Sam could remember the first time she saw Gabriel.
Something about the caramel brown haired male had drawn her in, like a moth to a flame. Of course, at the time, she believe him to be a trickster, not the youngest of the four archangels; the most powerful celestial beings in existence.
There was just something about him that caught Sam's eye, maybe it was his charismatic personality or his extremely blunt nature, but Sam couldn't help herself, she thought about the man constantly. Though, of course, she hadn't told Dean this, nor did she think she ever would. She didn't think her brother would understand.
She could still see the light fade from the trickster's eyes as the stake was shoved into his heart, the look of pure shock that had replaced the usual arrogant expression still got to her, even if it was only a double, a trick played just to get them off his back. Because let's face it, there is just no way they'd be able to outsmart someone who'd been in that business for longer than they had been alive.
Then there was that one night.
One night that changed everything. The night she'd discovered that the trickster meant more to her than she'd possibly realized. As usual, Dean and Castiel had been giving each other not-so-subtle longing stares and Sam had grown tired of it and headed off to the nearest bar. One drink turned into five and five drinks turned into ten.
"If it isn't the moose," a voice drawled and her head snapped to the side.
"You," Sam gasped and reached towards her pocket for her gun, only to falter as relief that he was alive welled in her chest. "How?"
"Next time you try to kill a trickster, make sure it's the real thing and that he's actually dead," the trickster snorted.
"I'm glad you're alive," Sam blurted out before she could stop herself.
"Well, thank you, Sambo," the man stated after the surprise left his system.
A second later, a shot glass appeared in front of the trickster and he grasped it tightly before downing it in one swift movement.
"What's your name?" Sam's voice slurred slightly. "S'kinda pointless calling you trickster constantly."
"They call me Loki."
"S'cool name." Sam would usually be interrogating him by now, but with the alcohol in her system, she couldn't be bothered.
She turned her head and met the even gaze of Loki, noticing for the first time that he had surprisingly warm eyes with amber and gold flecks. Drink by drink, Sam became intoxicated whilst Loki remained unaffected by the alcohol.
And then it happened; a drunken – in Sam's case – one night stand.
The next meeting that had any resemblance of importance, was finding out the truth; he was Gabriel, the youngest Archangel, but of course, he was just as powerful as his brothers.
Hurt and betrayal were the two main emotions that hit Sam like a truck. She'd lied to Dean for him, gone against her family for him and all she got in return was dishonesty and obviously no trust.
"You never told me," Sam whispered later that night as Gabriel appeared in her motel room, she'd gotten a separate one from Dean and Cas because she wanted to be alone. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"Because I was happy just being Loki." Gabriel sighed at the wounded look on Sam's face. "The last time I was Gabriel, my brothers fought constantly and then Lucifer was cast into hell. I was miserable; I couldn't bear it and I left. But you already know that."
"You didn't trust me." Sam shook her head. "You still don't. Because it's Dean and I's fault that your brothers have to kill each other."
"It's true," Gabriel snapped defensively.
"At least I'm not a coward," Sam barked, anger and hurt rising in her chest. "Did you even stop to think that maybe your other siblings needed you? No! You couldn't face your family so you just ran away!"
Guilt rose in her chest at her harsh words, but before she could even hope to take it back, Gabriel disappeared in a flutter of wings, leaving his hurt expression imprinted into Sam's mind.
Their final meeting was what broke her heart, leaving her chest feeling hollow and empty.
If only she had never left Gabriel to face Lucifer. If only she hadn't called him a coward, made him choose to fight his brother in an attempt to prove he wasn't a coward; to prove himself to Sam. If only she'd returned sooner, maybe she could have saved the angel.
But of course, fate's cruel. It comes along, and when you least expect it, destroys a part of your life, leaving you feeling confused or angry or even heartbroken.
She'll never forget that day, for as long as she lives, she'll never forget.
"I'll be right back," Sam told Dean as they watched Kali climb into the back seat of the impala.
