Limbo
By endofnonentity
This is the sequel to "The In Between", my first Mighty Ducks fanfiction. Give that one a read before this one. Though Limbo can be read as a stand alone it fits best as a follow up.
Charlie watched the other boy from where he was currently sitting on the bench. It had been almost a month since they had kissed. At the time it all seemed so easy, he liked Adam, Adam liked him so that should have been enough. Unfortunately there were other people and other problems that kept getting in the way. Right now Charlie was simply trying very, very hard not to be one of them. Things didn't really change all that much after they had agreed that they liked each other. Really though why would it? Admitting it didn't change that they both had fostered feelings for the other prior to the whole thing.
The buzzer went off and the crowd stood to their feet, cheering. Charlie caught Adams eye as the frontline center skated by and smiled. They were both still the same people with the same feelings, the same problems and insecurities. The brunette wished he was out there now on the ice with the rest of the team. Orion must have sense it because he clapped him on the shoulder, offering a sympathetic look.
"Give it time to heal up and you'll be back out there soon. You can't be too careful." He just nodded and did his best not to sulk. Hockey was his life, it was like telling someone 'don't worry, you can breath next week'. Not helpful. In their last home game he had gotten checked hard and hitting the ice had messed his knee up more than he cared to admit. His abstinence from hockey had made his relationships with his team strained. It wasn't fun to talk about up coming games when he couldn't play. His temper seemed to flair at the most inopportune times and more often than not at Adam. Not because he was mad at him just because he knew no matter how much they fought he would still always be there for him. It wasn't fair to the other boy but, he couldn't seem to help it.
"Number ninety-nine Adam Banks-" The rest of the announcement was obscured by cheering and applause. Adam just ignored it, getting back into his head space to finish the game.
Charlie had been more than a little surprised when the blond had admitted he was his first kiss. Maybe it was just because there were so many things that he found in the other boy that made him want to get close to him. Even though he was quiet and shy he was defiantly not a push over. He was harder on himself than anyone could imagine. Now Charlie could see that a large portion of that trait had been fostered by his father. It was hard for him to imagine Adam growing up in that house, most likely because he was use to seeing him away from that part of his life. Sure he was preppy but, he was also a Duck. Once he had gotten to know him outside of their preconceived notions he came to associate Adam with his world. Skating on the pond and playing pick up games in the park, scary movie marathons in his living room and eating cold pizza for breakfast.
Of course he knew that they were different. While Charlie couldn't seem to keep his mouth shut to save his life, Adam was reserved and calculative. If he said something it was because he meant it, every word was measured and strung together exactly as he intended. Order was everything so Charlie was more than a little surprised when the other boy had let him into his life.
They changed up the players, Adam getting a much needed break he had after all scored five of their nine points so far. The blond slid onto the bench next to him, pulling off his helmet and Charlie handed him a water bottle. The brunette did his best to ignore the smooth line of his jaw.
"How's the knee?" Charlie signed, shrugging as if to say what can you do?
"Now I know how you felt at the Goodwill games. God it's so frustrating." Adams hand fell to rest on the bench, his finger barely brushing the taller boys. He bit his lip to keep from saying anything.
"Yeah well, I'll be happy to have you out there again, it's not the same. I don't play half as well when I'm not trying to keep up with you." Charlie just rolled his eyes, accepting the complement even if it wasn't true. Banks out played him easy.
"You know you CAN just say you miss me." Adam ducked his head, blushing slightly. He made it too easy.
"Skate with me after the game some?"
"Banks your in!" The blond pulled his helmet back on and hopped over the wall and glanced back, still waiting for an answer. Charlie just winked, making the blond shake his head but, he was still smiling.
They won the game 11 to 4.
Any other weekend the team would have gone out to celebrate but, there was a school dance coming up and most of them had decided it would be fun to go together. Charlie could think of about a hundred other things he would rather be doing and had opted out, claiming his knee was still bothering him and he wanted to stay off it as much as possible. Standing around at a dance was decidedly out.
He guessed he shouldn't have been surprised when Adam turned up at his dorm room, skates in hand.
"You aren't going? I thought you'd have a date." The blond just gave him an exasperated look, one that read somewhere between you're a dick and stop talking.
"Yes, because I am so good when it comes to social anything. Anyway, you promised." He had leaned innocently against the door frame, skates over his shoulder and hands stuffed him his pockets. Charlie fought back the insane urge to kiss him again.
"I don't ever remember saying that." Stretching out he folded his hands behind his head and gave the other boy a content look. He kind of had but, he hadn't thought he would hold him to it. His sweat pants were pretty comfortable.
"Well you did. Now get up, you can't possibly be tired already. It's the weekend and it isn't even seven yet." With a groan he rolled over, getting to his feet and digging thought the clothes on his floor for something to put on.
"God you're demanding." Finding a shirt that was relatively clean he stripped off his old one and pulled it on, missing the momentary uneasiness that settled over the blond who turned around until he was finished.
"I just need… thanks." Adam handed him his coat from where it had been hung on the back of a chair, anxious to get going. It felt weird not taking his hockey gear but, it wasn't really necessary if they were just going to the pond. That and he couldn't do much anyway right now. After taking the garment he caught Adam's hand as he let it drop to his side, tugging him a step closer.
"You did great today." The blond looked uncomfortable but, Charlie wanted to actually say it. It was easy to just fall into expecting the other teen to perform well all the time. He was with out a doubt a natural athlete. After being around his father he got the feeling that he wasn't told very often.
"Thanks." Charlie pulled him back when he went to move away, locking eyes with the front line centers.
"Banksie I mean it, you were perfect." He let go of his hand, trying not to think about how his word choice could have been a little more thought out. But he just dropped his gaze and tucked some of his hair behind his ear just to do something with his hands.
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah, let's go."
They were stuck in this odd…limbo. That was the only way Charlie could describe it. Neither of them had much experience when it came to relationships. Not particularly romantic ones but just functioning ones. It was one of the reasons they fought so much, if they started getting too close to the raw edges the other pulled back. He liked Adam, a lot. He felt more connected to him than he did to anyone else. When ever he was upset he wanted the other boy there, unless of course he was upset BECAUSE of the blond. This happened more than he liked to admit.
What made it all so confusing was he wasn't sure where that left them or what exactly these recollections made this thing that was between them now. Where were they supposed to go from here, how was he supposed to figure out what to do? He had already kissed him, he let the idea rattle around in his head until he became comfortable with it again. But Adam was, he was Adam. They had been friends for years. It made sense that he would like his best friend. Adam knows more about him than anyone else, why wouldn't he be comfortable around him?
The seats on the bus were already taken when it came to their stop, leaving them standing in the middle of the isle about half way back and crowded into each others personal space. He couldn't help but notice Adams increasing uneasiness as more people packed in at every stop. He had this thing with people touching him. He really didn't mind his best friends quirk, especially as he scooted closer in an attempt not touch anyone else. Charlie didn't have to say anything for Adam to give him that look the other teen knew exactly where his head went.
A particularly rough stop knocked him off balance, his hand catching Charlie's coat to steady him. The contact was fleeting but, he still looked around to see if anyone had taken notice.
