A/N: The long-awaited sequel to, "She's the other Half of Me" has
arrived!!! Only this time-it's Mac's POV people!!!! (And some time was
skipped-Harm just went down in the Atlantic.) You don't have to read the
other story to understand this. Just read and review!! The Good, Bad and
Ugly!!!!!
(Mac's POV)
"No, the truth is you didn't consider it important..."
"..maybe you should reconsider who you're marrying."
"Have fun."
"Aren't you going to wish me luck?" SLAM.
Conversations like this were replaying in my mind as I drove with teary eyes through the rain soaked streets of D.C.
"Aren't you happy for you?....."
"Am I being unreasonable?"
"You know Harm and flying, everything else takes second place .I think the only thing you can do is try not to take it personally, and just wish him the best luck."
Harriet was right. I should have wished him good luck. DAMMIT MacKenzie!!! You should have... Now, he's out in the middle of the Atlantic because he tried to make it back in time for YOUR wedding. He was trying to redeem himself...
A horn honking brought me back to reality, and I slammed on my breaks just in time to not hit the car in front of me. Phew! That WAS close.. I tried not to think of what the Admiral had said earlier, but that was the whole reason why I was out here in this accursed storm. I couldn't be around everyone who knew I was responsible for Harm's being in trouble. I couldn't stand most of all Mic's piercing stares. He knew. They all knew. I don't know how or where, but they all knew. Not only did they know I was responsible, but they all knew now my pretending to love Mic was a sham. Suddenly I found myself parked in front of Harm's apartment. I didn't even know how I'd gotten there.
On a sudden urge I went inside, careful to avoid the elevator that never worked. Using my spare key I went in. Everything about the place looked virtually the same as when I'd last been there, which was untold ages ago. I moved through my best friend's living space as if in a trance. Picking up one object as sweet memories flooded past. Only to replace it when I reflected again on Harm's danger. You see, I, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Catherine MacKenzie am in love with my partner and best friend, Harm. Only, he rejected me, hurting me more than anyone ever has before, these feelings pushed me to Mic. Mic offered me everything I've ever wanted from Harm. Up until a few hours ago I was going to marry him tomorrow. Or today. Hell, I don't even know what time it is anymore! For me not to know exactly what time it is, is like the having a cow jump over the moon. It just doesn't happen. I always know what time it is, even without a clock. It shows you exactly what a strain I'm under. I suppose Harm would find it funny to know he has that effect on you.There I go thinking on Harm again.
With no particular intent in mind I open his nightstand drawer. I find a worn leather-covered book inside with no title. I opened it. Surprised to find it's a journal. Not just any journal, HARM'S journal. I'm also surprised to find he'd leave it in so obvious a spot. Then again, he is a squid, and they're not as imaginative as jarheads. I begin to read:
May 20, 2001
I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror, and was disgusted with me in general. Renée told me yesterday - well last night, after Mac's engagement party. That "You don't love me anymore Harm, or perhaps. you never did." As if she were daring me to deny it. I didn't. I was going to, but the words just stuck in my throat, I couldn't say them. Then, she walked off to her car.
The little voice in my head reiterates what she said like a broken record as I drive home. I know why I couldn't say it. It's true, I DON'T love Renée, I never did. She was just a distraction, but I don't have the heart or, perhaps the courage, to tell her the truth. So, what is she the distraction from??? Simple. The woman who I really love. The only one I can love. The one who completes me. The only one I want my dress whites to work on. The only one who can make me dizzy and whip my six a dozen times a day. The one who keeps me on the ground. The one who scares the hell out of me. The one who'll do anything for me. The woman I kissed last night. That's right. She's my best friend. Her name? Sarah. Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Catherine MacKenzie, soon-to-be-Brumby. Yep, right again, the woman I love is getting married to my arch-enemy, because I didn't get my sorry head out of my sorry six in time. This is rather embarrassing to admit-but the whole reason why I'm up this early (hey-you know me I'm never up early), is because I had yet ANOTHER dream about her. This wasn't like the last few, it was really short too, all I know is Mac was crying-weeping over someone or thing, and when I tried to get to her I couldn't, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why??????
