Hey guys, I've had this idea in my head ever since the elevator scene in 9x02. Review and let me know how you like it.

This is a ten part story, the next few chapters are significantly longer.

Prologue - Your Hand In Mine (still burns after all this time)

❝This is a place where horrible things happen. You were right to go. You're probably escaping disaster.
Look at me. I practically grew up here, and you're right, it's hurt me in ways I'll probably never get over.
I have a lot of memories of people. People I've lost forever. But I have a lot of other memories too.
This is the place where I fell in love. The place where I found my family. This is where I learned to be a doctor.
Where I learned how to take responsibility for someone else's life. And it's the place where I met you.
So I figure this place has given me as much as it's taken away from me. I've lived here as much as I've survived here.
It just depends on how I look at it. I'm gonna choose to look at it that way, and remember you that way."

She's halfway to the airport before the first tear falls and another two kilometers closer to getting on the plane before she realizes she can't leave.
It's not until the car pulls up at the terminal that she asks the taxi driver to turn around and take her back to where he picked her up from.

It's hard to pin point what it is exactly that makes her change her mind. Maybe it's the realization that if she gets on the plane back to Ohio she may never see her best friend again, never find out exactly what it is they have between them, or maybe it's that she'll have the chance to prove what a great surgeon she really is, that she has what it takes to make it. Maybe this is it. The defining moment in her life, where she finally has to go one way or another.
Finally move past the crossroad she's been stuck at for the last twenty eight years.

By the time the taxi drops her off outside Joe's, she's out $150, drenched from head to toe and convinced this is all a mistake.
As far as she knows he was only being polite when he asked her to wait for him after work,
but when she walks through the door he's there sitting in one of the booths at the back of the bar.

The bar's relatively quiet for a Friday night. She spots a few of the regulars sitting at the counter,
a handful of college kids nursing beers and watching the game and two interns from the hospital playing darts at the back of the room.
His head's down and his shoulders are hunched but even halfway across the room, he's still so beautiful it makes her heart ache.

The walk over to his table seems like eternity, although it can't be longer than ten seconds,
he's too busy burning holes into the table in front of him to notice her arrival.

"Hey." It's such a small word and it seems insignificant given everything that's happened between them but at the moment she's still too shocked that he's even here to think of anything else.

His eyes flick up to meet hers and she can see the small glimmer of disbelief that pool in them before it quickly disappears.

"You came." His voice is hoarse and his eyes are red and it's obvious to her he's been drinking for awhile.

"I just.. I was on the way to the airport and I just.. I came back." It's not enough, but she doesn't know where else to start.
From a young age, her mother had always told her she was good with words, but right now looking at him, it's hard for her to even form a sentence.

"But you did leave. You were just going to leave without saying goodbye, right?" There's an edge to his voice and she starts to suspect
that maybe there's something else going on with him. Maybe there's a deeper meaning to this conversation.

It takes her a minute to realize she's still standing there, holding onto her suitcase, watching him drain the last of the drink in front of him.
She slides into the seat opposite him, and watches his hands pick at the loose paint peeling off the edge of the table.

"I.. It's complicated, Jackson. I knew if I saw you I wouldn't be able to say goodbye. You're going to Tulane, and Sloan's better and I.. I thought it would be better if I just left." He lowers his head to the table, then raises it, unshed tears shining in his eyes as she feels something inside her cave in on itself,
but it's his next words that squeeze the remaining air out of her lungs.

"Sloan's gone, April." He says, while he signals Joe for another round. "It was a surge. Webber said it would happen, and we didn't listen. We didn't believe him. He was there talking to me and then I went to get Sofia and when I got back to his room he was just.. gone. I should have realized.. I should have done something. Damn it." His hand slams down on the table, sending the empty glass upside down.

She's speechless for a moment, while it sinks in and she takes a breath, wills herself not to cry.
She's thought over the past few months, that she's cried all the tears she could, but it turns out that maybe she hasn't.

Sloan was the only other person Jackson really had in his life, and over the last few months she knows how much of a father figure he had become to him.
The way the older surgeon had taken him under his wing, shaped him and moulded him into a stronger version of himself, showed him that he didn't need the legacy his grandfather had created to prove what a great doctor he could be.

"God Jackson, I'm so sorry. I.. I'm so sorry" It's the tears in his eyes that have her reaching over the table to pull his hand into hers,
ignoring the tightening in her stomach when she does. He doesn't pull away, so she guesses that counts for something.

