Hey, hey... I wasn't trying to start something. Just wondering. I mean, how d'ya do it, man?"
"Do what?"
"Do what? What are you, stupid? You've got women hanging all over ya, and you act as if it's no big deal. In fact, you act as if it's some kinda major pain or something."
"Well, it is. I guess if I had just one fiancee or something, it wouldn't be so bad, but they *all* want a piece of me. You think that's a *good* thing?"
Hiroshi assumed a pained look. "The score's four to nothing, Ranma. Maybe even five, counting Hinako. You tell me who's winning."
"Hinako?" Ranma hissed. "Are you nuts or something?" There was a tapping noise from the front of the classroom.
"Ahem. Gentlemen...?" Both Hiroshi and Ranma spun around to face the front. "I heard my name, gentlemen. Was there something you wanted to say to me?"
"Erm... no, nothing. Sorry about that, Teach."
Hiroshi, for his part, shook his head vigorously.
"Very well. Detention period will be over shortly. I would hate to see you two have to come back tomorrow for a mistake this late in the game." Ranma gulped. Hiroshi just shrugged. What did he care about being given a detention like this? *He'd* come here this morning of his own free will. If Miss Hinako thought he'd consider what she'd just said a threat, the joke would be on her...
***
The way to my heart's desire, ne? And all I have to is go straight forward without looking back? Simple...
Akane strode forward confidently into the blackness and fog. She may not have felt confident, but she was not letting the voice that had compelled her on notice that weakness, if she could help it. Besides, if her heart's desire lay at the end of the road, why should she be afraid?
She stopped. All at once, she realized she really had no idea what her heart's desire *was*. The air around her began to grow thicker and darker. Where was she going? And what would she find at the end?
She felt a light tap on her head -- a mallet? But that was *her* trademark. Well, maybe it was her inner self urging her on. There wasn't much point in standing still, now, was there?
It seemed as if she had been walking forever. Somehow, she knew this was a dream, and yet she could feel a dull ache in her feet. I hope something happens soon. What would happen if I gave up? Just at that point, the fog began to lift, slowly. Light began to filter into the scene. A hint of red fabric here, a fleeting glance of black ponytail there...
All Ryoga knew was that something -- or someone -- had bounced him off of Akane's bed. When he came to, he couldn't believe his eyes! Akane was lying there... with.. with.. with..
He couldn't finish the thought. With a squeal of despair, P-chan turned tail and ran off.
This was her heart's desire? Ranma? Could it be? But we don't even like each other! And yet...
The look in his eyes was one of affection and concern. Affection, pure and simple, for her and her alone. And concern that she might not feel the same way about him.
She wasn't able to understand how she could tell all this from a single look into his eyes, and even less could she believe what she was seeing in them. He really likes me? And he cares whether or not I do?
Maybe it was time to test it out. She set her hands on his shoulders, and pulled herself onto her tiptoes so that her face was level with his. She cocked her head slightly, and slowly moved her lips toward his. She felt his hands reach around her and clasp her waist. She was being pulled toward him. *He* was pulling her toward him. And then..
The kiss. No tape, no tricks, no interruptions. This was the real thing. And in that moment, she felt all the love that he had for her pass into her, silently, wordlessly. All the denials, all the insults, were being washed from her heart and memory by the flood of emotion conveyed in that dream kiss.
Dream kiss? But it felt so real! Her eyes popped open.
It *was* real! She was kissing Ranma! In... IN HER OWN BED?!
She sat bolt upright. "What are you *doing* in here, you pervert?!"
Ranma merely lay next to her, head propped on his arm. "You were dreaming about me, just now, weren't you? So, here I am... I'm your dream come true."
His tone of voice stopped her cold. It wasn't as if he were bragging at all. He was simply stating the facts. She stared into his eyes. It was that same look she'd seen in her dream. "I... But I... Ranma? How...?"
He said nothing, but his lips soon wore a small smile. Akane's.