"Relax Banksie." The toes of their shoes were almost touching and the blond suddenly seemed to find them very interesting. The ride was only about twenty minutes, in that time he listened to the other people talking. A couple sitting up front were planning on going shopping and the older man in front of them had struck up a conversation with some people visiting from out of town. No one was paying them any attention.
"I'm glad you talked me into this." Blue eyes met his own, accompanied by a shy smile. He wondered if this was how other people felt when they were standing close to someone they liked. Like there weren't enough words to have the conversation they really wanted to or how they managed to figure out each others boundaries with out ending up fighting all the time.
"Want to play a game?" When the other boy didn't say anything he continued, suddenly excited about the prospect.
"I guess it really isn't so much a game, just…questions. We'll make it a game." He added, deciding it would be much more fun that way.
"So okay, it's a question game and what ever question you ask, the other person has to answer and THEN" He added seeing the look on Adams face, "Then you also have to answer it after. That way, no one gets asked something that they wouldn't want to share." He was aware that this sounded a lot like truth or dare with out the dare part but, what could you really DO in the confined space of a bus?
"So you want to play 20 questions with out solving the riddle." The blond didn't look too taken with the idea.
"Come on it will be fun. Do you have something more pressing to do right now?" The thought didn't cross his mind that maybe just because he was an open book, Adam might not be. A lot of it was in the way they were raised. For Adam, there were clear do's and don'ts, expected answers and reactions. All of the parts of him that strayed outside of the right answers quite frankly did not exist and were not brought into light. Ever.
"Do you want to start?" He offered, hoping to ease some of the panic he could see building behind Adams calm demeanor.
"I don't know, what do I ask?"
"Whatever you want to know." When the blond shrugged, flagging that this was going no where fast Charlie decided it would be best to just jump the gun and get it going.
"What's your favorite color? I've know you for what almost five years now and I don't know what it is." He could tell that wasn't the caliber of questioning he was expecting and it took him a moment to answer.
"Grey."
"Mine changes. Sometimes it's green, sometimes blue. Okay now you go." The rest of the ride went quickly and they continued the game while they walked to the pond. It was nice to have a chance to ask some of the dumb things that Charlie felt like he should have already figured out. They covered favorite foods, movies, best hockey players (that one they allowed multiple answers) and worst nicknames just to name a few. The whole affair put him in a good mood, for the moment making him forget that he wasn't going to be able to play at practice.
"Can I, can I ask you something kind of personal?" Adam was the first to diverge from their light hearted, preapproved topic list. They had both known it was coming eventually but, Charlie was afraid Adam would just shut him out if he tried. This was better.
"Sure." There wasn't much in his life that he hid from Adam, there were things that just had never come up before though.
"You don't have to answer if you don't want to." He tacked on, already looking apologetic even though he hadn't done anything wrong.
"Banksie, just ask already!" He laughed, skating out onto the ice. Relishing the sound and the fell of the ice beneath his skates, it hadn't even been that long but, god he missed it.
"I know you said before that your dad left when you were little. Do you remember him?" Honestly he thought about his father so seldom it took him a minute to come up with the answer. His parents had split on bad terms, it had been a really long time before him mom let him back in enough to be a part of Charlie's life and it hadn't lasted long. He guessed that was why she was so wary of new people in their lives. She was use to getting hurt.
"Yeah I remember him, he came around for a while when I was like five or six but, my mom and him didn't get along so…" He shrugged, not really sure what else to say. Adam looked embarrassed for even asking which Charlie found endearing.
"Well you live with your dad so I guess I'll have to just come up with a similar question. What did you want to be when you grew up, you know when you were little?" The brunette figured it would be safer to go with same age than the father line of question.
"I always just wanted to play hockey." Perfect answer, practically by the book and for that reason, Charlie didn't buy it.
"Come on, seven years old you can be literally anything, the sky isn't even the limit it's just the beginning!" He had spread his arms wide for emphasis.
"When I was seven I wanted to be a knight. Live in a castle, slay dragons and wear cool armor." He sighed and just kind of shrugged, pulling his hands out of his pockets to rub them together.
"I don't know what else to tell you Charlie, I've been playing hockey since I could walk. There wasn't really anything else." And it hit Charlie completely out of left field, even that young Adams dad had his whole life planned out for him. The thought made him kind of sick and he wasn't really sure why at first. That was normal, parents wanting what was best for their kids. But, Adam had told him last time they were here that his dad hadn't always made the right decisions. He swallowed down the slight hysteria that was threatening to make an appearance. When it came to Adam, he found it hard to contain himself.
"Okay, fair enough." He let the whole thing slide with out fighting it. If he hadn't he probably would have made a big deal out of it and pissed Adam off. The whole notion made him sad. Adam had never really gotten to be a kid. The whole be what ever you want, build forts in the living room, color all over the walls part of being a kid that should be mandatory.
"So, next question. Who was your first crush?" The question came out more like it was to a group of giggling girls at a slumber party than he meant for it to. Whatever, it was just supposed to be fun. Everyone had a first crush and most of the stories were the same. It was a level playing field. Or so he thought.
"Aaron Sorkin." He finally answered, just a name, no story or elaboration with it but, Charlie didn't realize he had hit a nerve until he pushed too far.
"Ok yeah and? Did you kiss her, did your parents freak out?" Adam had slowed, glancing at Charlie nervously.
"We didn't kiss, I told you, you were my first kiss but, my dad found out somehow I don't know. I probably said something. He got really mad and had me switched to a different class." The brunette was obviously aware that his father tended to over react but, he was having a hard time following what exactly there was to over react to in this story. The other boy must have seen the confusion because he ducked his head and continued.
"Aaron was a boy in my class in kindergarten." With that everything clicked into place.
"Oh."
"Yeah." By the end of that short walk down memory lane his relationship with Adam had gotten much, much more complicated. Not that he ever thought that his parents would be thrilled with the idea that they were…something. Whatever they were, they hadn't really put a name on it, mostly because they had never sorted any of it out.
"Are you going to be upset if I tell you I kissed a girl?" To his credit Adam just rolled his eyes, accepting the conversation change that was offered.
"Charlie, I know you were with Linda last year, why would I be mad if you kissed a girl when you were like five?"
"Adam, have you ever kissed a girl?" The question stumbled out before he had a chance to take it back. Instantly he wished he could because, what the hell? It didn't even matter. The idea that maybe Adam had never liked any girl was new to him, he just assumed…fuck this could completely blow up. If the look on his face was anything to go by the answer was obvious. He look really, really panicky, which in all honesty he shouldn't because Charlie of all people would be able to understand.
"I never really had time, with practice and school and stuff…" The line felt rehearsed to both of them so he just let it trail off, not bothering to finish.
Adam was this rare thing, at least to Charlie he always had been. From the outside looking in he was perfect. Raised on hockey, good grades, nice clothes and genuinely a nice person. The only time Charlie had ever seen him be intentionally hurtful to someone was when the two of them were pissed off at each other or when someone threatened the team. Up close he was a whole different person, painfully shy and self-conscious, talented because he had been raised to be the best not because he loved the game, not that he didn't. Anyone who talked to him about hockey for more than two minutes or watched him play could tell he lived for it. That had probably been his saving grace growing up. He was good looking but, obviously didn't see himself that way. The closer they got the more the secrets piled up.
