A Jeff POV

This is for all the bad drivers out there. I bet everyone reading this who can drive comes under one category. I for some reason come under all 5 must be why I have failed my driving test 5 times, I will still insist I am a good driver.

I own nothing denada. If only I owned a Tracy then I could own a whole lot more. Special thanks to goddess of sailing my beta reader, zeilfanaat. Have a blast sailing and I hope everyone enjoys.

I have done a lot of good and bad things for this world. I formed International Rescue, gave millions upon millions to charity, employed loads of people at good wages, and helped the world of technology. But there are some horrible evil things that I have done in this world and one of them was teaching my 5 sons to drive!

I have 5 sons, you see, and not one of them is a safe driver. Insane, crazy, road rage, dreamer, and speeder. Not one of them is normal driver. Sure they can all fly aeroplanes and space ships pretty well, but driving. Hell no. I though that, since the boys are out on a mission to help out a large car pile at the New Jersey Turn Pike, I'd tell you all about the times when I taught my boys to drive.

I'll start with Scott. He's the oldest, so obviously he was first to learn. I taught Scott at 16. I though 15 was too young and at least at 16 you were a tiny bit more mature. Scott, I though would be an easy one. He'd fly through the lessons. Oh boy, was I wrong. I started off with the easy approach on his 16th birthday, telling him where everything was and went. He was learning manual.

Why I taught him manual I will never know. He didn't have a clue where anything was. You told him to lightly press the gas peddle. What did he do; bloody well stamped on it. Revving the car like there was no tomorrow.

I lost my temper more than once with him in that car, I can tell you. Scott went crazy behind the wheel. He always thought he was driving an automatic car when he coasted round bends in 5th gear at 40mph. I would scream and yell and plea with the boy and all I ever got back was:

"But dad, I slowed down. It was safe to turn."

After comments like that he got around 30 minutes of lecturing by which time his 2 hour practice would end, thank the Lord. I swear he did it on purpose sometimes, to get hold of my money.

There were times where we would be practicing in town. I liked in-town-driving. This was when he would not go above 3rd gear therefore my heart didn't leap as much but yet he got distracted.

GIRLS

On several attempts he, I swear he did even though he will deny it, tried to push my head down to hide me. Pretending, all innocently as he does, that his mirror on my side was out of balance. Thus giving me the ideal opportunity to stop the lesson early and give him the lecture about safe driving.

That boy got a lot of lectures and when the time came for him to sit his test he passed with flying colours. I think he must have knocked the instructor unconscious and filled in the form himself. Only way he could have passed.

But thankfully he did become a good driver. Well average. He moved to England to attend university and decided to re-sit his test there. He failed his test 4 times before becoming a decent driver.

John on the other hand, oh boy, that was one of the worst times in my life. I swore after teaching Johnny to drive I would never teach again. Ha, if only.

Mr. Road Rage. If any of you know John, he is a sweet, loving natured boy. But not behind the wheel of a car. I never learnt so many new words in such a short space of time, and sure as anything I learned 4 new bad words a week. The boy was mad. Sweet and sensitive I always associated John with. Ha, I was proved wrong. Mr. Rage I call him now. His wife Pipa never allows John to drive with her in the car. She is too scared, much like myself and I'm pretty sure John's brothers are too.

Anyway John got taught at 16 as all the boys did. First few lessons were on country lanes. Not much traffic around. Thank the Lord. But then came town driving. My Lord, he'd scream out the window at other drivers, and if the other drivers stopped, there was a full on argument outside the car.

The boy was full of rage. I remember once when a driver stopped suddenly in front of him. Oh dear, the poor old lady. John got out and yelled at her in full force. He wanted to know why the hell she was such a bad driver. I was mortified and hid in the car, not wanting to stop Johnny. Actually too scared to stop John. But that old woman could hold an argument. It went on for hours until the police broke it up. I was still hiding. The police officer totally understood why I was hiding. He almost had to call reinforcements to break them up.

John, like his brother, passed first time. I think John scared the examiner so much with his road rage that the examiner never wanted to see him again. Couldn't blame him.

