When I feel too far away from where I want to be, there's nothing left for me.
Jin wasn't asleep. He lay on his back with his eyes closed, staring at the inside of his eyelids and listening to Mugen as he struggled to relax.
This had been going on for two weeks. Mugen slept fitfully, pain and regret marking anxious lines into his brow, his hands gripping his blankets like he would lose his mind if he lost them.
Jin had found that he had grown protective of Mugen and he didn't sleep much anymore. He usually just sat by Mugen's side, watching over him, feeling like a guardian angel. Sometimes, if Mugen was whimpering, he'd lay a hand on his forehead until he relaxed. And when Mugen thrashed around, Jin would crawl under his blankets and hold him, stroking his hair until he calmed and clung to Jin like a lifeline, shaking.
Jin didn't know what kind of nightmares Mugen had and Mugen didn't know that the light in his dreams that chased away the shadows was Jin. They were, in a sense, oblivious to each other, but at the same time, very aware.
Fuu had noticed the difference. She had noticed this bond the two had but didn't seem to notice themselves. There was an unintentional love between them and she decided, after being confused as how to react, that it was adorable, and not to interfere.
Now Jin was lying awake, and he heard the rustling of blankets that meant Mugen had left his bed. He didn't open his eyes, figuring Mugen was going to the brothels, until he felt his friend's body beside him, his head against his shoulder. "I know you're awake." Mugen murmured through the darkness.
"Get off my blanket." Jin pulled on it until Mugen rolled away, then grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to him, wrapping an arm around him, and throwing the blanket over him.
Mugen tucked his head under Jin's chin and curled up against him. "I have nightmares." He whispered, sounding like a frightened child revealing a secret he wasn't supposed to tell.
"I know." Jin stroked his scraggly hair. "What are they about?"
Mugen shuddered and Jin pulled him closer. "I dream of darkness, not knowing where I am, you know? And not being able to find my way out of it. I'm alone, so I can't fight my way out, and I can't find you or Fuu, so you can't help me."
Jin was silent a moment, his cheek resting against Mugen's forehead. "You're not alone, Mugen." He said softly, wrapping his arms around his shoulders. "You might feel that way, but I'm here at least, and I don't plan on leaving."
Mugen shivered as Jin breathed against his skin, held close against his chest. It was the most words Jin had ever bothered speaking to him, and he gripped his friend's kimono and looked up at him, half hopeful, but with that demand that was so deliciously Mugen that Jin was only to happy to comply.
He ran his thumb along Mugen's sharp jaw, and curled his fingers around his jaw, gently, but with strength, pulling Mugen's mouth to his own.
Mugen struggled to get loser, his hands finding and holding onto Jin's thin hips, pulling their bodies together. Jin tasted like raindrops and sake, and Mugen didn't want that kiss to end. Only when Jin's hands started roaming did his gasp bread their lips apart.
Mugen didn't have nightmares that night.
Mugen opened his eyes to Jin kneeling next to him, shaking his shoulder. The ronin was fully dressed, his raven hair neatly pulled back up, different but as beautiful as it had looked spread on the floor the night before, and his eyes glinted at his from behind his glasses, the only hint in his demeanor that anything out of the ordinary had happened. "Breakfast?"
Mugen smiled and untangled himself from his blanket, hurriedly pulling his clothes on to follow his friend outside. He really wanted to talk about what had happened, but it was obvious that Jin meant never to refer to it again. He sighed at this thought, wishing he could understand the samurai, and started to rebuild the gloomy wall Jin had so carelessly knocked down from around his emotions last night.
Jin, as if guessing his thoughts, laced his fingers with Mugen's, an enigmatic smile on his face.
Mugen squeezed his hand, wanting that companionship, and the wall fell again. "I hear your voice sometimes." He said softly.
Jin looked at him questioningly, halting.
"In my dreams." Mugen explained. "I hear you calling my name, and sometimes, I see you holding out your hand, smiling." He flicked his eyes up to Jin's, saw that he was looking at him and showed a small smile, one shoulder lifting in a shrug. "Not all my dreams are nightmares."
When I feel too close to breathe, like a baby cutting teeth, in you I find relief.