A/N: I f***in hate you "Twilight"! Anyways, liked the first book and basically barfed during the rest of them. Here's a big 'ol F*** off parody.
Oh and standard disclaim of non-ownership-ness.
Bella
Edward
Both
I'm from Arizona. Forks is cold.
I'm a vampire. I glow!
You said we shouldn't date.
But we are anyway.
My friend the werewolf revealed your secret.
I hate that werewolf.
He hates you too!
We get attacked.
Ow!
I save you.
We go to prom.
I don't bite you.
I hate you for not biting me.
I run away and hide.
I get mad and hang with wolves.
I know you do.
I jump off a cliff!
I know!
The vampire council wants to kill me.
I want to kill me.
But I don't let you.
So they attack us.
We win!
Look at my hair...
I want to get married.
I'm a vampire!
We get married.
-Chika-bow-ow-
I'm pregnant!
Your dad's gonna kill me! Wait I'm a vampire...
The werewolves are mad.
So is the council.
The werewolves decide we're more awesome than the council.
You're dying.
This baby is killing me!
I hate that werewolf.
I have a baby!
We're gonna die!
We don't die.
And Jacob runs away with our baby.
The end.
Let the twi-hard death threats commence! And the rest of you...idk do the hokey pokey!