Heart-Shaped Box
My eyes were suddenly clouded. My arms were suddenly burdened with the weight of guilt as I lifted the box. My knees were weak as I carried it out of the wretched room, slamming the door hard. Raven gave me a quizzical look as she walked down the hall but I really didn't care as I trudged ahead.
Terra...Terra. I thought of her so much. Whenever I happened to pass down the corridor she stayed in, whenever I happened to pass by her old bedroom, it was like a knife to the heart. I thought I knew her. I thought she was more. I thought she could've been more. I thought we could've been more. I thought she was good from the bottom of her soul. It wasn't like anything I'd ever felt before when I saw her. Beautiful bleach blonde hair. Dazzling cerulean eyes. A warm smile. An adorable giggle that made you feel loved immediately. She had a radiance to her and she drew you like a moth to a flame. She was such an amazing flame. She had seemed so...warm...so inviting. The exact opposite of Raven. Raven was cold, calculated, and never laughed. Not even at my jokes and I'm hilarious. She had this sort of cold edge to her that seemed like it was there for all of her life. Before Terra came I thought I loved Raven. I'd fallen hard for this girl, following her around like a lost puppy. So when she yelled at me with tears in her eyes, my heart broke again. And when she ran out on me, throwing the heart-shaped box I'd made her on the floor right in front of my feet, it hurt. As I walked into my room, I threw the box onto my bed and punched the wall.
How could I have been so stupid? How did I not see that she was working for Slade? I mean, she disappeared every night at seven to go and use her laptop. She always asked me about the team and how we functioned and what we did. I had thought she was just curious, not a spy.
Considering how hard I fell for her, you can imagine how excited I was when she came back. I felt joy that I never had before. LIke someone had breathed life into me again. But you can imagine how hurt I was when I saw her with Slade on our date. It was like someone had tied barbed wire around my heart, pulled, then ripped it out. And then shoved a knife in the wound. It hurt even more when I had to strike her- scratch that. I was glad to hit her; it finally let me see how I really felt about her. I hated her. But I loved her.
I made way through the junk, and I slowly opened the heart-shaped box. I bit back so many sobs as pictures spilled out and onto me. I picked one up and stared at it.
In the picture, Terra was smiling and holding me close. One hand was holding the camera, the other was tugging my shoulder and forcing me against her. My face, on the other hand, was completely doped out, submissive. Stupid boy she must've been thinking.
I ripped the picture in half.
The next picture was a group picture, sans Raven. We were at the park playing football. Terra and I were cradling the football like a baby, while Starfire and Robin looking on like an aunt and an uncle, and Cyborg holding the camera with one hand. We looked like the perfect group of friends. But we weren't. Not without Raven.
I ripped that one in half too.
The box was quickly slammed shut as the feelings erupted inside of me. The anger, the despair, the hatred. Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed the box and threw it against the wall, watching it smash against the wall. Glass shattered everywhere. And with it smashed my soul.
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