I kissed her last night, I can tell you right now, that sure wasn't a goodbye kiss. I've never kissed a woman like that before. Sure, so maybe you don't believe me. It's true though, on my word of honor. Mac's given me so many chances to tell her I love her but I've been too scared to tell her. Yeah, right, a Naval Commander is scared to death of a Marine Lieutenant Colonel. She's the first and last Marine I've ever been scared of. That's part of the reason I love her so much. Did she understand that wasn't a goodbye kiss? Probably not. Not anymore than the last time we kissed in Norfolk, she thought I was kissing Diane. She was wrong. It was her, it's always been her since I met her on day one. Not Diane, not Annie, not Jordan, not Renée, just her, and only her. The question is, what does she feel about this??? She probably hates me, and rightfully so. All I've ever done is fail her. Well, if she wants to marry Brumby. If she'll be happy with him, I'll have to be content. That's what love is. "Letting go." The only problem is, it's so terribly painful. I thought nothing could hurt more than losing my father. It can, this can, and a hundred times worse....
DAMN! Now, I'm late for work! Admiral's gonna kill me. Oh well, I already feel like I'm dead. I'm shipping out to the Patrick Henry for my quals. See you after they're done...
I dropped his journal as if I'd been burned. Indeed, I had. He had dreams about me! I thought I was the only one who had premonition dreams, apparently not He had dreamt about his crash-he just didn't know it.Then, it hit me. So, he did love you. The voice inside my head is at it again. You're such a nitwit.. How could you not realize what he meant???!!!!!! You tried to make him jealous, but you only succeeded in hurting him worse than ever before. NOW, he's probably going to die not knowing what you think of him. Angry thoughts like these were racing through my head. Oh, God! What HAVE I done? WHAT have I done??!!! Then, I began to blame myself. There was one thing I alone could do, and it had to be done. For no particular reason, I grabbed his journal and made a dash towards the door-and subsequently, my car. I had to tell Mic it was off, all off. I had to tell him....
A/N: So?! What did you think? I'm giving Mac a guilt trip, because I believe that at this point in their relationship it's her fault they're not together. How could she not pick up on the clues he gave her in LIFELINE????? Anyway-what did you think of his journal entry???
(Mac's POV)
"No, the truth is you didn't consider it important..."
"..maybe you should reconsider who you're marrying."
"Have fun."
"Aren't you going to wish me luck?" SLAM.
Conversations like this were replaying in my mind as I drove with teary eyes through the rain soaked streets of D.C.
"Aren't you happy for you?....."
"Am I being unreasonable?"
"You know Harm and flying, everything else takes second place .I think the only thing you can do is try not to take it personally, and just wish him the best luck."
Harriet was right. I should have wished him good luck. DAMMIT MacKenzie!!! You should have... Now, he's out in the middle of the Atlantic because he tried to make it back in time for YOUR wedding. He was trying to redeem himself...
A horn honking brought me back to reality, and I slammed on my breaks just in time to not hit the car in front of me. Phew! That WAS close.. I tried not to think of what the Admiral had said earlier, but that was the whole reason why I was out here in this accursed storm. I couldn't be around everyone who knew I was responsible for Harm's being in trouble. I couldn't stand most of all Mic's piercing stares. He knew. They all knew. I don't know how or where, but they all knew. Not only did they know I was responsible, but they all knew now my pretending to love Mic was a sham. Suddenly I found myself parked in front of Harm's apartment. I didn't even know how I'd gotten there.
On a sudden urge I went inside, careful to avoid the elevator that never worked. Using my spare key I went in. Everything about the place looked virtually the same as when I'd last been there, which was untold ages ago. I moved through my best friend's living space as if in a trance. Picking up one object as sweet memories flooded past. Only to replace it when I reflected again on Harm's danger. You see, I, Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Catherine MacKenzie am in love with my partner and best friend, Harm. Only, he rejected me, hurting me more than anyone ever has before, these feelings pushed me to Mic. Mic offered me everything I've ever wanted from Harm. Up until a few hours ago I was going to marry him tomorrow. Or today. Hell, I don't even know what time it is anymore! For me not to know exactly what time it is, is like the having a cow jump over the moon. It just doesn't happen. I always know what time it is, even without a clock. It shows you exactly what a strain I'm under. I suppose Harm would find it funny to know he has that effect on you.There I go thinking on Harm again.