***
Tatewaki Kuno was in bright spirits. His sister was happy for once -- even if it meant she was to be in that accursed Saotome's arms. What difference? Akane Tendo and the pig-tailed girl were now his. Bokken perched on his shoulder, and two large bouquets of roses in his hand, his step was jaunty as he strode on to Furinkan High. He was going to be plenty early, too... well, all the better. More time, mayhap, to spend with his loves, ne? What could possibly happen to spoil this beautiful day?
It had never occurred to Kuno that it was not a good idea to allow a thought like that to cross his mind. Because the answer was about to cross his path. Eyes closed, tears streaming down his face, Ryoga came running headlong into the Kuno family's noble scion. Bokken, umbrella, and flowers went flying every which way, and the two boys wound up sprawled on their backs on the pavement. It was Kuno who rose first, and, finding his bouquets and bokken still in acceptable condition, decided to extend his magnanimous grace to the weeping boy sitting before him. No doubt, he was fearful for his life of the wrath of the mighty Tatewaki Kuno. Well, let us assuage his fears...
"Weep not, my lad. All is well. You have naught to fear from Tatewaki Kuno on this fine day. Rise up, dry your tears, and join the ranks of men once more." He extended his bokken, which Ryoga grasped onto for balance as he stood, still crying slightly. Kuno clapped him on the shoulder.
"There now, my fine fellow. Cease this display of sorrow! The sun is bright, the birds do sing, and love is truly in the air."
Ryoga wiped his face. "Yeah, for Ranma," he said sourly.
Kuno grimaced slightly. How did this fellow knew about Saotome and his sister? "Yes, well... I never said it was a *perfect* day. And at any rate, I understand he has now chosen his beloved. Which means Akane Tendo is free to be mine!"
"No, he and Akane.. they.. they.." Ryoga could not get the words out.
Kuno began to grow concerned. "How's that? What news of that foul Saotome and my darling Akane? Speak, man... or must I find a tongue for you with this?" He waved his bokken before Ryoga's nose.
Bad enough to have to say it, but now Kuno's impatience was getting infuriating. And that stupid bokken of his. Right. Like that's a threat. Ryoga grabbed Kuno by the shirt and pulled him within inches of his face. "THEY WERE IN BED TOGETHER, OKAY?" Panting from the effort of uttering the awful news, Ryoga let go. Kuno sprang to his full height, flaring with righteous indignation.
"WHAT?! How came you by this dread news?"
Ryoga froze. How to explain his knowledge without giving away his secret? Even his tears dried up from momentary panic. Then it struck him: let one liability cover for the other. "Uh... I was trying to find my way around, and I just.. kinda.. happened to walk in on the two of them."
Kuno was livid. Not at Ryoga, fortunately. "Curse my naiveté! I might have known that that foul fiend would not be satisfied to have my sister alone." The thought of Ranma and Kodachi caused Ryoga to flinch slightly, but Kuno paid him no heed. "I shall have to avenge myself upon him, for her sake and Akane's. Still, all is not yet lost. What of the divine pig-tailed goddess, good man?"
Ryoga's eyes widened. He still didn't know? Oh, boy. Well, he hadn't killed the messenger yet. Here goes... "As far as I know, Kuno, those two are still one and the same."
At that point, Kuno practically erupted. In a fury, he swung his bokken in a full circle. Ryoga ducked, and so was unharmed, but a nearby light pole was not so lucky. The ensuing crash barely missed the two boys, and carved a huge chunk out of a wall on the opposite side of the street. Kuno once again grabbed Ryoga by the shoulder, this time less out of bonhomie than of a certain touch of madness.
"Well, then, my good fellow, let us go forth! I can see your enmity for that lascivious lowlife matches mine. Let us on to Furinkan, then, and teach this foul knave a lesson!"
Ryoga was decidedly uncomfortable with Kuno's arm draped around him. And the pressure he was exerting, too! Still, he concluded, better to have an ally in Kuno than another enemy. Besides, he might well know the way to school. He nodded, and Kuno's face slowly contorted into a malevolent smile. Ryoga shuddered, hoping the malice in Kuno's grin was meant specifically for Ranma.