Charlie snapped back to reality in time to grab the teens hand before he skated away from him. He was upset. God that wasn't what tonight was supposed to become, they were supposed to be just relaxing, hanging out.
"Banksie, I don't care, why the hell would it matter to me if you don't like girls?" The initial thought had been to mend the problem but, as always he managed to do the opposite.
"Don't! Just stop!" He shoved him away, trying not to let the taller boy see just how up set he was. Of all the people that didn't take no for an answer, Charlie was one of them. He was going to prove to Adam that this didn't change anything even if it took a full out fist fight.
"Hey, hey what the hell come on, listen Banksie it's just me." He grabbed his arms, holding him still. The out burst startling him. He could understand, it was hard to let your guard down and accept that you had lied to people so much that you were starting to believe your own arguments. So he did the only thing that he could think of, grabbing the lapels of his jacket he yanked him close and kissed him. The punch he threw after connected with his jaw, almost knocking him onto the ice.
"Feel better now?" He would take what ever he felt like he needed to get out if it meant getting him to realize that he wasn't like his parents.
"Sorry, I, are you okay?" He was still standing a fair distance away but, once he realized what he had done all the anger and denial just melted. Charlie rolled his eyes and waved off the concern. He was a hockey player not a twelve year old girl.
"Why don't you come kiss it better?" It was just the way he was, when things got to be too much it was easier to just joke about it. Even now when they had gotten to a place he wasn't sure he could drag Adam back from it seemed to work, stitching back together what was left between them.
The last thing he expected was the blond to actually do it. He closed the small distance between them before tugging him close enough to kiss his cheek.
"Sorry."
"I don't know, that was a pretty mean right hook." Instead of getting annoyed like he usually did Adam pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
"You know if this is how we make up, I don't think I really mind fighting with you all that much."
"You need to learn when to keep your mouth shut Conway." And he skated away toward the other side of the pond, leaving Charlie grinning at the opposite end.
"I think-" Adam spun around, quickly cutting him off.
"Don't even go there."
They decided to stop by the Dinner before heading back to get something to drink and warm up. Plus Charlie felt kind of bad for not checking on his mom more. Last break he had bailed completely and stayed at Adams. When he suggested the detour Adam had agreed with out needing much prompting. For someone who was a little bit of a control freak when he was with Charlie it was much easier to not over think every little thing.
It was late enough when they got there that most of the dinner rush had subsided, everyone seated was already waited on. It was easy to spot Casey, blond curly hair pulled back but, falling loose. He hadn't realized how much he missed her.
"Hey, mom." She looked up from drying glasses at his voice, smiling and obviously glad to see him. Sliding around the counter she hugged him tight and kissed him on the cheek.
"Oh I've missed you!" She hugged Adam just as tight and brushed back his hair from his face. It was getting long, he still hadn't cut it. Probably because when ever he complained about it Charlie just shrugged and said he liked it.
"Here let me get you boys something to eat, were you out skating?" She left no room to argue, promptly grabbing something for each of them from the kitchen. Usually something that had been sent back for what ever reason.
"I was careful." The brunette knew exactly where she was going with this, after taking him to the doctors all she talked to him about was making sure he didn't start back up too soon.
"Well I hope so, you would be inconsolable and impossible to live with if you couldn't play hockey anymore. I really don't want to have to put up with that and I'm sure Adam doesn't want to either." She winked at the blond who just blushed. Of course she didn't know, they hadn't told her. Charlie was convinced there wasn't really anything that merited informing her of. Hey mom, so I kissed my best friend last month and honestly it was pretty great, didn't really seem like a conversation he wanted to try to have.
"Don't worry Banksie keeps me in line. We just did a little skating to loosen up." The look that she gave him was of disbelief, the look all mom's have that's like their secret weapon. The, I know something is out of place and I'm going to find it look.
"Well what happened to your face then?" Out of the corner of his eye he could see the guilt in Adams expression but he ignored it and just rolled his eyes.
"You worry too much."
"Yeah well it's my job to worry and I happen to be quite good at it."
"You got that right."
"Charlie, please just, just don't." The blond tugged his hand from the brunettes, trying to stay discrete.
"What?" Two minutes ago they had been fine. For the life of him Charlie couldn't figure out what had changed in that short span of time.
"We can't do this right now."
"Why not?" Adam exhaled sharply, folding his arms over his chest.
"Because, we just can't. It's different." Even though he was trying, he wasn't sure what exactly was going on. The blond must have sensed it because he explained. Well sort of.
"It's one thing when we are alone but, we aren't right now okay?" Oh, right the no touching rule. He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets, feeling like a little kid being scolded by his mother.
"It's a stupid rule, I vote we retract it from the hypothetical contract immediately." Adam just smiled at him, amused and some how sorry at the same time. As they walked Charlie scuffed his shoes along the tiled floor, bored. He had come with Adam to spend time with him not look at clothes and he was beginning to regret his decision.
"I told you exactly what I was doing today, I warned you and you still insisted on coming." Adam reminded him, knowing exactly what it was the other boy was thinking. He tended to mope when he didn't get his way. There seemed to be a lot of that going on recently.
"Yeah I know." He stuck his tongue out at the back of the blonds head, it was childish but, he didn't really care all that much.
"Well stop whining then."
"I'm not." Even though he was walking more behind the blond now than next to him he seemed to be able to read him.
"Come on, I won't take long, promise." The last time he had let someone drag him to the mall it had been Linda while she was picking out something to wear to the awards ceremony she was his date for. That was probably best kept to himself. The other boy had never said anything to detour him from talking about his ex but, it seemed kind of like an unspoken rule. Anyway, it had sucked then too. Some how he always let himself get talked into doing dumb things by the person he liked. So he followed Adam into some clothing store, making a game out of stepping on every other tile and trying to count them while they walked.
Unlike shopping with Linda, Adam didn't ask his opinion. He just grabbed the stuff he liked and headed to the dressing room. Charlie sunk down into one of the chairs to wait.
"Waiting for your girlfriend?" He looked over at the sales woman who had come over to fold some shirts on one of the displays. He flicked through a hundred responses in his head, most of which would make Adam mad at him and finally settled on the vaguest option of the bunch.
"Something like that."
"Well she's very lucky, my husband usually heads off to the sporting store or electronics."
"Well believe me I would much rather be there."
"But you're not and that says a lot about how much you must love her." Charlie admitted to himself that yeah, he did like Adam enough to be dragged to the mall on the one day a week they didn't have practice or classes.
"I guess you're right." She beamed at him, continuing to untangle the clothes and pile them according to size.
"How long have you been together?" Bored enough to actually welcome the conversation he answered her.
"We've know each other since I was ten but, this is all…a recent development I guess you could say." She was a nice enough girl, long brown hair twisted up into a bun, laugh lines evident around her eyes.
"You finally tell her that you loved her?" Laughing nervously he rubbed the back of his neck. She was just trying to be friendly, if he worked here he would be bored out of his mind too.
