Disclaimer: D. Gray Man is H. Katsura's property, and the latest chapter rox.
A/N: I apologize in advance for this one shot that barely makes sense. It was supposed to do die on my computer but since I'm not done with the next chapter of Shikigami I thought I might as well give you a sign that I'm alive and trying to deal with this fucking moving to my new campus and all the shit that goes with it.
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Harmony
--
Harmony is an illusion.
Balance is nothing but a creation of the weak.
There is no compromise.
You either are, or aren't.
If you are, you cross and succeed. If you aren't, you fall and fail.
However, success can be an illusion and failure can be an illusion.
However, the judge can't be deceived.
The judge says harmony is an illusion.
Dark blue eyes opened and stared at the ceiling of the room plunged in the dark. Thin eyebrows knitted together. What kind of dream was that? Harmony? Illusion? As if he didn't have enough illusions to deal with already. But who would believe him? Who would believe that the great Kanda Yuu could see lotuses blooming everywhere, no matter where he directed his gaze? A field of flowers that kept reminding him of what he was. Or wasn't.
The Japanese Exorcist merely 'che-d' before sitting up and deciding that he might as well spend the last hours of the night meditating since sleep wouldn't come back.
That same morning, he was called in Komui's office and as he pushed the door open, he saw a familiar, irritating white-haired boy standing in front of the desk. That same person turned round and greeted Kanda with a broad smile:
"Good morning, Kanda."
The said Kanda didn't bother answering and addressed Komui instead:
"A mission?"
"Yes, and you're going with Allen – don't give me that face. Here's the report of the Finders." the Chinese man replied as he handed the two Exorcists a folder. "It's in a village in Scotland, and you're leaving in an hour."
--
"Disappearances have been occurring for some time in that village." Allen was reading the report out loud while sitting in the train, in front of Kanda. "Townsfolk say that they started not so long after the death of a man who committed suicide by throwing himself in the river near the village from the bridge that links the village to the nearest town. The villagers say the bridge is cursed by the man's spirit. We asked some people about that man, and they told us that his name was Demians Sulland and he was the village's judge."
Though unnoticed by Allen, the black-haired Exorcist stiffened. A judge?
"…extremely devoted to justice, righteous, exemplary man. But the people we questioned said that this devotion turned to obsession and that his judgments were criticized for their lack of humanity, to the point that the villagers ended up opposing him and forced him to leave the village. They say Sulland declared that they were all blinded by their own weaknesses and couldn't see real justice before killing himself. Now the villagers say the bridge is haunted by Sulland's spirit."
Allen raised his eyes to Kanda who was gazing outside.
"Do you believe in ghosts, Kanda" he asked, not really expecting an answer, but to his surprise, he got one:
"Like hell I'd believe in such a crap."
"I thought so." the boy replied, chuckling. Then on a sadder tone, he added: "I pity that man. He died because of his convictions."
"That guy was an idiot." Kanda said sharply.
"You can't say that! He believed in justice, and even if I don't know the details, I'm sure he didn't deserve to end like that!"
"He chose death by himself. There's no need to pity him. And justice is nothing but a mere creation of the weak." Kanda replied dryly before even thinking about those last words.
"Kanda, you can't…"
"Shut up. I don't care about your opinion." Then he closed his eyes, knowing that the stupid moyashi wouldn't disturb him if he pretended to sleep.
Not like he actually slept. If Kanda closed his eyes, it was mainly to stop seeing the lotuses around him, and that's why he also liked meditating a lot, and train blindfolded. Whenever his eyelids were closed, he could forget for a moment that his life was bound to illusions.
--
They were standing in front of the bridge that looked like any other wooden bridge. It wasn't that long since the other end could be clearly seen, and wide enough for two people to stand on it.
"Well, I don't see anything suspicious about this bridge. What do you think, Kanda?"
