Disclaimer: I don't own. I own Tasmin, and that's it. I don't even own my computer. : sighs:
A/N: This story is now rather pointless without the song in it. The song is supposed to be Burogeois' Tagg's "I Don't Mind At All", but the Powers That Be no longer allow songfics. So I'm going to be posting this elsewhere, as the real version, with the "forbidden" lyrics. -snorts- Sorry about all this.
xXx
Seto Kaiba sat on a bench, eyes focused on the ground. "I have to go. You know that. I can't, and won't, spend the rest of my life pining over you. I've lost you, and I don't care."
His lips twitched a bit and he played with the sleeve of his trench coat. "I have Jou... and Seth and Kiefer, if it comes to that. It was nice to have you around... You were something normal... something I could keep in my life that wasn't crammed with mystic fairy tales and hokum, even if you did like to play around with those cards of yours... But I'm not going to think about that now."
"One thing I liked about you is that you never complained or admitted weakness to me." He now looked up and scanned the horizon, eyes searching for some undefined thing. "Mokuba, maybe. But never me. You figured out that I don't like people complaining to me all the time. You decided to deal with your problems all by yourself. I find that... courageous." Another slight smile twisted his lips, then faded. "You left me alone. That was what I'd wished for."
"But I almost wish you'd talked to me about this problem..."
"You were a strong person, strong enough to put up with me... and Jou... and especially Seth." Another smile, a bit more honest this time. "Some of the things I've said and done have been inexcusable. and for that, I apologize." He sighed quietly. "Even if it's too late now."
He stood up, as if to go, then sat back down. "I never told you a lot of things, Tasmin. There were things I meant to tell you... But I was afraid you'd laugh at me. That's right," he laughed at himself, a touch coldly, "I was afraid. I, Kaiba Seto... was afraid. Of you. Of your rejection." He sighed quietly. "Now it's too late to tell you. Not that I mind."
"Jou asked me the other day why I wasn't more upset about all this." Seto's gaze was on the ground again. "I told him that I didn't mind... that these things happen. He told me that I wasn't healthy for me to be reacting this way. I told him to mind his own business and to leave me alone." He sighed and checked his watch. "I'm going to apologize to him when I get home. I figure that'll make you happy. God knows I never made you happy enough before..."
He coughed to clear his voice so that it no longer sounded as if he was trying to choke back tears, which, of course, he wasn't. Of course. "I haven't cried at all. I figure you'll want me to move on with my life. So I have. I doubt I'll ever see you again... if you don't mind."
"I have Seth and Mokuba, after all," he continued without pause. "They'll never leave me. At least, Seth won't. He can't. No yami can leave his hikari. It's a rule. So I suspect I'll be fine. After all, there's no point in wallowing in misery for the rest of my life. That's a waste of time. I haven't moped around yet over you, and I doubt I will any time soon. I don't think that should bother you."
"I have my own life to live, after all." Another slight smile touched his face. "One tragedy hardly ends it. I've had more than one tragedy in my life, thanks very much. I can handle myself just fine. I have more people now than I ever have before. I believe I can handle the rest of my life just fine without you."
Seto was silent for just a moment, but it was a brooding silence, not a silence waiting for a response. "I suppose that I could've talked to you about my... problems... rather let you find out the way you did. That wasn't fair to you. I should've told you about Jou and Kiefer right away, but I was afraid that you'd laugh." A wry chuckle escaped him. "Again, I'm afraid of you laughing at me. I never liked to be laughed at. It... reminds me of something else I was too afraid of telling you... something that I really have never told anyone... but I should've told you. Now that I've let you go, there's no point to me telling you."
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Nothing against you, of course, but out here, anyone could hear it, and... it's not something I exactly want to share. I never even told you, and look how close we were..."
He paused again, and brooded some more. "Then again... it doesn't look like I told you a great deal, did it? I suppose," his voice became very soft and introspective, "that I hardly ever talked to you. That was a mistake on my part. A very big mistake. I apologize. I will tell you this; I loved you." He stood up and nodded. "That said, I think it's time for me to go."
Seto Kaiba nodded down at his wife's grave. "I won't take up anymore of your time. I've said all I've cared to say, and now I have to leave you. I won't be coming back here. At least, not for a good while." He placed a single rose on the grave, next to the miso ramen Mokuba had left earlier. "It was nice to have you around, Tasmin." His voice was soft. "I wish I could say I'll miss you. I don't think it's possible for me." The last slight smile he would wear for a long time touched his face. "As far as I'm concerned, I don't mind at all."
A/N: Kiefer is Jou's yami. : grins: He's a prominent feautre in many of my fics... just trust me, eh?
And yes, yes, I am working on "It Only Makes Me Laugh"... but I have a huge block... . Sorry.