"Does kissing them count?" She positively beamed at that, probably replaying all of the corny romance movies in her head.
"I would say so, what's her name?"
Fortunately Adam chose that moment to finally come out, holding two of the shirts folded over his arm.
"Done." He didn't even notice the woman who was staring at the pair with a confused look on her face. Charlie just bit back a laugh and stood up.
"Finally, I was beginning to think I should send in the search and rescue team." Adam frowned but, followed as the other boy started to walk back toward the isle.
"I didn't take that long. I was only in there for like, five minutes, why are you laughing?" It took every ounce of self control to not look back as them walked toward the front of the store.
"Seriously, what's so funny?" He kept pushing even after they had checked out and made their way out of the store.
"The lady that was folding clothes, she thought I was waiting for my girlfriend and then you walked out." The panic in Adams expression made the whole thing a little less funny.
"Chill out man it's no big deal." The whole thing didn't bother him at all, who cared what people thought.
"It is a big deal because I'm not your boyfriend." He snapped. Charlie tried not to show how much the comment hurt him. He couldn't really be mad, it was true they weren't…anything really. Adam had fallen behind him a couple steps which thankfully gave him a minute to collect himself.
"I know that." After the whole…kissing thing he had decided not to force it. He wasn't the kind of guy to pressure things like this, it was better if it all just worked its self out. Of course that wasn't how he handled anything else in his life. He usually just barreled ahead, if he didn't take what he wanted he wasn't going to get it. He paused to let Adam catch up a few steps.
"Look, I don't want to pull you into something that you don't want. So can we decide exactly what this is? I mean I like you a lot and I thought you felt the same way."
Blue eyes refused to meet his but, he continued anyway.
"I understand that this whole thing…freaks you out."
"You don't know my dad." At first he wanted to say yes he did. He had been there when the man had slapped him across the face. He had been there for the fight. For the first time it occurred to the brunette that maybe the reason Adam had been so quick to dismiss the action was because it wasn't that infrequent. He felt like he was going to throw up.
The way the blond was eyeing him, he figured he was expecting a similar claim. Nine times out of ten Charlie opened his mouth before he thought things through.
"This" He gestured between the two of them, "Has nothing to do with him, not right now it doesn't. I just want to know what you, Adam Banks want this to be, not your dad or your family or our team just you." They had come to a halt in the middle of the walk way, making people split and walk around them. Charlie didn't really notice it.
"I don't know, do we have to talk about this right now?" And with out waiting for an answer he continued, walking away from his team mate with out looking back. Charlie resisted the urge to yell after him that 'later' never seemed to come.
The opportunity presented its self when they were in a music store, the lights were low and the aisles crowded with merchandise and customers. Adam hadn't really wanted to go in but, Charlie had insisted so he had accompanied him. Sure it wasn't a place the blond would usually shop, band T's and posters took up one wall and most of the back was the more questionable merchandise. The girl working cash register had bright pink hair and a hoop through each side of her nose. The blond just ducked his head and walked after Charlie, feeling extremely out of place in his khakis and polo.
Grabbing his hand, Charlie pulled him back toward the records. Unable to keep from smiling when he didn't pull away he tugged him into the back corner.
"What are-" His eyes widened, looking around from where he was trapped by the taller boy.
"Proving a point." One hand was planted palm down against the wall and the other tugged at his belt loop before he leaned down and kissed the blond, knowing he wouldn't cause a scene because he was afraid that people might see.
"No one cares if I like you Banksie." He watched the blonds eyes follow a couple teenage girls that walked past, glancing their way and giggling. His hand was still splayed across his chest from where he had started pushing him away, the warmth soaking through the thin fabric of his T shirt. About a hundred things happened at once, Adam ducked under his arm and Charlie moved to catch his hand just as they both noticed the pink haired girl from the register standing to one side of them with some boxes in her arms.
"Hi" Was the only thing that popped into Charlie's head and she just smiled, glancing between the pair before raising one perfectly arched eyebrow.
"Hi, I need to reshelf these…you were making out in the way." Adam looked mortified but, he couldn't help it he just laughed and moved to one side.
"Sorry." She held one of the boxes out to him, not saying anything so he took it and just looked at it.
"If you're really sorry could you put that up there, I can't reach." She thanked him once he did and went back about her business like she saw hockey players making out every other weekend. No big deal.
Unfortunately it was more than just a big deal to Adam who promptly punched him in the arm once she was out of sight.
"What the hell!?" He hissed between clenched teeth, he could tell his face was red even in the dim lights.
"Adam, I've been trying to talk to you about this for a month now. I'm kind of running out of options on getting your attention." The blond looked really, really upset. He tired to pin point what kind of upset it was exactly so he could prepare a counter but, they flickered across the teens face too quickly.
"I've TOLD you. I don't know. I'm doing my best not to lie to you Charlie, okay? Give me some time to figure things out. If you can't do that then…then there is no this and there won't ever be." Like always he seemed to just make things worse. When ever he thought he was doing the right thing, what had to be done, it seemed to back fire, at least when it came to Adam. The blond was so opposite him that he had a hard time figuring out what was going on in his head. And it didn't help that he never volunteered the information, he was a closed book, a closed book with a lock on it and a missing key.
"Okay." He tried not to seem so pathetic but, part of him at the beginning of all this had been excited to be with someone again. He had always had his friends but, having someone that you can share everything with was appealing. He wanted something stable and though he never admitted it out loud, or even to himself he wanted that thing to be Banks. He wasn't ready to commit to it one hundred percent, not with out knowing the other boy was as willing to be just as invested. He had seen first hand what ending up with the wrong person did. First with his dad then when his mom remarried when he knew she was meant to be with Bombay. As much as he loved her, he didn't want to end up like her.
He swallowed down his feelings and buried them in the pit of his stomach. Patience was never really one of his fortes.
The blond was waiting outside the shop for him when he finally checked out, the vinyl record he had went in to collect tucked under his arm. The pink haired girl at the register had given him a sympathetic smile after Adam had stormed out.
Sometimes when he looked back at stupid things he did on the spur of the moment he wondered if he had gone momentarily mental. What was he really expecting from the other boy? Not ten minutes ago he was mortified at the thought that some stranger who had seen them walking together could have possibly entertained the idea that they were together. Then, he thinks it would be a fantastic idea to kiss him in the middle of a store with people around to get him to open up, brilliant, real Nobel Prize material.
The whole thing whittled down to their differences. Charlie was not good at accepting that he couldn't have something that he wanted, more than that he hated waiting for it. He had been the one to kiss Adam out behind his house. He had been the first to admit to having feelings for the blond. It wasn't fair of him to throw all his feelings on the other boy and expect him to be instantly as devoted, even if he had confessed he had thought about them together as well. Adam had never done anything about it.
That didn't mean Charlie had to be happy about it. Walking past the blond when he came out, he didn't stop to let him catch up but he did, sneakers falling into step with his longer strides. They didn't say anything. He supposed Adam was just as pissed off as he was, good it would make fuming in silence that much easier. Just as he had resolved not to talk to the other teen until further notice, he leaned a little closer and knocked their shoulders together, elbows touching. Ignore it, he had to. Then he felt a gentle tug on the hem of his shirt.
