A/N: I have no idea why I'm writing this. Nor do I have any present notion of what I'm about to write. Just to warn you, you probably have to be in a pretty hyper mood to think this is even slightly funny.
Blood-Covered-Ivory sits at her computer. "I'm sooooo bored!" she thinks out loud. "I know! I'll mess around with the lives of the Escaflowne characters." She begins to type.
Hitomi sat in her room trying to think of something to do. "I know," she thinks out loud "I'll mess around with the lives of the Escaflowne characters." It had been her favourite show ever since she had realised that she was the main character and that she got to fall in love with Van.
"Wait a minute," thinks Blood-Covered-Ivory "I want Van to myself. And besides why would Hitomi write a fanfic about the Escaflowne people? Please disregard the last paragraph. She again begins to type.
Hitomi ran to her room on the crusade. She had just left Van and Allen fighting over her in the training area of the ship.
"Wait a second," thought Blood-Covered-Ivory "Is there a training area on the crusade? Oh well, there is in this story" She went back to typing.
Hitomi had expressed her desire to be left alone and ran off to her room. They should be running after me any second now. Thought Hitomi as she closed the door to her room. She waited for about three hours when she finally gave up. She went back to the training room to see what they were up to.
"Van, Allen," she said as she went through the door. "I'm sorry I…" She stopped when she saw what was going on. Allen and Van were… kissing passionately. "B b b but, you were fighting over meeeeeeeee!" she cried disappointed that no one liked her. "No one likes me anymooooore!" she wailed. "I like you Hitomi" says Merle who just magically appeared for some strange and mystical reason (she probably came in through the door). She promptly glomps Hitomi.
"Wait a second! Whatever possessed me to write that? Oh well let me try that again."
"Van, Allen," she said as she went through the door. "I'm sorry I…" She stopped when she saw what was going on. Allen was crouching on the ground next to a decapitated Van. He was laughing evilly.
"Wait another second! That doesn't work! Van can't die! Let me try again."
"Van, Allen," she said as she went through the door. "I'm sorry I…" She stopped when she saw what was going on. Van was crouching on the floor trying to stick Allen's head back on. "There you go Allen, as good as new. Umm… I think." Allen's head falls off yet again. Van turns to Hitomi. "This isn't working is it?" "No honey, it isn't. But never mind that, you were fighting over me right?" "Yep" "Well then, it seems you won." Van's face lights up "Oh yeah," he rushes over to Hitomi. They kiss and Allen lays headless and forgotten on the floor.
"Wait! Stop! That can't happen!" yells Blood-Covered-Ivory, really frustrated by now "Hitomi can't have him, I want him for myself! He's mine I tell you all miiiiiiiinnnnneeee!" She laughs evilly and begins to type yet again.
Hitomi ran to her room on the crusade. She had just left Van and Allen fighting over her in the training area of the ship. Hitomi had expressed her desire to be left alone and ran off to her room. She passed Gaddes on the way, "Hey, little missy. Where are you off to in such a hurry?" She grabbed his sword out of his sheath. "Hey! You give that back! Didn't anybody tell you not to run with sharp objects?" She continued to run "Actually," she yelled back "They have, many times in fact. But that's never stopped me before!" She ran into her room and slammed the door. "If they come after me," she thought, "I'll just kill them. That'll teach them that when I say I want to be alone, I mean it." She stands on guard at the door and soon enough Allen comes in. "Hito…" and off came his head. Van soon came as well but before Hitomi could react Blood-Covered-Ivory appeared in front of her with a sword of her own. "You aren't going to hurt my Van" she said and chopped off Hitomi's head. Van took one look at the dead Hitomi and realised he didn't care. He then looked up and saw Blood-Covered-Ivory. He took one look into her eyes and immediately proposed to her. "Why of course Van." She replied not at all shocked, but that's probably because it was she that was writing the story. He flew her back to his castle (on his wings not Escaflowne) and they got married a few weeks latter. Everyone on all of Gaea came to the wedding.
And they all lived happily ever after, except for Merle who was mad that she didn't get a part in the final version.
THE END
I know, I know. I have no idea where that came from or why I'm posting it at all. But I am and it must have come from somewhere in my crazed brain. Just feel lucky that my other story isn't like this.