A/N x.x
Disclaimer: If you think that I made up Remus or Haggars or whatever the hell you'd like to think, you're very, very, very strange and I pity you for not knowing the all-great JKR.
I don't like to think of the 'old days'. I often keep the memories in the back of my mind to prevent the pain that comes with them, but every now and the, just like everything that doesn't want to be seen, it comes out, sneaking sluggishly past the worries that occupy my mind most of the time. When is the rent for my Muggle flat due, when will I get a decent job, how long will it be until I get all the letters piling up my kitchen table sorted out….
Whenever I think of those days I think of what fun we had. I think of how it was such good times, how good friends we are. Whenever I think of those days I always wonder whatever went wrong. I wonder how Sirius could do what he did. I wonder what would have happened if nothing had happened. The 'what if's and the 'where did it all go wrong's are the worst. Those are the ones with no answer.
I try not to think about the old days now as I push the door open to my flat. They stare me in the face when a brown barn owl flutters down onto the kitchen table, swiftly avoiding a pile of letters. I frown. I don't usually get letters by owl anymore. Ever since James and Lily died I've tried to disconnect myself from the wizarding world more and more. It just doesn't feel right. I don't feel accepted and I don't think I could face myself.
"Who're you after?" I murmur. Well, that question's quite obvious. It wouldn't be here unless it wasn't after me, but it could have landed at the wrong address. I look at the address and name on the envelope and frown when it proves to be my own. "Odd," I mutter, stroking the owl absentmindedly while I open the letter and look at it.
The scrawl that the letter is written in is the same on the envelope. It's messy but I've read messier. My eyes flick vaguely to the bottom of the letter and I do a double take. Hagrid? Why on earth would he be writing to me? Intrigued, I read it.
Dear Remus,
I know it's been a long time since I last talked to you and this may be a bit to ask, but I'll go on and ask it anyway. It's not for me, though, I'll have you know, and I'm not asking for nothing much. It's Harry, Remus. It's his first year of Hogwarts this one and it'll be the end soon. He's in a right state, and it's probably all my fault, but I won't go into it. Reckon you'll hear from Dumbledore soon enough.
Anyway, Remus, what I really wanted to ask you is if you've got any pictures of Lily and James for Harry. I know it's probably asking a lot from you, as they were your good friends, but them Dursleys never gave him any pictures or told him anything and I thought it'd be nice if he knew a bit more.
Hope you're well,
Hagrid
I reread the letter, frowning slightly. Oh, I have pictures of Lily and James. When we were teenagers, when we were older, Lily and James with Harry, at their wedding… yes, I had lots of pictures of them, all of which were in a cardboard box underneath my bed.
Making my way in the room next to the kitchen that happened to be my bedroom and kneeled down and, with bated breath, took out the box. It was dusty and scuffed around the edges and looked as if it was about to fall apart. How many pictures were in there I didn't know- probably over a hundred.
I opened the box carefully and set the top aside. Sitting cross legged on a carpet is probably not the best way to look at pictures you haven't looked at for years that will most certainly bring back painful memories. In fact, sitting cross legged on a carpet would certainly not be recommended by myself at all if you just so happened to be in my flat.
The first picture on top was very, very old looking. It was crinkled around the corners and looked as if I touched it or picked it up it would fall apart. Despite this I touched it carefully, holding it as if it was something drastically precious.
Four happy faces laughed upwards at nothing in particular. Four fifth year Gryffindor boys stood arms around each other's shoulders, soaking wet and looking as if they couldn't have it better. A black haired boy with a long nose and hazel eyes framed by glasses was grinning on the left, arm around the shoulder of a handsome boy with dark hair and dark eyes. Next to him, grinning sheepishly, wet blonde hair falling into his face, was a shorter and rather wider boy than the rest. Beside him stood the fifteen year old me. My hair was still a light brown then with no grey in it, and my amber eyes seemed to be lighted up with delight with the fact that we had all just fallen into the lake.
Memories flooded back.
James walked up to me, grinning. I looked up vaguely and then looked down again back at my book. Sirius came behind him. Peter was already sitting next to me, face in his hands, attempting to read my book upside down, and it looked as if it was boring him hugely.
"Hello, Moony," James chimed. "It's a nice day." The tone of his voice got my suspicious. I closed the book slowly and stood up, frowning at them.
"What is it?"
"Do you not trust us, Moony?" Sirius' grin broadened. I didn't like it when he grinned like that.
"It depends."
Sirius took a step towards me and I took a step back. Then something clicks.
"Sirius, don't you dare." James came towards me and grabbed my arm while Sirius grabbed the other one. I may have been stronger than them because of my heightened werewolf strength but not both of them together. I struggled, though, and James gripped me tighter, laughing.
"You strong bastard, stop moving," he yelled and together with Sirius they pulled me towards the lake.
