Welcome to the most amazing work ever written. You have stepped into something so astounding, breathtaking and incredible, you won't believe your existence. You have stepped into an epic world of heroes, princesses, legends and swords. You have stepped into…the stereotype zone! Brought to you by the one and only Captain Douglas Falcon! Ta daaa!

I know all of you missed me. You can't get enough of my sexiness, now can you children? No, you can't. To deprive you of my hotness would be a crime-a crime punishable by death. So I bequeath onto you, my beloved children, my knowledge and intelligence. Prepare to be amazed by stuff you have never seen before, and stuff no one's seen before. I hope you've got your popcorn ready!

Disclaimer: Director Aurora doesn't own anything related to Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I don't own anything either, aside from my unbelievable sexiness. Oh, and the same rules apply to the guest stuff.

Warning: Boy/boy relationships will be mentioned. If the thought of guy/guy action makes you sick, please don't read this-or anything else Aurora has written. Make sure you can at least be respectful towards yaoi if you wish to continue. Thanks!

This is meant to be a fun, lighthearted project. Although it conveys Director Aurora's dislike for this fandom, we're all supposed to have a jolly good time. Please keep that in mind while you read this!

Another day has risen. The sun is out, the day has begun, and the winds are ripe for the picking. Our beloved heroes and heroines face another session of heart-rending, gut-punching battles. They face destiny, fate and everything else in between. They face their darkest nightmares, standing on the threshold to immortality. They just finished a bunch of battles, but they're going to face a whole bunch more! Isn't that fascinating?! It is what they do, after all. They're Smashers!

"So," King Bowser sighed, rolling his eyes. Along with the rest of his comrades, he sat inside of the Smash Break Room. An All-Star Tournament had just come to an end, and another was just around the corner! It was all work and no play, for that was the Smash way! "What's up with today? Is that slimeball Falcon going to spill more of his fun rules, or are we doomed to inhale someone else's stupidity?"

Fox McCloud, sitting between Falco Lombardi and Wolf O'Donnell, removed a scroll from his pocket. "He's leading us down the path of righteousness again," he said casually, as if a magazine had been placed into his hands. "But before we begin today's awesome schedule, he wants us to have a recap session. If we've forgotten his guide to Smash stardom, nothing else will make sense. That's what he says, anyway."

And so the legendary scroll was unfolded, revealing contents unknown to man but known to the readers of 'Stardom'.

Here, dear readers, dwells the incredible knowledge of Captain Falcon. Heed these words if you wish to succeed in the Smash fandom. These words will be invaluable to a writer of the Smash fandom.

Pay close attention to trends, dear friends. While the Ike/Pit trend has fallen into oblivion, the Ike/Marth trend has skyrocketed in popularity. Falcon predicts the uprising of the Ike/Link pairing.

If you wish to succeed in the Smash fandom, DO NOT use Solid Snake-unless you pair him with Samus. In addition to that, you must make him a minor character. No one really cares for him.

One Ike/Marth tale attained thirty reviews, when it was only three chapters long. That fact strengthens point one.

If you wish to truly succeed, stay away from yaoi all together. The Marth/Samus and Marth/Zelda pairings are really popular.

Pay close attention to summary trends. This fandom features run-of-the-mill storylines on a frequent basis.

The Smashers were in awe of that wisdom. Never before had they witnessed such grandeur, such splendor. What planet was Captain Falcon born on? It must've been the planet Awesome. "What's on today's plate?" Samus asked, arms folded. King Dedede removed what appeared to be another scroll from his pocket, glaring at the document. He was so cute, he looked just like a puffed up marshmallow. He's really cute in his pink outfit. Wouldn't he be perfect for an Easter basket?

"Well, according to this, Falcon says we're speaking of Smashtypes-Smashers who are doomed to live with stereotypes. We've got Solid Snake's Smashtype, first off."

Princess Peach folded her arms, frowning. "I wonder how he's doing. I miss having him around."