"Hold up," Dean ordered. "Where are you going?"
"To get Gabriel," she replied simply.
"You're not going back in there." Dean shook his head. "He can protect himself, he's an Archangel. Besides, are you forgetting about the devil? You know, the one who wants to wear you to prom?"
"We can't leave Gabe," Sam said, eyes wide in horror.
She did the only thing she could think of when her brother grabbed her arm and she brought her fist forward, it hit Dean's cheek with a loud smack and sent him stumbling backwards.
"I won't be long!" she called before disappearing into the hotel.
"Don't make me do this, Gabriel," Lucifer's voice drifted towards her before she even reached the room.
"No one makes us do anything," Gabriel replied, his back to Sam.
"I know you think you're doing the right thing, Gabriel," Lucifer started with a tiny sliver of sadness in his eyes. "But I know where your heart truly lies."
With that, Lucifer spun around, grabbed the real Gabriel's arm and twisted it, sending the angel blade into his baby brother's heart.
"Amateur hocus pocus. Don't forget; you learned all your tricks from me."
"No!" Sam yelled just as the devil twisted the blade and Gabriel screamed in agony as his grace fled from his body, filling the room with a bright, bluish white light before vanishing; ceasing to exist. Sam's heart froze, the breath catching in her throat and she pressed her hands against her lips, her hazel eyes widening.
"He gave me no choice," Lucifer uttered, as he turned to face his true vessel.
Sam felt the familiar sting of tears in her eyes and she brushed past the blonde haired male, dropping to her knees beside what was left of the small, candy loving, hyperactive archangel.
"There is always a choice," she whispered in return. "You took the easy one because he finally stood up to you."
A flutter of wings told her that Lucifer was gone, without even attempting to argue with Sam's statement. Sam's hands shook as she hesitantly reached out to Gabriel, her chest shook as sobs rose to the surface.
"I'm sorry," she whimpered and stared down at the peaceful face, now free of any emotion. "I'm so sorry..."
She proceeded to lean down and press her lips to Gabriel's before slipping her arms under his and dragging him towards the door.
Sam jumped slightly as Dean brought his hand down of the table and looked up to find her older brother staring at her with suspicious eyes.
"What is going on with you?" Dean demanded. "You've been in a mood ever since we buried Gabriel."
"I'm not in a mood," she mumbled in a half-hearted attempt to get Dean off her back.
"What's the matter, Samantha? Is it your time of the month?" When Dean received no answer, he latched onto the edge of the book and yanked it from Sam's grasp, sending it tumbling to the floor.
"You really want to know what my problem is?" she barked, knocking the chair over in her hurry to stand up.
"Yeah, I do!" Dean shouted, genuine concern for his baby sister in his eyes.
"I miss him, okay?" She ran a hand through her tangled brown hair. "And I don't get why Castiel doesn't even seem bothered by what happened."
"This is about Gabriel, isn't it?" Dean asked, raising an eyebrow. "Why do you care so much? I thought you hated his guts for what he put you through?"
"Because I just do," she mumbled, sitting down and rubbing a weary hand over her face.
"Why? It's not like you're in love with him." Realization hit Dean like a train. "You're in love with him."
"It doesn't matter now, he's gone." Sam's eyes remained glued to the table top, she swallowed deeply. "He's gone and... I didn't even get the chance to tell him that I love him and I now understand why he did what he did, even though he could have been a little nicer about it."
"You really love him?" Dean asked with a strangled voice. "I-I need a beer."
Sam watched her brother storm out and slam the door behind him before she sighed tiredly and lay down on the bed, pulling the covers over her. She was asleep within minutes, and of course, failed to notice the figure that appeared at the foot of the bed.
"I love you too," Gabriel whispered softly, trailing a finger over Sam's cheek a few times. He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. "And that's why I have to let you go."
With that, he turned on his heel and disappeared in a flutter of wings just as Sam groaned in her sleep and rolled over onto her side.