"Sorry I'm not what you expected." God this kid and his mood swings, they were enough to kill him. He couldn't just let it go, one apology didn't stomp out the flames that threaten to make him boil over. For better or worse once he made up his mind he could stay mad indefinitely. Stubbornness was what Adam had always chalked most of his outburst to. He was right. That thought just made it worse.
"Look it's your move. Let me know when you've decided where you want to go." The retaliation came out harsher than he meant it to and he tried to pretend he didn't see the hurt in Adams face before he turned away.
It was a Thursday when they finally made up, much to the relief of the rest of the team. Charlie hadn't realized how bad it had gotten. At first he had just made it a point to not sit near Adam at lunch. They weren't talking and he didn't want it to be more awkward than it was. The blond had retaliated by not come to lunch at all the next day. Charlie pretended not to notice and got irrationally angry when anyone asked him if he had seen the other boy.
"He looks tired." By the time they made it to practice everyone knew they were fighting. He was sitting next to Connie on the bench while the other line up did some plays. She was watching Adam with concern. If he hadn't been so caught up in their feud he would have noticed it sooner.
"We're all tired Cons." She looked like she wanted to smack him but Orion called a line change and she hopped over the boards and skated into position, only glancing back at him once with an expression he couldn't read through her helmet mask. Why did girls have to be so perceptive, why couldn't they mind their own damn business? His mood wasn't helped by the fact that Orion still refused to let him play until the doctor cleared him. He just had to make it to next week.
Between plays Adams was resting with his hands on his knees. Not that he was watching because he wasn't.
"Banks, where are you going?" Charlie looked up to see him skating toward the bench as he pulled his helmet off.
"Sorry I just, I need a minute." Anyone else the coach would have reprimanded but, Adam never complained, never needed a break, never stopped so he let it go.
"You alright?" The blond waved off the concern and nodded, sinking down on to the bench and taking a drink of water before resting his head in his hands, breathing in a deep controlled rhythm. The play continued and it was all Charlie could do to keep himself situated at the other end of the bench.
He heard through some of the team the next day in class that Orion had called Adam into his office after practice to talk to him, now he wasn't in the only class the two of them shared.
It wasn't that Charlie didn't care about him but, he had promised himself that it was up to Adam. What ever was bothering him, what ever decision he came to it wasn't Charlie's place. He had said it himself, he wasn't his boyfriend but, he was his best friend. That should count for more.
The realization hit him hard, followed by a tidal wave of guilt that lifted the anger he had built up around the whole situation, which he had used as an excuse to be so distant and completely shattered it. Before he even knew what he was doing he grabbed his bag and rushed out the door, leaving a very stunned history teacher in his wake and a babble of whispered voices from his class mates.
He ran all the way to the dorms, fumbling with his key and dropping it twice before someone exited and he caught the door and slipped inside. Now that he was letting himself think about Adam again it was like his brain had gone into over drive. Adam didn't sit out practice and he certainly didn't skip classes. He took the stairs two at a time, or course Adams room was on the fourth floor. By the time he made it to the door he still had no idea what he was going to say, how to fix this or if he even could. He hoped he could.
"Banksie!" He pounded on the door more than knocked, not really pausing for a response.
"Damn it I know you're there, open the door." The absurd thought that maybe he should have pretended to be someone else instead crossed his mind. His heart refused to slow in his chest even though with the amount of conditioning that he did for hockey, the run to the building and up the flights of stairs wasn't much of a challenge.
"Banksie, please I need to talk to you." He had clamed himself enough to stop trying to yell through the obstruction, aware that a couple people had stuck their heads out of their rooms to see what the commotion was. In the midst of all this there was this absurd panic building in his chest that there was no fix to this. That it was all just over.
"Come on just, let me in, people are starting to stare at me." There was a soft patting sound as feet crossed the floor and a click as he pulled the door open.
"It was open Charlie." He stood to one side to let him in, closing the door behind them. It sort of summed up their relationship perfectly. Charlie was always so intent on reaching his end goal that he often over looked things along the way, things that would have saved him a whole lot of trouble and heart ach.
He was wearing his glasses again but, they didn't hide how exhausted he looked. The blond folded himself up on the foot of his bed, his head propped up on his fingertips.
He wasn't sure why he was suddenly so self-conscious, standing in the dimly lit room with the television on and Adam sitting on the edge of his bed. In the back of his mind he was aware that the last time he had seen him wearing those pajamas had been the same day he had kissed the unsuspecting teen. The same night they had slept in the blond's bed and he had, had to try really hard to not accidently let his thumb wander over the strip of exposed skin between his shirt and sweat pants. He had been successful until he woke up with the other boy's back pressed against him. He wanted that again, the easiness of that night and crawling into bed together.
"We've been friends for five years." Adam dragged a hand over his face, knocking his glasses slightly askew.
"Charlie what-" He held up his hands, silently asking to continue. He was going to clear this up, he had to because he had meant what he said when he told Adam he didn't want to lose him.
"You've been my best friend for three." That was something he had never admitted out loud and if Adams expression was anything to go by, he hadn't been aware of it.
"This…thing we have going on, or not going on or what ever. It doesn't matter." The blond physically winced at that and he tried to stumble backwards and fix it. God he always said the wrong things when it was important.
"What I mean is you were my best friend way before this ever started." He paused to take a shaky breath and the other boy didn't say anything so he just went on, trying to get it all out in the open before getting kicked out of the room.
"And no matter what happens from here on out, I need to know that we'll still be friends and I just, I worry about you even when I'm pissed off at you. Do you even have any idea how frustrating that is?" He didn't even say anything back, just laughed bitterly.
"What's this really about Charlie?" The brunette tried to gauge the situation, the blonds reaction wasn't anything like he was use to or expected from him.
"What…what happened at practice?" He ventured, deciding it was best to let Adam direct the conversation if that was what he wanted.
"I don't really want to talk about it." Like always the brunette didn't take the cue but rather continued to stand in front of the blond, waiting, he had wanted to know what was bothering him so he could start to have a hand in the conversation. Honestly the other boy was getting tired of the one sided dialog.
"God you, you drive me crazy." Adam rubbed his eyes, blinking away the exhaustion he felt. If the past few days were an example of what having feelings for someone was like, he wanted to opt out.
"Nothing, I'm fine I'm just…over tired. I haven't been able to sleep much." He tried, knowing that Charlie wouldn't leave it alone. He never did. He had the annoying super power of poking and prodding and being so stubborn that eventually everything just gave way under the pressure.
His eyebrows furrowed with worry, mostly because he knew it was probably his fault. He dealt with his anger outwardly. Adam internalized everything, keeping it to himself and turning nights into monologs of why and what if's.
"I was worried you weren't going to forgive me and that just, pissed me off more because I told you I wasn't ready and you just, god you just keep pushing! I don't have anything to be sorry for but, you just make this all impossible." It was hard to keep the venom in his voice, it just dissolved out, over taken by exhaustion. Taking the chance Charlie sunk onto the bed next to the blond, sitting close enough that their thighs were pressed together.
"I'm sorry too." The blond had no anger left, he was worn out. So when his eyes began to prickle there was no way he could stop it. There was no fight left.
