I could not have done this without my awesome beta, Abby. Thank you so much!
The title comes from the Iron & Wine song 'Lovers Revolution.'
The first time Daryl finds himself alone with Beth after getting to the safe zone, it's a total fuck-up.
It wasn't that he had been avoiding her (although he definitely didn't go out of his way to talk to her). They had just been so busy since arriving. The first few days were overwhelming and full of information that it never crossed his mind to catch her alone. Now, there was little to no chance of finding her by herself.
Since she had rejoined their group, Maggie had barely let her sister out of her sight. Beth even shared an apartment now with her and Glenn, not that Daryl blamed them. Beth was their kin. You just don't take your own blood for granted. Daryl didn't have a good excuse to intrude on them, and after they had received their apartments, he found very little time in his schedule anyway. Or that's what he told himself.
He spends his spare time smoking or mentally creating an escape route to get out of the city in case of an attack. Not exactly time consuming.
Now, after being settled, they had started getting the group together frequently. With everyone having different jobs, it was difficult to find time to see each other. It had been Maggie's idea to have Spaghetti Tuesdays again. It was nice to have a bond to keep them together now that everyone was adjusting to the unfamiliar territory of Alexandria.
This week's dinner was to be hosted by Maggie, Glenn, and Beth. Daryl had arrived early to find Beth alone (he thinks it might've been on purpose, but he won't admit it even to himself). She was at the sink, washing lettuce and there was water boiling on the stove with pasta cooking. Daryl sat at the table, observing her. Her hair was in a half-ponytail, and it fell against her back lightly, moving and twirling when she would talk over her shoulder towards him.
It's light conversation, about their different occupations within Alexandria (he was on guard duty at the wall, while she worked shifts at the clinic). But eventually it returns to reminiscing, the first real time they have talked since they were on the road to get here. But then it had been desperate and she was still recovering from her traumatizing experience at the hospital.
"Remember when we ate that snake?" she laughs, turning to face him. He nods, a small smile gracing his lips. "God, it's so much nicer to just have to cook now, and not catch anythin'."
"Can't take it too much for granted," he reminds her.
Daryl refuses to acknowledge that they are completely safe (sooner or later, they run). But here he was, sitting in Beth's apartment. An exact replica of his, a few streets down and a few floors up. It even had furniture, linens and, shit, plates and dishes. He didn't know what the hell to do with any of it. He sleeps in his clothes, still convinced that at any moment, they were going to have to run again.
At first, he had carried his crossbow everywhere. Now it sat against the wall in his bedroom, because no one carried weapons around anymore. Daryl kept a pocket knife on his belt and a loaded pistol in his work bag daily, but he didn't mention it to anyone except Carl, who had asked. He figured that by now, it had been a while since they had settled into the city, and if he hadn't seen a walker yet, he wouldn't for a long time.
"Daryl," she says softly, "we are safe."
"Only a matter of time." She is used to his cynicism, which is probably why she doesn't argue.
Beth just nods, and his heart does this stupid thing when she smiles. He feels like a stupid teenage boy and he hates himself. "I thank God every day for everything we got here. You surely don't want me havin' to use that crossbow. Last time that happened, I got my ankle in a twist." Daryl doesn't exactly know how to respond to that, so he just sits quietly.
Beth looks like she wants to keep reminiscing, but she smiles and turns back around. "Could you help me with this?" she asks, gesturing toward the uncut vegetables on the counter. "Just cut them any way you like, they're for the salad."
The chair creaks as he gets up, and he starts chopping vegetables. He can here Merle's voice in his head, Got you whipped like a goddamn pussy, boy. He pushes those thoughts from his head, focusing on the task at hand. He goes to grab the rag to wipe the blade off before starting the tomatoes but Beth had been reaching for it at the same time. His hand had closed over hers without meaning to.
"Oh," she whispered, looking up at him. He hadn't reacted like he ought to have, keeping his hand closed over hers. Daryl raised his gaze to meet hers, and found her eyes full of something he didn't have a name for.
She was so close to him. When did that even happen? Daryl didn't bother with trying to explain anything to himself anymore where it concerns her. He was flooded with memories of how she had made him feel when they were sitting at the table in the funeral home, how she had looked at him without knowing how he felt. Until she did.
