If I Should Die Before You Wake
By: *~Angeldust~*
A/N:
I'm back again! Yes, it's another HxR
fic, but they're my favorite couple! I
got bored of the whole "falling in love plot" so I'm now adding angst to the
mix. How fun! If anyone finds this really depressing, keep in mind I'm a really
depressing person. Just ask my
friends. Now, read on!
Disclaimer:
I don't own Gundam Wing. *Gasps are heard* Tragic isn't it?
Warnings:
Angst, depression, sadness, talk of death, some slight sap, and possibly some
OOC (depends).
Summary:
I don't have one this time. I'm
righting on a whim. All I can say is:
the gundams are still around and pretend that Heero hadn't said he would never
kill again, k?
It's only logical that war-loving
freaks would rebel during a time of unrest, but still, this had to be the worst
possible time. The Earth Sphere Unified
Nation (ESUN) was being torn apart by differing opinions amongst the diplomats. And Vice Foreign Minister Dorlain was taking
the worst of it. The press blamed her
and the public followed suit. She grew
wearier by the day and would eventually break.
Then the ESUN would come apart as well.
He had to choose. He could hope the preventers could solve the
problem or he could fight yet another battle.
Then he had to look at the consequences of each choice: risk starting a
war or risk letting Relena fall to pieces.
Both were severe outcomes.
Heero sat alone in front of the
blinking laptop screen as it barked orders out at him, new orders with every
blink. He sat behind the desk in a
t-shirt and boxers, his traditional sleeping attire. The weary Relena was asleep upstairs and he wished she would stay
that way; she was getting less and less sleep lately. He thought of the hurt look in her eyes if she heard he was gone
again. Then she imagined the pain she
would be in if another war started.
It was 3:00 A.M. before he made up
his mind. He sent the e-mail to Dr. J
with the words MISSION ACCEPTED in bold, black letters. He had battled in his heart and mind for
hours before he made such a decision.
He had decided that the hurt he would cause Relena would disappear when
he returned, but the scar of innocent lives lost in battle would not.
He was to leave right away. His orders were to take out the rebel army's
base, which was located in Stockholm, Sweden.
He was then instructed to destroy any shipments headed to the base and
any other assisting rebel groups. He
would leave with Wing Zero right away.
He ran upstairs with lightning stealth and grabbed his jacket and handgun.
He slowed his pace as he walked past
Relena's room. He decided to check on
her before he left and he cracked open the door. She had chosen every little girl's ideal room. Pink ruffles coated everything, it had a terrace
over looking a beautiful garden that had blooming flowers all year long, and
the windows were arranged to catch all sunlight and moonlight in the vast sky
above. As he gazed upon her his eyes
softened ever so slightly. The
moonlight that flooded the room made her golden locks shine and the light on
the satin sheets outlined her fragile figure.
He gazed upon the pillows and teddy bears the shared her sleeping place
and his eyes fell upon one bear in particular.
He quietly walked over and picked it up. It was the small brown bear he had giver her for her 16th
birthday. He thought she would have thrown
it out years ago. He once again gazed
down at her gentle face and he decided he could not leave without saying
goodbye. The question was how could he
do such a thing without saying it to her face.
He went downstairs to ponder the new problem.
He
decided he could not record a message for fear that someone would hear him and
come downstairs. He could not risk one
of the other pilots coming down and find out about his plans. In the end he decided to write her a
letter. Now that he had decided how to
tell her, he had to decide what to tell her.
He could not go in to details for confidentiality reasons but he had to
tell her something. After another hour
of quiet deliberation and many sheets of paper this is what he wrote:
Dear
Relena,
I had planned on leaving without
goodbye but I found I could not. I was
given orders to fight again. I would
have liked to stay behind but your hurt will pass and I shall prevent a
war. I ask you to watch the news and
keep an eye out for me but please don't come looking for me. I must fight this battle alone. By the time you can tell Duo and the others
I will be long gone. It will be difficult
for both of us but we can pull through.
Nonetheless, there is a chance I won't come back alive. In that case, keep this poem in mind, I read
it somewhere:
When tomorrow starts
without me, and I'm not here to see;
If the sun should rise and find you're eyes, all filled with tears for me,
I wish so much you wouldn't cry, the way you did today;
While thinking of the many things, we didn't get to say.
I know how much you
love me, as much as I love you;
And each time that you think of me, I know you will miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand;
An angel came and called my name, and took me by the hand
And said my place was ready, in Heaven far above.
And that I'd have to leave behind, all those I dearly love.
But as I turned to
walk away, a tear fell from my eye,
For all my life I always thought, I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for, so very much to do.
It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you.
I thought of all the yesterdays, the good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had.
If I could relive
yesterday, just a little while;
I'd say good-bye and kiss you and maybe make you smile.
But then I fully realized that this could never be.
For emptiness and memories would take the place of me.
And when I thought of worldly things, that I would miss tomorrow
I thought of you, and when I did, my heart was filled with sorrow.
But when I walked
through Heaven's gates, I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me from His great golden throne;
He said, "This is eternity and all I promised you,
Your life on Earth is over, but here it starts anew,
I promised not tomorrow, but today will always last,
And since each day's the same day,
There's no longing for the past.
But you have been so
faithful, so trusting and so true,
Though there were times you did some things,
You knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven, and now at last you're free,
So won't you take my hand dear child, and share your life with me?"
So when tomorrow starts
without me, don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me, I am right there in your heart.
So
remember Relena, if I should die before you wake I did not die in vain. Keep fighting to hold this world together
and I will do my best to do the same. I
will return someday.
-Heero
Yuy
He then went out into the garden and
picked a rose. He carried the thorny
rose and sealed letter up to her room.
He slipped into the room and made his way to the bed. He once again picked up the teddy bear and
set it atop the other plows and bears.
In the bear's arms he placed the rode and letter. He then proceeded to slip out of the room
and close the door quietly behind him.
The only other sound that night was
of the quiet revving of the Wing Zero's massive engines as Heero flew off into the
breaking dawn. Silence followed his
departure.
*~End~*
A/N:
What did y'all think? If I get some
good reviews I'll continue. Any writing
or plot ideas would be welcomed. Thanks
a lot.
*~Angeldust~*