"Hey, it's alright, we're going to be okay." The sudden shift of emotions caught Charlie off guard, Adam had never cried in front of him before and to be honest it scared the hell out of him. He had spent the last few days so wrapped up in him self some how he had missed the toll it was taking on the blond.
"You just make me so mad." He choked out between stifled sobs, obviously embarrassed but, not having enough energy to do much about it. So Charlie just pulled him into a hug, relieved when he didn't object but, sank closer. He had really messed this up.
"I know."
Adam fell asleep somewhere in the middle of the movie he had on, curled up next to him, fingers intertwined where his hand has been pressed against his chest. Charlie had never been so happy he skipped class before. Even though he knew it wasn't all fixed it was much closer than it had been when he was in history class sulking that the boy he liked was mad at him. They really hadn't solved anything. As the credits rolled he felt around the rumpled sheets for the remote and turned off the television.
There was still a little light coming in from the window, enough to catch on Adam's edges, high lighting the features that he had become so familiar with, reminding him of how long he had wanted this and how much they could both lose. As he moved to get up the blond tightened his grasp on the cotton T he was wearing, blinking up at him clearly out of sorts.
"Stay." Fighting back the urge to remind him that he was mad at him he tried not to smile and complied, adjusting the quilt so it covered the pair of them and got comfortable.
"Only if you promise you won't be mad when you wake up." But he was already asleep again before he could get an answer, not that it had been a serious comment. Well maybe it had sort of been one.
"We're going to be okay." He repeated into the dark, now allowing himself to actually believe it a little.
Charlie had this T-shirt that he had worn since he was a kid. It was faded and most of the picture printed on the front was flaking off. His mom was constantly trying to get him to throw it away, complaining it was full of holes and all together falling apart. It had the skate shop logo on the front and his last name across the shoulders, it had been way too big when he had first donned the garment. What she didn't remember was that Hans had given it to him to wear when he was working at the shop, like a uniform. And Charlie had done so with pride. After Hans had died Charlie wore the shirt to bed every night for a week, trying to hold on to the ties that connected the two. For a long time after that it stayed tangled under the covers then eventually made it back to the drawer as the hopelessness and pain slowly began to fade and some of the pressure was eased.
When Adam had asked if he could borrow something to wear to sleep in he had forgotten it was even still in his drawer. So when he came out of the bathroom in a pair of Charlie's sweat pants that hung low on his hips because they were too big and an old faded shirt that meant the world to Charlie it took him a moment to get a handle on things.
"Thanks for letting me stay…" The blond was already nervous about the whole thing and Charlie didn't want to make him more uncomfortable. After the game Casey had wanted to spend time with her son who had dragged Adam along. At the time he hadn't thought it through really. It wasn't like it was the first time Adam had spent the night but, now he had to admit it was a little different.
The blonds frame was smaller than the brunettes and his build leaner, it fit him with extra space. Charlie could only imagine how silly he had looked at thirteen, completely swallowed by the thing.
"Sure thing." He couldn't stop staring, even thought he knew he was doing it and it was obviously making the other boy uncomfortable.
"What?" He didn't even try to be discrete as he gave him a quick once over.
"Nothing, I just could get use to that." He shrugged, smiling at the confusion that washed over Adams features.
"My names on the back of that shirt, it looks good on you." He crossed the room quickly to still nervous fingers that tugged at the hem of the cotton T and leaned close to the other boy.
"I didn't mean to stare it's just, Hans gave me that."
"Why didn't you say something sooner? I can get another-"
"No it's alright." Blue eyes met grey and held there, not sure what to do next. Charlie brushed back his bangs, tucking the strands behind his ear and kissed him gently, fingers wrapping around the back of his neck.
"Really, I don't mind." The blond sighed, relieved that he hadn't unknowingly dredged up unwanted emotions.
Charlie couldn't seem to keep his thumb from hooking on the waist band of Adams sweat pants. Or his fingers from brushing over the exposed skin there. Slow, he had to go slow. Kissing someone was one thing but, doing much more than that required more conversation than they had had on the matter, especially when it came to Adam. He didn't want to spook him and he didn't want to hurt him, something that was all too easy when he didn't even know what exactly he wanted.
The relief that swelled inside him when the blond wrapped his arms around his neck was overwhelming.
"I'm sorry I wasn't there, when you lost him." The words were spoken gently between kisses.
"You were there."
"No I mean, really there, we were fighting when-"
"You can't change what's already happened, I don't hold it against you, never did."
"I hold it against me. That's the point. I'm sorry."
"So make it up to me." The blond frowned, pulling away slightly with out breaking contact.
"Charlie-"
"Hmm?" He tried to look innocent, like he had no idea where this was going. The blond could read him too well for him to pull it off and he ended up laughing at the face he was making.
"Stop that!" He hadn't meant to laugh. Honestly he hadn't but, god Adam could be adorable with out even trying to be. Maybe that was part of why they fought so much, because he found the blonds annoyance with him endearing.
Hands had fallen to rest on his chest, pushing him away half heartedly.
"God you drive me crazy!" Charlie ducked his head to steal another kiss, delighted when he didn't get punched for the action.
"I think he would have liked this."
"What?"
"Hans was always asking me if there was anyone special. I like to think that he knew somehow, that you would find me, he would have liked that I was happy." This was something they had yet to breach in way of conversation, mostly because this thing between them was new. For Adam it was his first romantic interest. And Charlie, well he had never really thought about being with another boy. Not that it bothered him just there was only one Adam and they were just now in a place where that became an idea, a possibility. As for anyone else in their lives, that was undisclosed.
Long fingers tugged at his sweater, eyes focused on the fabric.
"You think so?" The note of desperation, of longing to believe that was true was so evident in that question Charlie didn't hesitate to confirm that he did. He could see how the shorter boy had grown up needing affirmation and he wanted to give it to him. To assure him that they were right for each other, that this was okay. He hadn't even been sure it was until this point.
"Yeah Banksie, I think so." Blue eyes searched his like they held all the answers he had been looking for, it was unnerving sometimes to realize just how much Adam seemed to need him. It was terrifying to think he had that much of an impact on someone else's life.
"I don't think I have anyone like that." Charlie fumbled to figure out what he was saying.
"That would be okay with us?"
"No, that just wants me to be happy." The comment startled him, he couldn't imagine thinking that, there was no way it was actually true.
He could see it now or rather it was more obvious. Adam had spent his life alone. That's why when he started playing hockey with the Hawks he had wanted so desperately to fit in. Charlie had never had the things Adam had but, unlike the blond he had a lot of close friends. Even when they had ended up at Eden Hall he still had all his friends.
"I'm sure your parents want you to be happy, your family-" The blond just shrugged, finding the fabric of his shirt fascinating all of the sudden. He was embarrassed.
"You have me." The crash of lips meeting his cut him off, the decision obviously spur of the moment. Not that he cared about that at the moment, just that this was happening and he had to figure out what he was supposed to do next.
His hands fell to the blonde's waist, tugging him closer so he could wrap his arms around him and kissing his way up his jaw line to his ear. He was unable to stop smiling the whole time and tucking stray hair behind the other boy's ear.