Falcon Reminder: Solid Snake will no longer be featured in Director Aurora's Smash projects.

"Don't feel sorry for him, Princess," Samus said with a scowl, looking as if she had inhaled a million pickled roaches. "He's just fine. Who wouldn't be in his position? Director Aurora not only has him paired with Leon, but with every other hot guy in the universe. I mean, come on. Zack Fair and chaos? Can anyone spell 'jealous'?"

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the first Smashtype-Solid Snake's Smashtype!

Solid Snake is frequently characterized as a stone-cold, heartless and boring wretch that lives only for battle. In addition to that, he's also a womanizer-which makes him perfect for Zero Suit Samus, especially when their similar personalities are taken into consideration. I would have asked Snake to demonstrate his Smashtype, but he's too busy boinking Leon Scott Kennedy, Zack Fair and a bunch of other guys Aurora believes to be hawt. So I asked a dear friend to assume his role.

"Hey there. Name's Snake," Snake said with a wave, strolling into the breakroom. His greeting was completely rehearsed, not to mention forced. "What mission do I have today? Am I supposed to whack a bunch of Metal Gears or some nut job?"

All looked into his direction, confused and bewildered. Sonic was the first to break the awkward Smash silence. "Um…Snake? I thought you weren't supposed to be here!"

The legend looked like a horrendously bored cat, playing with an old toy. "I'm on break," he said, ready to fall asleep without a moment's notice. "So it looks like Samus is stuck with me."

The blonde lioness leapt from her seat, throwing herself into Snake's arms. "Yaaay," she squealed, even happier than Sebastian under the sea. "I have my pre-programmed hubby back! We're going to be as happy as we can be!"

"Yeah yeah yeah," the man groaned, rolling his eyes. "You and I both know how ridiculous this is. Let's go out and destroy whatever it is we're supposed to destroy, and yadda yadda yadda. After all, I have to live up to my rep. I am the biggest, baddest bad-ass of all the bad-asses."

That's right, kiddies and children. As an invincible bad-butt, Solid Snake isn't allowed to show emotion. He can't cry, sulk, smile or pitch a fit. He definitely can't fall in love, and if he becomes intimate, it has to be purely physical. Oh, and I haven't forgotten about his drinking/smoking problem!

Snake put forth a strained smile, going against his Smashtype rules. "I've got a great life, huh? It's no wonder I'm freakishly popular."

"I know," Samus purred, nuzzling against him. "Let's go and do the bad thing. I'm ready for anything, you big bad sex beast!"

Zero Suit Samus Smashtype

Samus is commonly depicted as a tough-talking, no-nonsense woman. That explains why she's cemented to Solid Snake. She's either paired with Snake or set up with the obvious choice: Captain Falcon. Which gives Falcon the perfect idea. A threeway between Snake, the beautiful Samus and the brilliant Falcon! Great idea, don't you think?! Snake's always ready for sex, I think Samus is totally hawt, and Samus is a kitten. It would be a totally kinky set up!

Captain Pit Smashtype

Pit is commonly characterized as an innocent, clueless angel. Rare authors swerve from that depiction, and actually give him a brain. GintaxAlvissxForever is one of those authors. He's cemented to Ike, and sometimes paired with Link. His first option is always the most popular.

Sonic rose from his seat. "Speaking of Link, where is he? Haven't seen him since last night. Things became pretty messy between him and Navi."

That was right, dear friends. Link's been heavily involved with Navi, his beloved Kokiri fairy. Unfortunately, the road to true love is NEVER smooth. Obstacles have been crushing them at every turn. Maidens threaten to tear them apart! Navi's obsessive behavior threatens to kill Link's sanity! Their steamy relationship is in extreme danger! Sound the alarm!

But at the mere mention of Link, a miracle occurred. A ball of light grew in the center of the breakroom, bringing forth two figures. One was some pointy-eared, green tunic guy, while the other guy held something that looked like a key. It was pretty big for a key, but a key nonetheless. "Where did you run off to?" Zelda asked, rushing to meet her old friend. "And who's that?"