***
Hinako Hinomiya walked alongside of Ranma as they headed to the first-period English class.
"Uh... Teach... I really wish you wouldn't walk so close to me..."
"That's Miss Hinako, and this was your idea, Mr. Saotome. 'Follow me around,' I believe you said. 'The fights I get into aren't my fault.'"
"And they aren't!"
"So you say. The proof is in the seeing, Mr. Saotome. And in order to see, one must be near the scene, ne? So... here I am."
Ranma shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, well... you don't haveta be right next to me to see, do ya?" He looked over at Miss Hinako, and realized he'd have to lower his gaze.
Chibi-Hinako smiled up cutely at him. "Aww... are you scared of me, Mr. Saotome?"
"What?! I'm not scared of nothin'.." Hinako gave him a disapproving glare. "Er.. I'm not scared of ANYthing. But the guys are startin' t'talk, Hinako-sensei.. and they think I'm enough of a pervert as it is."
A blush started to form on the little girl's face. "What? They think you and I...?" She giggled demurely.
"Yeah, real funny, Teach."
She stopped giggling. "Miss Hinako to you," she said in as stern a voice as her child form could muster.
"Yeah, whatever..."
There was a rumble off in the distance. Ranma looked up (it does seem to rain an awful lot in Nerima; apparently Mother Nature frequently enjoys activating Jusenkyo curses as a joke), but the sky was cloudless and sunny. There was a cloud on the horizon, however... a dust cloud, coming straight toward him and Miss Hinako. To both his left and right were similar, smaller clouds. Each of them grew larger by the minute.
"Well, Miss Hinako," and the teacher smiled. He'd finally gotten it right! Ranma continued: "It looks like we didn't haveta wait long. I have no idea what's gonna happen, y'see. And you, get back."
She frowned at him. He's giving *her* orders? "I can take care of myself, you know."
"Yeah, yeah. Don't you wanna know why they're after me, first? Let me handle this, and you'll see. We'll find out why they're all so mad, and I can prove it's not my fault. You use that Happo thing, and they'll be outta commission for the rest of the day. Now, step aside, willya?!"
As he uttered this last command, the larger dust cloud was upon him. Hinako backed up just in time to avoid Ryoga and Kuno.
"Ranma, how dare you try to put the moves on Akane!"
"Saotome, you will pay for this... For my sister's sake!"
In no time at all, Mousse and Tsubasa had joined the fray from their various directions.
"This is for Ukyou-sama!" Swish.
"This is for what you have done to Shampoo!" Clank! Rattle!
"This is for my sister!" Swipe. "And the pig-tailed girl!" Swipe. "And Akane Tendo!" Swipe.
"For Akane! Now you die, Ranma!"
Ranma writhed and ducked, trying to dodge as many punches as he could. "Hey! Hold on! What'd I do this time?!"
The others stopped their onslaught momentarily to announce, as one:
"YOU WERE IN BED WITH HER THIS MORNING!!"
And just as they prepared to resume their punishment, each of them realized what the others had just said. And facefaulted.
Ranma slowly brought himself up to his full height. He surveyed the stunned boys, and then turned to Ms. Hinomiya. "Now, d'ya see what I mean? I was in detention hall this morning. Wasn't anywhere near any of these girls. Let alone *all* of 'em. You can vouch for me, right, Teach?" Hinako nodded, despite the disrespect he was showing her by not addressing her properly. She decided she'd chalk it up to duress this time.
"B-but I SAW you! You were right there on her bed!"
"Oh, yeah? What were YOU doing in her bedroom, P-chan?"
"Shut up, you!"
"Hey, I saw him, too! He had his arms around Shampoo and everything!"
"No, he and Ukyou-sama came down to the Ucchan this morning... and you shoulda seen 'em!"
