Disclaimer: I didn't write "Do I Creep You Out?" (that was Weird Al Yankovic) or Wicked (that was Gregory Maguire/Stephen Schwartz).
A/N: Musicalverse, and I am going to use the term "Gloq" very, very, VERY loosely here, and maybe Bessa, too. Oneshot. First songfic, and first attempt at anything remotely resembling romance. Dedicated to all the Bored Authors of the Wicked Fan Community, who've been lacking in reading material as of late.
Do I Creep You Out?
Boq stared across the crowded cafeteria; his eyes glazed over and fixated on Galinda Upland's bouncing blonde curls. She was eating some sort of sandwich—he couldn't make out the exact variety, but he could tell it was on whole wheat bread with the crusts cut off. His face melted into a ridiculous grin as he squinted across the room, trying to figure out what, exactly, was between those two slices of bread.
He'd decided earlier that this would be the day of reckoning…the fateful lunch hour where he would ask his beloved Galinda out on a date He would finally get his feelings off his chest and ask her out, once and for all. Yet…here he was, on the other side of a crowded room, scrutinizing her…lunch.
This wouldn't do at all.
"Boq, what are you doing?" Tibbett hissed from across the table. "Wasn't today going to be the day you were going to…"
"NOT SO LOUD!" Boq nearly screamed in his classmate's ear. The outburst caused the entire cafeteria to fall suspiciously silent. "Craaaaap…" He muttered.
"You can do it!" Crope and Tibbett whispered, pulling the munchkin to his feet and shoving him in Galinda's general direction. Boq staggered across the cafeteria, sweating profusely, unable to even look at the blonde until he was practically three feet away from her.
Boq's lip quivered a little as he racked his brain for the pickup line he'd planned out earlier, but found nothing. His mind was a complete blank. This clearly wasn't going as smoothly as he'd anticipated.
"I-I know that you don't know me very well."He sang, slightly off-key, stuttering every so often. "We've barely met, but I can surely tell no one will ever love you like I do…"
Crope and Tibbett gave him a reassuring thumbs up from his own table. It wasn't exactly what they'd expected, but it seemed to be working, since Galinda appeared to be amused at the very least.
The item of Boq's idolatry giggled, almost eagerly anticipating the next phrase. A few students from the surrounding tables glanced in their direction, eager to see how this conversation would pan out.
"I like to feel the warm spot on your chair,"
Wait—WHAT?! Boq could hardly believe what he'd just admitted! And in song, nonetheless! Still, this embarrassing confession incessantly spilled out on its own, almost as though he had no control over what he was saying!
"Sometimes I drool, and usually I stare. My precious one…I saved that gum that you threw in the garbage!"
Galinda's smile immediately dissolved as her normally shy, nerdy classmate's voice grew uncharacteristically stronger and louder. It seemed as though the entire student body was watching the awkward scene. Some of the shorter ones near the back of the cafeteria stood up and came in a little closer, just so they could watch Boq make a fool of himself in front of the most popular girl at Shiz.
"You're the one I dream about, but the only question with me now is, 'Do I creep you out?'" Boq belted, jumping onto the bench where Galinda had been sitting moments before, staring dreamily, almost psychotically, into her azure eyes.
The blonde girl cringed, glancing uncomfortably towards a spot somewhere on the floor to her right. For once in her life, she was starting to feel excruciatingly uncomfortable with being the center of attention.
"Every time I shake your hand now, I wanna stick your fingers in my mouth! Do I creep you out?"
Back towards the far end of the room, Crope and Tibbett slapped their foreheads in unison and groaned. "Really, you should have NEVER suggested that he do this…" Crope hissed as Boq hopped off the bench, getting down on his knees in front of the rather disturbed Galinda.
"Me?! YOU were the one who told him to ask her during lunch!" Tibbett snarled.
"Yeah, ask her out on a DATE!" Crope defended himself. "I never told him to do anything THIS stupid!"
"Call you every night and haaaaang up!" Boq crooned, seizing the hem of his beloved's skirt. "Gonna carve your name in my leg…in my leeeeeeeegohhhh!"
"Biq, are you drunk?" Galinda asked skeptically.
"Something I should ask about," Boq leaned in even closer, the delicate aroma of ham and cheese still lingering on his breath, as Galinda backed away a few steps, stepping on an onlooker's foot in the process. "Can I sniff the pit stains on your blouse—and do I creep you out?"
"YES—I mean, NO!" Galinda shouted, tugging her skirt away in utter revulsion. Her stalker crashed to the ground. She did an about-face, nearly tripping over her own feet in a futile attempt to escape, as Boq skipped along after her, singing at the top of his lungs, a slave to his ardent, relentless emotions.
"Your restraining order's out, still the only question with me now is 'Do I creep you out?'
Know exactly where you live now, follow you from work right to your house! Well, do I creep you out? Do I creep you out?"
The applauding, laughing throng followed Boq and Galinda out of the cafeteria. Tibbett and Crope knew they were going to have to spend several hours helping their companion cope with the aftermath of this horrifying incident back in the boys' dormitory. For now, though, they merely shrugged and went back to eating their lunches.
"Man, Tibbett, I don't know what I'd do if anyone that genuinely disturbing really existed," Crope added as an afterthought, biting into his sandwich.
Just then, the cafeteria door swung open. The two boys turned around as a brunette girl in a wheelchair entered the nearly-deserted room. She had a rather silly-looking grin plastered on her face, an odd-looking bandage on her left leg, and was in such a dazed, fangirlish trance that she didn't even notice the two boys sitting on the other side of the room, trying to eat as she squealed, "I can't believe it—I JUST PICKED A WAD OF BOQ'S CHEWED GUM OUT OF THE TRASH! I WILL LOVE AND CHERISH IT FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!!!"
Crope glanced awkwardly at Tibbett and muttered, "Then again…"
The End