The key-wielding guy raised a hand in greeting. "Name's Sora, ma'am. Link and I were searching for Navi, closing up Keyholes on the way. Hope I didn't cause any trouble."

Link nudged Hyrule's sovereign in the chest. "I was wondering if he could join the lineup for next season. He's pretty amazing with that Keyblade of his."

"Don't tell me you've been cheating on Navi with Sora," Zelda snapped viciously, pulling on his arm. "Wait a minute. I don't need you to tell me! I know you're cheating on her! You wanted to spend time with Sora, and used Navi as an excuse!"

A frown fell upon the Hero of Time's face. "What's the problem?" he asked innocently, looking very much like a wounded dog.

"What's the problem?! You moron! Once Navi finds out about this, she'll wreak havoc on all dimensions! She'll be even more powerful than Ganondorf!"

Ike raised a fist into the air, suffering from a case of raging hormones. He was, after all, doomed to spend the rest of his life with Pit. "Yes! Kill me! Put me out of my misery! I wish for some kind soul to end my miserable existence!"

Thunder crashed into the breakroom, and its name was Navi. Spreading wildfire through the room, she rushed into the room on wings of wrath! "I already know Link's secret, my queen," she said darkly, wings stiffening. Don't ask me how she was able to stay airborne. "Have no fear. I will sort this out!"

"Can I sort it out?" Snake asked innocently, raising a hand. "I need something to do. Otherwise I'll become bored and rot."

"Wait a minute," King Dedede exclaimed, shooting up from his seat. "Snake, if you're not allowed to show emotion, how can you be in love with that babe Leon?"

Indifferent and bored at the same time, Snake gave a response. "The Smashtype rules don't apply to other fandoms, Dedede. I'm only supposed to be dead in this particular section."

"Navi! You know I love you, but things can't go on like this! I can't be your property!"

"Oh no? You gave me the right to own your heart, and I will! I'm going to love you forever, even if I have to wipe out your extra playboys and floozies! Your flowing blonde locks and blue eyes are mine, elf boy!"

And so an epic battle began, raging between Sora of the Keyblade and Navi of the…well, of the Kokiri Forest! A lot of stuff happened, spells flew all over the place, and…wait a minute. When did Navi learn magic?

"Firaga!"

"Din's Fire, burn my enemy! Release!"

Link could watch no more. "Stop this," he cried out, hands in the air. "Navi, Sora, stop it! I'm not worth it!"

With that, he threw himself between the combatants. Fire from both ends struck the legendary hero, bringing him down. Fire cleared, revealing a horrid sight. "Link," Sora and Navi cried out, tears lacing their eyes (or body, in Navi's case). Both of them placed themselves at his side, horrified by what had happened. Sora took Link into his arms, tears overflowing.

"What made you pull such a wild stunt?"

Link, through fogged eyes, gave off a smile. "I don't want you two to fight over me," he whispered, pushing words through massive pain. "It's not worth it. I want you two…to be…h-h-happy…ugggh…"

Navi threw back her head (don't ask me how) and released an immortal sob. "Liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiink! Nooooooooooooo!"

"Don't leave us, Link," Sora begged. "We need you!"

"You mean 'I' need you," Navi growled, turning a bright red on Sora. "You heartless molester! This is all your fault! If you hadn't been born, Link wouldn't have made the decision to cheat on me!"

Snake yawned while patting his mouth. "I'm still bored over here. Nobody has any orders for me?"

Fox approached Snake, then gave him a letter. "Well, now that you mentioned it, here are the directions to Andross' base. You can bomb it or do whatever you want to it. I don't really care. Just as long as you get the job done."

"That's pretty much what everyone says to me," a grinning Snake said, taking the document. "By the way, how come you guys can't take care of it? Something wrong?"

