A/N: Why do I do this? I don't know, maybe I'm just an angsty teenager in a woman's body?! Anyway, I was reading Stellareclipse's 'Flames' and I thought to myself, I just have to do one for myself. So… ta da!
I know it's nothing compared with her fic, I actually cried huge, salty woman/child tears when I read that! But I hope that it reflects some of the emotion and drama.
The song is by The National – my new favourite thing in the world – and should be downloaded and listen to by everyone, if you ask me!
Please feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think of my stuff. I'm always eager to know what you think, and meet new people.
Happy reading. xxx
'Sorrow found me when I was young,
Sorrow waited, sorrow won.
Sorrow that put me on the pills,
It's in my honey, it's in my milk.
Don't leave my half a heart alone,
On the water.
Cover me in rag and bone, sympathy.
Cause I don't wanna get over you.
Sorrow's my body on the waves,
Sorrow's a girl inside my cave.
I live in a city sorrow built,
It's in my honey, it's in my milk.
Don't leave my half a heart alone,
On the water.
Cover me in rag and bone, sympathy.
Cause I don't wanna get over you.
Don't leave my half a heart alone,
On the water.
Cover me in rag and bone, sympathy.
Cause I don't wanna get over you.
I don't wanna get over you.'
Sorrow – The National.
Sorrow
"You're afraid." It wasn't a statement meant to hurt or to wound. It was just a statement; an observation.
"Of course I am." Leon replied softly, his brows crinkling at the suggestion. He reached up and sluiced the heated rag in the cold water again and squeezed the excess out, watching as the drops of iced water slithered between his fingers, splashing against the wood of the bedside table. The Gunblader pressed the cold compress to Cloud's heated forehead.
The SOLDIER sighed in appreciation, his eyes sliding closed. The burning of his body was raging and all-consuming and even the small amount of comfort that the cold cloth provided was welcome.
"You make me nervous when I see you like this." Cloud confessed, feeling the uncomfortable flutter in his chest whenever he admitted things that he kept close to himself. He watched through squinted eyes that hurt, as Leon made himself more comfortable; taking his jacket off and unlacing his boots.
"I could say the same about you." Was the brunette's gentle reply as he sat on the edge of the bed and ran his cool hand down the side of Cloud's face, trying with all of his might to soak up the heated infection like osmosis through his own skin. He would gladly take anything for Cloud. "I thought you didn't get sick." He asked, cringing outwardly as a spasm of rib cracking coughs shook his younger lover. It might have been acceptable, had this been a normal sickness. It just might have been easier to deal with, but to face the end this way; sick and useless in a bed from an infected wound. Leon felt cheated and he reasoned maybe he had no right to feel that way, considering it was Cloud who was…
He couldn't say it, not even in his own head.
Unbidden and quite uncontrollably, tears sprang to his eyes and his finely arched brows creased with the effort of keeping them back. He swallowed thickly, fighting back the ache in his throat.
"Cloud?" The name came out broken and drowning in repressed emotion, Leon's voice small and childlike.
Cloud cracked his eye open painfully, his mind barely on the edges of consciousness. He saw the pained expression on his lover's face and heard the insecurity in his voice. If he hadn't already been dying, it would have wounded him mortally.
Cloud reached out shakily with the very last dregs of his energy and took Leon's hand, pulling him down to lay next to him, not caring about the heat or the pain. Leon cradled his lover's fragile body as close as he could, removing the damp cloth and replacing it with his urgent kisses.
"It'll be alright, Leon." Cloud tried to comfort him, his voice lacking strength or conviction. He sighed as he felt Leon's soothing fingers begin to card through his matted, sweat soaked hair. He had always enjoyed the sensation.
"No, it won't." Leon's voice hitched and his chest convulsed at his painful words. He felt Cloud hang onto him a little tighter.
"I can't do this without you, Cloud."
Leon knew he wasn't helping but he found that he didn't care. If he didn't say these things now, when would he? At Cloud's grave? When he was finally alone just like he had wanted all those years ago?
"I don't want to have to do this." He whispered as he pulled Cloud tightly to him, cherishing the smaller man's touch, his smell and the heat of him while he still could.
"…Makes you think I wanna do this anymore than you do?" Cloud mumbled into his lover's neck, his eyes heavy, lashes lowered over flushed, burning cheeks. Humour wasn't something that Cloud had ever been any good at, but he tried it now; his sarcasm dry and falling tragically short.
None-the-less, it silenced the Gunblader who had no more words, either for himself or to comfort his lover, who was drifting in and out of consciousness with more and more regularity.
Leon stayed in their room; his sparse visits into Radiant Garden diminished to nothing as caring for Cloud became his everything. The city would look after itself, until…
Until Leon was forced to face it, with or without Cloud.
-Fin -