Aboard The Lady Lover

Author: CoatCheck

Summary: Naruto and the rest of his crew embark on their usual journey, as a tuna fish farming vessel. With a new wacky member, a secret romance, and lots tension between our two favorite rivals- what could happen?

Pairing: SasuxNaru ?x?

Rating: M in later chapters. Keep an eye out!

Chapter One: A new crew member, or a recipe for disaster?

Jiraiya was pretty fucked up, naming the tuna farming vessel after his well- pretty much after himself. The old man had said that he had really wanted to name it after Tsunade, but the buxom woman had threatened to punch a hole in the hull. She could have too. Clear through.

So yeah, Ladylover it was. It had been Naruto's home for as long as he could remember, being a little boy who had helped Jiraiya and crew men by loading the shark gun, (it was really embarrassing, because they had to keep them from water and used condoms to do so), entertain them when the TV didn't get signal, (it rarely did), and even cook for them. All they had was cheap ramen, which Naruto learned to love. He even got Shikamaru to tutor him so he could stay on the boat during the time children normally attended school.

And now, today, he was captain. It had been a year since his guardian's passing, and after a lot of doubts and a lot of tears he decided this would fit him best. Staying in a place he loved, with the people he loved.

That would be his crew. They were all slightly older than him, except that new recruit Jiraiya had hired just after last season. Being eighteen, and his crew in their twenty-somethings, it took a lot to earn their trust, respect, and friendship. However, Naruto wasn't one to give up.

Dumping his meager possessions on his bunk, he thought about the people that made up his life. There was Shikamaru, who always knew the first signs of sickness among the fish, as well a billion things even a person who spent their entire lives reading about wouldn't know half as much. Naruto had always suspected his lazy friend to be a genius in disguise.

There was Kiba too, Naruto's twin soul, just a bit gruffer. The brunette was the best shark-wrestler Naruto had ever seen. Not to mention one of the best jokers. They always used to get in trouble for the pranks they pulled on board, and if there was ever an enabler it was Kiba. Where Kiba was, there were copious amounts of alcohol. However, Naruto liked to think that Hinata, Kiba's girlfriend, softened him a bit and kept him from drinking as much. In the beginning when Naruto first came, he was the biggest asshole.

Something bumped into his back and he hit his head against the wood of the bunk before crashing clumsily onto his bed and getting a faceful of his underwear.

Speaking of assholes, Naruto looked up with a deepset glare, the biggest one just happened to be the head diver.

Sasuke Uchiha. Back on land, women thought of him as some sort of God, when really all he was is their head-diver. Due to this, Naruto guessed, it was the reason the man was such a prick. But really, out in the middle of the sea, the fish didn't give a shit about what you looked like as long as you kept throwing them sardines. The man was of Japanese descent, obvious in his features and the color of his hair and eyes. Pitch black, some would say. But in the midday sunlight, Naruto deducted that Sasuke's eyes were truly a dark brown and his hair had a slight blue tint.

But anyway, the fish don't give a shit, and neither did Naruto. Ever since the man had come aboard a years back, Naruto hadn't liked him. Well, not exactly. At first, Naruto did his best trying to befriend the stoic bastard, but anyone could tell you that it didn't work out. AT ALL. And when you pulled a certain someone aside, perhaps Kiba if he was drunk, he'd tell you that the efforts of Naruto ended quite abruptly. Perhaps, even, with a kiss.. but let's not talk about that-

After that, Naruto got to calling the incident The Thing Never To Mention Without A Swift Kick In The Balls. The blonde was completely serious about it, too.

Soon after Sasuke had joined the crew, his fourth cousin or some shit joined too. Neji Hyuuga. Naruto and Neji got off almost as badly as Sasuke and him had, but as soon as they were far enough out in the sea and the brunette felt comfortable enough in their combined company, it was like his icy exterior peeled right off or something. He even cooked for everyone every once in a while. The man was their technician and boat expert- he handled everything to do with machinery.

Everyone was on deck by the time their newest member arrived, in a way most wouldn't expect.

Naruto choked on air when their newest addition showed up in a red sportscar and did a bunch of spins and shit just to end up skidding in front of them and leave them in a cloud of dust. Naruto himself had showed up in a rundown pickup truck on its last legs that he had gotten for his sixteenth birthday. Not even Sasuke, with all the riches he was known to possess, arrived like that..

When the dust finally cleared, out of the car came a man wearing tight jeans and a belly shirt, who winked saucily at the stunned crew before strolling over to the trunk, bending unnecessarily, and lugging two huge suitcases out, which Naruto had noted as designerish looking (like he had a clue), and purred, "Any of you boys want to help me with my luggage?"

Naruto turned around in horrified shock, hoping that denial of the problem made it go away, and mechanically returned to the small cabin featured in the middle of The Ladylover. He stared at the portrait of the old man holding up a bottle of whiskey with a girl on each arm on the back wall next to the door, leaning against the controls for support while he was lost in thought. "God, old man, what do you see in that guy?" He said without being aware of it.

