The
Hitchhiker's Guide To The Anime Multiverse
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Author's note: I don't own The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy or any anime mention hither. I'm doing this for fun and I'm not profiting by this except for my urge to write something pointless and entertaining. Now sit back and enjoy my adventures, oh and don't forget your towel.
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The following is a story not about Humans, Sayians, Jurians, or any other race or sub-race. It is about an author, a Monday, and a wholly remarkable and useful book. This is the story of that book, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Anime Multiverse, and the events that come with it. It begins with a field.
Chapter 1
This field was a nameless two yards of grass with little or no significance to the rest of existence expect for the fact that it contained a fan fiction author, specifically half-asleep, suffering a major hangover, and originating from Earth. He shook the headache off and rubbed his face, discovering he was in need of a shave. He looked up at the sky and mentally got his priories in order as he reached lazily for his satchel and prepared to leave planet and continue his travels across space.
Guide Entry For Space: Space, It's huge,
really huge. It's so mind bogglingly large and complex, if a person was to
think about it too hard, their skull would implode. You think it's a long trip
to the pharmacist, but that's peanuts compared to Space.
The young traveler, named Ryan, checked over his bag to make sure the Traibian Pack Rats hadn't looted his person during the night. He pulled out a respectably clean shirt, a tin of beef jerky, an electronic thumb, a towel stolen from a Holiday Inn, and a strange device that resembled a large calculator with thousands of push buttons. This was the highly acclaimed Hitchhiker's Guide to the Anime Multiverse. This book has been often mistaken by Stags (non-hitchhiker or non-Outlaw people,) to be the same as the Excliopedia Animea. But there are two major things that differ them, one being that the HGTTAM is slightly cheaper, and the fact it contained more useful information for making intergalactic hitchhiking less of a hassle. The book was incased in a plastic cover with Don't Panic written a large friendly letters on it.
Clearing his head of the morning stupor, our hero tried to recall where in God's name he was. After stretching, yawning, and belching (repeating it twice,) he remembered that he was on a planet owned by the Jurians, Traibial. He grabbed his bag, and a leather jacket which he threw over his shoulder had headed for the port, right near by. As he passed by all the nameless citizens with any part in the story what so ever, he came upon the ship docks, one ship that caught his interests, A Cltar Cltar Battle Cruiser, model 399 version. He made note of that as he entered a small pet shop and bought himself a new Bable Fish, the last one met with a Que and ended becoming fish and chips, leaving Ryan with out any means to communicate with non basic speaking life forms. He had to spend the night out a field because he knew only two languages, English and Bad English. As he stuck the squirming yellow creature into his ear, he set about to find a ship that was hitchhiker friendly.
Guide Entry for Hitchhiking: To
hitch rides with ships, one must know the facts about it. Reading the name is a
good idea to find out what the ship is like, i.e. a ship named The Cast-Iron
Stomach is probably a ship with a cook who believes in using 3 week old road
kill as his/her main ingredient. You also have to watch out for what kind of
people are on board, you can tell by looking closely for a color coded slash on
the ships hull. Ships with a maroon marking is an Outlaw, Green for Smugglers,
Black is a pirate, ect. Space Pirates are not people you want to hitch a ride
with, for very obvious reasons. Once they get you on their ship they may lull
you into a false sense of security by acting buddy-buddy with you. That's when
they loot you, strip you to your underwear, and tie you to the nearest flag
pole, and that's if their in a good mood. Other races are sometimes spiteful of
hitchhikers and will be aggressive, explained further on. Prime Examples are
the Cltar Cltar and the Sayians.
Ryan hummed a few bars of "Moonlight Bay" as he causally walked about with his Sub-Sensa Thumb, looking for a reading, Suddenly it went mad, bleeping as another Cltar Cltar Battle Cruiser hovered above the port. Knowing he was either going to get "arrested" or chewed out, he sadly shrugged his shoulders and tried. He was utterly shocked witless as a transporter beam hit him and teleported him on ship. As fell on the deck, he was helped up by a 7ft. tall human shaped wolf wearing a cook's apron. His friends ceased their duties and scampered over to greet him, in a traditional style among canines, which Ryan gladly participated.
Wow, It seems I've found a loophole in bumming rides off Cltar Cltar. He thought to himself as he gladly took a chilled
shot of Arcturian Mega-gin and sat to exchange space faring stories with his
new Lunarian Wolfoid friends.
Guide Entry for Lunarian Wolfiods: They may appear vicious and carnivorous but take on more personality traits of dogs, rather then wolves. They are the universe's greatest mechanics. They can build or fix just about anything mechanical, except for a VCR which can only be handled, strangely enough, by the village idiots. They're also some of the best cooks and drink mixers in the galaxies ( rivaled only by the Que's, Princess Sasami, and Emril Lagasy,)they are always good in a bar fight, and they don't give a wet slap about anything else.
As he sat an chatted, suddenly, he heard the marching out side the door and ran for the back room where the cooks slept. He waited in darkness as the marching got clearer, then fainter, and fainter. Breathing a sigh of relief he curled up and prepared for a hyper jump.
Meanwhile….
At the main bridge of the ship sat Lady Aisha Clan Clan, the ambassador for the Cltar Cltar Empire. The bridge looked like a steamy juggle encased lagoon, with control stations and the captain's chair, which Lady Ashia currently occupied. The cat women was pleased with herself, having attained such a high rank. She proudly puffed out her well formed chest, causing near by crew members to go red in the face.
As she was about to ask where her snack was ( she was low on protein and was weakening,) when a Wolfoid came bounding in, grinning a fanged grin and waging his tail like a maniac. He set her snack before her and and skipped right out, still grinning. One would think that Aisha would have been puzzled to see one of the cooks so happy, but on the contrary she was delighted. If one of the Wolfoids was looking smug and pleased with itself, that meant that something interesting was in need of her attention, perhaps hitchhikers. I could use some entertainment on this flight. Aisha thought her self as she downed her meal, she wanted to be at full strength and imposing if her suspicions were correct.
Back in the galley, Ryan stood on his knee's, woozy from the hyperspace jump. Vowing to have something a little stronger to drink he flopped on one the futons, just as an announcement came on.
"This is Lady Aisha Clan Clan of the Cltar Cltar Empire. Our scanners have picked up a hitchhiker. To you, whom ever you might be, I have sent out a search party to find you and bring you before me for interrogation, if your lucky, we may not execute you and I'll sing for you. Signing off." Even as the speakers were terminated, our hero could already her the marching boots out side the door. Well if I'm fortunate, they'll only interrogate me, if I'm not, then Ashia will live up to her threat.
That's the end for part one, keep watching for the second chapter, and please, no flames, don't copy this story with out my consent, and please REVIEW ME!!!!!!!!