"There is, actually. The Star Fox Corporation is up to its ears in debt. Not to mention its being run by Slippy. Don't ask me how that happened. There aren't women in there either. I'm afraid you're just going to have to whoop-diddle-doo Samus."

"All right," Samus cried in a way that was rather manly. "Let's make sure we engorge our bedroom with loud, bumpin' music! Let's have a sexy dance party!"

"Oops. I'm supposed to be smoking. Where are the cigs?"

Sonic's eyes widened. "Are you serious? Don't you know how nasty that stuff is?"

"Yeah, I do. It goes with my bad-guy image, though. And Falcon asked me to demonstrate that image, so…"

"Um…Snake?" Sora asked, eyeing the mercenary's movements. Out from a closet came a pretty big gun. "What's that for?"

The revered hero grinned. "You'll see," he said happily, then gunned down the room's décor in seconds. In ten seconds, the room was transformed into tatters. All were left standing in piles of scraps and tatters. Snake was awfully proud of what he had done, and had every right to be!

"How did you like them apples?"

"Oh, right," Link said while nodding. "I get it. You're supposed to run around and destroy things."

"Sure am," the mercenary said, pushing his gun out of the room ecstatically. Somehow, he had infused himself with a gallon of sugar. "Now, if you'll excuse me, there's a bunch of other shit I have to destroy before I can go back to 'Brain Land'."

"Yeah, to your beloved Leon, no doubt," a pouting Ike said, folding his arms. "And here's the ironic part of this. Since Snake's following his Smashtype rules, he can do whatever he pleases-without consequences. Which means he can pretty much blow up the entire kingdom and get away with it."

"I love you Falcon," someone cried out, running around with pretty heavy machinery. Meanwhile, millions of people followed an evacuation order. After all, no one wanted to be around while Snake followed orders. Everyone had already been killed by Pit's cuteness, so why should they expose themselves to Snake's stupidity? He was in violation of one rule, though. As a heartless, cold-blooded killer, he was supposed to get rid of everything-civilians included. Oh well. Guess I'll have to toss him into the time-out corner later.

Ike's Smashtype

Ike is supposed to be an apathetic, boring and strict swordsman. He's never one to smile, laugh or make merry.

"So how come he's never paired with Snake?" Sonic asked with a shrug. "Ike's profile almost matches his."

"Yeah. Ike is just the guy version of Samus," Peach threw in. "What's the deal?"

Falcon Reminder: Refresh your memory of rules 2 and 4. Thank you.

Falcon Newsflash: This just in. Ike of Crimea has just run off with somebody named Vin Diesel.

"Does he no longer love me?" Pit mewed, hands pawing at one another. "I thought we were meant to be together forever!"

"Link would never cheat on me," Navi announced proudly, landing on the Hero of Time's shoulder. "He loves me, just as I love him."

"Uh, Link?" Zelda called out, standing at the doorway. "Someone named Midna is here. She says she wants to tell you something."

"Uh oh," Bowser said mischievously, rubbing his hands together while a bunch of empty buildings were blown skyhigh. "Ha haaa," someone cried out gleefully. "Th' name's Solid Snake, beeyatches! I'm the baddest bad guy in town, and don't you forget it!"

This was composed to 'Moondance' of Nightwish. XD

References were made to 'Captain Falcon's Guide to Stardom'.

The installment of Vin Diesel's name came from my family's midnight party. We caught a midnight showing of the latest 'Fast and the Furious', which was a PHENOMENAL movie.

I decided to put Sora in because I truly believe he should be featured in the next Smash game. XD By the way, I used his Kingdom Hearts II form.

Should I just stick with projects like these for the Smash fandom? They're a lot of fun to write, and they seem to touch a lot of people. XD

Thanks for reading. XD This is originally meant to be a oneshot, but 'Stardom' was meant to be a oneshot too. XD If enough compliments fuel Falcon's ego, he'll be more than happy to compose another round of fun. XD