*****DISCLAIMER: As much as I would absolutely love to own and have come up with TMNT, I sadly did not rock that much. I just love the show and the characters. This is only my third story and I'm still not sure how this rating system works so if you see anything I did wrong please let me know lol******

*****Story summary: Song fiction to the song "Thinking of You" by Katy Perry (which I likewise do not own :( ) It involves Don and April and it was just an idea that came into my head one night after I heard the song. I am not again April and Casey and in fact love them as a couple, but I also love Donnie and April as a couple too. I hope you enjoy!!!********

"Thinking of You" by Movie-Freak321

~Comparisons are easily done once you've had a taste of perfection. Like an apple hanging from a tree I picked the ripest one...I still got the seed~

"Don I don't understand! Why are you saying this?" April asked in a pained disbelieving voice, tears stinging her eyes as she fought against the idea that this was really happening. It had to be a dream. It wasn't though and Donatello's next words brought that reality stinging into her heart as if they should have been a blade instead.

"April who did we think we were kidding? You know why I'm saying this! Because its the truth! We will never really be a couple. We will never really be happy and content with each other. We will never be anything other than a woman and a turtle pretending that what were doing is right. Everybody else sees its not meant to be so why don't we just admit to the facts!?"

Taking a tenative step forward she reached for his hand, "Donnie you don't mean it. I know you don't mean that." When he pulled away from her touch it felt like he pulled part her very self away with him. She loved him and she knew he loved her so why was he doing this?

"I do mean it. April I can't do this anymore. Its not natural and you know it. That and its not fair. Its not fair to you...to me...or to our family and friends. Its causing too many problems and I'm sorry I just can't do it anymore. I can't kid myself any longer thinking that just because we both wanted it meant it would work."

Fear now gripped her and a new pain filled her form and carried out through her tone as shimmering eyes looked up at him and her trembling form dared to speak. "Wanted? Don...I still want it. I still want you. I don't care what anybody says. I love your family and I care about Casey too, but I don't care if they agree with us or not. I want YOU." Stepping forward she came up to gently but firmly wrap her arms around him and put her face into his plastron. He tensed, but when he didn't pull away she allowed herself to hug him tighter as she swallowed and continued, the tears making her voice sound thick and heavy, "I want you holding me in your arms. I want you pressing your lips to mine. I want you lying your form next to me each and every night for the rest of our lives. I want YOU Hamato Donatello. I love you..."

A tired sigh escapes his lips as he wraps his strong arms around her in a gentle hug and for a moment, "I know..." and as he plants a kiss on the top of her head, she allows herself to close her eyes and smile as she relaxes slightly. "That's why I can't keep hurting you like this." His arms untangle themselves from around her and though she refused to release him from her hold his hands find hers and gently but determinedly pull until he steps out from her arms and he pushes away from her to stand across from her now, gazing at her with a sad expression.

"No..." the words come as a whisper first and then a shakey plea, "No you...you don't mean this." Her hands move to her mouth as all she can do now is cry and shake her head as if that action alone would chase away this nightmare unfolding before her. However, the turtle's unchanging expression and firm stance tell her that this indeed happening. Her fairy tale is tearing at the seams and falling in pieces around them...and he doesn't care.

"I'm sorry, April. I really did like you. I really did think that we could work past what nature did to keep us apart. I really thought...we could find love. I just didn't though. I'm sorry, April. I don't love you."

~You said move on. Where do I go? I guess second best Is all I will know~

She had gone home that night broken. She had left the lair in tears, hurrying out through the doors and passed three confused and worried looking turtles as they were on their way in, having returned home. Not wanting to stay and hear what was said in response to their questioning of Don as to "what had happened?" she had just gone home and once there she had collapsed into her bed and cried herself into an exhausted sleep. That had been 2 months ago.

She still didn't answer their phone calls. She knew that they were worried and wanted to talk to her, but she didn't know what to say or even if she wanted to talk to any of them. They might try to defend Don and his actions or just restate to her what he had given as reasons to why it was a right choice. She didn't want to hear it, not again. She couldn't bear the pain it had caused her heart then and she had no wish to relive it further through them. Realizing all she could do was force herself to pick up the pieces and eventually carry on...she simply swallowed it all. She had buried it inside and vowed to force herself to heal or at least mask the pain. She still loved him no matter what he said regarding his feelings and she needed him in her life. If he woudn't let that be in the way she desired she would simply have to learn to cope...but still she would always be there for him.