"Get off! Sirius, let go- don't you-."
The water was icy cold and I came up quickly, panting.
"Oh, I'm going to get you!" I shouted, scrambling ashore and racing after them, grabbing Sirius by his collar. Laughing, he tried to get away.
"Moony! C'mon, Moon, you're getting me wet- shit, no!" There was another splash and I stood triumphant on the shore.
"Look who's wet now, Mr-." I didn't get to finish as a set of hands landed on my back and shoved hard. I spun around as I fell foreword I grabbed onto James's ankle, slapping the water and pulling him in too. James yelled and dove under the water, coming up behind me and pushing down on my shoulders.
Peter jumped around from foot to foot on the shore.
"Is it cold?" he called and James looked up at him from his attempt to drown me.
"Possibly," said James. "Would you like to find out?" Peter hesitated.
"What does 'find out' mean?" he said slowly. Sirius grabbed his ankle and pulled him in.
"This," he said simply.
There was a third year boy hovering nervously on the shore watching us. James looked up and saw him then grinned.
"Hello!" he said and the boy smiled weakly.
"Can I take pictures for the school magazine?" he said quietly, gesturing vaguely to a camera strapped around his neck. "Only Professor Dumbledore said he wanted some of people having fun, and, well…" he trailed off, looking embarrassed.
"Of course!" Sirius said, jumping out of the lake with a flourish.
"We have a magazine now?" Peter said, frowning. Laughing again, Sirius pushed Peter over and swung his own arm around his neck and James grinned, standing next to Sirius.
"C'mon, Remus!"
I walked over, attempting to do up the wet top button that had come undone.
"And no drying yourself for Transfiguration, mind," Sirius added. "I want McGonagall to see my wilder side."
"What is it now, then, sex under water?" James said, still grinning.
"Something like that, yes," Sirius said vaguely. "It's private between Minnie and me. Relationship stuff, you know how it is. All secrecy, no fun really."
James laughs and the boy quickly takes his picture looks around and races off.
"Oi!" James yelled after him. "Oi, don't we-?"
The boy sticks out his tongue and waves the camera at us.
"You're both idiots," I explain. "There's no school magazine." The boy's still grinning as he meets up with his friends and Sirius sprints after him with James.
No, I couldn't give him that one. I snap out of the memory suddenly and put the picture down. He probably doesn't even know who Peter was and it pains me to see Sirius and James arm in arm, looking so happy.
The next one is one of Lily and James in seventh year, both of whom smiling sheepishly, one arm around each other. There's another one next to it of James with a surprise look on his face and Lily kissing his cheek. I took these when they first started dating.
"You're so annoying, Remus, take the damned picture already," James snaps. "My mouth hurts from smiling."
"You're not smiling, you look like a buck toothed idiot," Sirius says calmly in the background and I take another step backwards, attempting to get them both in.
"You're doing great, Remus," Lily says, pulling James closer. She laughs and kisses him on the cheek as I snap the picture and then pulls away. "Oh, gosh, sorry," she gushes. "Take another, here." She moves her arm upwards so it's around James' shoulders and leans in, smiling pleasantly and James copies her. I take the picture.
It's strange how old these pictures look and how much I don't want to let go of them. But Harry deserves them more than me, they were his parents…
He never knew them, though, not properly. I feel slightly guilty as I look at the next picture of James, Lily, Sirius and I. Peter took the picture and Sirius is holding Harry, looking very chuffed with himself. Lily and James are on either side of him, and the camera's at an odd angle, cutting out half of my lower body.
"How d'you work this?" Peter says, frowning determinedly from underneath my camera. I don't move. It's an effort.
"Just—press the button when you're—no, not that one! That's flash. Hang on—yes! That one. Okay."
Peter grins and steps backwards, tripping over a box and—
FLASH.
Everyone blinks and Peter's lying on the floor.
"Ow," he says shortly. "I think it worked though." I look at the camera still safely in his hand and listen to the sound of the film ending.
"I jolly well hope so, 'cause Harry's wet his diaper. Here, can I do it?" James grins and nods, leading him through to where the baby changing table is.
I look at the picture for a moment and then set it aside, looking through some more.
There's pictures of everything. Harry, James and Lily, Harry and I, Sirius and Harry, Sirius and I, Peter and Sirius, Peter and Harry and James… There's only one, though, of the wedding. It's of Sirius laughing and rising his glass, James and Lily on either side of him. It's a nice picture, despite Sirius being in it, despite what he did, despite everything. I put it in the pile of pictures that has all the ones of Lily and James I'm willing to give away.
Dear Hagrid,
It's nice to hear from you. I'm fine, thank you. I've got a few pictures of James and Lily, some with Harry and there's one with a stranger Harry won't know. It's a nice picture, anyway. I hope these are good enough and that you're doing well yourself.
From,
Remus Lupin