"You'll always have me." Adam ducked his head but, Charlie sunk down onto the edge of the bed, making the blond look at him.
His knees were close enough to touch the edge of the mattress in front of where Charlie was sitting, close enough for the other boy to reach out and tug him down by the front of his shirt. Craning his neck enough to press another kiss to his lips to remind him that this was what he wanted too.
"You're the only one." The words tumbled out, tugging at Charlie's heart with the soft way it left the others lips. It wasn't that the blond wanted his sympathy, he knew the other boy to well to think that.
"I like it when you tell me what's going on in there." He tapped the side of Adam's head, punctuating the gesture by kissing the same expanse of skin twice.
"I haven't really, I mean…" He exhaled and that coupled with the expression on his face and the nervous twitch of his fingers Charlie knew what he wasn't saying.
Shoving aside all doubt and second guessing he slid back on the mattress, not letting go of the blonde so he ended up with a knee on each of his thigh to keep from pitching forward.
Stretching out his hand he traced the faded traces of Han's skate shop logo, relishing the excuse to touch the other boy even if it was through the well worn gray fabric. He inhaled sharply completely taken by surprise when Adam shoved a slim thigh between his, leaning in closer if at all possible to catch his bottom lip between his teeth. And God he couldn't keep it together much longer. This couldn't actually be happening.
The action spoke louder than anything he could have said, he wanted this. Adam was never this forward, not that he was complaining. He liked this side of the blond as fleeting as it was. The shyness was back in full force, blue eyes worried that he had pushed past a line he couldn't retreat back over again. Normalcy accompanied the shift in demeanor, giving Charlie back some of his ease.
"You said to let you know." Some how the explanation managed to double as an apology in a way that only Adam could manage and the realization made the brunette smile.
"I'm letting you know." He tried to ignore how scared those blue eyes seemed, focusing instead on the warmth of his hands resting on his shoulders, the muscle under the skin of the thigh that his own fingers were wrapped around.
The light was low, only glowing from the lamp on his night stand. The light switch had been flipped as Adam left the bathroom, throwing the room into long dark shadows and softly lit shapes that slid across the floor and furniture, backlighting the anxious figure that slid down onto the mattress next to him.
"Charlie…" His breath hitched as cold fingers pushed into the warmth of his skin, sliding up the hem of his shirt over muscle and ribs.
"I- I haven't ever..."
"We don't have to do anything you don't want to, Banksie I just like being with you." The blond laughed, the sound borderline hysterical and crossed with something else that he couldn't place in the fleeting sound.
He knew the other boy was out of his element, he didn't have to say anything. So he just tugged him down next to him, leveling the playing field.
"I haven't done anything like this either." Blue eyes rose to meet gray, appreciating the statement for what it was, a way to make them even.
"I haven't." He repeated, noticing the disbelief that tainted his expression ever so slightly.
"You made out with Linda at the end of the JV Varsity game, I think that counts as 'something' like this." There wasn't any heat in his statement, not that he could read anyway. The pair had settled next to each other, heads resting so close that they were touching as they talked. The words sounded odd coming from the blonde's lips, mostly because in his head he thought about doing just that with his team mate.
"I kissed her, I wouldn't really call that making out." The thought that followed made him apprehensive.
"Did you have feelings for me, back then?" He reached out to tangle his fingers in the other boy's locks, keeping his attention even though he was embarrassed.
"Yeah." The admission should have been harder. He thought it should have been like cutting out a piece of your self and dropping it down onto the table. It wasn't thought. It slipped by unceremoniously, almost unnoticed in the grand scheme of things.
He knew that he shouldn't feel guilty about it. How was he supposed to know that the front line center had feelings for him? Looking back now he knew he was wrapped up in her or rather the idea of her.
"If I knew I wouldn't have." That was a surprise to him. He blinked just as startled by the information as the other.
"Just make up for it now." Charlie grinned.
It was all Charlie could do to keep from running to hockey practice. In one hand he held his gear and the other the note from the doctor. He hadn't been able to sit still all week, anxious to get back to the game. It kept him relaxed, took off the edge that seemed to hum just under his skin. Adam had claimed he was more irritable the past few days and Charlie was sure the blond had been avoiding him. It was hard not to take his absence personally and made him even more short-tempered. Now he felt like he could breathe again.
Adam was already in the locker room when he arrived, early as usual. He had been hoping to catch him before the rest of the team got there, to make sure they were still good.
As he was about to announce his presence his eyes caught on the dark splotches on Adam's upper arm, making him pause. His first inclination was that they were from hockey but, the spacing and size was all wrong. They looked like finger prints.
"Hey." Adam started, turning to face him and smiling unconvincingly as he scrambled to pull his shirt on quickly.
"What'd you do to your arm?" The pause was enough to case suspicion on the answer that followed.
"I don't know. I don't really keep track, hockey lends its self to bruising." The brunette rolled his eyes, stepping closer to take hold of his arm and look at it closer.
"They aren't from me are they?" The blush that blossomed across the blonde's cheeks and ears made him think that maybe they were. They hadn't exactly talked about the nights they spent together. Neither of them had mentioned it, making it almost like it hadn't happened at all. He was slightly horrified at the fact that he almost, almost hoped the marks were from him, at least then there would be some proof that it had actually taken palce, he was beginning to think he had imagined it. Now he understood why people did crazy things when they liked someone. Why people got jealous and overbearing.
There wasn't another time he could remember that he had hoped he had hurt someone else, not really. Not Adam.
"No." he shrunk away from his touch.
"Hey-" He reached out but, Adam stepped back just out of reach.
"Charlie someone could see." It didn't make him mad anymore, not like it use to. He had come to terms with their relationship being a quiet one, even if guarding secrets wasn't his forte.
Before he would have never agreed to it, he would have gotten upset. Now with this new…development between them…everything was different.
"I get to play again today." It wasn't his most graceful redirect ever but, Adam seemed relieved and took what was offered, even seeming genuine in his response. Looking back at it now it was likely he was glad it meant less tension.
"Did you bring a note? You know Orion, no paper no proof. I'm glad though, it's not quite the same with out you." That was all he was going to get in a way of response to his advances, subtle as they may have been.
"Do you honestly think I would wait for weeks to be able to skate again and not bring the doctor's note?" Adam pulled his pads on over his white shirt, running a hand through his hair to smooth it back into place. The motion caught the taller boy's eyes, leaving him staring. It wasn't really anything new as of late. Adam held his attention more easily than almost anything these days.
"No I guess not, you'd never to anything to screw up when it comes to Hockey." Charlie blinked at the statement, aware that there was something else hidden in his deliverance of the phrase that he couldn't really get a handle on.
"You want to watch a movie after practice? I'll even let you pick." Adam shrugged, not sure it was the best idea, there were too many things going on in his head. He had thought, initially, that the growing of the physical part of their relationship was enough to ensure him that he was ready to take the chance. The part of him that thrived being away from home was ready but, he was a realist and knew he was going to end up right back where he started. The school year would end and he would go back. The blonde didn't attach to people easily and losing the people that managed to wiggle their way in took a toll on him. More than it did Charlie.