There was no answer coming from the older male, and Allen merely sighed. However, the reason for Kanda's silence was that he was too busy staring at the river flowing in front of him. Hundreds of lotus flowers were floating on it, blooming, wilting then blooming again, drifting at the mercy of the stream. More flowers were covering the green grass both Exorcists were standing on; however, the only place where not a single lotus was blooming was the bridge. Kanda frowned but was soon interrupted in his thoughts by Allen:
"Admiring the flowers?" the boy asked teasingly, and for a second, he could have sworn that Kanda was startled by the innocent question.
It took the Japanese man several seconds to realize that Allen was talking about real flowers, the ones the area was scattered with.
"Anyway, I don't see anything wrong with this bridge." the boy went on. "Maybe we should cross it?"
"Whatever." Kanda replied as he walked towards the bridge, followed by Allen.
They stepped towards the wooden structure, and everything fell black around them. Instinctively, Allen gripped Kanda's sleeve.
"What's happening?" he asked, worried.
The Japanese Exorcist felt the grip but didn't react, too busy scanning the area in search for any explanation of what he was seeing. Or not seeing.
Despite the sudden darkness that surrounded both of them, the bridge could clearly be seen, but it was about the only thing there. Everything else had disappeared; the river, the grass, the sky, everything. Speaking of darkness wasn't accurate since the two Exorcists would see themselves and each other, and the bridge, which looked like it was suspended above a bottomless chasm. The ground had disappeared also, though they could still stand, as if the air itself was the support. It was unexplainable.
And what was more unexplainable for Kanda was the fact that all the lotuses had vanished. He blinked several times to make sure he wasn't hallucinating – the irony! – and in the end, had to admit that his eyes weren't failing him. What the hell was happening? A tug on his sleeve reminded him that he wasn't alone.
"Kanda! What's…"
"I don't know." Kanda cut Allen shortly, his hand on Mugen's hilt.
A low, solemn voice suddenly echoed from across the bridge, startling the two Exorcists:
"Do you wish to cross the bridge?"
The Exorcists gazed in the direction from which the voice came and again, despite there was no light, clearly saw a man standing at the other end of the bridge. And in his right palm, a book was held open. A book which was glowing in a familiar green light.
"Kanda, his book, I bet it's an Innocence."
"I'm not stupid, Moyashi. And let go of my sleeve."
"S-sorry." Allen apologized as he released his grip.
"Do you wish to cross the bridge?" the man asked again.
Allen glanced at Kanda, then seeing that the latter didn't seem willing to do anything but frown, he answered firmly:
"Yes."
"I am the judge." the man went on. "I decide whether you are allowed to cross the bridge or whether you are not. Good, you cross. Evil, you fall. There is no compromise. Justice decides whether you are or whether you are not. Do you still wish to cross the bridge?"
"Yes." Allen replied with no hesitation.
"Then may the trial begin."
Kanda was frozen on the spot; not because he was scared, but because of the man's words. It was almost like in his dreams. What was the meaning of it? And that stupid moyashi who had agreed without a second thought! The silver-haired boy inhales deeply then stepped on the bridge.
"Well, let's go Kanda." he said.
The Japanese Exorcist also stepped forward behind the boy, but his feet hit something. Not only his feet, but also the hand he raised in front of him.
"Oi, what the…" he started, trying to see what was blocking him.
"Only one will be judged per trial." the man interrupted him with authority. "The other will wait for his own trial."
"Don't fuck with me!" Kanda snapped, irritated. Now he could clearly see a transparent wall of glass erected between the bridge and him. Allen turned round and laid a hand on the wall separating him from Kanda. The older male didn't miss the anxious look that flashed in the boy's grey eyes, but it soon vanished while a reassuring smile appeared on his lips.
"It's ok, Kanda. I'll go and bring the Innocence back."
"Like hell I'm going to let you cross it alone!" Kanda replied a bit more violently than intended. He drew Mugen out and slashed the wall of glass, which fell to pieces but was immediately replaced by another one. He cursed.
