Family
Leon and Cloud fluff...
"You work too much..." It was a common complaint heard within a span of every 24 hours. The blonde didn't like being left alone for too long. Some might call it high maintenance, but to Leon, it stemmed from his desperation to evade the darkness. Cloud had been different since Sepiroth. His mood, his demeanour, the radiant blonde slipped between the realms of manic insanity and the gaping void of depression, more then he changed his socks... and Cloud hated dirty socks...
It would have been nice had their lives been simple, but alas, for two men lost beneath the wake of a grand war, two men who had found themselves within with embrace of a forbidden love; it was hard.
Waking up to face a new dawn, waking up to the hurt pooling beneath those glorious blues, it hurt. Like the world was melting away beneath his feet and all he could do was survive. Cloud sent him on a rollercoaster of over turned emotions. He was the happy and yet undeniably sad. Cloud was the darkness and the light, he was the lonely soldier left home from battle who could do nothing more then watch, wide eyed and scared. Every day as Leon would walk out the door, casting a quiet glance over his shoulder, he would wonder how it was Cloud survived all alone in their small suburban home. What he did all day, how he spent his mornings, if he thought of Leon at all.
Their world had been broken into pieces, sewn together once more only to be smashed to bits again; the shards of their reality placed back together with children's glue and sparkles. It was pure hell, but a hell they endured together, a hell shared between two souls straining to survive in the madness that was the darkness.
"I'm sorry love, really truly, I am, but I need to, we need to live..." came the docile response. Cloud pouted and Leon knew he'd won, hands down, the blonde loved to eat and without food it would be impossible for him to feed his veracious appetite.
"I know..." with a sigh of defeat Cloud crossed his arms against his chest, right, blowing at a stray strand of hair fallen from their unruly spikes. "I just... miss you... its quiet... I get bored," a pause followed which peeked Leon's curiosity, "I get... lonely... Squall..."
Oh shit, he used the name, oh dear oh dear oh dear.. Leon's mind began doing twists and turns, his belly flopping over itself as he peered cautiously out of stormy grey eyes. Where was the young blond going with this?
"You could always call Sora... Riku..."
Clouds fake frown turned heart wrenchingly real in a matter of seconds, "they're always busy... with each other, they're happy, like honest to god, over the moon past the stars and beyond happy." and He sounded jealous.
"We have other friends..." the stoic brunette offered, but this was how it had been, every day for the past week. Leon would come home, exhausted from work to a lonely and disturbed Cloud. They'd talk quietly, like they were forced into conversation, then they would fight. Everything he did set Cloud off, the man acted more like a child then he did an adult.
Cloud just looked heart broken, sky blue eyes clouded with uncertainty and pain. He looked as if he were afraid to open his mouth to speak, as if the mere ideal of words and syllables would set the world on fire and send flying monkeys from the depths of hell. "They don't..." Cloud managed a few steps towards his lover. His bare feet shuffled across the hard wood floor towards the entrance way where Leon stood, still wearing his leather coat, motorcycle helmet in hand. "They..."
"They don't what Cloud, for god sakes spit it out already!" an agitated Leon growled, slamming his helmet down against the wooden bench which sat just feet from the door. The small object shook beneath the force of Leon's anger, knocking back against the wall in a loud thud which seemed to startle Cloud, subduing Leon's anger some.
"They don't love me..." the younger practically whined.
Why was it always too late before Leon realized his anger had gotten the best of him?!
Cloud was nearly shaking while Leon stood wallowing in his own self hatred. Foot in mouth, How about you just go and break another promise you massive asshole Leon screamed at himself. When Cloud cried, his world came to a screeching halt. He'd stop time itself if he thought that it would bring a smile to the blondes beautiful lips, and here he was, yelling at him, treating him the way he promised he would never treat him again. Never...
"They don't love me like you do..."
It was only seconds before Leon had Cloud enveloped within leather clad arms. The fur which rimmed Leon's coat tickled Cloud's nose as he nestled his head against the crook of Leon's neck. The taller of the two, lost his finger within the blonde's untameable hair, softly shushing the quivering mass of emotions beneath him. "No one can love you like I do..." he whispered softly, taking the opportunity to rock the emotional blonde some.
Cloud only nodded, his arms folded against Leon's chest as he burrowed for warmth, desperate for every emotion elicited from the strong body surrounding him.
"You're my candle, the light in the window which leads me home, which chases away my darkness, the warmth in my bed, the embrace which helps me sleep."
Cloud nodded again, sniffling some this time, his nose pressed against the flesh of Leon's neck as he slowly turned to the side. A folded hand slipped away from the warm chest, toying with a few strands of chestnut which had fallen over Leon's shoulder, "I love you..." he whispered.
"I love you." was the response...
"I want to have a baby Leon..."