"I guess that's life, huh. Everyone leaves. My dad, Charles, Mark, You." His words are like a physical punch to her stomach,
and it's hard for her to breathe for a moment. "You think I'd be used to it by now."

"Jackson, I'm so sorry, I was scared." There are phrases and moments and years worth of unsaid feelings remaining inside her stomach but she can't stop here because she doesn't know if she'll ever have the strength to empty them all out again..

"I got scared. I am scared. That I'm not a good enough surgeon, a good christian, even a good friend, and I got scared that I was going to be stuck in this city while you all went off and did these amazing things, and I'd just be stuck here with all these ghosts of the people we've lost and you weren't going to be here to protect me." His face softens slightly at that and he lowers his eyes to the table. "You're always protecting me."

"You're my best friend, Jackson." She can tell her honesty scares him a little bit, but they've both been through so much, and she wants to believe,
wants him to believe that their connection can never be cut with distance or time. Her words hang in the air, like a cloud of cigarette smoke.

Involuntarily, his eyes lower to the table, head bowing slightly, as he tries to hide the fact that what she's said hits him like a physical blow.

If the past few months have taught her anything it's that you have to keep the people you love closest to you. How easy life can turn on a dime.
Isn't that what Callie had told them, only hours before her wife had lost her leg and her daughter had lost her father.

He looks at her again, and their eyes stay locked for longer than they should. But she can't bear to pull away, and neither can he.
They sit there in silence, facing each other, until his hand skims across the table and grabs onto hers, holding it.
He holds her gaze, before nodding and saying quietly, "I know."

They're interrupted by Joe who brings over another drink for Jackson, and places a cocktail in front of April.
It's obvious he can tell the severity of their conversation so he gives her a small smile in greeting before making his way back behind the bar.

"So we're okay?" She says. "Me and you?" She knows the answer he'll give her, but she needs to hear it anyway, to be physically reassured.

There's still conversations they need to have, and decisions she has to make. Decisions she's not ready to yet, but it's a start.

"Yeah. Me and you." He agrees quietly, smiling slightly in that way that almost feels like it belongs to her,
like there's no one else he'd smile at quite like that. She can feel her cheeks flush and she looks down at the table,
distracting herself by fishing the cherry out of her drink. She pulls it from its stem with her teeth.

His smile fades, and the way he looks at her then makes it hard for her to breathe. She wants him to keep looking at her like that, even though she knows she shouldn't. He's just lost a friend, and she's still leaving for Moline, but there's a part of her that wants to be selfish. Just once.

His cellphone beeping breaks their eye contact, and she feels a tug beneath her bellybutton when he looks away.

"It's Karev. His surgery's running late so he's staying at the hospital tonight." He put's a $50 down on the table and stands up.

"Where are you staying tonight?" He asks.

"Oh.. I was umm. I was going to find a hotel." She says, hating the way her voice wobbles slightly. She hadn't thought anything through before turning her taxi around and coming back here.

"April, don't be stupid. Come back to the apartment." His voice is like velvet, and she wants to tell him no, because she's scared to be alone with him again, but he's just lost the only other person he was close to, and she knows he needs his best friend tonight, that he can't be alone again.

So she doesn't argue, doesn't listen to the voice in her head telling her it's a bad idea. Just agrees with him, and slides out of the booth to pick up her suitcase. "Okay." She breathes, placing her hand on his chest to steady herself. She forgets to pull her hand away, and her stomach does a backflip when she can feel his heart beating beneath his shirt. A staccato rhythm so loud, she's sure she can almost hear it.

His eyes darken as he moves his hands to rest on her hips, to steady her, she tells herself, but she can feel the edges of this fingertips moving against the waistband of her jeans.

She takes another deep breath, and he seems to snap out of it. He reaches out with his free hand, and cups her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away the stray tears she wasn't aware had escaped.

He lets his forehead rest against hers, and she can feel his breath on her lips, so close that she can't help the shudder that runs down her spine.
She's still worried about him breaking down, but it's mixed with the fear of having him so close again, of them reaching this point.
Whether or not they're ready for this. What this means exactly.

The arm he offers her is a beacon of hope, a peace offering. A reminder of the moment they had shared the night of Webber's dinner.
It's exactly what she wants and what she needs crashing into one.

"Let's go home."

Read, review, and let me know what you think. Part two coming tomorrow.