"It seems I'll have to do it alone, after all." Allen said calmly with his innocent smile. Then he turned to the bridge and put a foot on it. Behind him, he heard Kanda telling him as he punched the wall:
"You'd better not fail or I'll kill you personally."
Allen chuckled, merely replying: "Thanks for your concern, Kanda."
Those few words startled Kanda for a second. Concern? Since when did he show concern for someone else? Well, to be honest, he was surprised by his own reaction; he couldn't explain the very unpleasant feeling he was having nor why he suddenly feared that something bad was going to happen. Maybe it was the abnormal absence of the lotus flowers, or that strange dream he had had; in any case, he felt that something was wrong. However, also feeling that his worries were absurd, he forced himself not to lose control and watched Allen step on the bridge.
As soon as his foot touched the wooden structure, a thin, almost invisible ribbon of smoke appeared from his body, one end looked stuck to his chest while the other end was flying above the bridge towards the judge, and plunged into the book he was holding.
"Oi Moyashi, what's that thing?" Kanda asked, having a hard time keeping his cool.
"I don't know. It doesn't hurt or anything." Allen replied, then made an attempt at touching the ribbon but his hand went through. "I don't know." he repeated. He raised his eyes to the man standing on the other end of the bridge; he was looking at the boy with impassive eyes. Allen decided it was no use staying there and wondering what was happening, so he started walking on the bridge.
Kanda's eyes were locked on the boy and on that strange ribbon of smoke linking him to the judge's book.. As he looked more carefully, he could see something moving in the smoke, as if the ribbon was absorbing something from Allen to the book. A cry of surprise brought his attention back to the boy, and his eyes widened in stupor.
Allen was holding his chest with one hand while looking at his body that had… lightened. No, not lightened. It was… evaporating, becoming immaterial.
"Moyashi! What the fuck is happening!" Kanda almost yelled at the boy, though they weren't that far away from each other. At the same time, he made a new attempt at cutting the wall down, unsuccessfully.
"I-I don't know… It's like this thing is… draining me… I…"
"This is your judgment." the man said, still impassive. "I warned you. Good you cross. Evil, you fall. You are evil, hence you fall."
"Moyashi! Cut the fucking ribbon or kill that bastard, whatever!" Kanda was getting abnormally panicked.
"I can't cut it… It's ok, I'm going to get the Innocence and everything will be alright." Allen replied as he kept walking. However, as he was moving forward, his silhouette was becoming blurrier, his body was turning more transparent, like a ghost – if such a thing existed. At each step, a part of him was taken by the book through the ribbon.
"Moyashi, stop!" Kanda called him again. "Just come back here or you're going to disappear completely! Oi!" He kept punching the wall of glass, furious and desperate that he couldn't do anything but watch as Allen was being drained of his substance. That stupid brat! Why couldn't he listen to what others told him?
"Moyashi! Fucking come back here!"
"I-I'm fine, Kanda!" Allen replied. "A bit more and I'll reach the end!"
"You're not fine at all! You're fucking disappearing!"
"Just a bit more… A bit more and I'll get the Innocence."
"Who cares about the Innocence! Oi, you over there!" Kanda addressed the judged. "Stop that crap already, we're retreating!"
The black-haired Exorcist was about to add something when the expression on the judge's face stopped him. He looked… troubled, almost afraid of something. Then he spoke, more to himself that to any of the two Exorcists:
"Why? What haven't you fallen yet? You are almost near the end of the bridge and you still haven't disappeared from this world though the Book says you are guilty. So why? There is no compromise!" And for the first time, the man stepped back as Allen was approaching, his ethereal body still linked to the book. "You either cross or fall! You can't cross while falling!"
"But I'm not falling." Allen stated, intrigued.
"Of course you are!" the man was losing his composure. "The Book is absorbing the evil in you, a normal person would have been absorbed entirely before even reaching the middle of the bridge!"