Leon stopped, laughing softly, unsure, questioning as he tilted back to observe Cloud better, "Men cannot carry babies..."
"Anything is possible..." Cloud joked, forcing his face further against Leon's neck. His lips lingered above his collarbone a moment, his breath but a faint whisper over his skin, "I'd love for it to be us, but we could adopt... or... get a surrogate..."
Babies, they spit up, they cried, they needed, needed love… attention, devotion, he did all that with Cloud, wasn't it enough... a child would be another responsibility, another bill and expense... "I...dunno..." Leon managed, suppressing the ferial moan which rumbled within his chest as Clouds fingers slipped form a lock of hair to the expense of his neck, gently massaging the muscle which began somewhere around his jugular and disappeared beneath a mass of silky chestnut locks.
"A baby..." the shorter of the two men mumbled, turning so that his nose pressed flush against his lovers clavicle, inhaling the scent of worn down cologne, leather and the salty skin; a scent that was so undeniably Leon. His fingers groped and grabbed at the material beyond the leather, at the plane white t-shirt he knew clung to the rugged brunette's delectable abdomen and chest. He needed tangible, he needed real, he needed his hands on a part of Leon that wasn't going to slip away, something that would hold his lover against him, willing thoughts of a beautiful baby girl or boy into his mind.
Cloud had spent all day pent up, alone with his thoughts, desperately seeking a way to avoid the darkness. He cleaned, he cooked, he made shopping lists and daily plans which were only thrown away once he decided today was not the day to venture forth into the world.
Then it came. A phone call he should have been expecting. A phone call his own melancholy obsessions almost made him miss.
He had been lying on their bed, curled up in the spot Leon's body normally occupied, moping like a lover scorned when the phone rang. Cloud lazily groped to the portable object letting out a grunt of frustration when he finally tore himself away from the intoxicating scent left over from when Leon laid down after his shower.
"Hello..?" he hadn't realized how haggard his voice would actually sound, playing off in his ears like a bad break-up.
The response came almost immediately, the chipper bounce and radiating happiness which his dear friend Sora seemed to exude in access amounts, "Hey there... Cloud?" But the boy sounded unsure...
Funny how I seem to taint everyone's happiness... the blond thought bitterly, trying to sound as upbeat as possible as he spoke in hushed tones with his friend, "Hey, yeah it's me..."
"It's Sora..."
Cloud chuckled softly, "I know you dummie, you're a hard one to mistake, how have you been, how's Riku?" did he really want to hear about someone else's happiness when it seemed he was so incredibly incapable of managing his own?
The brunette on the other line simply laugh, the jovial sound resonating through the line, infecting Cloud's determined frown, "I've been... good..." Why did Sora hesitate? "Riku's good, we're good, yah know! I think he's working with Leon and Cid now, but I'm sure Leon's told you eh?"
"Yeah..." no "there's quite a bit going on down there I guess, from what Leon's said. I offered to help out..." Cloud felt his words die off within his mouth, an acidic after taste lingering like a bad boyfriend. The kind who stalks you, makes you feel uncomfortable and then turns out to be irreversibly psychotic. It was that sort of taste.
Sora merely plugged on, oblivious to the obvious strife lingering within Cloud's desperately forced conversation, "Yeah, me too actually, Riku told me no though, he said he likes it better when I'm here when he gets home."
Did Leon feel that way?
"I feel like an effin house wife though," Sora was laughing again, this time at something he had said. It was that awkward, I-want-to-talk-about-something-but-I-don't-know-how-to-bring-it-up sort of laughing that clued Cloud in to something deeper then meaningless desperate house wife chatter.
"Yeah..."
"It gets lonely eh..." Sora gave a huff; Cloud could just see him sitting there, perched atop a wooden stool, seated against the marble island which sat in the middle of Sora and Riku's quaint country home kitchen. The younger lad was probably blowing at an idle strand of hair which kept up an endless tirade, tickling the brunette's nose as he sat, arms crossed, one hand clinging to the phone. Sora was predictable in a way that was strangely not so...
He was typical and yet random in his outbursts, what came next shouldn't have been all that much of a surprise.
"Hey... Cloud... you ever wanna, you know... start a family?" Sora sounded strained, almost little on the other end of the wire, and that made the entire situation a million times worse.
"A... family?"
"Yeahhhh you know... like you Leon, little house, white picket fence, kids, pets, the incorrigible neighbours and best friends to watch you as you all grow old together..."
Sora immediately sounded happier, was that what was on his mind, a family? Kids? Did Sora call up to talk about children and babies, puppies and wallpaper? Or did he just want someone to confide in, someone to share his dreams with.
Both men knew that being in a homosexual relationship, no matter how liberal society was, made the thought of procreation seem daunting and mystical. There was no way neither Sora, or Cloud had the necessary capabilities, or equipment to carry a baby., "Sometimes I guess..."