He had been so scared of losing her. And then he did. But he found her, and now she was here in front of him, and he had a chance to finish what he had started in a different kitchen. Her eyes lock on his lips, and he takes the invitation without a second thought.
"Beth," he groaned as he pulled back a little, brushing his lips over the corner of her mouth. She was humming with anticipation, and he took advantage of it by backing her against the wall, pushing her small frame against his body. One of his hands cradled her face while the other brushed against her collarbone and made her shiver. She kept her hands fisted in his hair, a soft sigh escaping her lips.
"I've missed you so much," she whispered into his mouth hotly. He felt something run up and down his spine, shooting right down below his abdomen. Their tongues came together hotly, and Daryl couldn't imagine a situation where he had felt more passion in his life. The feel of Beth. Her soft lips over his. He couldn't focus on anything except how she smelled, how she tasted. How pliant she was beneath his fingers, and she moaned and he swore, biting her lower lip a little too hard.
"Beth, wait…" he gasps, as her fingers go beneath the front of his shit, ghosting over his skin. He tried to break away, but her lips just moved to his neck, and he forgot his own name.
Then reality came crashing back down on him and he remembered why this was such a horrible idea. And he pushed her away roughly, and she looked back at him with hurt in her eyes. He recognized that now.
"Daryl…" her eyes lit up in confusion.
"This ain't right," he tells her firmly.
"What do you mean?" she asks.
"We can't, Beth."
She doesn't say anything, just looks down at the floor. Her cheeks are flushed and her lips are swollen and she looks so achingly beautiful and he wants nothing more than to push her back up against the wall, but he can't. He isn't right for her. He's not the only option she has left and he won't have her if she could be with someone better.
She turns back to the stove, and Glenn and Maggie choose that moment to come back.
"Beth, you shouldn't have started without us! We need to help too!" Maggie reprimands her younger sister as she walks into the kitchen.
Daryl knows Beth well enough by now to see the smile she forces for her sister is fake, and maybe Maggie notices too, but she doesn't say anything. The air is heavy and wrought with tension, and Daryl turns back to the vegetables, ignoring the unsettling feeling in his stomach.
He doesn't go out of his way to speak to Beth the rest of the night, choosing instead to sit by Rick and Carl. Carol and Michonne are across and join casually in conversation occasionally, but Daryl prefers to be reclusive tonight and reluctant to speak to anyone other than the Grimes family. Even then, it's not a very enlightening or stimulating exchange.
"Got guard duty with you tomorrow," Rick reminds him.
"Bright 'n early," Daryl says grimly.
His eyes keep flitting over to Beth on the end of the table. She's staring at her plate, not particularly talking to anyone beside her. One time she looks up at him to find their gazes connect, and he looks away to the other side to find Rick giving him a watchful eye.
He feels many different types of guilt swimming in his gut all at once. Maybe it was some kind of reluctant culpability for Beth being so subdued. Her usual amicability was hidden in her expressionless face. Then it might have been shame that worked its way in there when Rick raised an eyebrow. A silent, what is going on?
Carol and Michonne seem to be silently discussing him as well, and he wants to up and leave and forget that he had ever kissed Beth because this was the kind of shit that came back to bite his ass as consequences. They had no business butting into his moment with Beth (and he couldn't even be sure that they were, but he hated feeling watched).
"Should probably turn in soon," Rick says some time later, after several silent attempts to get Daryl to explain what was going on.
Daryl is relieved and quickly agrees, and they stand to leave. He says goodbye to Glenn and Maggie but merely waves to Beth, awkwardly sliding past her on his way out the door. He notices the blush creep up her face, but Rick seemed not to (and if he did, he didn't mention it).
"Can you teach me to shoot the crossbow, now that we're not in a life-or-death situation?" Carl inquires on the walk home.
"Maybe," Daryl says, stopping at his apartment. He waves at Rick who nods back (he sees the look in his eye that tells Daryl that Rick won't be forgetting his unusual behavior anytime soon). Then he nods at Carl.
"I'll take that as a yes," the kid grins smugly.
Daryl just shakes his head and heads inside, his legs feeling like lead as he trudged up the stairs. He fell face-first onto the bed, didn't even bother to undress or grab a pillow. He expelled every thought and feeling from his head, and just fell asleep.
Didn't even bother to turn off the lights.