"Are you saying that a normal person can only be made of pure good or pure evil?" Allen asked, still walking though he was now merely visible.
"Exactly! Don't come any closer!" the man ordered, visibly upset.
"Moyashi! Get your ass back here!" Kanda shouted, hitting the wall with his fist.
"Don't come closer!"
"I'm almost there."
"Get back!"
"You can't cross while falling!"
At that moment, everything happened very quickly. The judge shut his book and jumped forward on Allen who was caught off guard by the action. The second after, the bridge vanished and both of the fell into the bottomless chasm underneath them, leaving nothing but silence behind. Then, the darkness retreated abruptly, and everything came back: the sky, grass, flowers, river. Everything but the bridge.
And Allen Walker.
Kanda stared incredulously at the landscape. He could even see the lotuses again. Those illusions were back, but not the damn moyashi. The Japanese Exorcist looked around him during several long minutes, expecting – hoping? – to see the familiar silhouette running to him, his usual grin on his face, apologizing for worrying Kanda. He even walked along the river for two whole hours. Nothing.
On Komui's orders, he remained at the village another few days to see if he could find any trace of the Innocence or Allen. Fruitless. He wanted to convince himself that the stupid brat couldn't have disappeared like that; he suddenly wanted to believe in Allen-the-invincible-savior whom everyone believed in, and he asked Komui to let him stay another month, which he was granted. A full month during which the silver-haired boy never showed up. Kanda ended up admitting the obvious, without really believing it.
Allen Walker had fallen.
--
A white marble stone was erected in the park of the Black Order, next to the many others under which the ashes of dead Exorcists were buried. On this one, the words 'Allen Walker' were carved, but with no date since no one really knew when the boy was born. Naturally, there had been no corpse to incinerate but it didn't prevent an exceptional number of people of the Order from coming to the ceremony. It lasted a whole hour, mostly filled with sobs and short speeches from Komui, Lenalee and a few others.
Kanda hadn't attended the ceremony because he never attended any, and also because he couldn't bring himself to believe that a certain silver-haired – and stupid – boy was no more. Yet his steps were now leading him to the park.
It had been over a month since that mission, and Kanda had gradually started feeling the void left by the boy in his very being. At first, he didn't understand where it came from, he kept thinking it was only temporary and that everything would come back to normal, but in the end, he stopped denying it and slowly realized it: Allen Walker had been what kept harmony in him.
Harmony.
For the Order, all the time Allen was there, he embodied the hope that would lead them to victory. But Kanda didn't give a damn about that victory crap. At the beginning, to him, Allen was the utterly naïve boy with idealistic views who had nothing to do in the Order, then he slowly became the anchor that linked Kanda's world of illusions to reality, the glimpse of light in his life of shadows, the breeze that soothed his stormy existence.
Balance.
Of course, at first, Allen irritated him, even angered him and sometimes made him want to kill him, but all those emotions gave Kanda the feeling of being human and made him forget for some times how illusory his very existence was. In the strange duality Allen and Kanda formed, the former was the heart while the latter was the envelope that protected that heart.
That had failed to protect it.
Oh, he wasn't going to cry over his failure and lose himself in useless laments, it's just that for the first time in his life, he felt regret.
Kanda arrived in front of the grave and stared down on the stone. He frowned. Again. There was something wrong again. Normally, the lotus flowers bloomed everywhere, even on the tombs, but as soon as they touched the marble stones, they wilted. Except on Allen's stone. Kanda could see the flowers, as beautiful as ever, as if they didn't recognize that it was a tombstone.
His heart stopped for a second. What was the meaning of this? He knew that the lotuses were mere illusions yet he wanted to give a meaning to the abnormal phenomenon in front of his eyes. What if Allen wasn't actually…
Kanda shook his head, pissed at himself for letting his mind forming such stupid hopes. And something similar had already happened during that mission; he remembered the bridge where no flowers could be seen. Maybe there was something wrong with him. He walked away, back to the main building.