With no particular intent in mind I open his nightstand drawer. I find a worn leather-covered book inside with no title. I opened it. Surprised to find it's a journal. Not just any journal, HARM'S journal. I'm also surprised to find he'd leave it in so obvious a spot. Then again, he is a squid, and they're not as imaginative as jarheads. I begin to read:
May 20, 2001
I woke up this morning and looked at myself in the mirror, and was disgusted with me in general. Renée told me yesterday - well last night, after Mac's engagement party. That "You don't love me anymore Harm, or perhaps. you never did." As if she were daring me to deny it. I didn't. I was going to, but the words just stuck in my throat, I couldn't say them. Then, she walked off to her car.
The little voice in my head reiterates what she said like a broken record as I drive home. I know why I couldn't say it. It's true, I DON'T love Renée, I never did. She was just a distraction, but I don't have the heart or, perhaps the courage, to tell her the truth. So, what is she the distraction from??? Simple. The woman who I really love. The only one I can love. The one who completes me. The only one I want my dress whites to work on. The only one who can make me dizzy and whip my six a dozen times a day. The one who keeps me on the ground. The one who scares the hell out of me. The one who'll do anything for me. The woman I kissed last night. That's right. She's my best friend. Her name? Sarah. Lieutenant Colonel Sarah Catherine MacKenzie, soon-to-be-Brumby. Yep, right again, the woman I love is getting married to my arch-enemy, because I didn't get my sorry head out of my sorry six in time. This is rather embarrassing to admit-but the whole reason why I'm up this early (hey-you know me I'm never up early), is because I had yet ANOTHER dream about her. This wasn't like the last few, it was really short too, all I know is Mac was crying-weeping over someone or thing, and when I tried to get to her I couldn't, and for the life of me I cannot figure out why??????
I kissed her last night, I can tell you right now, that sure wasn't a goodbye kiss. I've never kissed a woman like that before. Sure, so maybe you don't believe me. It's true though, on my word of honor. Mac's given me so many chances to tell her I love her but I've been too scared to tell her. Yeah, right, a Naval Commander is scared to death of a Marine Lieutenant Colonel. She's the first and last Marine I've ever been scared of. That's part of the reason I love her so much. Did she understand that wasn't a goodbye kiss? Probably not. Not anymore than the last time we kissed in Norfolk, she thought I was kissing Diane. She was wrong. It was her, it's always been her since I met her on day one. Not Diane, not Annie, not Jordan, not Renée, just her, and only her. The question is, what does she feel about this??? She probably hates me, and rightfully so. All I've ever done is fail her. Well, if she wants to marry Brumby. If she'll be happy with him, I'll have to be content. That's what love is. "Letting go." The only problem is, it's so terribly painful. I thought nothing could hurt more than losing my father. It can, this can, and a hundred times worse....
DAMN! Now, I'm late for work! Admiral's gonna kill me. Oh well, I already feel like I'm dead. I'm shipping out to the Patrick Henry for my quals. See you after they're done...
I dropped his journal as if I'd been burned. Indeed, I had. He had dreams about me! I thought I was the only one who had premonition dreams, apparently not He had dreamt about his crash-he just didn't know it.Then, it hit me. So, he did love you. The voice inside my head is at it again. You're such a nitwit.. How could you not realize what he meant???!!!!!! You tried to make him jealous, but you only succeeded in hurting him worse than ever before. NOW, he's probably going to die not knowing what you think of him. Angry thoughts like these were racing through my head. Oh, God! What HAVE I done? WHAT have I done??!!! Then, I began to blame myself. There was one thing I alone could do, and it had to be done. For no particular reason, I grabbed his journal and made a dash towards the door-and subsequently, my car. I had to tell Mic it was off, all off. I had to tell him....
A/N: So?! What did you think? I'm giving Mac a guilt trip, because I believe that at this point in their relationship it's her fault they're not together. How could she not pick up on the clues he gave her in LIFELINE????? Anyway-what did you think of his journal entry???