The Great Pickup Line Infection

Naruto had picked up the Icha Icha Paradise Vol. 2 Kakashi Sensei had conveniently left around for him to find. In it he had learned that the right combination of words could trigger a clothes-removing jutsu. -.- He was raring to give it a shot. Hanging around the academy after classes, he had ambushed his childhood sweetheart Sakura, who was dressed her her usual pink attire and tights.

"Hey Sakura! Iruka Sensei got a message! We gotta spread the word!"

Sakura, caught off guard, replied "Kay!"

"The word is… Legs!"

Sakura started to nod affirmatively before the implications caught up with her. The veins on her forehead bulged as she tried to contain her anger…

"Naruto. You've been looking at my legs?" Sakura said sweetly.

Naruto nodded shyly.

"It's only fair that I look at yours now right?" She continued dripping honey.

Naruto suddenly remembered another line. "Sure Sakura. I'll be the Iceberg and You be Titanic! You can go down on me!"

Sakura gritted her teeth as she was hit by this line, and shook her head. "I think you're misunderstood Naruto, I'm not going down, you're going UP!?"

"Ulp? AHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Inner Sakura took over and gave the orange jumpsuited boy an earth-shattering uppercut, which sent him flying up up and away! It did give a pretty good view of someone's legs, Sakura thought.

***

Icha Icha Paradise Vol. 2 fell to the ground at Neji's feet, and he picked it up and flipped through curiously, then tossed it aside into the bushes. He didn't really need the clothes-removing jutsu anyway – he had the Byakugan, but he was, naturally, being first a boy and second a genius, curious…

"Hey TenTen! My phone seems spoilt."

"What's wrong with it Neji?" The teammate with the buns in her hair replied curiously as she examined the accused phone. "Looks fine to me"

"Your number isn't in it…"

"Oh Neji!" She grinned and rattled off a string of numbers which he quickly keyed in.

He decided to push his luck since the first part was working.

"TenTen.." He breathed in deeply.

"Yep?"

"Your dad's a great baker!"

"Huh? Why do you say so?"

"Those are great buns you got there!" (He wasn't looking at her hair)

The Chinese girl looked puzzled for a moment, then it registered. She blushed slightly and impulsively took Neji by the wrist.

"Come on. Dad's not home but you can try his stuff at my place!"

It was Neji's turn to blush.

***

Ino picked up Icha Icha Paradise Vol. 2 from the bushes and dusted it off, her eyes widened on reading. WELL! This was a find! She carefully hid it at the training dummys and went off to find a very special person.

"Choji!!"

The chubby boy was stuffing teppanyaki into his mouth. Asuma sensei had brought him to the restaurant, paid for the buffet, and left on a call from the Hokage's place. The restaurant owner looked mortified. The buffet set was so –not- designed with an appetite like Choji's in mind!

The boy shoveled another plate of delicious fried stuff into his mouth and his face lit up with a smile! "Hey Ino!"

"Choji…" Ino put her face really close to his. "I know a way to burn off those calories you just ate…"

"You do?" He didn't get her drift. He took a handkerchief and blew his nose, triggering another pickup line.

"I like the way you play the trumpet Cho…"

"But I don't…"

"You make me horny big guy." She said bluntly.

Now this was something Choji could understand.

***

Rock was training on the dummies with youthful vigor. "Leaf Hurricane!" Icha Icha Paradise Vol. 2 dislodged and flew to where Sasuke and Shikamaru were lying under a tree, panting from exertion from training.

They picked it up and perused it together.

"Wow."

"Really."

They eyed each other for a moment.

"Hey Shika. Come here sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that… pops up!"

He did, and something did.

Afterwhile of muffled groans, Shika produced a coin and asked Sasuke.

"Hey if I flip this coin what are the chances of me getting head?" He eyed the small-mouthed boy speculatively.

After a looong while, they were both lying on their backs under the tree again, but from a different kind of exertion.

***

Naruto was mumbling to himself desolately. He reckoned he did the jutsu wrong, he shouldn't have just rattled it off from the book without practicing first! Now all he had to show for it was a big lump on his head.

Facing the back wall of the Hyuuga compound where he had landed, he started practicing the lines, trying to get the inflection and tone –just- right. He would ambush again Sakura later, better prepared. Come to think of it, where WAS everyone today? Sleeping? He rubbed his cheek against the wall and pretended it was Sakura.

"Hey! Can we go to the library later together?"

Hinata, training on the other side of the wall, blushed bright red and leaned against it to steady herself. She let herself out from the back door and looked to the side, twiddling her fingers.. "Well… Yes… Naruto."

"I want to check you out!"

Hinata fainted. When she came around Naruto's face was inches from hers, and her head was in his lap and she blushed brightly again, turning away…

"Hey! Your hair and my pillow are colour-coordinated!" Naruto noticed.

Hinata turned her head all the way to the side, heart thudding madly!

"Hinata? Can I practice with you? I need to…"

Hinata quickly cut him off.. "Sure Naruto, whatever you need"

"Thanks Hinata! You're the best!" The yellow-haired boy grinned.. boyishly.

"By the way, you got nice legs! What time do they open?"

They did when she came to.

***