Allen Walker had fallen and Kanda Yuu was slowly sinking back in his own world of illusions.
--
Harmony is the heart of life.
Balance is the essence of the world.
Where good is, evil is found.
Where darkness lies, light appears.
You are, and aren't.
You cross while falling and you fall while crossing.
However, being and non-being can be illusions.
However, the judge can't be deceived.
The judge says harmony is the heart of life.
Kanda woke up with a start and sat up on his bed. The last time he had made a similar dream was about a year ago, and he remembered perfectly it was on that day when he and the moyashi had been given that fated mission. The moyashi… A passing turbulence in his life. Kanda had never visited the grave again after that one time. As time passed, he had gradually put the moyashi in a dark corner of his mind, like a memory not worth mentioning, and that's why he decided not to pay attention to that stupid dream. Today would be a day like any other day.
That's why Kanda wasn't surprised when Komui called him in his office for a mission. Routine. He didn't even notice the troubled look in his supervisor's eyes behind his glasses.
"A new mission?" he asked. Komui sighed.
"Yes. And no. Kanda, I don't know what this means, or if it even has a meaning but I'd like to warn you not to have any false hope."
"Get to the point already." Kanda replied, annoyed.
"You're going to Scotland. A new bridge has appeared and people started disappearing again. The Finders say the bridge is made of silver."
Even if he had wanted to, Kanda couldn't hide his reaction of surprise. His body suddenly stiffened while images he thought to be erased for a long time flashed in his head: a wooden bridge, a river, blackness, a judge, a fall… He clenched his fists involuntarily. Despite the storm in his mind, he managed to ask with a cool tone:
"What do you mean by 'appeared'?"
"Well, townsfolk there say that the bridge was there, suddenly. A say before, everything was normal and the day after, they saw a silver bridge crossing the river."
"When do I leave?"
"In an hour." And before Komui had time to add anything else, Kanda walked out.
"Please be careful" he heard Komui say in his back.
Time almost seemed frozen for Kanda as he was in the train, gazing absently at the endless landscape. During all that year, he had retrieved his life of before the arrival of the brat; hardly bearing anyone's company, devoting himself only to what he had been created for. Yet, there was still something missing, an empty slot in him which only asked to be filled with that presence that had put his ordered life upside down and made him realize how incomplete his being was.
Kanda closed his eyes, the lotuses disappeared; however, images of the flowers blooming came to his mind, not-wilting flowers on a white marble stone. He had to admit it, he had never really managed to completely forget about the annoying brat.
As soon as he arrived, he headed for the river, his heart beating a bit faster than normally. Finally, he saw the bridge. His eyes opened wide at the sight; the bridge was indeed made of pure silver, which strangely reminded him of a certain boy. The structure, the rail, the footbridge were so delicately chiseled in a complex interlacing of various patterns that it could barely be called a bridge; it was a masterpiece of art. And this time, not only could he see lotuses on it, but they were also the most beautiful ones among all.
Kanda stood there motionless, too captivated by the sight to remember he was in the middle of a mission. It was only after several minutes that he came out of his contemplation and without wasting another second, he approached the bridge.
He wasn't surprised when the scenery changed abruptly, the landscape being replaced by nothingness. The only change compared with the last time was that instead of black, Kanda was surrounded by a dazzling whiteness. In front of him, the bridge was hanging in the air as expected. He immediately directed his gaze at the other end of the footbridge and his heart failed a beat.
A man – no, a boy – with oh so familiar white hair was standing there, a silver mask on his face, all dressed in white and silver and a cloak on his shoulder that Kanda identified with no difficulty as being Crown Clown. In his right hand, a pair of scales made of silver, glowing in a green light. After long seconds of silence, the boy spoke:
"Do you wish to cross the bridge?" he asked quietly.
At the other end of the bridge, Kanda was standing still, his head slightly down, face partly hidden by his hair. His lips moved, but the words coming out from his mouth were barely audible.