Virgil was next on the list. I think Virgil was the easiest to teach out of the 5. He never wanted to learn how to drive but I begged him, telling him that this was really the only time I got to spend with him and his brothers. He agreed to be taught. Virgil is my dreamer of drivers. I'm sure you all know someone who's a dreamer. These are the sort of people that glide across the road and then say "Oops, didn't mean it." when they crash into you.

Well that sums up Virgil. Ok, so he didn't crash my car, well not quite. Virgil had this habit of going into a dream world and probably thinking of painting of singing, while behind the wheel. Actually, a few times I swear he was stoned but he would glide across onto the other side of the road, especially when other cars where near. One time Virgil went into his "dream world" while another car came from the other direction. I jerked the wheel to avoid a collision, because it usually takes a while before Virgil 'awakes'. To stop the car we ended up in a field. A field!

Apart from his dreamy state Virgil was a good driver and loved driving, well, tinkering under the bonnet. He passed first time. He is a good driver as long as he doesn't go all starry-eyed. Those times are scary.

Gordon was next in my school of driving. Mr. Insane I call him and his driving. He went insane behind the wheel of a car. He hated it and I believe it hated him. He would go all cold and sweaty before entering a car even when driving the car. It took me months and hours upon hours to try and make him a bit more confident about being behind the wheel of a car.

We went to extremely quiet roads. Yet he hated it. He didn't have the confidence. It was so weird. Gordon at the same time was learning to navigate a boat. He breezed through the lessons, but driving a car… he was a wreck at the thought alone. When I finally got him on the proper roads he had a habit of letting go of everything when he got scared hoping it would stop.

Not a healthy thing to do especially in a manual car. I lost numerous breaths in that car and sprouted a lot of grey hair. It took Gordon a lot longer to pass his driving test than any of his brothers. Hardly surprising with his lack of confidence behind the wheel. He mastered navigating a speed boat in 6 weeks while it took 50 weeks for him to pass his driving test.

I know he never wanted to learn. Well he did, but he wanted to quit. He never told me, but he told Virgil who told me. He just liked spending some quality time with me. I must admit I learned a lot about my boys in those lessons. Some things I'd like to forget.

Gordon sadly didn't pass first time but he did second time round, but even to this day he hates driving. He never gets behind the wheel of a car. Which I suppose could be classed as a good thing.

Alan was last to be taught by the school of Jefferson Tracy. He is my Mr. Speeder. Never a dull moment when Alan's in a car. 'Fast and furious' is Alan's method of driving. He thinks he can control a car and it doesn't help when heaps of people tell him he can. You see, Alan is a race car champion and has won medals for it and such. I take a wee bit of pride in being the one who taught him to drive. Even if it did make me almost cry several times.

I think when I taught Alan to drive I had a few million sudden meetings pop up so I could get out of lessons when I wasn't feeling up to it. Didn't work. He was always around when I came home begging me to take him out, and my mother kept looking disapprovingly when I tried to avoid him.

Screaming 'slow down' made no difference to the boy. If anything it made him go faster. Well, until that frightful day where his speeding made me a little car sick… all over the wind screen of the car. At least after that he slowed down. Well, only when I am in the car. Even today he is extremely slow when I'm in the car. He even carries plastic bags as a "just in case".

Alan passed first time also. Well 4 out of 5 isn't bad.

After Alan I refused to teach anyone else to drive. My hair was turning grey from the stress of teaching the kids how to drive and I didn't like it.

I suppose it was good teaching them all how to drive. I learned new things about them, even though I was extremely busy with my business. It gave me time to spend with them all individually, learning new things about them and how they were turning into adults. I am proud of all my sons even though they are all bad drivers.

Ah well I'd better be going. The boys are heading home after a successful mission. At least none of them was driving. Let's hope it hadn't tempted them to drive a car after this. One of the joys of living on a deserted island. There no cars!

The End

The end hope you all enjoyed this as I did writing it. It really is quite worrying that my driving has 5 split personalities,