There was a dreamy sigh and Sora added, "Me too... "
"It'd just be... a lot though... I dunno, Leon and I are..."
"Happy I know," Sora joined in, "Riku and I are too, it's just... well, the house is lonely through the day, by myself, but I don't like popping out for too long incase Riku comes home, and before you say anything I'm not whipped..."
Cloud smirked, that was a Leon comment.
"I just wanna see little Riku's and Sora's running around, I wanna see kids who look up to me... kids who I can watch with the other adults, children to fawn over, to care for. I wanna be tired at the end of the day and feel I've accomplished something. I want Riku to look into the eyes of our child and see me, to think of me, or our love... I know neither of us could have the child, I mean carry it around for nine months and everything..." A pause came from the other line and Cloud knew Sora was daydreaming, "I wish I could, women are amazing for that... I may not be attracted to them, but I admire their courage and devotion... "
Cloud nodded even though his friend couldn't fully see him. Sora had an odd way of just knowing what Cloud's varying silences meant. This time however, he said nothing.
"Why are you talking to me about this and not Riku..." Cloud pondered lamely.
"Cause I want you to think about it too Fluff," there was that pathetic nickname Sora claimed suited Cloud oh so well, "you and Leon would be great parents, and it'd be nice to have another parent around to talk baby with...:
"You think I should talk Leon into having a baby?" he'd be lying if he said he didn't want it, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't curious, excited even at the prospect of a little one stumbling over their wood flooring in an attempt at his/her first steps; the feeling of a baby's warm hand wrapped around your finger as you bounced and lulled them to sleep. The sweet scent of newborn which accompanied all little ones with the squashed up head and delicate petal soft flesh... but... "How?"
"Surrogate mother, well I think it's the best choice, I know there are plenty of kids out there in need of homes after the whole… war thing…" Sora hated talking about the darker times, "but I can't help but want to know I'm in there… ya know? I know Riku would be adamant about using… his… you know…"
Cloud could just see the flush spreading across the bridge of the petite brunette's nose, across his cheeks and down his neck. Sometimes Sora was too innocent for his own good, "Sperm?"
Once more Sora gave an uneasy chuckle, "yeah, sperm… but I wanna shot too, ya know, I was gonna ask Aerith, that's another reason I wanted to talk to you, She's your best friend, so if you did want this… it'd be right for you to ask. I'm going to plead my case to Kairi and hope that she understands. God Cloud, you would have such beautiful kids." And Sora was off in dream land again, baby blue eyes and ringlets, using Cloud and Leon as subjects in his strange 'concoct a baby' work shop.
"Shouldn't you worry about what your children will look like, between you and Riku, there isn't the most abundant supply of manly genes…" Cloud allowed himself a soft chuckle, "I mean, no offence to you two, you're beautiful human beings, but that's it isn't it… beautiful, any child you sire is going to be drop dead gorgeous, male or female." Some how that just didn't come out right…
"Well, having beautiful children is nothing to be ashamed of, but If it's a beautiful boy you worry about, you needn't worry, I've decided, any baby coming from this mans… manhood, is going to be a girl."
Oh Sora, ever the high-class dreamer, "I don't think it works that way, but ok…"
Somewhere in the distance Cloud could hear the opening of a door, the mumble of words and the quiet shuffle of feet. Riku had undoubtedly come home and was in desperate need of some attention. Or so he assumed when a second breath was added onto the phone followed by a squeak, "Oh…" Sora giggled, the kind of giggle he only let escape when he blushed and Riku was present, "Well I should go, you should get something ready for Leon, he should be home soon, Riku just strolled in. Surprise him with dinner and then pop the question!! Or at least think about it…"
'Think about what, what question…' a pause, 'ARE LEON AND CLOUD GETTING MARRIED?!' came an exasperated howl from the other end of the phone, and then a struggle.
"Sorry Cloud, gotta cut this short, Riku's, hey no, stop that… no not there, Riku's being a child again… I'll see you soon though, right cloud… I miss you."
Blondie nodded and gave a quick smile followed by a grunt of approval before Sora disappeared and the sound of the dial tone met his piteous ears.
That had been a little over an hour earlier and Cloud could think of nothing since. Children, babies, toddlers, bassinettes and minivans floated around in his head as he waited for his loving brunette to stumble through the door and offer him a warm and grateful hug.
Babies… the more the thought tumbled around, the happier Cloud became, the more desperate he was, starved for human attention. A baby, their baby, a beautiful child with the likeness of he or Squ… Leon. It was almost too much… if only Leon would agree…
"A baby Lee… a baby…" Cloud all but moaned into the elder's neckline. The fleshy surface of his noise dipped into the hollow of Leon's neck, his breath hot against the ivory surface, so flawless in its unscathed beauty. "Our baby…" the blond torment continued on, clinging to his love as a life line and a supply of oxygen.