"Do you wish to cross the bridge?" the boy asked again.
"One year." Kanda said. "One fucking year and that's all you're able to say? Moyashi!" he called as he raised his furious eyes to the boy, anger filling his voice. The other didn't answer, merely standing there with an almost royal majesty.
"Oi! Answer me!"
"I am the one who asks questions. Now, answer."
Kanda bit his lip, trying – in vain – to contain the sudden fury in him.
"Fine! I'll cross your fucking bridge and bring y our damn ass back!"
"I am the judge…" the boy started, but Kanda cut him:
"Don't give me that shit! Like hell you are!" he snapped as he stepped on the bridge. Immediately, a ribbon of silver smoke appeared from his chest and linked him to one of the scales' plates.
"Two ribbons, one for each plate, and balance is kept. You cross. One ribbon, and balance is no more. You fall." Allen went on calmly. "Poor creature with no harmony within you, you will fall. Now, come and submit to my judgment."
"Stop this crap already. You're pissing me off." Kanda replied as he started crossing the bridge. At each step, he felt as if a part of him was leaving him and, looking at the scales, he saw the plate which the ribbon was linked to slowly leaning. Another look at his own body showed him that it was beginning to vanish like it had happened with Allen. Never mind. Kanda was going to bring the stupid brat back.
"Oi! You'd better be prepared because I'm going to kill you once I get over there!"
"Impossible. There is no harmony within you, thus you will not be able to cross." the white-haired boy replied, impassive.
"Just fucking stop this idiotic game!" Kanda snapped, exasperated. He was halfway, but his body was already nothing but a blurry, barely visibly shape. He stopped for a second. What if he really was going to disappear? What if he couldn't bring Allen back safely? He was going to fail and lose Allen. Again. Not that he was attached to the boy, or at least he wanted to believe so, but being so close to his goal and failing again had something infuriating. And all because of a mere pair of scales that was emptying him of himself!
Though he was disappearing, his body was somehow still solid, which allowed him to draw Mugen out. If the scales was the origin of the problem, then he was going to destroy them, Innocence or no. He didn't know if an Innocence could destroy another Innocence, but he didn't really bother about it.
"Kaichu: Ichigen!"
The swarm of insects flew straight towards Allen, but a wall of glass instantly erected itself between them and their target, and all of them violently crashed against it. Kanda cursed. Allen dismissed the wall with a mere gesture of his hand.
"It is useless. I am the judge. You cannot reach me for there is no harmony within you. I am the jud…"
"You're no fucking judge! You're Allen Walker, a stupid and annoying brat!" Kanda cut him as he resumed crossing the bridge, his furious steps echoing around him. It didn't matter to him anymore if he was going to be erased from this world since he had never really belonged to it to begin with. His ghostly figure was only a few steps away from Allen who still hadn't moved.
"I'm bringing you back, whether you want it or not."
"You will not reach me for there is no harmony within you."
Those last words made Kanda explode:
"There hasn't been any since you fucking left a damn year ago!"
His words were followed by silence. None of them moved for several seconds, Kanda looking as furious as ever and at the same time wondering where those words came from; and Allen who had his lips partly open as if to say something without knowing what. His right hand holding the scales started shaking, then his whole body followed. Finally, his lips moved and he managed to articulate slowly:
"K-Kanda?"
The Japanese Exorcist didn't expect to hear his name.
"Oi Moyashi, did you finally come back to your senses?" he asked with a cooler tone.
In front of him, the silver-haired boy was still slightly trembling. The scales fell from his hand on an invisible ground and at the same time, the ribbon was cut and Kanda felt himself being filled back with everything he had been drained of.
Allen's mask felt from his face to reveal a pair of pure silver eyes wide open, looking at Kanda with stupor and uncertainty. Then the boy ran to the older male and threw himself in his arms, burying his face in Kanda's coat. The Japanese Exorcist, though taken aback by Allen's action, kept him in his embrace without saying anything.
