I was awake. But who knows how long it would last this time. Fifteen minutes? An hour? Two? It wasn't preferable to being unconscious –I knew that for sure. And the lack of awareness was not only bewildering, but extremely frustrating.

All I knew was this: I could not control myself. The words that flowed from my lips were not my own. I couldn't even lift a finger. The only parts of me that were, well, me were this empty shell of a meatsuit and my thoughts warring with this despicable creature inside me.

I struggled to remember how this came to be. But the last thing I could recall of my normal life was not even a concrete image. Just the sound of a harsh wind, like a drunkard's cough or the angry sea crashing against a shore. Then it entered, filling my body and mind as if I were a crystal drinking glass and it was the darkest wine in the cellar. I could feel it worming its way around, a parasite that spread strategically about, infiltrating my nervous system. It wasn't pain, per say. But there was certainly discomfort and I was left with a feeling of absolute emptiness.

Then, fleeting memories of single moments. The bloodcurdling scream of a young child. The flash of fear manifest in a victim's eyes. The feeling of prickled hairs on the skin of a women's wrist. And I know that I have wronged these people. But I don't understand how or why. Just that I cannot stop.

At the present moment, I saw the distorted image of two men through a tiny sliver of light. The larger of the two paced back and forth, holding his hand to his head briefly in what seemed like a fit of stress. The other slammed a bottle onto a table, shouting "son-of-a-bitch" and mumbling a string of muffled words. I could hear them speaking, but it was broken, and unclear.

"It's fine, Dean. She's fine."

I wouldn't be so sure of yourself, moose.

"I just don't trust that bitch. Since when is trusting demons something we do?"

"How many times… have to tell you? I'm just using her... get to Lilith. And she's saved my life… than one occasion. I think… owe her the benefit… doubt."

"How do I… any more clear? She's a demon, Sammy. Demons lie. And cheat. And, Hell, we don't even know if… actually the Ruby she says…"

You got that right, Dean. Or whatever your name is. "Ruby" told this sap-eyed giant that this body was "totally clean." My soul is still here.

"I just don't… any better options here. Ruby is helping me to… and stronger. And this is the only…we can take on Lilith."

Yeah, and at what price?

"If that's the… you want to do it, Sam, fine. But leave me out of it."

The slam of a door disrupted my concentration and rattled the sliver of light through which I was peering. Then the room, or rather closet, I had been hiding in was flooded with light. I found myself looking up into the eyes of a gorgeous man, and his body arched slightly forward as his frame towered over mine.

"Oh, Sam," I heard myself say. "I never thought he'd leave."

"I need some," he replied, sounding strained. His forehead wrinkled as his eyebrows came together. "I need some now."

"Patience, Sammy. Patience." I could feel myself exploiting some of my more feminine qualities and I walked towards him, biting my lip seductively.

"I need it. Now." He grabbed my wrists, pinning me against the wall with a forceful shove. I could feel the contours of his body through his thin cotton shirt as he pressed his body against mine. And I could smell iron on his breath as he brought his face close to mine.

"So eager." I said wickedly, pushing my body into his as I struggled to break from my position on the wall. But his fingers clenched harder around my wrists. Loving the pain and the uncertainty of who really had control, I pressed my lips to his. I could feel the wetness of his tongue as he searched my mouth, and the firmness of the kiss was almost to line of violent. Then, he abruptly pulled away.

"Now." His eyes were wild with lust and passion. I knew the blood wasn't all he desired. He let my arms fall and I snaked them around his neck and into his hair as he picked me up and brought me to the bed. It smelled of mildew and cheap beer, but Ruby didn't seem to notice or care.

I felt myself pulling Sam's shirt over his head, laying one hand on his warm back as I traced the muscles, teasingly. I could feel his chest expanding as his breath quickened. And the pulse of his heartbeat reverberated through my fingers, growing faster and faster. But Ruby knew what she wanted. And she was going to get it. I fumbled with the zipper on Sam's pants, then slid them down his waist just before he ripped the shirt from my back, scattering buttons in all directions.

"No." He said as I reached into his boxers for his hardened cock. "You know."

He reached for a tie on the bedside table and wrapped it around my wrists, tying my arms to the bedposts. They began to chafe but the pain was satisfying. Anything to pleasure Sam. Then, taking a blade from my back pocket, he made a thin slice to my forearm and the blood began to trickle down. Immediately he began to drink, using his tongue to clean up, indulging in the strength and power it gave him. I could feel my eyes moisten, but there were no tears. The sharpness felt good. Then he began to slow down, continuing to lick gently as he tantalizingly removed my pants. He held me there for a moment, grabbing my waist in his hands and making small circles with his thumbs on my stomach. Our legs were tangled around one another and I was pulsing with desire. Then, when I thought I couldn't take it any longer, he removed his boxers and pressed me to him, thrusting in and out of my body with his long shaft.

A moan escaped from his lips and I screamed for him to push harder, faster. I pulled hard with my wrists, struggling to get closer to him, wanting to feel every part of him all at once. The pain and pleasure mixed as he picked up speed. He yanked my hair, his long fingers wrapped around long strands. Not able to contain my satisfaction, his name erupted from my mouth. His face contorted in gratification as he finally released, and I blacked out. As much as I tried to fight it, Ruby was in control. There was no doubt in that.