So that night, two months after her heart had been shattered on the floor, when the knock came on her door...she let Casey Jones into her house without hesitation. When he hugged her she accepted it. As he spoke reassuring words to her she nodded and spoke "I know. Thank you for being here...it means a lot." With his comforting she let herself grow closer to him and over time she would let herself find a love that she knew would only ever be second best.

~Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you...thinking of you. What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night...Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes~

It wasn't that she didn't love Casey. Over time she found herself in love with his antics, with his wit and charm, and even with his infuritating habit of finding just the right way to worry her sick. It wasn't that she didn't love Casey Jones. She just never got over Donatello. Eventually it had gotten to where all of them could be around each other in a group again. Of course it was awkward at first for her and Donatello, but once she saw his behaviors it only confirmed the fact to her that he truly did not desire her. The pain was not as deep this time as the emotional scars from before helped lessen the pain, but it took awhile before the grip on her heart would disappear. Though she wasn't quite sure if it disappeared or if she just got too use to ignoring her heart's cries. It was no use. If things were going to continue at all easily for the rest of the group, including Donnie, she had to be alright. So therefore she was alright...and she loved Casey.

~You're like an Indian summer In the middle of winter. Like a hard candy with a surprise center. How do I get better once I've had the best? You said there's tons of fish in the water...so the waters I will test~

Her eyes opened and she let out a small pushing the memories of her and Donatello out of her mind. Both good and bad they had been coming back to her lately...though she knew it was probably with good reason. It was 3 years later and she stood in a room looking at herself in the mirror. She wore a long white gown and her friends giggled and chattered around her about how beautiful she looked and how lucky 'he' was. She smiled at them and then looked at herself in the mirror again as the veil was in place and the picture perfect bride image was complete. She was a blushing bride. This was her day. It was the beginning of the rest of their lives together. After so many different uncertainties and nervousness they were finally getting married and she could put the past behind her for good. As the music began to play she smiled and walked out into the hall to face the closed doors. As they opened the music filled the room now and the people stood to welcome the bride. Teary eyes and smiles met her as she walked down the aisle, led by her beaming father towards her husband. Casey Jones had never seen such a beautiful bride in his life and could not believe how lucky he was that he would soon be married to her. The preacher began the ceremony and he took her hand in his, smiling as he gazed into her eyes.

~He kissed my lips I taste your mouth. He pulled me in I was disgusted with myself. Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you...thinking of you. What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night. Oh I wish that I was looking into...~

Waking up April glances over at the clock...-5 a.m.- Letting out a tired breath she glances down at her hand as it is slightly hidden withing the folds of the covers, but still a small shimmer passes through as the light reflects off the ring. Her gaze then goes next to her on the bed to the still sleeping form of Casey. Their 10 year anniversary was coming up soon and she could tell by how he was acting that he was planning something. Smiling she reaches a gentle hand up and pushes his hair away from his face slightly, shaking her head and the smile spreading slightly as the man's only response was a small grunt before he readjusted to turn away from her slightly in his sleep. She knew her mind would not let her get back to sleep again so instead she stood up and stretched a moment, walking down the hallway and she'd peek in first on 5 year old Susan and then on 8 year old Davis. She then made her way to the kitchen to start the coffee maker and get her day going while she could still enjoy a couple hours to herself before the rest of the house woke up and they began another busy day that had become routine for her. She loved her kids and she loved her husband, but now as she sat at a table by the window she looked out across the city and could not help thinking of a certain turtle...wondering what he might be up to...and unable to stop herself still from wondering how her life might be if things had gone differently that night...