"Impossible! That was him in our security cameras! I have videotape as proof! He was with my sister!"
"Oh, yeah, *right*. I'll believe that when I see it, Kuno.."
"Why you...! Apologize, cur!"
"What for?"
And so on, and so on, and so on...
***
The goddess sighed as she continued to stare out the window of her ethereal mansion. She could hear her manservant's footsteps echoing down the hallway. Her usual brandy nightcap, she surmised. She continued gazing at her beloved moon, and wondering..
"Ojou-sama." A small, squat, tuxedo-clad man stood at the entrance to her chambers. Actually, to call him a man was stretching the point a bit. Barely three feet tall, with skin the color and texture of old leather, and a bald head roughly the shape of a fat pylon, he made for a curious creature. In his weathered and ageless hand rested a silver salver, upon which sat a half-full snifter, as well as the bottle from whence the liquid came.
"The moon is lovely tonight, is it not, Pipi?" Her manservant approached, still carrying the salver.
"It is indeed, My Lady." He stood next to the bed upon which his mistress sat, still gazing out the window. He raised the salver ever so slightly, and she turned her head. With a single fluid motion born of long ritual, she took the proffered snifter, nodded her thanks to him, and resumed her position facing the impassive moon.
"I wonder if this effort of ours has brought the moon any closer to her mate.." she mused.
"It is not mine to say, Ojou-sama. I am not even sure that we have done right."
"We have given these girls their hearts' desire. Who am I to dispute with them if the all desire the same young man? I have given them each a perfect version of their mutual beloved."
"Where does this leave the real boy, then?"
"I do not know, Pipi. He has no dream; at least, not one of love. So I can do nothing for him at the moment..." A diamond tear trickled down her face at the thought of such a person. No desire for love? Impossible! But apparently true. Her heart went out to one whose idea of love was so distorted as to decide it wasn't for him. "Perhaps you are right, Pipi. It seems we may have inadvertently given him his desire, too... to be left alone. Maybe we have pushed the moon away a bit."
The manservant's mouth twitched into what might be considered a smile. "Oh, I'm not too sure about that, Ojou-sama. He hasn't been left entirely alone..." and he gestured toward that little corner of the earth where Ranma continued to argue and fight with the four jilted boys until Hinako's five-yen piece put an end to the fracas...
FIN
***
Author's notes:
For those who read my previous post to the FFML called 'Ever Dance With the Devil in the Pale Moonlight?' this concept should appear somewhat familiar. That's right, this is the 'Sorcerer's Apprentice' approach I had suggested at the time. This story and 'The Bargain' were spawned from that perhaps-never-to-be-completed concept.
I'm curious to know how many of you out there recognize Kaguya, the Missionary of Love; I imagine it's very few of you, considering the animosity I've heard directed at SoftCel in the past. But I must confess, Rei Rei was the first bit of anime I ever saw (not counting those Speed Racer episodes I watched when I was what? Three? Four? years old); a lemon (though I wasn't familiar with the term at the time) with a plot! I was so surprised! And I actually enjoyed it. It wasn't until later I learned about other people's opinions of ADVision and SoftCel, but it didn't change mine about Rei Rei, or End of Summer for that matter. Oh, well.
Given the circumstances from which some of these ideas emanated and all that, I suppose you're wondering why I didn't *write* a lemon scene. Well, I don't consider myself a decent (har, har) lemon writer, and at any rate, the focus is on the original Ranma, where he insists that none of the crazy things that happen, or that he gets blamed for, are his fault. And sure enough, they aren't. And nothing actually happens to him -- unless you count the thrashing the others end up giving him.
As for the conclusion, well, it's not quite to my satisfaction, but it's an ending. So I feel somewhat confident in letting it go as it is. Not satisfied, necessarily, but confident. Oh, well. Suggestions are always welcomed. Email me at
ucchans@ameritech.net
And thank you for having read through all of this.
Until next time... ja!
Itsu mo,
Ucchan ^_^