The Carolers Strike Back
Hit was another wonderful Christmas at the Burrow. If you remember, last Christmas, carolers had stopped by. They were covered in chocolate pudding by Fred and George, shot at with Christmas colored paintballs, by Fred and George, and chased into the lake by Padfoot.
This year however, the Weasley's (along with Harry, Hermione, Sirius, Remus, and, for some odd reason, Snape) were in the belief that there would be no carolers this year. They were all getting ready to eat Christmas dinner when - the Carolers returned!
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Gasp!
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Horrifying Scream!
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Other Cheesy Sound Effects Only Found In Cheesy Hollywood Horror Movies!
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Like Bambi.
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Oh, that wasn't a horror movie? Nevermind, then. Forget I mentioned it.
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"We wish you a Merry Christmas!
We wish you a Merry Christmas!
We wish you a Merry Christmas!
And a Happy New Year!"
"Oh, god," Sirius groaned, "They're back."
"Damned carolers," Snape said, throwing a few curses out the window. The other's took Snape's idea and started firing curses out the windows. Unfortunately, all the carolers dodged the curses.
"Please bring your dog right out here!
Please bring your dog right out here!
Please bring your dog right out here!
Cause we have a Vet!"
"Shit," Sirius said, while the others laughed. Snape stood up and grabbed Sirius by the collar of his shirt.
"C'mon, Black," he said, dragging Sirius to the door. Sirius, realizing what Snape was doing, began struggling.
"No way, Snape!" he yelled, "I like my manhood! I ain't gettin' neutered!"
"That's what you think," Snape said, still trying to drag Sirius out the door. Then the Carolers caught sight of Snape himself.
"Holy shit! What a grease ball!
Holy shit! What a grease ball!
Holy shit! What a grease ball!
Someone get some Shampoo!"
Snape's eye twitched, and Sirius started laughing like a maniac. Since he is a maniac, I guess that means he laughed like usual.
"And some conditioner!" one of the Carolers, lets call him Billy, from outside yelled.
Snape's eye twitched some more. He drew his wand and started firing curses out the door. All of which were perfectly harmless and legal, because Snape would never use curses that were harmful and illegal.
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Yeah, right!
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The carolers didn't dodge the curses this time. Mainly because Snape was using curse "waves" which were highly dangerous and most definitely not classified as Dark Arts and most definitely not very illegal.
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Again…Yeah, right!
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Try taking out all those 'not's.
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"Oh, damn, that really hurt now!
Oh, damn, that really hurt now!
Oh, damn, that really hurt now!
Please, don't do that again!"
But of course, since when does Snape Carolers? Never.
"Oh, bugger," Billy said, catching sight of Snape's face, "RUN AWAY!" Billy took off. For the sake of the story, the other Carolers are still here, Billy was the only one smart enough to run away.
"Hey gang!" The Carolers looked up on the roof, to see the twins.
"Remember us?" Fred asked.
"Well if you don't…" George said, before spelling them covered in pudding, "YOU SHOULD NOW!"
"I remember you, you stupid Scrooges!" another Caroler, let's call her Billie, not to be confused with Billy, who is a guy, called out.
"SCROOGES!" Fred yelled, eye twitching.
"Apparently they didn't learn from the last time," Remus muttered.
"Oh, crud! We're really screwed now!
Oh, crud! We're really screwed now!
Oh, crud! We're really screwed now!
Why can't we ever learn?"
Remus couldn't resist adding his own little verse to their song:
"Because you're all stupid idiots!
Because you're all stupid idiots!
Because you're all stupid idiots!
That's why you'll never learn!"
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SPLAT!
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"Ow," Remus muttered.
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SPLAT! SPLAT!
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Remus fell over, and all of the others inside the house saw that he had a snowball in his mouth and one in each eye. Sirius started laughing. Harry snorted, causing all of the others to crack up laughing as well.
Fred and George drew the Carolers attention again.
"See this button in our hands?" George asked, both twins holding a silver-grey box with a nice big, shiny, red button in the middle of it. The Carolers nodded.
"See that big box over there?" Fred asked, pointing with his free hand, at a large wooden crate. The Carolers nodded again.
"Meet Chainsaw Kitty!" the twins said together, as the both pressed the button causing the crate to open. (For more information on Chainsaw Kitty go read, Harry Potter and the Crazy Hyper Kitties.)
"IT'S KITTYZILLA!" Billie screamed.
"Yeah, that was Remmie's reaction too," Sirius grinned. 'Kittyzilla' was an accurate nickname, for Chainsaw Kitty was a giant cat, and carried with her a chainsaw…chainless, of course…there's no need to give a demented cat a real weapon.
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Kittyzilla pretends to start the chainsaw.
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One of the twins presses play on a tape player.
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Chainsaw noises start.
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"RUN AWAY!" Billy yelled.
"And we thought the dog was bad!"
"We're all gonna die!"
"Oh dear, we're gonna die now!
Oh dear, we're gonna die now!
Oh dear, we're gonna die now!
Please someone, save us!"
Hermione knocked Harry out, just incase he got any ideas from his 'saving people thing'. Do you remember what happened to the Carolers last time? No? Well, why the hell not? I put it up in the first or second paragraph! (I went back up and checked...it's the first one.) Well, they ran into the lake, being chased by Padfoot.
This year however, they weren't being chased by Padfoot. They were being chased by Kittyzilla. And they weren't chased into the lake. They were chased off a cliff. Well okay the were huddled on the cliff after being chased by Kittyzilla…and Snape might have, accidentally, of course, sent off a rock breaking curse in their direction which caused them to fall of the cliff.
Everyone, except Remus, who was still trying to get the snow from his face, and Snape, because he really didn't like singing, started to sing:
"Those damn Carolers fell off a cliff now!
Those damn Carolers fell off a cliff now!
Those damn Carolers fell off a cliff now!
Maybe we can finally have peace!"
Thus ending the story of how the Carolers came back for revenge and never got it.
I love writing these Carolers...they're so fun. I think I'll start writing a new one every year or so. If you have any ideas, go ahead and review with 'em, or PM me or E-mail me. Hell, go ahead and IM me if you have AIM or AOL. I'm SakurasChocolate. I will accept xover ideas as well. I'm probably going to start using those soon. Read and Review. Smiles.
Rune