"Nothing. Naruto, he's a freak."

"What the-!" He scrambled to a standing position and his eyes landed on a pointy ponytail before attention was brought to the man's face. A bored expression made it up.

"Don't sneak up on me!"

Shikamaru ignored the blonde and announced, "Sai is camping in your bed."

Naruto blinked and tilted his head in confusion.

Shikamaru sighed like talking to the blonde was too much effort, which he probably thought it was. "The man said, and I quote this word for word, "The captain is one sexy beast, and until he comes and forcibly takes me from his bed, or at the very least takes me, I will not sleep anywhere else", end quote."

"Then i'll just sleep on the bed meant for him.." Naruto responded slowly.

"He put his suitcases there, that's the only place they'll fit besides the deck and he bluntly refused that suggestion."

Shikamaru had clapped his hands over his ears right after finishing his sentence- just in time too. "Then where do I sleep?"

"I don't know, Naru-" the brunette cleared his throat, "C-captain."

Naruto rubbed his forehead, "Just call me Naruto. Nothing's changed."

Shikamaru smiled a bit, and right before he closed the door behind himself he said, "Though, if you're interested, there is someone willing to share their bed."

"Not Sai." Naruto visibly made an 'x' with his arms, as a small click sounded through the small cabin.

"Not Sai." Shikamaru agreed, even though he knew his long-time friend did not hear him.

Kiba made sure to double-check everything, due to his recent obsession with the movie Titanic, Naruto suspected. When he asked after it, Kiba merely grunted and muttered something about "not becoming a damn tourist attraction in the middle of fucking nowhere".

Naruto did his best to hold back laughter.

But before he knew it, he was behind the controls with Neji driving their little vessel far into the deep sea blue. Everything went fairly pleasant, Naruto steering and keeping up small-chat with Neji, enquiring about the time lost between them and all that had proceeded.

"So you think Hinabi's got a boyfriend?"

"I am quite sure. Leaving the house much more often to sleep over at friends' houses is highly suspicious." Neji nodded to himself confidently.

"And you didn't consider that perhaps she just wanted to spend more time with friends?" Naruto inquired with raised brows. Too bad he couldn't do that one-eyebrow-raised shit.

Like Neji did just then. Yeah man, he was jealous. "Friends don't give friends marks on their neck."

Naruto pouted, "Jeez, could have mentioned that earlier."

His brunette companion was about to reply when the creaky door to their small cabin slammed open and an agitated Sasuke stormed in carrying a pink t-shirt.

He stopped abruptly in front of Naruto and seethed, "That fool," he hissed, "tried "washing" my clothes, and they all came out like THIS." He held up the pink t-shirt pointedly and threw it on the ground like it was on fire. "Naruto, we're still close enough to shore to kick him the fuck off."

Woah, Sasuke calling him by his respective name AND cussing, in the SAME SENTENCE? Today was a day for miracles, which brought on Naruto's next decision. "We're keeping him. Grab everyone's stuff and bring it into here. I'll guard it."

Neji glanced at him wearily and asked Sasuke, "Why did you let him wash your things?"

"I didn't." Sasuke quietly toned, in a voice much more calm and dangerous than his previous vocation. "He took them while I was talking to Kiba about the new improvements we'll buy for our suits next year."

"Make sure we can afford them, bastard." Naruto groaned. There was always going to be that fear in his heart that he might become a cheap-ass like his grandpa. Perhaps it was already happening.

Being cheap got them where they are now. Sasuke refused to wear the pink garmets, and Naruto refused to just throw them away. So now, they had switched wardrobes.

Sasuke in orange, Naruto in pink. The awkwardness would never cease.

Did Naruto forget to mention that since Sasuke was leaner, Naruto's shirts were tighter?

Which called for a strip show.

"I'm too sexy for my shirt~" He sang as he swayed, teasing the fabric and his audience by pulling up the pink t-shirt just a fraction and showing his sunkissed abs, "So sexy it hurts.." The blonde licked his lips.

Naruto flinched when he got smacked over the head with a fin. "Don't use your swimming gear like that teme," he whined, "We can't afford it."

"Just stop being an idiot and start getting ready," Sasuke's lips thin almost imperceptibly. "We're going to meet up with Gai and Lee in an hour. They have the tuna."

When the went their seperate ways after a few unmentionable insults, Sai frowned. "That's it?"

"Yes. Now go work or something."

To Be Continued~

A/U:

Sasuke: *cough cough* Coat is looking for a beta, so it would be nice if someone would-

Naruto: Step up, damn it! Her grammar is torture!

Coat: You guys! *sobs*

Sasuke: Or else she'll drown us in tears.

Naruto: And you wouldn't want that!