Aeris's Wild Ride
(Cloud was in a fix. After weeks of evasion, he finally had to teach Aeris how to drive. He
decided to take the buggy, since it's been ignored for a while.)
Cloud: (opens the door on the driver's side for Aeris) After you...
Aeris: Oh Cloud, you're sweet. (gets in)
Cloud: (gets in the passenger's seat) Okay, Aeris. It's time to learn how drive.
Aeris: Who said I wanted to learn how to drive?!
Cloud: Uh.....you did...
Aeris: I just wanted to get you away from Tifa! (Turns the ignition key)
Cloud: Aeris?!
Aeris: YOU'RE ALL MINE, NOW!!! (Laughs maniacally and drives off with a screaming
Cloud)
(Meanwhile...)
Barret: What 'da hell am I gonna get for Marlene? (sees a toy store near by) Yeah! Good plan,
man! (walks over to the toy store while people run away after seeing his gun-arm)
Lady 1: AAAAHHH!
Lady 2: EEEEEEK!
Lady 3: (faints)
Old lady: (stares at Barret's @$$) Ohhhhh....nice...ACK! (Has a heart attack)
Barret: Crazy old b***h... (walks into the toy store)
(Back to the driving lesson...)
Aeris: (driving like a maniac) WHOOOHOOOO!!!!!!!!
Cloud: AERIS!!! WATCH OUT!!!!!!!!!!!
(The buggy plows through the streets of Midgar and runs over a few people)
Aeris: HEEEEEEHAAAAAAAAAW!!!!!!!
Cloud: What's gotten into you?!?
Aeris: Nothing, Bodyguard!!! (smiles)
Cloud: (sees Sephiroth right in front of them) Aeris!!! PLEASE DRIVE
CAREFULLY!!!!
Aeris: HEY!!! IT'S HIM!!!!!! I'LL GET HIM FOR WHAT HE DID TO ME!!!!!!!!!
Cloud:?!?!??!?!?!?!
Aeris: AAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGG!!!! (speeds up)
Sephiroth: It's time to get mommy dearest a present!
Aeris: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE
DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sephiroth: (sees the buggy) HOLY S**T ON A STICK!!! (jumps out of the way to avoid a
speeding Aeris) WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TRYING TO DO YOU B***H?!?!?!
Aeris: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(tries to run over poor Sephy again)
Sephiroth: (unsheathes his Masamune and pole-vaults out of the way) G*****N IT!!!! SLOW
DOWN, YOU SKANK!!!
Aeris: What the hell did you call me?!?!
Sephiroth: A SKANK!!!
Aeris: TAKE THIS!!! (Casts Seal Evil on Sephiroth, paralyzing him)
Sephiroth: (thinks: OH S**T!!!)
Aeris: (drives toward Sephiroth)
Cloud: AERIS!!! SLOW DOWN!!!
Aeris: (actually listens) Okay Cloud! (Instead of going 150 mph, she goes 149 mph) There!!!
See? (smiles)
Cloud: Oh...no... (covers his eyes)
Aeris: SEPHIROTH!!! (plows right into Sephiroth)
Sephiroth: (is lying on the pavement, still paralyzed)
Cloud: Lets...go...home...RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!
Aeris: (scared s**tless of Cloud) Yes...sir...
Cloud: This time, I'LL drive!!!
Aeris: Fine! (switches seats with Cloud and pouts)
Cloud: None of that!!! Let's go home!
Aeris: ...
(They drive back to Cloud's villa and locks the car in the garage.)
Cloud: (gets out of the car and locks it) There! You can't get it anymore!
Aeris: ...
Cloud: Oh S**T! Where are my keys?!
Aeris: (points inside the buggy. Sure enough, the keys are in the key hole)
Cloud: ...
Aeris: You know Cloud... Since you need your keys to get in the house, and you just locked
them in the car, that means it's just you and me...
Cloud: ...
Aeris: Just you...and me... (walks slowly towards Cloud)
Cloud: Aeris?
Aeris: Just...you...and...me...
Cloud: * gulp *
Aeris: (wraps her arms around Cloud and begins to have sex with him against his will)
(Meanwhile...)
Barret: (gets out of the toy store with a big bag of toys and sees all sorts of people on the
ground.) WHAT 'DA HELL HAPPENED 'ERE?!?!
Sephiroth: (all twisted and bloody) ...help.....me....ugh...
Barret: Sephiroth!!! I'll bust a fat cap in yo' @$$!!! *drops the bag and proceeds to fill
Sephiroth full of lead)
Sephiroth:(dies)
Barret: I pity the foo who asks me fo' help!!! (does his victory pose, picks up his bag, and walks
home)
AUTHOR'S NOTE: I hope you liked this story! Please R & R! All comments (good or bad) can be
sent to Cloud_S_@excite.com.
THANKS FOR READING!!! :)