~You're the best and yes I do regret. How I could let myself let you go? Now the lesson's learned. I touched it I was burned. Oh I think you should know~

Donatello sat in the kitchen of the lair, a mug of coffee in his hands as he just stared into the dark liquid a moment...thinking. Casey was asking them for help in planning a good surprise for his and April's ten year anniversary. Of course they agreed as all of them were eager to help their dear friends celebrate such a special day. Donatello was happy for them...it wasn't that he wasn't. He had even been happy for them on the wedding day and had even attended with his brothers and Splinter, the four of them having sat in stealth in the rafters above the procession. He had wished Casey and April the best in their relationship from the beginning and wished it again to them on the day of their marriage, shaking Casey's hand and embracing April in a friendly hug.

He would never tell her, or any of them, that in reality that he wished it had been him standing there in Casey's place and that the life long vows and bonding kiss had been shared between he and April instead. He could never tell any of them that no matter how hard he had tried for the past many years that even now he could not rid his heart of the longing he had to hold her, to smell her, to feel her lips against his, and to say those three words to her even just one more time and hear her sweet melodic voice repeat them back to him. He knew he had done right by her though.

At first his brothers and Splinter had felt guilty and repeatedly apologized to him for their negativity towards the relationship. They had even encouraged him to apologize and attempt to start their relationship again, but he assured them it wasn't their fault the relationship had ended. He knew when they had started dating it would be different and a more difficult love than most. Then, as time went on, he became more and more aware of just how much they had to sacrifice from what they could have in a normal relationship. More specifically he realized more and more what April was having to sacrifice to be with him.

April had always talked about how much she wanted children. She longed to be a mother and Donatello knew she would make a great one. When they talked of a future together she always mentioned adoption and while he knew they'd love any child that came into their home, he knew she also would love to carry and give birth to a child of her own as well, but that wasn't something either of them could say with certainty was scientifically or, most importantly, physically advisable. There were other sacrifices too like April not being able to have the wedding Don knew girls dreamed about and planned out from a very young age. They could not risk that kind of knowledge or publicity being brought upon Donatello and his family. Finally, he knew girls liked bringing home their boyfriends and especially their husbands over to their parents' house for holidays and just to visit. How would her parents react to a boyfriend that had green skin and a giant shell attached to his back? Much less a husband...

No. Donatello knew that she may love him, but that if he really loved her he could never ask or expect April to make those kind of sacrifices in her own life for a life with him. That is why that night so long ago he had ended any hope they had of happiness together. He knew he was falling in love with her. He knew he was already in love with her and he knew that he could not rightly let her fall any more in love than she already was. He had to end it. He had to break her heart to give her what she deserved in life. So he was truly happy for Casey and her the day they had gotten married and he loved their kids and would protect them with everything he had if anybody ever threatened the family. Still though as he sat alone in the kitchen now he could not deny the truth and as he closed his eyes he whispered in a small tone, "I love you, April..."

~Cause when I'm with him I am thinking of you...thinking of you. What you would do if you were the one who was spending the night. Oh I wish that I was looking into your eyes...looking into your eyes...looking into your eyes. Oh won't you walk through and bust in the door and take me away. Oh no more mistakes...cause in your eyes I'd like to stay... stay...~

"You made coffee. Thanks, babe!" Pouring himself a mug of coffee Casey walks across the kitchen, still in his boxers and a tshirt with a robe hanging open slightly. Bending over her he kisses her cheek gently and she smiles, turning to return his kiss with a more direct one of her own as their lips pressed against each others'. As the kiss breaks Casey looks at her, lofting a brow, "You okay, babe?"

She smiles and gives a nod of reassurance, "Yes I'm fine. Just still waking up." They share another deep kiss before Casey grins.
"Sorry, but I better get ready for work. How about we do dinner tonight, hrm? We get a sitter for the kids...and we hit the town. Anywhere you want alright?"

She nods and grins, "Alright. That sounds great. I'll have breakfast ready when you get out of the shower and you wake the kids up on your way back down so they can get ready for school." After he nods and returns back upstairs April turns her gaze back out the window, her coffee in her mug long since cold as she allows her thoughts to return a moment to where they had been before her husband had come downstairs. To the purple clad turtle in the lair across the city. To the friend she knew she could intrust with the lives of herself and her entire family. Her thoughts went once more to the lost love that she knew she would never fully get over. "I love you, Donatello."