Hey Guys, I am just gonna warn you. If you can't handle topics like suicide, self harm, blood, and depression. Then I would recommend not reading this story. Anyways, this does add a sister to Clyde's family. But yeah I hope you enjoy it.
Waking up was the worst part of the day. Just laying there with my eyes closed. Knowing that the blaring of my alarm will be going off any moment now. I didn't sleep again last night, I have yet to comprehend why I even try anymore. SCREECH Ah, there it is. I open my eyes slowly. Not wanting to delay the process but not wanting to speed it up either. I bring my hand out from under the comforter to click off the screeching of my alarm clock. Sighing, I pull the blanket off of my once warm body. I think everyone is waiting for me to break just like my sister. These thoughts often come through my mind when I get up. I know they think it, the way they act like I'm some kind of mental patient.
But, I am not a mental patient. I am strong. I am fine. Just keep these words in your head Clyde, you will be fine. I could hear there whispers seeping into the cracks of my mind. Bringing me down to my knees again as I try to hold back the sobs. I am strong. I am fine. I am strong. I am fine. I am strong. I am fine.
"Poor boy, he was one that found his sister you know." "I know, I know that's all the town has been talking about." "I wonder if he'll end up just like her." "I wouldn't be surprised, after all that family fell apart after his mothers death." "Not to long, until the father offs himself too." I grip at my dull brown hair trying to get the voices to go away. I am strong. I am fine.
"Face it Clyde, you're weak. You're falling apart. You fall apart under any sort of pressure. Even the medicine stopped working. You're not worth the effort. Just let go already. You'd be happier up there any way. No one really cares about you. You're worthless Clyde, worthless." The salty tear sting my eyes. Burning as they slide down my cheeks.
"I am strong. I am fine." I whisper to my self as I get up off the floor, ignoring how the voices scream at me to go back. "Hey Clyde." Looking up I realize I have no idea where I am.
"Clyde?" The school. I was at school. "Clyde, buddy are you with me?" I was dressed, I had done everything I needed to do. But, I didn't remember a single second of it other than falling on the floor because of them.
"Craig?" I look up at the six foot teenager in front of me. "Do you not remember how you got here again?" Yes, would be the simple answer. But, he can see right through everything I do now a days. No, would be the simpler answer. But, I don't know if I don't remember. "I don't know." I could see him nodding at me but I couldn't understand if he was saying yes, no, or I understand. His ice blue eyes stare down into my completely ordinary, dull, brown eyes. "Have you taken your medicine." Craig, I think you should know that the medicine isn't working anymore. So I have decided to stop taking it because what difference does it make? "Yes." Why do I continue to lie to you? "Do you want to go get breakfast with the guys?" No, even if I eat I know I'll just puke it back up later. Also, I don't like the way Token and Kenny look at me. "Sure." He nods at me again. Why do you nod so much Craig? I don't feel him dragging me along until I trip. "Sorry Craig." He looks at me with a worried look in his eyes. "Why didn't you take your medicine this morning?" "But I did." "Clyde you just told me a couple of minutes ago that you didn't remember anything from this morning. How can you possibly remember taking your medicine?" Shrugging seems like the appropriate answer to that question. So, I shrug. Craig holds onto my shoulders. "You need to promise to me right now that you aren't going to lie to me anymore." I wish I could promise you that Craig. But how can I promise that I won't lie to you when I can't even stop lying to myself. "I'll try." Again with the nodding Craig. "I don't want you to try Clyde. I care about you, you know that right?" Yes Craig I know that, even when you look at me like I'm going to break if you touch me. Even when you keep stuff from me because you think I can't handle it. "I know."
He smiled at me. Smiling. I watched him as he grabbed my arm pulling me into the cafeteria. "Looks like Godzilla and The Crybaby finally showed up."
Kenny spoke up obviously proud of the nicknames he made up for us.