"Kanda, it's really you, isn't it?" he heard the boy murmured.
"Che. Of course."
The landscape came back. Sky, river, grass, flowers, everything came back but the silver bridge. Kanda glanced at the ground and saw that even the Innocence was there, though it was now shaped like a small cube.
But above all, Allen Walker was there as well. The frail and trembling body in his arms was real, and that was the only thing Kanda needed.
"Where were you all that time?" he asked the boy with an unusually gentle tone. He felt Allen pressing against himself even more against his chest at the question. He sighed.
"Che. I suppose it's fine if you don't want to answer."
"I fought the judge." Allen suddenly spoke, though weakly and with difficulty. "You remember when I fell? Well, after that… I fought him… How long, I don't know. But I was falling, falling, falling… and at the same time I was fighting him… Then… then… he appeared and fought the judge in my stead… I couldn't… do anything…" Allen tightened his grip on Kanda's coat.
"Who appeared?" Kanda asked.
"The… the other me… he appeared and then he fought the judge… I was locked… they fought…"
"Locked? Where?"
"In me! I was locked… in my own body…" the boy sounded desperate and Kanda couldn't do much except embracing the boy even more tightly. "They fought over the Innocence… I didn't even counted the days, weeks and months… I simply watched them fighting…"
Kanda frowned. Was Allen mentally sane? What was that story about his 'other me' and being locked inside his own body? His eyes widened. Could it be that Allen was talking about the Noah in him? Well, it didn't matter now. All that mattered was that Allen was there, with him.
"…the other me won and he took the Innocence… but you know he's vulnerable to Innocence so… so… he took the judge in him and… and… I don't know… I wanted to stop them…" Allen paused; he was breathing heavily and almost hiccupping.
"It's ok, you don't have to explain." Kanda said, running his hand reassuringly on Allen's back. "We can just go back and forget about this." Allen's tale wasn't making any sense but it's not like Kanda actually cared about what had happened. But Allen shook his head.
"The only thing I could do… was this bridge… I locked all three of us in the bridge and… the judge took over… but not entirely… there was a constant conflict in me… people were judged… I tried to make them cross… but Kanda, I wasn't strong enough! There was something missing in me, I couldn't tell what!"
The silver-haired boy raised his eyes to Kanda. "All that time, I couldn't fight properly because… because I lacked something, and it took me time to realize that what I lacked was… It was you, Kanda."
The latter opened his eyes wide while Allen withdrew from Kanda's arms and looked away, afraid of the other's reaction at those words.
"You must think I'm weak, and I won't tell you I'm not." he went one, a bit calmed down. "I just want you to know that it was you who kept me sane all the time you were there, because – I know this is going to sound stupid – every time we would argue or fight on something I felt like I was a normal boy, simply a normal boy and not the incarnation of something that was supposed to save the world or anything like that. And every time I saw you never faltering, I always thought you were the strength I lacked, the one who helped me keep on fighting no matter how desperate the situation was… Kanda, I'm sorry if what you heard displeased you, but I had to say it. If you wish so, we can act as if all of this never happened." Allen added, still not daring to look at Kanda. However, he didn't manage to hide his surprise when he felt a pair of arms pulling him against the same chest he had sought comfort in not two minutes ago.
"You're an idiot." Have you already forgotten what I said on the bridge?"
"I-I…" Of course Allen hadn't, but he had refused to give to those words the meaning he truly wanted them to bear. He couldn't believe he had any influence on Kanda's life, the same way Kanda couldn't believe he had such an impact on Allen's one.
Yet, when their lips closed on each other's as pale and hesitating fingers brushed in raven hair while long ones ran through white locks, they finally felt they existed. Fully.
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Here. Now feel free to tell me everything that was wrong with this story, because I know it's far from being perfect.
And rest assured that I'm working on Shikigami (when I have time) so I can give you good chapters (which is hard...)