It didn't take long after his skates slid across the ice for Charlie to get distracted from their conversation that had happened in the locker room. He was in such a good mood that he didn't even get mad when Coach Orion made him warm up longer than the rest of the team to make sure he was ready to be back. The rest of the ducks seemed just as thrilled to have him be on the ice again. He had missed it so much, even just the sounds that he had taken for granted. The sliding of skates on ice, the ping of a puck hitting the goal post, the loud thuds of checks into the boards, all of it.
He didn't notice how Adam hung back. The blond had always been quiet, more reserved than the rest of his generally loud and overbearing team mates. For the short time that Charlie had been off the ice, the pair had more free time, more space. With his return to practice the front line center felt a little bit of their connection slipping. Like any teenager he ignored it, writing it off with out much thought.
The Captain how ever didn't seem to see it that way at all, following the other boy back to his room after practice. While Adam showered he set out on the task of selecting a movie to watch. He had noticed the awkward interactions of the day, Adams hesitation to be alone with him and shrinking back from any kind of physical contact. Normally he would just assume he was in one of his moods. The blond tended to get caught up in his head a lot, resulting in an array of confusing behavior that Charlie had a hard time sorting out.
After seeing the bruises though, he was becoming more convinced that he had accidently hurt the blond. It explained his jumpy demeanor and constant avoidance that seemed to increase through out the day. Coming to this conclusion had sent him into a momentary panic, he had never meant to hurt the other boy. He racked his brain for the instance that could possibly correspond to the offending marks but, couldn't think of one.
"Did you settle on one?" Pulled from his train of thought by the quiet voice his head snapped up.
"Not really…" The blond was wearing the usual, sweat pants and an over sized T. Charlie liked to think he was oblivious to the lingering looks he had been getting all afternoon, even if there was no way it was true.
"You've been avoiding me since I pulled you into bed with me the other night, did I do something?" The unceremonious way Charlie laid it all out, with out any poise or tact almost made Adam laugh, honestly who else would be that careless?
"Don't lie to me Banksie." He didn't mean for it to sound like he was expecting him to be dishonest before he even said anything but, the blond had a way of talking in circles and leaving Charlie unsure of where they had even started. He bit his lip and sunk down onto the floor next to the brunette, sighing like the world was caving in on him. No one that young should sound so tired.
"Not you, no it's just me and my weird issues. I-I don't have any complaints about the other night. I just think too much." He knew he was only saying it because that's what Charlie always said to him, when he was trying to explain some problem he was trying to fix.
"About what? Come on, let me in for a change." He scooted closer until their knees were touching and waited.
"What are we going to do? You know when we go home. I like being with you but, I can't." The whole thing had barreled past casual conversation and screeched into serious territory so quickly Charlie wasn't sure what had even happened.
"What?"
"Charlie, I've told you how my family is, I know you like to act like it didn't happen but, it did and it does. My father made me switch schools because I liked another boy. What do you think would happen if he found out we were together?" All that reached his brain was the last part, dumping white out over the rest of the conversation until it was illegible and making him grin.
"We're together?" Adam pursed his lips, hands clenched and sitting on his knees.
"See?! You're doing it right now! You gloss over everything and pretend there aren't rules and consequences. You can't win everything by ignoring what you don't like and pretending it isn't there." He wasn't sure he was supposed to feel relieved at this moment but, he did. Sure Adam had told him the other night that he was letting him know what he wanted. That was a big part of what had gotten them into this mess. It was something else entirely for him to say the actual words, out loud.
"You do realize you're asking me to not be happy on possibly the best day of my whole life right? First I get to start hockey again and now you're telling me that we" He gestured between the two, finishing by resting his hand on the blonde's neck.
"Are together. We're together." He repeated the statement, leaning close to kiss Adam gently. He just signed and let him.
"Can we just, worry about right now instead of everything? Can I just enjoy being with you for a while?" The blond gave in with a sigh. Letting Charlie pop in the movie he had selected, like always. The pair moved to Adams bed and they settled in, Charlie tugging him close and wrapping his arm around him with a smile. They still had time to figure it all out later. For now, he just wanted to take advantage of the time they had together.
"Charlie I need to tell you something."
"Okay." They both stared at each other for a moment, Charlie waiting and Adam trying to find the resolve he had, had only minutes ago. The taller boy's mind went a mile a minute, supplying the most unhelpful string of worst case scenarios possible.
"You've asked me twice now and I just, I can't stand you thinking that they were from you." He bit his lip, not really wanting to diverge the information but, more afraid of the other boy blaming himself for the bruising on his arm.
Charlie shifted in his seat so he could look at the blonde, doing his best to wait patiently and not cut him off. Adam exhaled sharply, making him all the more apprehensive about what he was about to say.
"You don't have to if you don't want to, tell me I mean." The offer was hard to extend but, he knew if their places were switched me would at least want to know the other was willing to offer him privacy.
"No I need to tell you. I just don't want you to explode like you always do." That didn't help any.
"The bruises on my arm, they aren't from hockey and they aren't from the other night." Funny enough Charlie had managed to work that part out on his own but, he held his tongue.
"My dad got pretty drunk the other night, he was going on about something to do with work and he grabbed me when I was walking away. He didn't mean to hurt me." The amount of self control it took for Charlie to not call him out was immense. He wanted to remind him he had seen his dad flip out, he knew exactly what he was like. Their previous conversation with all of Adams uncertainties and worries made a lot more sense now.
"Why do you go back there, on the weekends if you have to put up with that?"
"They're my family." The answer was simple but, it made Charlie upset.
"You're a lot more forgiving than I would be." Adam shrugged, leaning closer to him.
"I guess it's one of the things that make us different then. I didn't tell you to make you mad Charlie. I just didn't want you to think you hurt me when you didn't."
"Is that why you've been avoiding me all week then?" The silence that followed was unsettling.
"I was…avoiding you because I didn't know what to say." He glanced up at him briefly, obviously nervous.
"Say about what?"
"I'm not all open and accommodating like you, I don't know how to express what I feel all the time but that doesn't mean I don't feel it. I was afraid you would say you regretted it, that I wasn't worth the trouble."
"Why would I say that?"
"Because we're bad for each other Charlie, you can't say you don't see it. We fight all the time and drive each other crazy. If we were meant to be then why isn't this easier?" He could hear the distress in Adams voice, the fear that he was right was evident in his features and his fingers wrapped around Charlie's shirt. He didn't want to be right, he wanted Charlie to tell him how wrong he was. Out of all the people in his life the brunette was the only one that he wanted. Being apart scared him.
"Banksie, anything worth having is worth fighting for."
The end.
Hey guys, thanks for the favorites so far! Well this marks the end of the second instillation. I tried to keep their relationship slow and pretty realistic. I was about half way through before I realized how hard it was to write more from Charlie's point of view. Hopefully I succeeded! Thanks for clicking the link and giving this a read. If you have any comments or input I would love to hear it! Feel free to leave feedback on what parts you liked best as well as what you would like to see in the next one to come! If you notice any discrepancies in events that take place or part that don't seem to be working please point them out so I can fix and improve them! Much love.
- [N]