Tweek looked up at Craig with a shaky smile on his face. Hope I despised that cute shaky smile he gave Craig every morning. I wanted to be the one that was jittery and messed up but everyone found cute. I was just that weird kid that no one wanted to be seen hanging out with anymore. I clung closer to Craigs arm as we neared the table. Please don't make me move Craig. "Why don't you sit beside Kenny and Token" Craig said as he pushed me toward them. You can't make my relationship with my friends better any more Craig. I smiled trying to act like everything was okay even though they knew for a fact that it wasn't.
Token refused to look at me. "Hi Token." He sighed as he turned to look at me smiling. "Hi Clyde." The venom in his voice stung more than seeing her hanging body every would. "Why?" He stared back at me with his chocolate brown eyes. "What?" I must have let myself ask him the question that had been plaguing me for the past few years. "Why do you treat me like you do?" He decided answering my question wasn't good enough, so he left. Grabbing his new backpack and rushing out of the cafeteria. Feeling the stares of my friends I turned to look at them. Tweek, oh Tweek the amount of pity he held in his eyes made me want to cry. I don't need pity. I don't need anyone. I was completely fine by myself. I don't need Tweek. I don't need Token. I don't need Kenny. I don't need Craig. "Why?" Was the last word I had uttered to them before getting up and leaving them stunned.
"Clyde!" I didn't stop like I normally would have. I don't need you Craig. No matter how much I want you. No matter how much I say or think I need you I don't. Lying to myself about my feelings for the six foot, angry teenager would have been a blessing. But, I didn't want to lie to myself about everything. They kept secrets from me. Well, I'll keep secrets from them. Who needs friends. It's not like they care. They've never cared. They just didn't want to seem like the assholes that would leave their broken friend behind. Unlike everyone else, who had been encouraging them to leave me behind. I was deadweight. I've always been deadweight.
I practically throw myself into the senior bathroom. Trying to hide away before Craig found me and forced me to tell him my problems. You can't understand Craig. You can't. Your life is perfect. Your family gets along. You have a perfect girlfriend. You have perfect friends who want to be around you. Why bother with me. "You could do it now you know. Kill your self. Just imagine your pretty crimson blood spilled across the plain white tiles. It would take them weeks to get all your blood off the floor. Even then, everyone would still be able to see the faintest outline. Just the fainest outline of were your life drained out of you." But, I don't have anything to do it with. "Check your backpack." I opened the backpack I didn't realize I had. It was empty except for a single knife. I pulled it out of the old backpack. I flipped it open, the pretty silver blade shinned in the dull light of the bathroom.
"Go on do it. You've got nothing left to lose. You're nothing but deadweight Clyde Donovan. Why not end it here." I rolled up the sleeves of my long sleeved shirt. The smooth pale skin of my wrist was taunting. "Do it." Pressing the pretty silver blade into the skin of my wrist. Pulling it back toward me, watching as the deep cut slipped blood down my arm and onto the floor. I collapsed onto my knees. Dieing doesn't seem so bad. I took the blade in my shaky hand. Placing the bloody bade on my clean wrist. Pulling it down toward me. I smiled as I laid down on the cool tile floor. My blood spilling out onto the floor.
"Clyde!" The door opened suddenly. "Clyde oh my god!" I couldn't move to look up at whoever had found me. I hoped it wasn't Craig. I loved him to much to want him to see me like this. "Hello 911? Yes I need a ambulance right away at South Park High School. No I need it right away. My best friend is bleeding out on the floor of a god damn bathroom I am not letting him die!" I felt who ever it was pick me up from the ground. The world around me hazy and distorted. "Go to sleep Clyde, end it. You're deadweight." My eyes started to flutter close. "NO GODDAMMIT CLYDE DON'T YOU GIVE UP ON ME! HELP ME SOMEONE HELP ME!"
The world was going black. All I could hear was the clatter of voices. My head moved, allowing me to look up at whoever was carrying me. "Craig?" His voice sounded like a radio losing service. The last thing I saw was white.