Stoic Leon relaxed and reluctantly pulled away, his eyes pinned closed a moment as he struggled to regain composure. There were things Cloud did, things Cloud knew he did that drove Leon utterly wild. The way Cloud's body fit snugly against his, the way Cloud's breath fell hot upon his neck, the way Cloud's fingers became lost in his hair, the gentle stroking of locks enough to lull the brunette to sleep. It was these small, itty bitty things that Cloud did that pushed Leon over the edge. Forced him backwards tumbling into sweet oblivion in a lust filled daze.
"a baby…" with a large gulp of air, Leon forced himself to answer, his palm finding Cloud's cheek as his thumb dusted over the flushed surface gently. "You want a baby…"
Cloud nodded, nuzzling into the warmth Leon's flesh allowed him, "I do, I want us… I want… I want…" blue eyes glistening, Cloud peered up into the storm, attempting to find refuge in the torrent of mixed emotions Leon so often protected himself beneath. It was annoying how the man could love him so wholly and yet still remain on guard behind twenty foot walls of reinforced darkness.
"I want a family…" he finally mumbled, tearing his gaze off the man he loved so deeply, to find comfort in dust bunnies and the folded laundry which lie motionless upon their chesterfield.
Silence reigned supreme, Cloud refused to meet Leon's gaze while the older man struggled deeply with his desire to make his blonde happy, and his own secret wants. Cloud was ready to break, while Leon felt as strong as stone. It was hard not to lean in, not to bask in the comfort such strength provided. It was hard not to give into Leon's form, to wrap himself around the brunette and fall asleep, standing up or otherwise. Leon was safe, he was sanctuary. In his dark brooding way, he was even the light, Cloud's light. They had everything together, a house made home, two bedrooms, one seldom used, a kitchen filled with food, a warm fireplace and an assortment of worldly items, priceless in their sentimental value.
They were two men, two men who knew the world, who lived in the world and now needed a moments reprieve. They needed to play normal, they needed to be happy. Cloud had given up his delivery service and hid himself away. Leon worked with Cid on small jobs, rebuilding the city to its grand nature. They wanted normal, and yet were unable to settle into that comfortable realm of quiet both were so desperate to find.
Babies, however were not quiet, they were anything but. They were loud, they were work and if Cloud ever slipped, that would mean two beings dependant on Leon's sanity… could he handle that?
"You've been talking to Sora again…" the statement yielded a smile, but still Cloud refused to look up and away from the pile of towels, his wavering blues so desperately outlined, "Riku's been babbling about this idea Sora's got going on. The kid wants to have a baby, Riku thought Sora was cheating at first, but the little punk became more and more obsessed with the idea of a little girl with silver hair like Riku's. Today he said something that struck me as kind of odd though…"
He watched as Cloud struggled with his want to look up, to meet Leon's gaze and smile. "He said, I should think about it too. Personally I think those two are too young to be thinking about children…"
"Sora pretty much saved the world… and Riku… I don't think I've known anyone besides you who was so dedicated to the one they love…" Cloud mumbled.
"True…" there was a sigh, Leon's chest heaved, Cloud's body moving slightly against the motion, "we on the other hand… we aren't as young those two, are we?"
Cloud shook his head as Leon's hand slipped from the delicate cheek and into the mess o unruly blonde spikes, "no… and those runts will need someone to help them out I suppose, who better then another couple struggling as parents."
Still Cloud refused to look, he groped and grabbed at the white of Leon's t-shirt, stretching the material until the garment was unfit to be worn any longer and still he clung.
"The towns almost back to the way it was before. Riku's talking about taking time off, and soon there won't be much for me to do either. I'll be awful bored with only you to play with I guess…"
The blond's lips tweaked slightly, lifting into an undeniably strong smirk. "You like playing with me though…" he countered playfully, resting his head into Leon's fingers.
"Well, yes, but I don't want to get tired of you now…" the brunette teased, while Cloud only looked indignant, "the house does seem… a little cold sometimes, and we have that extra room since you're so insistent on sharing a bed with me…"
"Don't act like you don't like it…" Cloud huffed, pulling away. His fingers traced the delicate line of his lovers shoulder, moving along the well defined bone structure, "You could kick me out; I'll sleep in the other room if that's what you wish."
Leon retaliated with a strong tug, and Cloud was pulled flush against him. He closed his eyes, listening to hid lovers breathing, steadying his own so that their heartbeats fall in one timed motion. "Dummy…" he cooed, kissing the blonde's forehead, "where would the baby sleep…?"
I don't know where this came from… lemme know what you think?