My Careers Advice Essay Thingy by James Potter

Hello Professor McGonagall! You know, I don't get it why we have to hand in an essay when we are going to have a session on this next month, but, let's put the thought aside and think about how amazing and successful my future is going to be!

First and foremost, I'm going to marry Lily and live happily ever after in a cozy little house in Godric's Hollow- Am and always will be a Gryffindor- and have a kid with green eyes and scruffy hair called James Jr who's going to be a superb Quidditch player- well, enough on my kid's future and on to mine.

That is the most important goal in my life, after marrying Lily is my Job. Well, I'm not going to be a Quidditch Player, I mean sure I'm the greatest player on the team but I thought that I would take Quidditch as a hobby so the world would not only admire my abilities and feel the loss as I would decline with the lingering thought of- Oh, if we had him we'd for sure win every single Cup there was- but to show the world that not only to I have brawn- but I have a BRAIN! Well, that really doesn't make much sense, but, you know what I mean, right? So, I heard Lily saying to a friend of hers- Marlene McKinnon, in case you're curious- about something muggles call Sycrisht! No- sychirisisist! No wait, let me ask Remus…

A Psychiatrist! Yes! That's what muggles go to when they're feeling depressed, and obviously, with my charm and skills and with the reality that upholds me- everyone loves me! Yes, even you Professor no matter how much you deny it! So I thought, why not give it a go! I did give it a go and I used Remus as a patient, you see, Professor, Remus was feeling a bit depressed one day so naturally, as the kind and caring friend I am, I offered him sessions as a Psychiatrist. Laughter is the opposite of depression- I think- so I chose that as my power.

You see, Remus is very ticklish in the stomach, so I strapped him to a chair and poked his stomach all day long! Original, eh? He laughed so hard that he got sweaty a bit so I splashed water on his face occasionally- and know what? He was cured! He was laughing and laughing and laughing away- well, he was cursing me between his fits but, I chose to ignore it- he can get rather senseless that boy can…

Anyways, then I thought, well, Remus got really angry after that, you see, he ran after me all day long- well for a week really- ripping me to shreds and stuff, so I came to the conclusion that he was ill and needed treatment. I heard that the muggles also had a thing called Anger Management, so I concluded with my ingenious brain that Remus needed Anger Management!

I heard that they put the person in a white room and… well, to tell the truth I really don't know what the muggles do in the white room, so I decided to take it a step further with my overly-sophisticated brain and professional expertise! So, I dragged him to a room which was white and strapped him to a chair- again since he fidgets a lot and always tried to head for the door- but it seemed to fail since he was slithering to the door with the chair stuck to him! So, with the help of my assistant, Sirius, we hung him upside down from the ceiling where the blood fled to his face as a calming effect… I think…

Anyways, I took out a book and started reading to him- you know how Remus loves his books, so, I thought that that would calm him down. Anyways, he kept interrupting and screaming so I hung him out the window to smell some fresh air, I heard that fresh air calms a person down and I don't trust a sick patient to go wandering around the grounds. He screamed more really and insulted me a lot but as the caring Doctor I am, I ignore it- well, not really, I kind of screamed back at him but moving on!

I came to the conclusion that Remus was mental. He was! If his anger wasn't treated then there must be something wrong with his brain! So, I thought about the offer of becoming a Brain Doctor! I read a few books on surgery- well, not really- I mean it couldn't be that hard, right? All I had to do was chop off the person's head and say 'Reparo' to the brain and Tah Tan! He's fixed! So, I suggested this to Remus and he threatened to throw himself off the astronomy tower! I mean come on? The usually composed Remus was turning to Sirius! Sirius! It struck me! My best friend was missing so I took matters into my own hands! I heard that muggle Please-men looked for missing people and tracked bad guys so I wanted to become a please-man! I wore a coat and made a search part of First Years- in the command of Peter, you know how much he looks like a first year, so he gets along with them well- and stuck posters on the wall!

IMPORTANT NOTICE!

MISSING CHILD!

HAVE YOU SEEN THIS BOY?

"Picture of Sirius"

IF SEEN, THEN REPORT TO THE MARAUDERS AND CLAIM YOUR PRIZE!

Prize: a chocolate frog.

I'm a poor guy Professor, I don't have much money, you see. So anyways, every ten seconds a person would come in carrying him on their shoulders. Of course, as a Please-man I had to go and inspect if he was Sirius and not someone in Polyjuice. Well, the guy was quite rude really, he kept calling me 'Blood-Traitor' and 'I'm not you're –word that is very insulting and I do not wish to say since you're going to give me detention and then my mum would know the reason why and send me a howler, see, I want to go into detention with a more manly reason, not just saying a bad word, it ruins my reputation- friend!' And stuff. Then, I saw a clear artifact that he was indeed not Sirius! He was his dorky little brother- man, those two look so alike it's kind of scary.

So, yeah, that situation happened over and over again, every time the poor bloke walked out of the common room he was carried back by a different group of Gryffindors. So, I told them that I didn't want the little pesky freak and I wanted SIRIUS. So, they tried removing his clothes so I wouldn't see the Slytherin colour… wow, all that for a chocolate frog, I know! But then, with my overly-amazing-supercalifragilisticexpialidocious talents, I found Sirius! He was taking a bath in the bathroom… well, the job was too easy for me so I declined the offer, but then I found out that the picture I put in the posters was indeed Regulus and not Sirius, but- I, um…the reason was- it wasn't a mistake! I was looking for an assistant of my qualities to join me in my please-man-hood! So, I found there was none, so, dismally, I continued my journey… alone.

Then, the thought came into me! I wanted something that wasn't too easy yet something that I won't get in trouble with... I want to be... to be... A TEACHER! You'll always see my face Professor, even AFTER I graduate, isn't that great! That way, you won't miss me and I'll pull as much pranks as I can and NOT get detention! Ingenious isn't it? Expect me for the rest of your life Professor! Professor Potter… it sure does have a nice ring to it- and, so my darling Lilykins won't miss me, she can become a Professor too! Isn't that great, I took on the duty of making her choices? Right? I'm such a selfless soul, I know! So, no need to tell me goodbye Professor when I will graduate with flying colours, since I'm going to apply first thing the next day! You'll never have to shed a tear and I can take care of all the sneaky Slytherins for you- see, even more selfless!

AN: I just did this for fun and for some reason, I've been writing a lot of one-shots these days that I dont even update my chapter stories- SHAME ON ME!!!! But, I'll update them as soon as I can! Enjoy! Review?